How Do You Put Your Kids to Bed?

We sing a song or two and chat a minute, then they both go into their rooms, lay in bed, and I walk out while they're awake. I've been doing this since they were 3 months old and have never dealt with crying.

Thats pretty much how I put my 19 m/o to sleep. I've been doing it that way for the last 6 months. Although recently, I have gone from laying with her to sitting in a rocking chair. It only takes her 20 minutes max to knock out, and she stays asleep the whole night.
I was talking to my boyfriends friend, and he says thats how they put their 4 y/o to bed. He lays down with her until she falls asleep. I never thought it was strange. =)

The best way to put your child to bed is the way that makes you and your child happiest. Period.

Each one slept with us till they were 3ish and then even after that sometimes we'd let them fall asleep and then move them. That being said, they've never had any sleep issues and are now 5.5 and almost 8. They are wonderful sleepers. In bed BY 8 every night (as it gets dark out earlier, they'll crash even earlier). Bed time has never been a fight and once they are down - they are down! Every now and then my 5.5 year old ends up in our bed (bad dream) but I can count on 1 hand how many times that has happened. No regrets here on helping them get to sleep the first few years of their life (nursing/rocking, etc..). The payoff was huge, independent kids who LOVE going to bed/sleeping! Like you said - it just makes for peaceful evening. You do what works for you and your family!

I think that what you are doing is great....I read a response on this site sometime back that a woman actually starts at 6 months of age and just lets her kids cry... :( How awfull. She actually stated that it "takes 3 or 4 days" of crying, but you learn to ignore it...HUH!?! My kiddo has always had a "turn off/run down" time...then with many, many kisses and I love you's, its nighty night. If I go to her room once or twice to hug and kiss, I will do it....she wont be 3 forever...not just that, I love her and cant wait to see her in the morning. The whole thing takes about 15 or 20 minutes til she settles down and falls asleep.
Personally, I often wonder why some women have babies...isnt it common knowledge that many of them dont sleep soundly through the night until they are 8,9, 10 months old? EVEN THEN, dont you sort of speculate that some toddlers need that extra reassurance to go to bed by themselves? After all, at 6 months, they really have only been on this earth 24 weeks...sounds small when you put it like that.
Maybe its just me...I would never allow MY child to have that insecure feeling. After all, that is what I am here for.....THAT is WHY I had her....

Hello fellow mother!

I have four children (1 set twins)!...:)...it's not strange at all that your child is having problems going to sleep!! The fact that you nursed your baby has a lot to do with him not sleeping! Which is not a bad thing. It's wonderful for your child. Trust me i nursed all four of my children!.. Even the twins it will take a moment for your baby to learn detachment. I do have a couple of tips, i used to do the same thing read to them and sing to them and lay with them but i found a schedule that really works at that age i would just bathe, feed, and read to them. It really worked. But it does take time, do not beat yourself up. But patience is important and key!. In time he will learn the schedule! You just have to stick to it!....you will be okay, i P.! Remember i have four and they are still on the same schedule!...:) stay prayerful...god bless you and yours!

LOTS of Moms do what you do.... but, not all parents "admit" to it.
There is no reason, you/your Husband have to tell everyone/your friends about how your child goes to sleep. Its "private".

LOTS of Moms, in fact ALL of my friends, did and do that to put their kids to sleep. They co-sleep... or stay with their child, until they fall asleep. Then as the child gets older, they naturally get more independent about it.

For us, we also have in our room, on the floor, a floor futon.... for when our kids are sick, or have nightmares... which they used to sleep on, and when younger more frequently. As babies, I was a co-sleeper.

Really, it is not 'weird' or strange... and besides, WHY would you or your Husband have to tell others/friends/relatives "how" your child goes to bed??? Its not public information, nor do they need to know.... it is not up for them to decide....

all the best,
Susan

With my daughter (she's 3), here's what we did (and do now):

0-12 months: Nursed to sleep
12-16 months: Sang songs / Rocked / She would point to her bed so I'd put her in there and she'd go to sleep
16-30 months: Sang Songs / Rocked her / Would wait until she was asleep then leave the room and close the door. We tried leaving while she was still awake and this worked SOMEtime (I'd tell her I'd be back, have to go to the bathroom, etc).
30 months - now (38 months): Sing songs / sit by her (she goes right in her bed by herself). Sit with her for a few minutes then tell her I'm leaving (door open). She goes to sleep alone....but at some point comes into our room and sleeps on the floor (we made her a bed there) and then comes into our bed at some point in the night!

