You can read my past posts but this is the summary. My husband has had a hard 2 years with alcohol, pain relievers, job loss. It all culminated when he was drunk and hit me in front of our 7 yr. old. Since that day I have felt nothing for him. I have no respect, no love, no desire. He makes my skin crawl. I need to move on but I'm terrified. Any advice will help.
Please please please call the wonderful counselors at the WINGS Program. They will help you with developing a plan for leaving him and starting a new life for you and your boys. DO NOT let your boys grow up believing that is how they treat women. It will only continue the cycle of violence. You can contact WINGS at ###-###-####.
I understand your fear of leaving but I offer you this:
My father was an angry alcoholic. My siblings & I watched in horror as he beat my mother. Even as young as 5 years old I wondered why my mother wouldnt leave (she was the breadwinner). It has taken me most of my adult life to heal to the best of my ability the damage done from the constant fear we lived in. It's called post traumatic stress disorder PTSD. It is the same type of trauma veterans of war live with. As an adult you have developed coping & defense mechanism your children have yet to develop. Their tender systems are being impacted negatively in body, mind and spirit.
Find a way to protect your children by allowing them to feel & be safe.
I too went through this, some terrible things and left with my two sons and actually not so lucky with a supportive family because they didn't really know what I was going through. Got a bad lawyer who told me to leave my home and then wouldn't back me when I went to court. Didn't matter. We are alive, alright and although the boys do not clearly know what happened and we all still suffer in some ways, we made it. YOu will too. If you can stay with your family do so immediately. If you are walking on tippytoes around the house seriously call a shelter or somewhere. I do not have info available. If you live in a mansion and think it's wonderful and hope for the changes it shouldn't matter. The mansion is only a roof over your head and not a very safe one. The moms are saying get out now and I agree. Your little people need you. Guilt can come later put your plans into action now. Hide all of your money. And if you have important papers (birth certificates, etc. please, please, please get those out. My exhusband showed up with a missing birth certificate about a year ago after being divorced for many, many years and gave that and some important things I acquired to my older son. Needless to say they didn't understand he hid the things and they just thought he lost those things...anyway, I got remarried, got another house, etc. It will happen. You will go through a dark tunnel for a little while but you will get out into the sun. Good luck Iam saying my prayers for you.
Oh Jen-
I am so sorry to hear that you are faced with these decisions and that you have been hurt this way. Given your husband's issues, I would encourage you to fight for your marriage (despite feeling nothing for him). Try to get some counseling, if for nothing else than your own sanity and to show your kids that you tried. Your husband has had a lot of problems and they are not problems that he entered the marriage with (at least that is what it sounds like). As such, counseling can help. If these doesn't work, then I would lean on your family for help in getting away from the situation.
I hope that this helps. I obviously don't know everything. I wish you and your boys well.
Kind regards,
N.
