Get the Kids Out of My Bed

my Mother-in-law told me that when my husband was about 4 and they wanted him out of their bed, they played "Squeeze-Play." Basically, when going to bed, Joe was in the middle between his mom and dad. They would squeeze a little bit closer to him each night and when he complained, they'd say "You're just becoming such a big boy. No room on my side to scoot over... No room on my side either ..... You're such a big boy now." Joe got so upset and frustrated that he went and slept in his own bed. I think it took a week or two to slowly and gradually scoot closer and closer.

you put him in his room, tell him to stay there. when he gets up, you take him back. you continue to do this over and over again, no matter how much he whines, for as many nights in a row as it takes. i promise you, this method cannot fail. it's not gonna be fun, but it will work.

Put him to sleep in his own bed every night and for any naps. If he gets up and comes in your room, just walk him back to his bed. Don't talk to him or get angry, just walk him back to bed. Rinse and repeat a million times if you have to. It will work, it may take a few days or even a week, but if you don't give in it will work. When he spends the whole night in his room for a week reward him with something small---we let our daughter pick breakfast. (usually pancakes with extra syrup!) Good luck, its not fun-but once its done, its done =)

When our son was little and didn't want to fall asleep in his bed we left the light on in his room until he was asleep. We also told him that he could come into our bed but not until it was light outside. When he came before that we escorted him back to his bed. He got it after a few nights.

You've tried everything? You gave him firm consequences the first time he ever got out of his bed and were consistent every single time and he still does it at 4? Then you have a medical oddity for a son! Joking, I sympathize, but bed is the only time you have to recharge your batteries! You need to toughen up!

Waiting for him to fall asleep in your bed so you can sneak off to go be adults is not sending the clear message that he is not allowed to get out of his bed. If you are serious that this is going to be the rule, then you have to enforce it.

My kids have always had to stay in their beds after the bed time routine. It needed very little enforcing since we always enforce all rules and they knew they wouldn't get away with it. My 4 year old daughter never even tried and loves her own precious bed as much as I love mine. My two year old son has recently started sneaking back downstairs occasionally after I put him in bed. I give him one firm warning and escort back to him room and if he comes out again he gets a firmer reprimand and a small swat on the butt-sort of a "light warning that it's a real rule" that doesn't even sting-just makes his lower lip pout out. But he doesn't come out again, because he knows the consequence would be firmer the next time. Actually the last two times he didn't come out after the very first escort back.

Enforce your rules and he will follow them. You will need to be much firmer since this is a very ingrained habit you have allowed. Sit him down, tell him the new rule, tell him what will happen if he gets out of bed, and enforce it FIRMLY. You need a sex life.

I'd try the SuperNanny technique. (I'm assuming you have a good bedtime ritual, appropriate bedtime, sleeping space, etc.) Have a talk with him and explain why he needs to sleep in his bed. Make a sticker chart for every night he stays in his bed, and discuss what he "gets" for each sticker, etc. Put him to bed (maybe buy some fun new sheets or something) and be very positive about it. The first time he gets up, lead him back to his bed and say, "It is time to go to bed now. I love you, good night." The second time, lead him back and say "It's time for bed now." The third, (fourth, fifth, ninty-sixth) time, just lead him back to bed without speaking to him-- NO attention at all. Is it going to be painful? Yes. You've built this habit for 4 years, and it isn't going to be broken in a day. But if you are consistent, it will change. If you aren't willing to really follow through (through several sleepless nights, and lots and lots of tears), then don't even bother starting, because you'll just make it worse for yourself in the end. And make sure your husband is on the same page with you about what you are doing, because inconsistencies will set you back!

You can do this! If you are a reader (like I am), then I'd recommend Ferber's Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems.

I agree with Jennifer T - consistency is the key. But have you considered a compromise? Put him to sleep in his bed every night, but let him come into your bed when he wakes in the middle of the night. Or, pick some time that makes sense to you, like midnight or 3am. If he wakes before this time, return him to his own bed; after this time let him sleep with you. Eventually, he will sleep all night or only come in the early morning. There's nothing I like better than cuddling with my 4yo - after I have gotten a decent amount of sleep. Do it gradually, but be consistent.

Also, if you do let him fall asleep in your bed, you could wait until he is deeply asleep and then move *him* back to his bed.

what "everything" have you tried? more information would help in answereing your question.

Mommy:

Have you had a chance to have a family gathering with your
husband and two boy.
Ask your older son how he feels sleeping in his own room?
Ask your younger son how could he wants to sleep in your bed?
Then you and your husband use these I statements to tell them how you feel about them sleeping in your bed.
"I" messages format:
I feel.....................describe how you feel. (exhausted, frustrated, sad, embarrassed, depressed, overwhelmed, lonely, anxious, etc.)
When I..............................Identify the problem. (Have my child in the bed with me and your daddy, etc.)
Because..............say why you feel this way.(I want some alone time, etc.)
And I need............Propose how to resolve it. (My rest, and if you come to my bed, I will put you back in yours, etc.)
Now ask the boys, How many times do I have to put you back to bed before I give you a consequence? Ask them what do you think the consequence needs to be if I have to put you back to bed...............whatever times they come up with.
See how this works.
Good luck D.

I have this problem too, my son who is 3, almost 4,has taken up camp on our bedroom floor. He decided on his own that he was big and ready to move back to his room, but he came right back after a few nights. Im thinking about getting him a fish... he really wants one and I was thinking about getting one and then telling him the fish needed company and would be sad if he left him in there alone at night. I also thought the glow of an aquarium light might help too. I also have a 5 year old that usually stays in ther bed, and a 22 month old that can't esape the crib yet. It just depends on the kid.... but remember this too shall pass!