The Lost Art of Writing Thank You Notes?

I personally think that they are a waste. I'm like the previous poster and would prefer a hug and a personal thank you rather than a card that I'll throw away.
I do still think a thank you not after you have had an interview is a must, but other than that, a FB or a hug is good enough for me.

I have a feeling I'll be the only person saying this, but I'll say it anyway.
I don't get that "brighten my day" feeling from a thank you note for 3 reasons:
1. I usually already received plenty of verbal thank-yous/got a sense from the recipient that the gift was well received, and
2. It seems like everyone took the same class in how to construct a thank you note, and frankly they do not always seem authentic. The hug and verbal thank you is much more meaningful to me than a properly written, formal thank you note.
3. I hate throwing the paper in the trash or recycle bin-I think it's wasteful.
I do think it's generational.

Gosh i'm sorry but I work full-time, have a 3 year old and a 4 month old, was taking part-time classes and was grateful that I could remember what I needed to do on a day-to-day basis for my family, so yes, I forgot to send a thank you card, but I did tell you thank you when I received the gift, and on the phone when we last spoke and through email.

I have a few friends who send me thank you cards and yes, it's nice but they end up in the trash. It doesn't bother me at all if they just tell me whether or not they liked something, use it or wear it - that's thanks enough for me.

I am from the country girl, lower middle class and was not taught by my parents to send thank you cards. (Probably the reason why I didn't know about RSVP either) Perhaps they couldn't afford them? But they did teach me to say thank you. I hope no one takes offense.

Rachel H...thank you (insert silly giggle) for writing those three things...my thoughts exactly...your number 2 reason is my number 1 reason. I would much rather recieve a thank you over the phone or in person...

Although my mother in law could teach a class as hers are NEVER the same...

I would like to add a number 4...
4. To me saying thank you is just as important as saying sorry. We don't send sorry notes, so why should we send thank you notes??? A sorry in person is much more meaningful.

I find it incredibly un-endearing when people get so offended by not getting a thank you note. This day and age, who the heck has time to sit down and pen a bunch of thank you notes? I sure don't. My daughters had a big birthday bash in February and I didn't send thank you notes. I couldn't remember who bought which presents to begin with! There were over 70 people in my home. And for all that time I could have spend penning thank you notes, they would read it and toss it in the trash. Waste of time, money, and paper.

I really could care less if I get a thank you note either. That is so NOT what gift-giving is about. Gift-giving is selfLESS, so if you are stuck on the thank you, kind of defeats that purpose. Of all the birthday parties I've taken my daughters to, we've only received one thank you, and yes, although I appreciated it very much, and the thought was very sweet, it went promptly in the trash. What other use did I have for it?

I am with Rachel H and Aunt Mel Mel. I honest to God could care less if I get a thank you note. IMO, it is a waste of money, time and paper. And in the end it ends up on the garbage.

That said, I send thank you notes...because there are so many people (as evidence by this post) who get really ticked off by NOT getting one.

I write notes for big events, like the gifts I got for my baby shower, or our wedding. But I don't write them for bday or christmas gifts because we say thank you in person

Well, I guess I'm old fashioned then as well. I do it, my 17 year old daughter does it. I don't have to "make her" because she has been doing it forever! It doesn't take long and we really do appreciate that someone took the time to choose a gift for us.

I don't usually write notes... but I do make a point of calling and thanking the person. I was never taught to write the notes, so it's not something I really think to do. I find that I prefer calling anyway, unless it's from someone I see a lot. Then I just thank them again the next time I see them. I also like to take a picture of my DD (She's the one who gets gifts any more. lol) enjoying/wearing whatever the gift is, and sending (even if it is just in a text) it to the person who gave it to us.

We write Thank-you notes if we are not able to thank the person face to face. If I am able to thank the person face to face I was brought up there is no need to write a Thank-you note. This is also how I brought up my children. I do not feel I am being rude as long as I had a chance to thank the person. The only one I thank by email is my father and now that I think about it I really don't know why. Next time I will send him and his wife a nice thank-you note.

