So we have house keeper that comes in weekely. She is amazing and does such a good job. She is my cousin's wife- a stay at home Mom to a 3 year old, almost 5 year old, and also a 9 year old who is in a school for blind children. She comes weekely to our house to clean, dust, sweep mop, wax the hard wood floors, cleans bathrooms, picks up in rooms, and does a good cleaning of the kitchen. She really goes a good job, she doesn't charge us much for all this about $100 a week which is a great deal. So before she started she asked if we mind if she brough the two youngest. We didn't see a problem with it because she said she would bring a movie or a activity for them. This all seemed fine, recently they have been coming over more lately we are close to them. They come over almost every weekend and hang out with us, my son is the little girls age so they play together. More recently we have found some things like writting on the walls with pencil, broken toys, writing in books, on the hard wood floor with perminate marker, things being misplaced, or opened and left out. Odd things mostly, my son has never been a child to get into things like ever, he never breaks toys or ruins them he gets really mad when he notices things happening. He is in daycare when we find these things, and its usually after the girls have left. i know he is capable of these things but I have never seen him do anything even remotely close to this, but we still discuss it and talk about why its not ok to write in books or on walls. As they come over more, they seem to be more comfortable going into drawers taking things out, jumping off couches and making a mess. I have never said anyhting thinking my cousin and his wife would take care of it. They are not the type of parents that are on their kids or say things to them. So when i am around i will say things like no jumping on the couches! or don't go in that drawer. Well today my Aunt was at the house visiting (other side of the family) and she just text me saying she is leaving to the airport she couldn't stand being around the kids anymore. They are terrors into everything, every drawer, messing with the dogs, kicking them, just being crazy. I figured this may be happening because of the way i found things in the house, or how the dogs act when they are around very jumpy and chasing after the kids (they are chihuahua's)
I love the house keeper she is amazing but how can i nicely say "dont bring your kids over if you can't watch them"! I need help. Thanks Moms.
Honesty is the best policy.
Be nice but firm.
"I am sorry but having the girls here while you work isn't working for us anymore. If we need to rearrange the schedule so you can come without them just let me know".
Then when she asks "why"...just tell her what you have noticed....but in a non-accusing way, if at all possible.
I would just tell her that her kids are getting into stuff & undermining her effectiveness. Tell her it's awkward mentioning since your family, and ask what she suggests. If she wants the job, she'll figure it out.
I'm a wimp but tend to go the route of being apologetic even though I have nothing to apologize for... So I would say "Mary, I'm sorry but I think the kids might be too rough with the dogs and I'm worried they're going to snap at them. And your probably too busy to notice but I think they're getting into drawers and stuff bc now we're finding some broken toys and writing on the walls when DD and DS were at daycare all day. So I don't think it's working for them to come with you. Can you find a sitter? Or I understand if it's not going to work out for you to come anymore. I'm sorry but I'm too worried about the dogs and DD and DS are getting upset over the broken toys and all..."
Btw - $100 doesn't seem all that cheap and she's not that nice a person to let this go on. It's impossible she doesn't notice at least some of this...
just tell her. say that you have been finding these things (list whatever you listed here) and say
i think it would be best if the kids didn't come with you when you do your weekly cleaning,
my only concern would be where would her kids go? if she doesn't have anyone to watch them you may have to find someone else.
I think that either you must put locks on the drawers, put the stuff in the drawers away, really turning your house inside out, or just tell her that there is a problem with the kids getting into all your stuff.
Did your aunt tell them to stop? Is any adult telling them to stop?
If you want to continue having her clean, she probably has to bring the kids. I would recommend changing days to be on the weekend so that YOU can watch her kids. I know that isn't what you want, but it may be the only way. Then you will need to tell her when she comes that her kids will need to be subject to your rules about the house and the dogs.
If you tell her she can't bring the kids anymore, she will have to quit cleaning your house. I don't see any other alternative. She can't watch them and clean too. They are bored with the movies and they want to get into your stuff. They evidently don't know how to treat animals, and they simply cannot be allowed to kick your dogs. You'll need to put the kabosh on that big time.
