Heart over Mind...

By violence I assume you mean he is abusive. If that is the case, get a divorce because you are in an abusive marriage, not because you want to run off with some other man.

Leave the abusive marriage. Get into counseling, find out why you were attracted to an abusive man in the first place. Then and only then start dating but only with wonderful men who respect you.

You have a child to raise - that is your first priority.
Birth control is next - you don't need to add another child into this situation.
Divorce your husband.
Forget getting involved with any guy for at least 5 years.
"What about my happiness?".
Well - what about it?
You seem to be under the impression that having a man will make you happy.
It won't.
YOU are responsible for your happiness - not some fantasy guy or boyfriend.
Get independent and stand on your own feet and raise your kid.
Quit whining, talk to a womens shelter and deal with/end your marriage.
I hope your crush does find someone else.
You are not ready for a healthy relationship with any man right now.
Jumping into another relationship now will have you making the same mistakes you made 5 years ago.
You have to heal up after your marriage is ended and work on your self esteem.

Divorce your husband. After that things will look clearer.

Sorry but your other relationship is all in your head, it is a fantasy.

If you are not in a loving marriage where the two of you are equal, trusting, loving and good to each other and for each other, end your marriage. If your marriage is abusive in any way, end it.

Then take a LONG time to get on your feet, be a good mom, and heal yourself. Learn what attracted you to your husband in the first place, and what was so "off" in your radar that you allowed yourself to be in an intimate relationship with a bad guy and then allowed you to think it was a good idea to marry him just because you were pregnant.

Then, and only then, do you begin to date.

You are attracted to this guy because he meets a need in you that is unmet by your other relationships - husband, family, friends, self. On at least an unconscious level, part of why he is attracted to you is because your are a) off limits (or should be) and b) are vulnerable and needy. If you leave your husband for this guy, you will ruin that relationship by bringing in baggage, insecurities and drama that you haven't yet dealt with.

If your relationship with guy #2 is meant to be, he'll be there after you're divorced, when you've gone to counseling, have a job and your own place and are supporting yourself and are are strong and independent. If he's not around later, chalk it up as something that just wasn't meant to be.

Don't confuse your escape fantasy with your marriage. If your marriage is abusive, leave because of that, not because you've lined up a knight in shining armor in your head to rescue you and be Mr. Next.

If your husband is abusive, you need to address that problem and get yourself and your child into a better situation.

As for the other man, this is not the time for another relationship. You need to learn how to stand on your own as an individual. People that have not learned how to be happy without depending on another person have little to offer a relationship.

Push this other man from your head and heart. Now isn't the time for you to seek that kind of happiness. Today, your focus needs to be on your daughter's happiness and your own safety. Be single for a year or two before you even think about dating again.

Concentrate on 1 relationship before starting another. If your husband is abusive then you need to take steps to remove yourself and your child from that situation regardless of this other man. Once you and your child are safe and you are divorced you need to build a relationship with yourself so you can be a strong woman for your child. After you've done that then you can start thinking of involving someone else in your life.

If you move from 1 relationship right into another you aren't giving yourself time to figure out what you really want and need.

If he's violent and absive, why did you ever have sex with him, much less marry him? Being pregnant is not a reason. That just puts the kid in danger.
If he's violent and abusive, then, other man or no, you need to take your kid and go.

You need to really look at yourself and not this other man. The fact is that a new relationship is always exciting and passionate, and it is normal for that passion to turn to comfort over the years, and it will happen with "new guy" just like it has with husband. You need to focus on your marriage, do you want to save it or end it? (and know that if you end it you may not be with this other man, so you must be ending it for you and be 100% OKAY WITH BEING ALONE AND NOT WITH THIS OTHER MAN) because that may very well be the outcome. If you want to save your marriage consider counseling and cut off all contact with this other man. If you want to leave then leave, but do not get into any new relationships until you are settled and functioning as a single person and you have your co-parenting issues in check.

That is so heartbreaking - and to be your first question too!

Bless your heart!

And welcome to Mamapedia. :)

Wish I had advise for you, but generally people wanting to leave a marriage don't need to find ANOTHER relationship to do it. Just sayin.

If you are not yet divorced from your abusive spouse, you need to deal with that. Then you need to get some help re. relationships so you don't repeat this behavior.

If you are divorced, then you are right, your child must come first. Also, the fact that you are having anxiety that he might find someone else and feeling that is a reason to do something, that feels a bit unhealthy.

Why don't you be honest with him (if you haven't already) and tell him you like him, you want to have a relationship with him, but you have a child who comes first.

Don't rush your child into a relationship. Date for a LONG time (1 year at least) to make sure this is real. Then if engagement happens, introduce your child to the relationship. The last thing you want your child to have to deal with is broken relationships with boyfriends (from experience, this sucks).

I've read others answers. I agree. You need to divorce your husband. Your child deserves better than this. Like Debbie said, he didn't ask for any of this.

While Wild Woman's response is a tad harsh? I 100% agree with it. Sometimes it's hard to hear what you don't want to hear but need to hear.

I love AKMom's advice! Do this on your own.

Please read everyone's advice, not once. not twice but enough times to "get it" and understand you don't need a man, your child deserves better.

Leave your husband because you want or need to leave him, NOT because you think that someone else will be better. I assure you that if you and this man were under the same roof every single day and night, you would see some differences in how you two get along. Always finding a way to see you and talk to you can quickly turn into trying to get away from you, because you'd ALWAYS. BE. RIGHT. THERE. Unless he decided that he would get violent, too, since that's what you're attracting right now.

If he can find someone else while he's so in love with you, then...do you really want to drag your kid through that relationship which would be doomed to fail? Don't let the foundation of your relationship be desperation and refusal to be alone. Isn't that how your first marriage started?

I believe it's important to follow our heart only when our mind agrees. We need both perspectives.

Good, bad, or indifferent, most therapists will tell you that it takes TWO years to get over a divorce, death, bad break-up and you need to wait that long to get into another serious relationship. The reason that most SECOND marriages fail is because they did not clear out the "baggage" from the first and they bring all that drama with them.

Get out, get yourself taken care of, wait two years before jumping into another relationship. Get counseling, learn who you are and why you are making bad choices. Don't risk getting further down in the mire you are in.
You are trying to find happiness outside of yourself and another man won't fix it. That will just be a temporary "high" and make you feel better at the time, but doesn't fix the problem. Happiness comes from within.

You have had some very good advice by previous posts, even though you might not like to hear it, down deep inside you know the RIGHT thing to do.

If he loved you he would say it.
Don't be a fool. If you're in a bad marriage, get out, but don't jump into another relationship until you get some counseling.
This other guy will probably turn mean and abusive too. You need to break the cycle, not repeat it.
And if you need a man to make you happy you for sure need counseling, GO.