Hello Everyone,
My sister in law (husband's sister) who lives out of the country is constantly showering my 15 month old with gifts and has been since soon after my daughter was born. She buys the gifts online and has them shipped to our address. SIL usually gets my daughter clothes (onesies, sweaters, jackets, etc.) and toys, and will let us know ahead of time that she's sending these gifts, so that we can keep an eye out for them. When we receive them, we will tell her that we received them and thank her via Facetime (we Facetime about five times/week), phone, or an app that allows free international texting. We will also almost always send pictures/videos of my daughter wearing the clothes and/or playing with the toys with a short thank you note. We also thank her for these gifts when we send her cards for holidays, birthdays, etc. My husband and I decided that we won't send her thank you cards for each gift received because it seems impractical to write multiple thank you cards each month.
As I mentioned, we Facetime my SIL about 5 times per week, mostly because my SIL wants to see my daughter. With almost each Facetime, she will say to my daughter, "who bought you ____?" or "what did auntie buy you?" Initially, I thought nothing of it, but it happens so frequently that I'm wondering if this is normal and if she's actually directing those questions to my husband and me. I know that if I bought someone gifts, I would definitely not say those things every time I ran across them. It just feels weird and just "not right" to me, but maybe that’s just me? I’m wondering if she says those things because she feels we are not thanking her enough or maybe she feels underappreciated? How many times do we need to thank her? Should we send thank you cards with each gift? What do you think? As always, thank you in advance for your replies. :)
Thank you for your responses. I guess I was thinking too much into it, although we Facetimed again this morning, and my SIL said, "does she know I bought her ___?" My husband replied, "...as much as she knows she's wearing a diaper."
I think that this is probably just her way of establishing a relationship with a child she is unable to spend time with in person.
I agree with Canuck. I don't agree with the language (of you SIL)... but I think that is the intention.
We have relatives who always said to our kids "It's your favorite Aunt ____." when referring to themselves. Others who remark to them about their own generosity "You know your ___ will buy you what you want." Stuff like that.
It is meant to foster the relationship between them, since we don't live close enough for regular visits... it's 5 hours away and only a few times a year.
When the kids are really small, these gaps of time in between visits are enormous from their perspective, and the adults are trying to make a connection so that the kids know who they are. That's it. I don't agree with the language or method exactly, but I don't attribute it to anything else but an attempt to be remembered.
Does your SIL have kids? When my sister had her daughter, my brother and I were both single and childless. We were so excited to have a niece. Looking back, my brother and I laugh at the clueless things we did and what we thought parenting was. We have told our sister numerous times that we recognize we were clueless and we really admire her not making fun of us too much.
I agree that she just wants to be a part of her niece's life, and this is one what that she can. I really wouldn't worry about it.
I'm interested in your responses, because I have a local family member who does the same thing. We thank her for each gift verbally and do thank you notes for birthday gifts and Christmas gifts. I am not sure why she needs to remind us of each gift after the fact, but she does. I respond with another "yes, thank you again!". I am starting to think gifting gives her a sense of accomplishment and she likes the reward of hearing our gratitude often. I am thankful for the gifts for the kids, but find the behavior interesting. Anyway, a simple thank you on facetime sounds right for your situation. With maybe a couple written thank you's for bigger occasions.
I would stop sending thank you cards since it seems to happen often. I would just thank her next time on Facetime. If you stop making such a big deal about it, maybe she will too. As far as asking your daughter who bought her the gifts, she is only 15 mo so I would just let that go and let them have a conversation. Since your SIL doesn't see her, that is her way of making sure she knows who she is...she's her aunt that lives out of the country that she never sees but sends fun stuff in the mail all the time. No worries, just my opinion. Good luck.
Like Canuck, while she can't be present for your daughter, she is trying to establish a presence with her by buying her things and making it known that she is there through her presents.
Have you ever asked her in a round about way how she wishes to be thanked and if your frequency is enough?
I suggest this is her way of being personally involved with your daughter. She doesn't get to be there when her neice receives the gift. You could forestall her questions by bringing up the gift first including your daughter Iin the comment. I doubt very much that her comments have anything to do with thank yous.
She sounds lonely.
I wouldn't say much about it. Think of it as a relative playing 'peek-a-boo' with your kid. She is just trying to get a reaction out of her.
As for the thank you notes. I would stop those since you do the facetime so often.
What's the problem? I would love to have an aunt love my child so.