People have lost their manners. We do written thank you notes to each other. It shows respect. The person who gave the gift took the time to shop, wrap, sign, pay for the gift. If I can't take 5 minutes to write a short thank you note then I didn't deserve the gift. It is just plain rude to not send a thank you note. My kids have the rule they are not allowed to play with, read, spend a gift until they have written the thank you note and given it to me to mail. They are now 15 1/2, 21, 22 and 29 my grandkids are 6,8,10 and all of them are polite nice kids. I can't tell you how nice it makes me as a parent know that I have done my job well. And that my kids are now passing that on to their own kids. A last poster commented that it is a vanishing species. If it is its strictly thru laziness

I'm with you. But I think we're a dying breed!

One mom here said "who has time ... to sit down and write a bunch of thank you notes?!"

Well!! Who has time to go out and shop around for a nice gift and a card and then wrap it all up and go to a party and give someone the gift -- that they spent good money on??!! I think if someone took the time to do all of that, then my kids and I can certainly sit down for fewer than 5 minutes and write a nice appreciative thank-you note. I still get some thank-yous from people. I don't get mad when I don't, but it is nice to be appreciated, just as it is nice to get gifts.

Why is it a waste of money to send a thank-you note, but not a waste of money to buy a gift for someone who feels entitled to it?

I guess I am like Christine. I'm old fashioned, I was raised to write thank you notes when I received gifts, and I still do, even if I thanked the person verbally.

Sometimes I do thank you notes to a person twice. If someone gives me a gift card, I thank them immediately with a handwritten note. Later, when I use the gift card, I send a second thank you note, saying how much I appreciated the gift card, what I bought with it, and how thoughtful the gift card was. This way, the gift giver knows that I truly enjoyed the gift card, and that it wasn't just thrown in a drawer and forgotten about.

I see thank you cards as a sign of respect towards the person who took the time to pick out the perfect gift for you, paid for it, wrapped it, and delivered to you. To forget to do a proper thank you is never a good idea (and in my opinion rude), and besides, you never know when that thank you card in the mail is just the thing that brightens the day of the giver.

And, in the long run, learning how to say a gracious thank you, even if you didn't like what you were given, is a skill everyone needs to learn, children and adults.

You are not old fashioned. People are losing their manners and I have to say, that this so called modern technology is the reason for it. At least that is my opinion. I write thank you notes as well, and I have taught my children to do so as well. I am saddened when I have given a gift, be it a shower, wedding, or birthday but no thank you card is given in return. No, there is no "new" way of thanking people that you don't know of. People are ill mannered and like you said, they have lost the art of writing a thank you note. You are not alone in how you feel.

I am always always always so grateful for the gifts people give me, but I get so overwhelmed when I have to write a million thank you notes (especially since I like to personalize them). If I talk to the person, I always thank them. Oddly enough, I usually buy special stationary and have great intentions, but then I get so disorganized with all the details - like addresses, gift lists and such, that I often don't write them. Yes, I agree it is rude, but a part of me resents that I have to comply with this formality.

When my daughter graduated from high school she filled out thank you notes and sent then out. We have a really great friend that is like a grandma to my kids and she got a thank you note and was so moved that she called my daughter at college and told her that was the only note she got and she had 4 grandkids graduating from HS the same year.

I do think our society is moving in such a direction where manners don't seem to matter as much. It is sad but it seems to be the norm.

People are becoming less "connected"... I know it sounds old fashioned, but there is something very special about receiving a hand-written thank you in the mail. If that's simply too much for someone... personal email is okay or a phone call.

We are still "waiting" on thank yous from weddings in the last several years. Here's my thought... I just wrote you a check for anywhere b/w $100- $250 depending on "who" you are and "where" your wedding took place and you can't take 5 minutes to write "thanks for the $$ and for coming"? Really?

