Hi, I would love to receive some advise on the following problem. I have one son, who is turning 2 in July. Both his grandparents live overseas in my home country and we try to go and visit them once or twice a year. We were there in January. And while we were there we decided to visit them again around my son's 2nd birthday, so that they could celebrate it with him. It's on a Sunday. We had announced this to all the people who would be invited, the grandparents on both sides (it is their only grandchild), his great-grandmother, uncle, aunt and also a friend with her two girls. This friend her daughters are my son's favorite peers. We know each other very well and are living in the same area here. This for a couple more weeks before they move out to Asia. However they will also be in my home country at the time of my son's birthday party and are thus invited.
We planned the whole trip with the birthday date in mind.
Now, my son's great-grandmother is planning to invite the whole family for her 80th birthday. And the party would take place the last Sunday of June. But due to a mistake of the restaurant where she is having the party, they have to postpone it for a week and arrive at July 6th, the very day we have the birthday of my son!
Now what, of course we are invited to her party, my in-laws and my son's aunt. But we want to have his birhtday party as originally planned, because I promised to my parents, my friend... I cannot not reschedule to the day before since another meet with friends was already scheduled.
My in-laws made it clear that I am the one that needs to find a solution. I am a bit hopeless. I promised my parents it would be that day - they all hardly see their only grandchild.
If we go to the great-grandmother's party for a couple of hours and then go to the birthday party location of my son. They still will all talk about it that for once we are in the home-country and she is have a special birthday party, that we are not polite /thankful and in fact take my son's grandparents and aunt with us for his party. They will be upset. If I have to move my son's party, then my parents will be upset, my friend with her two girls will not be able to come and I will not be a happy person at the 80-party anyway.
Does anybody have a creative solution/suggestion
Thanks for your advice
Would they consider combining parties? A 2 year will not notice it's not all his/her party anyway. they will just like a party either way. Maybe just do 2 cakes and all be together to celebrate the oldest and youngest...IT's a hard situation...
Well since you planed this first you should go ahead and have the party maybe change the time to later or eailer if you can if not then go tothe great grandmother before or after.I would just explain to them i had this planed first and i am sorry but i cant change the plans because its all set up with the time,say it in a nice way and maybe ask if they can change theres till later or eailer.You cant please everyone and you did make the plan ahead of time.M.
I don't want to upset you any further but your son will not remember this birthday. You are getting upset over YOUR plans. Your son will love you and whatever you decide for his birthday. He won't remember any of this. If you read it your statement is basically all about you. Your son will have tons more birthdays and they will be better remembered as he gets older. Try to look at it that way. I know how enjoyable a birthday party is but like I said at his age he will forget in a few days. Just go and enjoy spending time with your family. You don't need a huge party or a ton of people to celebrate. I hope you have a good trip and enjoy it no matter who's company you are in.
Okay, Im just gonna be honest. Im not trying to be mean or rude, just honest. Are you throwing this bday party for your "friends" or for your son?? He's two, other than the pictures he won't remember the party anyways. Plus he's got many more birthdays to come anyways, go celebrate with with 80 year old who's days are probably numbered. You have many more years to throw bday parties for your son.
OR have your parents watch your son for a bit while you go with your hubby to HIS grandma's bday party. That way you have some hubby time and support him and his family and your parents get to chill with your son.
S, I am curious what time the 80-year-old party is at? I can't believe it would be all day? Why couldn't you celebrate his birthday early over lunch.. then go the the other party later? It is important to attend the child's great grandmother's party.... but you can always arrive a little late if you need to. This issue does sound more like it is about you, and not your son. a 2 year old won't even remember a birthday.
The other suggestion would be to ask the great grandmother if you can share the birthday by inviting your few friends/family to her party.... but bring you own cake and pay for your guests if you need to!
Wow!! You accept a mighty heavy burden by making yourself responsible for everyone's happiness and contentment in an impossible situation. Because it is impossible, your ultimate accomplishment will be to make yourself exceedingly stressed and still have everyone angry and/or disappointed anyway. You honor your family enormously by considering the feelings of all and desiring to please them as an act of love. But--you do not honor them, nor do they honor you, by demanding impossible obligations as evidence of love. Why not opt instead to do the reasonable rather than impossible.
You already had plans in place that were lovingly made on behalf of those you love and honor. They in turn made plans adjusted schedules to share the event celebrating a loved one. Because someone else's plans were interrupted, this does not demand you now disregard the commitment others have made to attend the celebration you have planned. To honor your loved one, you have agreed to modify your plans--a loving and reasonable act on your part--but to change them altogether does not mean merely altering your schedule, but that also of others who wish to honor your son and be honored as your guests. For demands to be made that you change the entire event on behalf of another is to demand that you place a higher priority on this individual than those on the other side of the family. This is an unreasonable, unfair and more importantly, an unloving demand. Your decision to spend time at the one party before (or after) attending the other is perfectly fair and LOVING to all. If this does not work, you could continue with your party as planned and have a celebration on a different day for members of the other side of the family. This does not seem the best solution but if those you love are honored in this way, it could work. If neither of these work, then you are back in a place where you have accepted a burden that is placed on you absent love or reason. Out of honor and love, you can be patient with such unhealthy attitudes, but you do not have to nurture them. Good luck!!