With my son (14 months old) we have:

0-9 months: Nursed to sleep
9-12 months: Rocked to sleep (or he'd lay on his belly on my legs and I'd bounce him) - I would put him in bed almost asleep (husband waited until he was completely asleep)
12-13 months: Rock for a few minutes and he'd usually be out
14 month (now): He does not want to be rocked or bounced - he wants to be put in his bed. We're still trying to figure out what he wants (he's been doing this for about a week). At first I was rubbing his back but he moves all over. So last night I put him in bed, sang to him and just stood by his crib and he fell asleep within five minutes.

I think what works for you is the best. I have some friends who have never sat with, read to, sang to, etc their kids and they go to sleep by themselves. I'm not saying it's wrong - I'm just saying it's not for me. I do not mind rocking my babies and I do not mind if they get into bed with us in the middle of the night. They are small for such a short period that I try to take in all that I can and love every moment they want more cuddle time!!

As so many others said, whatever feels right for you and your son, IS right for you and your son. I think what you do sounds perfectly "normal" and actually quite healthy. He gets the comfort of having you there to fall asleep, but seems from the way that you talk, to sleep just fine on his own for the rest of the night. Nothing wrong with that at all. I still lay with my son until he falls asleep, and he's 4 1/2. So yes, there are most certainly other moms out here that do what you are doing. :)

I have done the same routine with my daughter since she has been born. she is almost 2 and I have rocked her to sleep since day 1. she has just recently been getting to the point where she would rather lay next to me to fall asleep than in my arms (and she falls asleep much faster this way too). Ive always felt the same way as you about letting her cry herself to sleep. i've never been able to stick with it. i have tried a few times before, and she actually makes herself sick over it. i just don't see the point in upsetting her that much. my daughter sleeps much better when shes not in her crib (usually we make a bed on the floor or she sleeps with me). i think your routine is perfectly normal. good luck to you, you sound like a great mommy.

Every parent I know in real life EXCEPT for me stayed with their kids until they fell asleep. Often for up to an hour. Most start to taper off around K.

My son, I nursed to sleep, but after that... staying with him guaranteed he would stay awake. So I kept it short: Poetry (stories would also keep him up), or lullabyes, kisses, out the door.

Starting at about age 3, he started cosleeping with me about 1/2 the time. Even then, in my own bed, I'd tuck him in and leave. OTW... he could talk and talk and talk for 2-3 hours. He's 8 now... and both are still true:

- he'll talk for hours
- stories wake him up

Just leaving, he'd fall asleep in 2-5 minutes tops (barring a brief in and out of bed phase). No tears or fight... just kisses and "Nigh Nigh Mommy, sweet dreams!" and out like a light.

((My husband doesn't "get" that stories keep him up. When HE puts our son to bed, it usually takes about 1.5-2 hours.))

I don't stay with my 4 year old until he falls asleep any more, but we used to have routines very much like what you describe.

These days, he sleeps in a twin bed (has since he turned 3). After bath and jammies etc, we both climb in and I read a couple of chapters of our current bed time book (the BFG right now). Then hugs and kisses and lights out. If he has a hard time falling asleep, I'll rub his back or sing to him for a minute or two, but I don't stick around to see him fall asleep.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're doing unless it's not working for YOU. I'm a single mom and I really need that evening time to get stuff done around the house and get ready for the next day of work. I can't afford to fall asleep in his bed with him and miss that time :-)

HTH
T.

Reading to him at bedtime is wonderful! It also sounds like bedtime is a very peaceful time and goes smoothly. I wouldn't change a thing.

I put my son to sleep awake and have since he was 6 months old, but only because that's what worked for us. Honestly, if my son would fall asleep with me laying with him next to me I would be doing that 3 years later! I think both my husband and I lamented the fact that our son was not a snuggle-bunny and couldn't be loved to sleep--he likes he space--he was sick last week and we tried to bring a mattress into his room to sleep with him and he asked us to leave because he didn't feel good. So, what I'm suggesting that each families does what works for them. By the way, we rocked our son to sleep at nap time till he was almost 3 and gave us his nap because again that's what worked for us! It sounds like you're a great mom.

