Done

As a grandmother, I'm stunned! I can't imagine missing any birthday, much less the first one. I agree with the others -- have husband let his mom know how much this hurts (I hope it hurts him, too). Since there is an option about the timing, I can't imagine why she would choose that weekend.

Will be praying for you.

One of my favorite pieces of advice for folks is "it's probably not YOU at all!" So many times we tend to personalize a behavior on the part of another person, and we just can't do that.

I am a grandmother of two precious kids, but they live here in town and I see them quite frequently. My feeling is that your MIL didn't realize that you would be coming her way and started planning this trip. If I were you, I would talk to her. Tell her how much her presence at your twins' party would mean to you. Ask her if she could please choose one of her alternate dates so that she wouldn't miss this milestone in her grandchildren's lives.

If she says "No", then just let it go. She will be the loser in this situation, and I'm sure she'll regret not being there when she hears how much fun everyone else had.

Incidentally, in the future, I'd make it clear that you WILL be planning something special for your children's birthday and that you would love to have her there. That way, there will be no misunderstanding when the time comes.

I hope you can get over your feelings of being snubbed. I don't think she has thought through how this looks, and you have many years ahead of you to love each other.

God bless you all.
S.

I am all for open communication. I would just ask her what's up or have your hubby ask it you feel more comfortable with it being his mom. But I think letting her know that the main reason you guys are planning this birthday party out of your home state is so both sets of grandparents can be there. Just tell the truth that you want them to come, as this is an important occasion. Then see what she has to say. I cannot think of one reason why she would do it, so I can only say ask! Maybe she wanted to party at her house or something, who knows, my vote is ask!! Best wishes :)

It is hurtful, but there's nothing that you can do. Who knows what her reasons are? And you're not responsible for understanding or even knowing anything that she doesn't tell you. Just understand that different people respond to things differently, and this doesn't mean that she doesn't love or want to spend time with her grandbabies. (The things and people that mean the most to me I keep at arm's length, because I just can't handle having it so close to me. Weird, I know. I have a hard time seeing movies with my favorite actors. I keep a safe distance from my husband the closer we get. I'm working on it.)

B. M,

I am not a grandmother, but I must say that it will be her loss and her choice to loose it. You can't change their birthday's so it is up to her to be there or not. Let it go ~ there is really nothing you can do and you should not feel any guilt about it. If she has something to say to you, then she should say it. If there is something about this that is making her feel bad, well then give her some room and she will eventually come to you with it. I wouldn't ask and put her on the defensive. It is good that you are respecting her.
As far as it making you feel bad...I can understand your disappointment and I am sorry for that. I will pray for you and your family.
God bless and happy birthday to your children!
Deborah

Well, Mama, I don't blame you at all for feeling the way you do! I would feel EXACTLY the same. So what I would do, since I am big on talking, I would just tell her (or maybe the hubby could do it if need be) how you are feeling! You don't have to go into "why are you planning this now, I don't understand, my feelings are hurt" or any of that. (that would put her on the defense) You can call her up, and say something like "hey, I know you're planning this trip the weekend we're coming for the kiddos bday, and I just wanted to tell you that we'd really love it if you could be at the party. We love you so much, and we don't get to spend nearly enough time together already, and we just miss ya!" That kind of thing. You know, we love you, we'd miss you so much if we couldn't share this with you. In a VERY passive, polite, non demanding way. And remember, no matter what, YOU and daddy will be there. Ya'll will have the memory, and so will the family that IS in attendance. I wouldn't take it personal. So many times we do, and girl, half the time it wasn't personal at all. Especially seeing as how there's not anything going on that she'd be upset about. And if you express to her that you'd just LOVE it if she was there, it may change the whole thing. Who knows, since it's their first birthday, she may be thinking, as a lot of folks probably do, that these little boogers don't even know it's their birthday, so they won't notice if grandma is absent, so no biggie! Think about it! So let her know it would mean a lot to ya'll. If she's says no way jose, then she goes on her trip, and misses out on the messy cake faces!! It's one day. There are many many more to come. Don't sweat it girl!! Good luck, and if you do talk to her (I really hope you do!) be sure to let us know how it went!!!!

*hugs*