It seems that if you go to the great-grandmother's party most of your loved ones will be there. Perhaps you could ask about your friend being there- which would be a help and distraction for your son to have her kids there. What a great example to your son to celebrate his elders on a momentous occasion!
Perhaps you could have your sons party at the same restaurant as the grandmother at a later time or combine the two parties. Or have two separate parties for your son. M.
I would try calling the restaurant and seeing if they can make amends for their mistake. If they can accommodate your great-grandmother's party on a day closer to her actual birthday, and if you were willing to do the planning to reschedule her party, then maybe your great-grandmother and her family would not mind changing her party.
I sympathize with you. Why not schedule your son's birthday party on the same day before or after the 80th birthday party. Both are big events, or better yet how about a double birthday party since this is her great great gran. It would be simpler if she reschedule but obviously that won't happen so be the one to find a solution to the problem.
You can only do the best you can do and if others can't understand/respect that then quite frankly that is their problem. Go to the great-grandmothers party for a couple of hours then leave for your son's already planned birthday party. The rude thing would be to not attend the great-grandmother's party at all. They would be rude in talking about you after you leave. Don't worry about it. You might make them upset by leaving, but you will upset yourself if you don't or if you move your son's party. You can't please everyone all of the time. You can only do the best you can and I think attending her party then leaving for your son's as planned is the best you can do...for YOU. Everyone else will have to just take a back seat on this one. Do it and don't feel guilty about it either.
No it's the in-laws problem. You had the party planned and her plans fell through not yours. She knew you had the party scheduled so she should have either choose another date or another place to have the party. Surly she can't expect everyone's world to revolve around hers. Good Luck and stand up for yourself.:-)
I think that you should have your sons birthday at the same place and around the same time as your grandmothers because even though it was the restaurants mistake as to why you all couldn't have her party when it was planned you should all compromise and have the two parties together. It may or may not make your parents or your in-laws very happy but how would you feel about it. I think that it is the wisest decision to make and of course it is only your and your husbands decision to make not anybody elses. Yes it would be nice to be able to make everybody happy at the same time but that is not always possible at all times. I hope you figure out what you are gonna do and have a great trip back home. Happy birthday to your son and your grandmother.
I think the most fair thing to do would be to honor your first commitment since so many others have made their plans based on that event. Certainly visit with his great-grandmother, but with the understanding that you will not be able to stay for the entire event. Afterall, you are being asked to rearrange not only your own schedule, but the schedules of several other people on very short notice.
If you have a day in the home country that isn't already scheduled out, perhaps you could invite both the great-grandmother, the friends, and the in-laws for lunch or an informal tea. Even if they can't make it, at least you have extended the effort to spend time with everyone who wants to see you.
Do make an genuine effort to see your grandmother though. There will be plenty of time for more visits to the home country, and plenty more birthdays to celebrate with your son. I lost my own grandmother a few years ago. She was eighty years old and in perfect health, but suddenly developed an aggresive liver diease and was gone within two years. I wish now that I had spent more time with her.
Good luck to you all and I hope you have a wonderful visit.
This may be the last birthday your son's great-grandmother has and your son will probably have many, many more. I would change my son's birthday party plans and plan to attend the party for grandmother and be as gracious as possible. I know it's a bummer to have to change the plans you've been making for nearly a year now but if you think about how you'll look back on this five or ten years from now, I think you'd feel better about changing his birthday plans rather than skipping your son's great grandmother's. It's very hard to live far away from people we love. I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot. Enjoy your trip back home!
I would totally have the party when you scheduled it! I mean it WAS scheduled first. Everyone has to have boundaries and you can't please everyone all the time. I always say do what is best for your family first and if other people have a problem with that...oh well.
Hi. S.. please go ahead with your plans, loyalty must be with your Family, that shows lack of respect on behalf of the other person, after all who should be old enough to know better.
From a Granmother of four and mother of three, with good old Irish Values. V. Conlon
All though the party of the 80 year old is important because it may be her last. This is what I would suggest. Make arrangement to take her out with just your family memembers. It doesn't have to be fancy. You will show her that she and this monumental achievement is important to share with her. Let her know that you are doing it cause you wanted to have her all to yourselves and have special time.
It is also important that you maintain your plans with your son and the other relative of the family. Take him by the party so she can wish him happy birthday and he can spent a momemt with her as well. Then proceed with your plans. Don't worry what others think and know in your heart you made a special effort to honor her on her birthday. After all, all anyone every wants it to be acknowledged and loved you will be doing both and spending quaility time with her without the confusion of a crowd. Believe me we just had an 80th surprise party for my mom and she was so tired and confused about who was and who wasn't there I am positive she will prefer the quiet quaility time with you and your family instead.
Good luck and have a safe trip.
Have you approached the great grandmother about this? Why is it so impossible to have both parties at once? I know that it would mean that one of you would have to move the party to another destination- but why are you having the party? is it to be around the ones you love and who love your son- or is it so he can play on monkeybars somewhere? I would have consider having both parties at once with two cakes and maybe even spaces within one restaurant and let all the guest mingle. It may make your great grandmother feel very special to have shared such a great birthday with a very young child and your son gets to experience a much more knowledgable generation. You all may be very surprised at how it would turn out! good luck and Happy b-day to the little one!
