Falling Asleep on His Own

Stay by the bed for ten minutes, then tell him you are going to go switch the laundry and you'll be back to check on him in two minutes. Then, this is the important part, go back and check on him in two minutes! Rub his back a little bit and tell him you need to go turn on the dishwasher and you'll be back in five minutes, and do it. By 3 1/2 he probably won't freak out and start crying when you leave, especially since he knows you are coming back. Once you have set this as a pattern, he will know every night that when you say you will come back, you WILL. This will keep him in his bed because he doesn't feel the need to come find you, or make sure you know he's waiting for you. We started this with our son around the same age, and I also had a newborn. Eventually he will fall asleep waiting for you. At six years old I still tell my son I will come back and check on him, and I do one check at the five minute mark and then after that I am done for the night (I also tell him I will come give him a kiss after he is asleep, and I do:)). Now if only I could get my two year old to sleep on her own.... haha!

My husband or I still have to sit on the bed while our 4.5 year old falls asleep. We ask her periodically if she'll go to sleep on her own, but she just says 'I'm not ready for that yet'. Go figure! I also have a 3 year old and a 5 month old...so what I do is, the older 2 girls sleep in the same bed and I sit on the end of the bed nursing the baby. All 3 usually fall asleep within 30-45 minutes and then I'm free! If hubby's home for bedtime, then he sits with the big girls while I nurse the baby, but the time-frame is still the same.

I don't mind because I know that one day they'll be shooing me away instead of trying to cuddle with me and that day is going to come *way* too soon! I've NEVER been able to do CIO with any of my girls; I'm just not built that way. I've heard it's worth it, but I just don't have the heart to listen to my baby (of any age) cry because they want ME.

If your husband is home for bedtime, get him involved - have Daddy put your son to sleep while you tend to the baby. It will give him some special time with his Daddy, you won't go bananas and then you and your husband can have a nice evening together ;o)

Whatever method you use or approach... don't make the baby the reason. He may resent that, and he is young... and their emotions are not fully developed yet.
Don't want him to resent the baby or be angry at baby.

Talk with him... don't expect it to happen overnight.
It will be a 'new' habit.
Nor expect him to be 'all grown up' just because of baby.
He is young too.
When I had my 2nd child, my daughter was on the cusp of being 4... and even if I tried my best to be soothing to her, and her place in the family with a new baby... she would tell me "Mommy I'm just a little kid... don't expect me to be all perfect like a grown up...." and saying this she was frustrated and having mixed emotions, too. This, I really learned from her, from her little child's mind.... what she was going through.

Don't blame yourself.
Nor him.
He was an only child, for 3.5 years.

And, have your Hubby put him to bed.
So you can tend to baby.

all the best,
Susan

I to had the same issue last year. My daughter was 2 when her brother was born. She was use to it being just me and her so we would curl up in bed or on the couch to go to sleep and then I would put her in her bed. After he came along I was having to sit with both of them at the same time and hope that my mom (who I was living with at the time) or their dad was home to help me pick them up and put them in bed. Last year their dad go aggravated with the whole issue so we started letting them pick a movie to put in their rooms to watch now some times they would rather listen to lullaby music. We did it in steps. I started out sitting on my daughters bed until she fell asleep, then went to sitting at the end of her bed until she went to sleep, and then finally just tucking her in & keeping her in the same routine helped a great deal. I also talked to her about it while we were doing our bedtime routine (like brushing our teeth, using the potty, cleaning up the room, getting a drink of water, and so on) some times she would add in her own reasons why she needed to start going to sleep on her own. Good luck!! Hope this helps

I had the same problem with my 4 yr old. She would never go to sleep without me laying with her or laying on the floor of her room. It got to the point where it would take FOREVER for her to fall asleep because she kept sitting up to check and make sure I was still laying there!
So, this is what I did.... I continued the same routine we had, bath-jammies-book/song-drink-kisses/hugs-lights out. Except I explained to her that mommy wasnt going to lay in her room anymore. Obviously she was really upset, but I propped the door open and left the room. She cried and screamed and came out a couple times but I just stuck to my guns. First time she came out, I said "sweetie its bedtime. I love you, goodnight"...the second time, "Its bedtime sweetie"..and then every time she same out after, I said nothing and just put her back in bed. It took about 2 weeks, but she finally understood and started going to bed without crying or anything. Its rough, I wont lie! But, SO worth it! She is not scarred from it...she LIKES going to bed now! I cant tell you how much better it has been since. I have time to myself at night now and bedtime is peaceful. I know its rough. No one likes to hear their babies cry...but it will be better and so worth it in the end.

GL!!

Hi JR we all have blown it in some way or another, but at 3 1/2 he is old enough to understand that he needs to do what mommy and daddy tell him, I think your problem is, is trying to get him a sleep, you don't need to do that. Have a great bedtime routine, story, pray, tucked in, and the I love you's and the goodnights, and that's it, he will fall a sleep on his own. If he does not stay in his bed or cry;s and or screams, then you need to use some type of discipline. Your child is controling your marriage time, he's not in charge you and your husband is. So take charge (In a loving way of course) but be firm. J.

Don't get down on yourself. My 2.5 year old is the same. He sleeps with us, still nurses, and has to be cuddled to nap-even if he's at Grandma's house. He has to get just beyond tired to fall asleep on his own and even if he does, doesn't sleep well. (Some of these things were conscious decisions)

I'm not sure what advice to give as I haven't found a way to stop it. DH and I have to lay down and get him to sleep and then sneak out for our time...which you know, that's not the end of the world because someday he won't want anything to do with us, so I will take the cuddles. But I feel for you with a baby too. I have a friend who had two about that age separation and just co slept with them one on each side...rough I am sure, but then at least everyone got a little sleep.

Best wishes to you! There's lots of us out there!

I still co-sleep with my 5 y/o... THis is something that will not last forever and is something my child still needs from her Mommy. I'm not too selfish or whining about 'loosing time with hubby' over it. He may be complaining about it - but he's an adult, my child is not. Not all Moms feel their children should come first, but I sure do. My husband comes SECOND and always will. We have a 'date night' every 2 weeks where my daughter spend the later half of the day, all night, and half of the next day at Grandma's or Aunt's house... that way we can still have some time alone to recharge and have the long and great sex we can't have during the rest of the time. Doesn't mean we don't get quickies in often!

Don't feel like you are screwing up because you are giving your child what he needs. If he was mature enough to fall asleep on his own, he would be. Do YOU choose to sleep alone in a bed by yourself? Does your husband? If neither of you would choose to be alone - as adults - why do you think your young son would?

*** This is nothing to do with who's the better Mom. You asked for advice - which I gave. I mentioned you also sounded like you were whining because "a few hours in the evening is all I have with my husband". Yes - I've learned to live with much less quality sleep, but has very little to do with co-sleeping with my child, which is how I get the BEST sleep. I have low energy, insomnia, and the medication I need (Provigil) I can't take because for the last 6 years I've either been pregnant or breastfeeding. Now I also work the graveyard shift as a Nurse, so I can ensure the daytime is for my family AND I'm 6.5 months pregnant. Yeah - some people do have it worse off than you and still smile***