Daughter Needs to Sleep in Her Own Bed!!!!!!!!!!!!

She may be too old for this, but when my husband was 3, my MIL tells me the story of how she got HIM out of her bed:

"Squeeze Play" - G slept in the middle between mom and dad. So each night they scooted closer and closer to the middle of the bed. G would say "Scoot over. I don't have any room." and mom and dad would reply "I don't have any room on my side." " I don't have any room on my side either." "You are such a big boy. You're just growing. We don't fit." After a week, G got tired of being squished by his parents, that he went to sleep in his own bed.

My daughter almost 6 is very much like your daughter. My daughter never slept in her crib since the day we brought her home. Should have seen it as a sign then. (My youngest, no problems)

Anyway what we did was when she was around 3 1/2 transitioned her to a toddler bed next to ours. Then we moved her into her own room with her sister about a year later. But she still needs to fall asleep in my bed. But we can now move her to her own after she is asleep. And believe me that was not an easy task either as she would wake in the middle of night crying to come back to bed with us. Its been many tears and lots of long nights later but this is where we are at....I figure we'll be here until going to bed with your mom is no longer cool...when will that be?????

First off....not wrong, wrong, wrong. All six of the kids in our house coslept with their parents. They are all now in their own beds. They moved on somewhere between ages 2 and 8. You haven't done anything wrong. You're just ready for a change a bit before she is. This is okay.

Ideas:

Go at it gradually in space. Start her on the floor of your room. A folded-up pile of blankets will do for a bed, if there's no room for an additional mattress. Let her spend a month or so on the floor of your bedroom. Then move her to the hallway outside your room with an open door, then in the hallway with a closed door and just slowly creep her over to her own room.

Go at it gradually in time. She must start in her own bed, but can join you in 1 hour. Then 2 hours. Then 3 hours. Slowly expand the time until she's in her bed all night. You can get clocks for kids that change color at a certain time. This lets her check if it's time to join mommy yet, but won't wake her up if she's asleep.

Go at it gradually in days. She must sleep in her own bed on Tuesday nights. All other nights she can be with mommy. Expand it to two days, then three, etc., etc.

Combined with any of these approaches:
1. Lots of snuggles during the day and especially before bedtime.
2. Lots of rewards, attention, and praise for sticking to the rule of the day/month. Brag on her to your friends in her presence (make sure these friends know to be supportive and not nasty.) Praise her courage. A sticker chart might be helpful. Remember that the best rewards will probably be special time with you. Spending a night in your bed might actually be a great reward.
3. The best penalties might be withholding attention. For example: "oh, you came into my bed last night, so I didn't get enough sleep. I'm too tired to play a game with you. I'm sorry." This would be a natural consequence.

Check out Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep solution" series for ideas as well. Among other things, she's got a protocol for a stay-in-your-bed fairy that leaves small gifts for kids who stay in their beds.

When she's done a good job staying in her own bed, it is perfectly okay to welcome her into your bed for special snuggles on special occasions: feeling sick, birthdays, etc. You can also use a night in mommy's bed as a reward for staying in her own bed. For example, if she can do a whole week in her own bed without crying or complaining, she can have one night in your bed.

Good luck.

She certainly is at the age that you "Can" put your foot down. What is her fears.... dark ? Noise ? does she not like her room ? Make her room fun, first thing...change it, paint it or something........... then you sleep in her room on the floor for a week and tell her that is it. Then gradually move your body closer to the door and then out the hall way . Keep the light on or give her some cool lights to keep. Then over time, the lights will go dim a little bit at a time. Reward her with something each night she says in her room even the times your on the floor. It may be a little hard at first.........but the incentives should out way the thinking.... But no matter what, I would always be in HER room to comfort not your room. I would give it a month and see how it goes.

Get her some night lights for her room and a baby monitor. Put her to bed in her own room and reassure that she will have light if she wakes up and you will be able to hear her. The first couple of nights will be difficult but she will get used to it.

My daughter is almost 6 y/o - she still co-sleeps with us. If I wasn't having another baby so soon (july) I would have gladly allowed for her to continue sleeping in my bed.

My husband and I find 'privacy' AKA sex - elsewhere, or have a lot of quickies while she is preoccupied playing or watching a movie in the living room. It's best when she's spending the night at Grandma's - which is 2-3 times a month.

Obviously not getting enough sex hasn't been a issue for us, since I"m pregnant - but I LOVE having my sweet child sleeping soundly and safely next to me. When she finally does move completely into her room, I will no longer be comfortable sleeping with our door closed - which means there will need to be nightlights on because I get freaked out when I'm sleeping in the dark and doors are open.

I agree that it's not wrong. I also agree you need your space. My 4.5 year old doesn't like to sleep alone. I find it best to sleep with her -in her room; the reason she has a full size bed! Once she's asleep I can leave and she'll stay there anywhere from 2 hrs until the morning. At least it gives "us" a little time each night. Good luck!

We went through that when we built our house in 2000. Daughter was 5.

We moved from the first house we built which had all bedrooms up and relatively close together.

This house is about 2 1/2 times the size of the first one. Master bedroom is on the back corner and daughter's room is upstairs and at the far front.