My great aunt actually stopped sending gifts to my cousins b/c they never wrote thank-you's and in her mind that sent a very clear message- no gratitude.

We write thank yous for gifts and always call when we receive flowers or something similar in the mail. Someone took the time to select and send a gift, we will ALWAYS take the time to thank them for it.

You just have good manners.

I write thank you notes. No email thank you's.

It is how I was raised and how I have raised my daughter. We both write thank you's the same day of receiveing a gift or very thoughtful gesture.

I've learned not to expect a thank you note for anything I might send. Most people have let that part of etiquette out of their routine.

It is sad isn't it?

I always write thank you notes and I am raising my son to do the same. For his 5th birthday I wrote thank you notes personalized to include the gift they gave, thanking them for coming to the party, and I had him sign his name in every one of them. I feel that people who do not send thank you notes have no manners. If I can spend the time to go out and get a gift you can spend the time to write a thank you. I

I think Thank You notes are appropriate if the person was not around when the gift was received. If I had the ability (and did) thank the gift giver in person, that should be enough.

It is absolutely becoming a lost art... which is too bad. My kids are too young to write thank you notes, but I do have them draw a picture to include in notes... and I hand write a thank you note for each and every present they (or I) receive. I'm amazed at how few people keep this tradition up. In the last year I think we've gotten one thank you note but have been to 10 or 12 birthday parties.

My grandmother always said that thank you notes distinguished people with class from the masses. It was such a snobby thing to say... but true!

I just say thank you to who ever gets me something. I dont know when the last time I wrote a note or letter or even sent a real card to someone was. Some people have better manners than others. If you get a thank you note great, if you dont, well dont let it piss you off too much, I think it a vanishing species of sorts.
A thank you fridge magnet is a cute idea tho, you can never have enough fridge magnets.

I was raised in 2 cultures.

In the first, the thank you note is by giving them an 'equal' gift in return (equal gifting being very important so that one does not create a burden of.... argh... the right word just isn't in english. It's essentially a "rank" thing. To give a more expensive or elaborate gift than one received says you 'out rank' them, to give less says that they are not valuable to you and is a *major* snub. So gifts are very carefully planned out, because every gift carries an obligation of giving in return). ALSO in this culture gifts are not opened in front of the giver, because to do so tempts hard feelings. Instead, one shows appreciation by giving an equal gift in return (also not opened in front of you).

In the second, thank you notes were written when the gift was received at a distance. I was taught that a thank you note is to let the sender know that you have received it and to show the joy &/or usefulness since they could not see for themselves that you received it, nor your joy in receiving it.

As such... I send thank you notes when I receive a gift from a distance.

I also neither mind, nor care, if I do not receive a thank you note.

We have been to a couple wedding where we have not recieved thank yous. It's an erosion of plain old good manners.

My kids write thank yous for the gifts they recieve. With the Grandparents and aunts they usually send a picture they drew and a sweet note.

With friends we have a scripted note that they copy and write out on stationery.

I do not know whay people do not write them .
Especially wedding gifts. Many times, you just want to know they received it.

I remind Brides and Grooms that each wedding gift, took that person time to go or look up the registry , then they needed to decide and then pay for it. It takes at least 30 minutes for that gift to be purchased from start to finish. It only takes 3 minutes to write a thank you note.

As long as our children, grandchildren learn about the importance of thank you notes, that is al we can control.

FYI, printed custom Thank you notes, always make a great gift no matter the persons age.

I always, always, always, write thank you notes. I think it is super important! call me old fashioned. But I think it is simply the right thing to do. If someone took the time to give you a gift, then the least you can do is sit down and write a little note and give it to them or send it off! On Saturday I just sent off 85 graduation announcement for our LAST two kids (twins boy/girl) but before I sent them I asked both of them and made them both PROMISE that IF they got a gift of any kind that they would write a thank you to each person, and both them agreed that they would. They said "Mom, of course, we already know that". I have raised all four of our children to know that they do that. When they received birthday gifts, even when they were young I wouldn't let them play with that gift until they had written their thank-yous.

