Just lost it and broke down over the smallest thing? We had a terrible tragedy occur in our family Monday. I have barely slept at all since he died. Finally, I fell asleep tonight. Less than an hour later, the stupid smoke detector in my daughters bedroom started chirping. They've barely slept since their Dad died. For the life of all three of us, we couldn't get the cover off. We tried everything. I seriously considered grabbing a bat, but I knew that would just set them all off-not just chirping but full blown alarms. So, I can't get it. I tell my daughters to come sleep in my room and we will shut the door, turn on the fan and hope to God the noise would drown out. Then I got the brilliant idea to try opening the one in my bedroom. My theory was that, if I could figure out how to remove this one, I could then fix the one in the girls room. Somehow I set the whole alarm system off while trying. Shut that down and....guess what? Now mine was chirping, too!! Suddenly at that moment, my whole world just crashed. I fell into the bed and started sobbing and sort of yelled out to God to turn these off and just let us sleep. After a minute I gathered myself and I don't know why, but my daughter suddenly busted out laughing which then caused all 3 of us to start laughing. So, we brainstormed. I was going to call the fire department and ask if they could come here and make it stop. I began looking up the number. If they said no, we were going to (in our pajamas) go to a hotel. As I am dialing the number, my daughters said..."I think they stopped". We sat there for a minute and sure enough they were silent. We didn't do anything. I hope God just heard/saw and decided to give us a break. I tucked them back in and waited til they fell asleep and then tried myself. Of course, it didn't work, which is why I am on here babbling about nothing. Ever have that kind of week where it feels like nothing else could possibly go wrong, but then it does? I know it could be worse and I do count my blessings...
sounds normal to me.! We all have those days espcially when there is a loss of a loved one. I am so sorry. Hang in there!
First and foremost I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. Sometimes it's hard to understand why certain things happen in our lives and harder to see what God's plan really is.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
You will be in my prayers!
I'm very sorry for your situation. All I can say is that we all have a breaking point, and it usually doesn't happen at a good time. About 2 months after my mom died I lost it on my then 3 year old. I was trying to clean up the basement, and he kept dragging things out. I snapped! I remember screaming at him that my mother had died and no one would help me and she was dead and never coming back! I was sobbing and screaming. He just went silent. I'm not sure that I'll ever really forgive myself for that, but we're only human. I held him and told him how much I loved him for a long time that night. He has never seemed harmed by it, but it remains shameful to me. Cut yourself some slack. It will be okay, and I think sometimes our kids need to see that we're human.
Yup. Mine USUALLY involve burned food and smoke detectors, a lost object (keys, purse, coffee cup) or a stubbed toe/elbow/hip/forehead.
But, often, a good laugh-cry helps me feel some freedom.
On a different note, you sound like an incredible mom and woman and your girls are lucky to have YOU as their mother. I'd like to send you a hug. I don't know what it's like to be in your position, but I do know how it feels to need and want to show up for my children while being in grief and transition.
I am trying to remember that being strong doesn't always look like me holding everything together perfectly. It's okay to be a mess and make mistakes sometimes. In my mind, sometimes it's necessary to give ourselves room to deal imperfectly, in order to heal.
Grief looks different for different people, and there are many different stages. It's normal and okay for someone to feel numb, confused, angry, sad, dazed, humored or any of the other myriad emotions. This stuff is complex and everyone deals differently.
My thoughts and heart go to you.
I hope you are able to sleep tonight, and that your dreams are quiet and soft.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt! It's true - we do have a breaking point. It's okay to lose it. You're doing a great job. Just take one day at a time and give yourself and your kids a lot of grace.
I know God saw and heard. He really cares when we go through these things, although we don't always understand what He's doing. Your best strategy is to tell Him all about it and keep letting Him love you. He wants to help you through it.
Hugs and prayers,
L.
I can relate all too well. I'm so sorry for your loss, I really mean it when I say ill be praying for you.
K. - First I am so sorry for the loss that you and your daughters have suffered. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
Yes, I've been there... completely lost all sanity :). I love that you and your daughters were able to break the frustration with some laughter.
I'll be thinking of your family in the coming weeks ahead. Grief is an exhausting trip so be kind to yourself.
I'm so so sorry for you loss. Your post brought tears to my eyes. You are a great mom, your girls are lucky to have you :) I'm glad it stopped, it really does sound like an act of God. If your detectors are chirping, you should replace them or the batteries (and make sure they're not carbon monoxide detectors of course, if they are call 911 right away and the fire department will come out). Chirping can either mean the batteries are dying or the sensors have worn out. If the sensors have worn out they'll start going off for all kinds of reasons. Apparently smoke detectors need to be replaced every 3-5 years. I just learned this from my firefighter DH.
Btw, you really can always call 911 (they'll page the fire department) to come out. Tell them you're story and they won't mind at all, I promise.
What is going on is normal. Breaking down over little things is what we all do when we are stressed and nothing is as stressful as losing a loved one. A few months after my son died I went to a new doctor. She came in and asked how I was feeling. I hadn't a clue how to answer that because I didn't know how I felt. I hurt from head to toes, My heart felt like it was broken in two and I didn't know if my problems were physical or emotional... so I just looked at her and burst into tears. I have had 10 and half months that everything seems to go wrong. It seems to compound when you lose someone close. Things will start going ok again but you will have ups and downs throughout the grief process. Minute by Minute is all we can do.
A note about the fire alarms... that would have put anyone into tears, even ones who aren't stressed out. I love the way your daughter handled the stress of it.. Laughter. Bless you all
K.,
My heart aches for you and your girls. May God bless you and keep you during this difficult time.
Okay, my answer is going to be completely different than anyone elses. When someone dies, they may try to get in touch with you to let you know that they are around you...the smoke alarms may have been his way to get in touch with you. We have this type of visitor in our home, my mom, my husband's brother and now sometimes I think his mom comes to visit! Sometimes you will find feathers, coins or just some electrical things happening. Did he ever work with your smoke detectors, change batteries, tease you about them...anything like that? Some special memory of him connected with them? They do manage to find creative ways to get in touch and also can contact you in dreams. I hope you don't think I am too far off the wall in what I am telling you! I just know I have been through this experience with loved ones getting in contact and so have my kids.
Right after my father died I went looking for my jewelry ( I had it all in a ) and I couldn't find it. I went hysterical (most of the pieces he had given me)... I was on the phone with my friend at the time and she did a good job of trying to calm me down. I was heaving and sobbing.
My family used laughter a lot during the grief process.... it really works for us. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that your children are OK. Keep the laughter in your lives.
God was there with you. I firmly believe that.
My sister had an incident with her husband a few years ago. He went into a diabetic spasm thing. She was trying to get him to take his insulin, and stop him flailing while the kids went downstairs and prayed. Then all the fire alarms went off in the house. My BIL came out of it and was fine. It was a freaky thing, but her pastor told her that God comes in the form of fire many times.
I'm so glad it ended in laughter for you. You have so much pain, a smile is good.
K., I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, many of us have been in a similar situation and honestly having someone tell you to "count your blessings" makes you want to toss that person out the window b/c it doesn't make you feel better, nor does it bring you any sense of balance.
Take care of yourselves and know that at some point in the future you will all wake up and realize that you are breathing again and that you can get out of bed without forcing yourself to do so.
