Good Response for Constant "Look at Me" Requests

Hey! Come show me if you want me to see it! Awesome. What do you like best? Here, open the fridge for me. Grazia, bello. Here, get out the cheese grater

Love, this is what I need you to do: Save up everything you want me to see, and you'll have my full attention in (20/40/whatever) minutes (or timeline of events like 'before we sit down, after the table is set, while we eat, etc.)

Hey kiddo! I LOVE that you want to share with me! I need to finish this, and then you've got my full attention.

________

Aka validate & postpone, or validate & conscript, or look & conscript, or alter & conscript (come here from option a)

When kids are little they know the world revolves around them. It's time to teach her that everything doesn't happen on her time table. When you are doing something and you get the "come look at this" request it's ok to tell her that you are very sorry but you are doing whatever and will be with her in 10 minutes. Teaching patience is important and learning to wait is a skill she'll use her whole life.

BTW you weren't a mean mom last night. A truly mean mom wouldn't be looking for a different coping method today.

Hi, I only have a bit of advice, and I'm not sure you'll want it, but it sounds like your kids are the center of your home. Try making a switch in both you and your husbands thinking. Instead of the kids being the center of the family relationship, make your marriage the center. instead of being the center of the family the kids are welcome members of it. This would mean them hearing you say during the day "right now, you're going to have room time. you play in here quietly with these 3 or 4 things while I have some mommy time." "mommy needs some time to here self to be a good wife to daddy and a good mom to you", and "I'm sorry honey I just can't look right now. Daddy will be home soon and we want the house cleaned up and a good meal waiting for him when he comes." "will you help me by putting away your toys so that the living room is neat when daddy gets home?" and once dad is home telling the kids you're having what we called "couch time". the kids weren't aloud to interupt us while we caught up on our days together. It was only 10 minutes or so, but it was needed on both our parts to let the other one know what was new and important. Kids are insecure when they are the center of the world and they become more and more demanding. stop it now and give yourself a break. teach them to be part of a family instead of the object of all your attention.
best wishes.
K.

I suggest that you're taking her too literally. When she says look at this, turn your head in her direction and say, that's pretty. You don't have to literally go look at the item. She's wanting your attention and the look at this is just one way of getting it. This works for me.

I would also, at a quiet time, explain to her that although you love looking at her, spending time with her that when you're busy you have to pay more attention to what you're doing. Then follow thru and do not stop what you're doing. Perhaps remind her that you're doing such and such.

Perhaps finding ways to give her more attention at other times might help. Sit down with her when she first starts coloring and talk about the colors and the picture. Then tell her you're going to cook and that you need for her to not interrupt. Then talk with her before she starts asking you to look.

Or have her help you in the kitchen. Give her a small task such as washing the vegetables, putting them in a pot to cook etc. Or have her stand on a stool and talk with her while you're working.

Remember that it will take days of you being consistent to teach her a new way of acting.

Later: the story of the child asking mom to look while she's driving. My grandkids did that but I found that when I never looked they quickly stopped asking me. I would just say, Not now, I'm driving and we did have a talk, while I wasn't driving but while we were parked about safety while driving.

Marda P. is right...most of the time you can look in her direction and give her praise and that should suffice.

I do my best to always look but sometimes I have to say "Just give me one second baby, I am in the middle of something" and then I look when I can. This stage is one of my favorites..."Look what I can do" doesn't last very long....it will be gone in a blink of the eye!

If they can bring it to you, then I will tell them to do that. If not, I'll tell them I'll be happy to look at it after I'm done with XXXX.

But the kicker - try to remember that they wanted you to look at something - it will make them feel great when you ASK to see what they were trying to show you earlier (when they've probably forgotten already :) Wait until you see their smile and their eyes light up when you say "Sweetie, I'd love to see what you wanted to show me while I was making dinner!"

Oh man I've so been there done that recently!! My five year old is very much like that - mostly with just dancing, playing, just wanting us to see what she is doing (not creating, making, etc). Now my 3 year old is in that stage but I literally have to go with him to see what he did...Like as soon as I walked into the door last night, he dragged me by the hands down to the basement where the play room is to show me how he put these plastic screws into this part of his tool work bench. Don't get me wrong - it was cool because we've had that thing for at least 6 months and he obviously discovered something new and was excited about it...but yes, the tennis match head going back and forth is quite exhausting. I agree with Marda P also - and I do this sometimes in the car. I will turn around quickly to see something. But I have also snapped...this past weekend my son would NOT stop telling me to turn around and see what he was showing me even after I did my quick 'turn around' and I finally said "I'm driving and if I turn all the way around and don't pay attention to the road, we could get into an accident then all of us would have blood on us!" Severe? Yep...Too much? Probably. But it quieted him down quick, fast and in a hurry! LOL

You just need to explain that, unless there is blood, there are times which you cannot come look. When you are cooking, in the bathroom, etc. you will come look when you are finished. Repeat as often as you need to. She needs to learn to respect that you too have boundaries and limitations. Her kindergarten teacher will thank you.

My kids (3 and 5) do the same thing and it makes me crazy, too. There are already a lot of great suggestions but here's one more--next time she shows you something partially done, tell her "Color in the both shoes and the whole body, and then show me when it's done!" Maybe if she knows that a) you are interested and b) you will look it but not until she's done what parts you said. I find with my kids they don't understand time to the point where I can say "Give me five minutes" so it's better to give them a task that will take a certain amount of time. Or you can set a timer for ten minutes and say they have that long to finish and you will see the finished product when the bell rings.

I tell my son that I am busy and he will need to wait until I am done _____fill in the blank with an activity___ so that I can really listen to him. I have explained that when I am busy I can't give him my full attention and I really want to see/hear him. He is 8 now, but I used it years ago and it worked.

your daughter is old enough to start to understand patience and waiting when it is needed. It doesn't sound like you are constantly telling her to wait, just when you do need her to. She wil need this skill in school, too, so start now :)

you have some great answers. One thing I did quite often with my kids was make them bring it to me. Your dd could have easily picked up the picture she was working on and brought it to you, since you were otherwise engaged.

Hi, Mama:

What you are experiencing is a boundary issue.

You need to train your child there are times allowed for certain chores and relaxation.

Obtain an appointment book with the number of columns that matches the number of people in your home. Put the names of each person in their respective column for each day. www.ataglance.com

Put in the routine responsibilities of each person in his/her respecitve column. Unless of course there is an emergency, priorities will be addressed.

Actually, it would be better if you engage your 4 y.o. daughter to help you in the kitchen to occupy her mind.

If that is not an option, explain to her as soon as you get through with cooking you can look at all her work. Ask her to finish all her projects and you will look at all of them after supper. She will need to learn to wait.

Good luck.
D.

THANK YOU! I'm so happy to hear that it's not just my 4 year old. I work outside of the home and have wondered if this "phase" is b/c he feels like he doesn't get enough of me. So glad to know it's probably more about the age! I totally understand about feeling mean after snapping. I've been there many times. Every night while cooking dinner he wants to show me 10,000 things - Mama, watch me chew this..." Seriously. But you don't want them to feel like you are ignoring them. We just gotta hang in there and hope it passes soon!