I HATE! writing thank you notes! I do it anyway because of the meaning. Yes I immediately thank anyone for a gift but there is just something special about a thank you note.

Having said that I do not make my kids do thank you notes. Even though I do this the two oldest have grown up to send thank you notes as well. I guess I just figure they are kids, let them be kids, ya know?

You got a magnet that said "thank you?" From the wedding couple? That is LAME. Not only are they not thanking you specifically for your gift and sharing in their big day...blah blah blah...but on top of that, they want you to promote them on your fridge? ! I...don't...think...so.

I am a firm believer in thank you notes, for adults. I don't necessarily believe in them so much for little kids. I did a whole blog entry (kind of a rant) on this subject back in February. It was called "Birthday Bashing." If you have time, I'd love to know what you think but don't be too hard on me!
~R
www.dimsumanddoughnuts.com

I still write thank you cards and have since I was a teen. I do the same as you when writing them. I did it for our wedding, any birthday cards or gifts we get, and any holidays or special things in between. I plan to have my daughter do this when she's old enough to do it but probably not as detailed until she's at least ten or so. ( if age makes any difference, I am 28 years old.)

I don't get upset if I do not receive a personal note since most people don't send them anymore. But I keep sending mine out. I think even though we say thank you in person, a handwritten note coming to someone's home is much more personal and appropriate response to a gift especially in this economy. I also think kids need to learn to be grateful and making them write thank you notes really makes them think about who gave them what and how glad they are to have received the gift.

I know I am sounding uptight here but I think the fridge magnet thank you was very tacky! I would never do this but it kind of tempts you to just send a fridge magnet photo that says "Gift" the next time they have an occasion! Haha

i know they are all nice and curteous and stuff, but man i hate doing thankyou notes. i dont do them if i can avoid it.

Not that i am not appreciative. but it takes a freaking long time and you cant just write "thank you" you have to write this whole little note about what ever it was you are thanking them for.
not to mention that they are just going to throw it away anyways.

I admit I didn't read all the responses, but you are not old fashioned even though writing, HAND WRITING, thank you notes is a lost art.
Heck, I even wrote thank you notes to my concession stand volunteers!

I know that I still enjoy a hand written note from a friend, so I try to do the same.

You and I are both old-fashioned. But let's keep on doing it and encourage others to be old-fashioned, too.

Although I was taught to write letters early, I was an adult before I really understood what it means to say, "Thank you!" It means that somebody else is very important - and very kind. Nobody has to give a gift - even a relative doesn't have an obligation (pressure, maybe; obligation, no). That another person would expend time, money, and attention on my behalf is amazing.

So now it's easier to write a note and mean it. Even when I get a little check, I let the person know how special it is to receive, even if it's only $5, and I include what I plan or hope to do with that gift.

Sometimes I have to do it by e-mail, but I like it better to patronize the Post Office and use a stamp.

i agree competely---i think it is awful manners are just being ignored----on phone,at dinners,on the road-----too much caffeine, (everyone in a rush,i don't care attitude) no consideration for others------saddens me-----sit coms also are sending wrong messages,kids shows have everyone screaming-----i thought i was just getting old!!!

(Disclaimer: This is NOT going to be popular!) I'm sorry - I just don't think it takes THAT much time to write a quick (and yes, genuine) "Thank you" to someone who gave you a gift. I've been to 4 weddings this year (2 of which I travelled over 10 hours to attend) and have received neither a verbal or written 'thank you'. Can we all agree that EVERYONE is busy?!? Time is a precious commodity....so is disposable income. If someone takes the time and resources to purchase a gift for you - cowboy up and just write the 'thank you'! At least call the gift-giver and thank them for their efforts. I realize that it is a dying art and etiquette is no longer high on the priority list...perhaps expecting a gift for a special occasion should be lowered on said priority list as well. I'm just sayin'....