It took her a couple years but once she started having sleepovers, etc she grew to love the fact that the entire upstairs is hers. Now at 16, we joke.. if there was a kitchen up there, we'd never see her!! She has a very large bedroom, 2 guest rooms, game room, library and 2 bathrooms... just like her own apartment except it is my upstairs!

She'll outgrow it. I complained to my pedi when we went through this and she told me to enjoy it while I can because there will be a day she does not want to be near me in the bed. They grow up too fast.

We also did the sleeping bag thing. It took a lot longer than 2 nights and she would come in in the middle of the night for awhile but we stuck to our guns and said she had to sleep in the sleeping bag or go back to her bed. It got really bad when we moved from the toddler bed to a full-sized bed. But now, she's been in her own bed every night for over 6 months. We only have a Queen sized and 2 small dogs in there too, so not enough room for good sleep for everyone. I understand the guilt too, it's hard, and it's really hard working FT, I'm right there with you. You will all be better if she can get comfortable in her own room or even in a sleeping bag on the floor. I got her some purple sheets that she LOVED and that helped us make the transition too. We said we'd put it on her bed if she would sleep in there. We praised her a ton everyday that she stayed all night. Now, she wakes up probably once a night to go to the bathroom but heads right back to her room and never wakes us up. You'll get there Mama...just keep your head up. :)

Whereas it's wrong to cave in to her demands to sleep w/ you, it's not wrong that she has slept w/ you. My kiddo co-slept and still would if it were up to her, but it's not. I can't sleep w/ her. Take her to Target and get some pretty lights to hang up (in the outdoors section). Tell her they are for her room, which she will now be sleeping in every night. Tell her she's a big girl, she's 6, and she has to sleep in her own bed from now on. When she tries to climb in your bed at night (which she will!!), you must get up and return her to her bed. I had to do this for a week or so. Be consistent. And I work full time too so I understand wanting all the extra time, but sleep is important. And if you're not getting yours, there is a problem. Maybe you could have one night a week (Fri or Sat) be family bed night.

We've gone through and still revisit this situation at times. My daughter is 5 1/2 and would choose to sleep in our bed every night if we'd let her. I have to admit it's peaceful knowing she's right there with us and safe but like you said, getting kicked throughout the night is not all that fun not to mention the complete lack of privacy. I always figured, she's not going to be 18 and still sleeping in our bed... well, at least I hoped not ;) We started by picking one night a week, for us it was Friday/pizza night, that she could sleep in our bed right away. That way she had something to look forward to and would always ask, "Is it pizza night yet? How many days till pizza night?" She also had some troubles with staying dry at night so we encouraged her with that by saying that on all the other nights, if she woke up to use the potty she could come into our bed AFTER she went potty. After trying a million things with the bed wetting at night... telling her she could sleep in our bed if she stayed dry and woke up to use the potty did the trick! We've also used sleeping in our bed as a reward for good behavior, cleaning up after herself and all sorts of things. It's become one of the biggest motivators for her and instead of worrying about sleeping in our bed every night, she focuses on those "special occasions" when she's earned it now. Since starting that, she has actually started to forget about her special pizza night and often just goes straight to her room at bedtime instead. When I tuck her in at night I always tell her mommy is right in the next room if she needs anything and that all she has to do is call me and I'll come in. That seems to reassure and calm her a little. Good luck.. I know the mom-guilt is a killer but as long as she knows she's loved, all is good :)

Please stop feeling guilty for working. I have been a SAHM and a working mom, and realized that we as moms have to do what's best for our families, and actually many children have no insecurities about their mom working full-time as it's just a normal part of their lives.

You have to be committed to working hard and consistently at getting her to stay in her bed and room, no giving in to ANY sleeping in your room, that's over (unless you really don't mind her in your room.) I found an article that outlines everything I was going to tell you, but since it's written by an expert (I have her book and it works) and I've found that people respect that more than my opinion, here's the link:
http://www.parenting.com/article/how-to-get-your-kid-to-s...

Though written for parents of toddlers and preschoolers it all applies to your very situation.

Also, something I used years ago is my own "Bye Bye Monster" spray. It's lavender oil in water that you make yourself by simply putting drops of oil in the water and putting it in an inexpensive spray bottle (I picked some up at Target, made cute labels, and sold them at craft fairs.) You or your daughter spray it wherever the monsters or things that scare her are; closets, under the bed, wherever. Lavender is a soothing scent so it will help to relax her as well.

Go forth, stand firm, and when tempted to give up remember the prize is alone time with your husband ; )

Get some short range walkie talkies, and give her one, and keep one with you. Ask her what she would change in her room to make it not scary, then change those things if at all possible. Set a date for when she will start sleeping in her own bed, and stick with it, using the walkie talkies so she doesn't feel alone.

You might let her sleep in your room once a week, say on Friday night, as a compromise. Best of luck!

We used a sleeping bag and started with giving her the choice to sleep on the floor in our room or her bed. We told her we loved her but Mom and Dad had a lot to do and needed a good night of sleep. She slept there for 2 nights and then we asked her to try her bed to see if she would feel better there as she was tired. She went right to it and never looked back.