At age 2, I put them in their bed and read books/sang songs, said prayer, then walk out with them awake. I think it's good for them to get in the habit of falling asleep alone so they'll be comfortable doing it later, or if you ever get a sitter. It's good to have a ritual they are used to. For us, they eat dinner, take a bath, drink warm chocolate milk, brush teeth, pee, then lay down for a book and 1-5 songs, then we say a prayer, say good night and walk out. sometimes i'll tell them i'll be back in a few minutes to check on them. usually they are asleep by then, but that way they know they won't just be alone the rest of the night, but that you are coming back in a few minutes or that dad will come check on them in 5-10 minutes. good luck!

Hi I am pretty much in the same boat as you. My son will be 3 in January and I had done exactly what you have done since he was born, first with nursing to sleep, then rocking, now laying in toddler bed for about 10-20 minutes. I love the way we have it now and I love the snuggle time. The only problem with our routine is that he is so used to me putting him to sleep since i nursed him to sleep that he wont let my husband but him to bed. he loves his daddy until bedtime then is done with him. It's only an issue if i have to be out late. so to answer your question, i think what you do is normal. I am sure alot of moms out there will tell you different but who cares, as long as it works for your family right? enjoy your little boy and keep up the snuggle time as long as you like!!!

I think my daughter is the strange one. Most of the major events...formula to milk, sleeping in the crib, going to sleep at night alone...have all been her choice. I have been one of the lucky/blessed ones, I guess.
We have had a little rocky time lately with discontinuing the bottle, but day 4 is over and all is well. She would NOT drink milk from a sippy cup until recently. Water, dilluted juice sure, but refused milk. Recently she changed her mind and poof.
I think it is fine for you to stay with him until he sleeps. I agree it is a nice way to fall to sleep. I would encourage him with his own independance during the day in smaller matters like what to wear or to go to the park or some other place he likes, etc. As he gains confidence, one night he will just tell you after the story that you can go. All children are so different. As long as it works for you, no problems. <3

if it works for you, it's fine. we do a book, then brush teeth and go potty, then bed. She generally plays in her bed for 10 minutes or so before falling asleep. It's how we've always done it and she only gets out of bed to go potty or if we forgot one of her loveys. (she has 2, a teddy and a pooh bear).

We also didnt put her into a toddler bed until after her 3rd birthday.

Keep doing what feels right for you and your child. Every child is different and a "technique" that works for one will not necessarily work for another one! My children are teens now and the ONLY advice I wish I'd been given, when they were babies, was to TRUST MY INSTINCTS!! Keep doing what works for you - it sounds like you're doing a great job! :) Best wishes! Btw - no matter how long this lasts, before you know it he won't want you to hug him any more (at least not in public) so enjoy it! :)

I love snuggling w/ my youngest and I loved snuggling w/ my first. I did the same thing you did until he was about 5 and I will do the same thing with my 3 year old. The times I tried cry it out with him it lead to a long rough night.

The best answer is to put him to bed in whatever way makes you both happiest. I read two or three books, then we talk or wrestle or tickle until I con her into settling down. Then we snuggle for a while and sometimes she falls asleep. She is almost 5. It is often the best time of my day and wonderful together time with no distractions. Some nights it's 25 minutes, sometimes more. It is also nice to see her sleep because it is the only time she is quiet anymore....ha ha.

Enjoy each night!

Hi S., I can't really remember when we stopped laying with my son until he feel asleep. It was well past 2 years old, maybe kindergarten. We enjoyed the quite snuggling time and often my husband or myself would fall asleep in his bed, lol. Now a days we each lay with for 10 minutes a piece and if one of us is not home the other parent does 20 min. He falls asleep on his own just fine, but we just love to tuck him in. I guess we have always been "co-sleepers" which is a term I never knew until this website. We would always put him in to his bed as a toddler, but he would sneak into ours as soon as we fell asleep. Now he just comes in at like 6:30 am and lays with us for a half hour or so. He is 8 years old. I say if it works for you that is a great routine you have going :)