I agree with you - I have always made my kids write thank you notes. Now that they are 12 and 13 they have have gotten very good at writing nice notes on their own. There is no excuse for not having enough manners to write them. People do not acknowledge gifts, too lazy to return phone calls, too busy to return emails. We have become a very selfish society.

Oh Yomama, you have hit on such a pet peeve of mine. Where have manners gone??? Somehow people have come to feel entitled to gifts and don't show any real appreciation. I'm afraid that the personal note has been replaced by things like mass email and facebook status. If I give you the gift, you open it in front of me and say "thank you," that's enough but if I send you a gift or you open it later, some acknowledgement is appropriate. I think that parents have simply forgotten to teach the manners that we were taught as kids, or some parents found those manners "too restrictive" and now have raised young adults who have no sense of manners or courtesy. When my oldest was a young child, thank you's were still sent/given out for kids birthday party gifts, then after a few years, I realized my kids were the only ones writing them!

Don't look for the 'new' way. Writing anything by hand these days is a truly dying art. Future generations will not know what handwriting is because electronics have taken over every aspect of our lives. My only advice is: just keep writing, and teach your kids to write thank-yous (and other things, if you can get them to) just as you are doing now. They will have an edge over their peers, which will be particularly useful should the U.S. get blasted with a terrorist-generated ElectroMagnetic Pulse (EMP), or the earth by an EMP from the sun or other stellar object. EMPs will almost permanently destroy every electrical and electronic device (cars, generators, computers ~ everything that's run on electricity, including batteries) in the U.S. (or the planet) ~ unless you know the EMP is coming & can unplug everything electrical in advance. An EMP will put us back in the Dark Ages (not kidding here) ~ at least until such time as we can manufacture (without electricity) new electrical systems & batteries. Read up on the Dark Ages & see how poorly humanity fared. Back then, if you could write, you were either a teacher (cleric) or very rich (king or lord). Messages were delivered by foot or on horseback. Either way, the ones who could write and read were the ones that came out on top. Your kids will be the 'wise ones' or leaders in that scenario. I know this sounds a little crazy, but EMPs ~ whether produced by our (or any 'nearby') sun or terrorist attack ~ are a 'today' reality.

I agree, thank you notes show respect and appreciation for the gift giver. They are always appropriate. However, they are required for gifts when the giver was not present when the gift was opened. So, if you open a gift and personally thank the giver (I think that's more than waving the gift in the air from across the room), they are not absolutely necessary. For a wedding, of course. And we always make a phone call when we receive a gift. I think it is both expected and appreciated.

I hate when I send gifts to people and don't get a thank you note. I have no idea if they even received it. Like baby gifts to my nieces and nephews out of state. I'd feel bad if it got lost in the mail and they didn't get my gift. But I don't want to call to ask and make them feel bad for not writing me a thank you note because I know they are crazy busy with a new baby. So at least let me know the package came. I'll take an email, a postcard or send me a refrigerator magnet with a picture of the new baby.

I admit I have good intentions but often the thank you notes never get to the mailbox. If it is a friend or relative who is online often I send email as soon as I can. I think it's better than hearing nothing. I also will call or say something in person if I have not gotten a note mailed out.

YES - YES - YES (but I'm on your page, a handwritten, heartfelt thank you note is STILL appropriate).

Blessings...

My sister and I were taught to write thank you notes to everyone, including people who saw us open presents. I have become more lax as I've grown up and only send notes to those that I did not get a chance to thank in person, except for big things. Then a thank you note is a must anyhow.

I never appreciated thank you notes as a child writing them, but as an adult who gives gifts, I sure do. My sister and I were also taught the thrill of finding the perfect gift for someone. I can't wait to hear how much that person likes my gift. I am left cold when I don't get thanked at all. I have nieces who live far away and have never sent me a thank you note for their gifts. I've gotten in the habit of asking their parents if the gifts have even been received. How else am I to know? Even so, I still wish I would receive a thank you -- even a phone call or e-mail -- letting me know how much the gift I spent time picking out just for them was appreciated.