If you don't feel that you can discipline her kids, then it's time to find another housekeeper and pay more money.
So sorry!
Dawn
I think you just have to come out and say, "Love you...love your kids....BUT, this isn't working".
I did daycare in my home, but was also an in-house nanny and brought my daughter. She was basically the same age as the child I was caring for. They learned to do everything together.
I treated that house just like I would treat my own. Zero shenanigans.
The house was clean, the laundry was done, the kids were clean and fed.
There was basically nothing left to do when the parents got home but enjoy their evening and their kid.
This person might be great, but it seems as though she's taking advantage of your kind-heartedness. You shouldn't have to discipline her kids while they are in YOUR house.
It's not working this way, plain and simple.
You are paying her to take care of things for you. If her kids are impeding that ability, you have to have a heart to heart with her.
Just my opinion.
I totally agree with everyone. Be direct. I'd hate to see your kids lose their play date friends. So I would reiterate that the kids time and her work time need to be separate. That her cleaning days is leaving you anxious about the long term damage your now expecting to find. Your housekeeper day should not be your damage control day. That day is play-date day. So leave the kids at home for that day. :)
Either take the direct route, and tell her that she can't bring the kids over if they will be unsupervised; or blame the dogs. Say that you've seen a change in personality in the dogs and they've been snipping at children. If she means to have the kids round, she needs to have them under close supervision, because you are concerned about their safety near the dogs. It's a plausible exaggeration of the truth. Making her aware that her kids are in peril might motivate her to keep them on a shorter leash.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
I think that you or DH need to take her aside and say, "It isn't working out for your girls to be here while you clean. I'm sorry but you will have to find another arrangement for them the day you clean."
If she gets upset about it or asks why, tell her simply that you have found evidence of them being into your children's toys and writing on the wall/breaking things and can no longer ignore it. You can also tell her that "they do not treat the dogs appropriately and I cannot risk either harm to the dogs or harm to your children if the dogs get fed up." You also have the witness of your aunt. Do not let her wiggle into more chances. You've taken a long time to come to this point, and should stand firm. You are not firing her, just telling her that the special exception is no longer an option.Truthfully, your dogs could bite the kids in fear/retaliation and then what? Will she admit they were being terrorized? Will you be reported when she takes the kid in for a dog bite? Will the child have scars and medical bills? Etc.
It is hard working with family, but at the end of the day, as much as you want to help her out, it is not helping YOU.
Her options after that are to quit the job or find a friend or sitter for the kids for the few hours she is there. I freelance and anytime it is not appropriate to take DD with me, I find a friend to babysit for me, or I couldn't do the job/meeting. Sometimes it is simply unprofessional and not an option. If she quits, then that is her choice, and you can find someone else.
I think you have to be direct. Tell her what you've noticed and tell her that you think for the sake of your relationship (both personal and professional) that you're going to have to change your mind about bringing the kids. Maybe she can change the day she cleans to a day where there is a Mother's Day Out program where she can leave the kids.
Say PLEASE "don't bring your kids over if you can't watch them"!
Just tell her. It's YOUR home, YOUR rules.
Ok, so first YOU have to ask YOURSELF: How could I possibly think she would be able to get all that stuff done, do a good job at it, AND keep an eye on a 3 & 5 year old? I know you were trying to be nice so she doesn't have to find childcare, but really? So obviously she can't do both, so you need to let her know the arrangement is not working out, that you would like to keep her on but only if she can find someone to watch her kids. Let her know they are more than welcome when it is a family event.
That is a difficult situation for sure! I would tell her that you've decided that you would rather hire another cleaning lady/crew because, "since you are so close that it's somewhat awkward that she's cleaning your house". I also have set boundaries on when people can come over, otherwise my house would have a revolving door. I was taught that you never go to someone's house unannounced, I'm hoping that she isn't going that far. Sad to say, but distancing your self sounds like the only way to not hurt feelings and save your stuff from being ruined by her kids, and their lack of discipline.