I love writing thank you notes and my kids do them weather they like it or not.
I love giving mail. It is a lost of art. I am sad that email and fb takes over the normal mail but it does cost a lot for stamps for some people. I do enjoy people thanking me for the mail...it brightens a day.

I don't do thank you notes for Christmas, but for every other occasion they are given. This year I had my two year old send out thank you cards for her birthday. We sat together and I wrote the card then she "wrote" on it until I finished the next one and so on. I don't enjoy writing them, but I hate not getting them so I make sure to write mine.
This year within a month we had a second birthday, an anniversary, a baby shower, and a birth. I sent out over 200 thank you cards. While my hand was cramping I just continued to think about how blessed we are to have so many people that care about us and our children!

I agree, what the heck happened to Thank You Notes! I make my son 8 year old son write them for every gift he receives. He has been doing this for as long as he could write his name. I have given large sums of money at weddings and never received a thank you, it makes you wonder if they ever even got the card. Hopefully just bringing it up will remind everyone that a short note really shows your gratitude.

A little off topic, we have friends who send out refrigerator magnet pictures of their kids along with the child's wish list (!) a few weeks before their kids' respective birthdays and before Christmas. I don't know where the refrigerator magnet trend is coming from, but I find it appalling. A cute picture doesn't make bad manners any less bad.

That being said, there is no substitute for a hand written thank you note. (On monogrammed stationery, NOT the kind that has "Thank you!" pre-printed on the outside. If they can't tell you're thanking them from reading the note, you're not doing it right!)

People have forgotten. I am horrible about it. I dont keep cards on stock. If I do I make them for the person. Which probably is why they never get sent. I never have time.

My husbands grandma got so mad and stop sending us stuff. I forgot to send a card saying thank you for a birthday card, she sent me about four years ago. After that nadda. I always said after being shuned by her, I would never forget again.

I just think people are too busy. That doesnt excuse it though. Its the same with RSVP'S I am finding too. People around here anyways. They just dont do it. Then two days before a party you're calling trying to figure out a head count.

No, this is a pet peeve of mine, but manners look like they're going by the wayside now. I'm not going to get mad, but it's just not cool. I don't care what other people do or do not do though...I'm not lowering my standards on what I do, or how my children are raised, just because others can't figure "the rules" out. My basic rule of thumb is that you may or may not offend someone by not thanking them. You will NEVER offend someone for remembering to thank them though. Also, not only is it just good form, and respect, but it also makes someone feel good, even special, after doing something kind for you! How could that be wrong? Before my kids are able to write, I take one side of the card to write a thank you note. I give a crayon to the child and let him "write" on the other side of the card, with that item in front of them. When my son was 3, I laid out the 3 gifts he received from my friend. He verbally said "thank you for my truck" and drew the truck, "thank you for my hat" and drew the hat, etc. My friend called thinking it was so cute because she could tell what he was thanking her for by color and basic shape. Now that my son is old enough to write (4) we writes "Thank you, love __" after I write the note. We often send a picture of the boys in or playing with their gifts.

I think any form of thank you is appropriate. For anyone not to acknowledge a gift displays some degree on entitlement. I mean really, I didn't have to give you anything. Specifically, I usually send a check to my adult nieces and nephews each Christmas for their children. I received one thank you call, the rest just cashed my check. Too busy to call,write,email,text,facebook......, too busy to cash the next check........ because I'm not sending one. I'm 62 but i'm ok with most modern forms of technology. When my children received gifts from anyone, I made them sit down and write a thank you card.
And just recently, I drove a couple of hundred miles to University of Florida in Gainsville, rented a hotel for a weekend to attend another niece and nephew's graduation. (They're twins) Gave each a nice check for their special event. Received a thank you card from the nephew, nothing from the niece. I know their parents taught them both manners. You go figure!