Does Personal Info. Affect How Seriously You Take Someone's Advice?

For me, great advice/lessons have come from all sorts of places and people, including from folks who have trouble taking their own advice and/or "walking the walk".

I don't have to love the messenger (and/or their decisions) to love the message. With ALL advice/suggestions/opinions, I try to really sit with it before I act.

Does this feel right? If so, why? Does it feed my ego/sense of comfort or does it actually address the root issue? Sometimes the "right" path is the hardest, sometimes it's the easiest. I have to sit with it to see if my reluctance to take advice is coming from my "I don't want to do the work/don't tell me how to live!" place, or from a "Whoa, that really doesn't feel right for me right now," place.

So yah, I'll take advice that comes from someone/anyone, so long as it really feels/seems like the right path to walk.

I have always said...take whatever you want and need out of someone's advice and throw the rest away. You can take all of it or none of it. I don't necessarily think someone's track record ALWAYS makes them give bad advice and opinions...however, I DO BELIEVE whatever decision you make should be what YOU feel is best....whether she does or does not agree. It's ultimately up to you.

I'm not going to lie but yes, it does affect how seriously I take someone's advice, especially on this forum. I know everyone has their own opinion, and here comes mine, but there are some people who have demonstrated that not only are they entirely ignorant but they are also intolerant of ways/methods of doing things other than the ONLY way they know how to do things. That only works if everyone is the same...and we're not.

On the one hand:

"I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good."
- Seneca
Roman dramatist, philosopher, & politician (5 BC - 65 AD)

This is the whole "regardless of the source, and their own lives, a person can present you with the *perfect*, most amazing thing. A path to consider. A perspective you might not have thought of on your own.

OTOH... Consider the source.

My personal belief is "Take what I like, and leave the rest."

I don't usually give advice, here or in real life. Instead, I share my story, which is all I have OR play devil's advocate. I present things for people to consider, to take what they want. I very VERY rarely ever use the word "should" or "need". There are just soooooooo many ways to live life, deal with problems & successes. My way is only one way. So I share my own life with people. My own experiences. I also usually go to great lengths to make that plain. Sharing my own experiences and observations is one reason my my durn posts tend to be so long!!!

I do this (here's my bias) because it's what helps ME. ((LOL, you'll also see me write that a lot "here's my bias", or "as always not saying what you should do, just what I did")). I process things out loud. The people who are MOST helpful to me are those that share stories and experiences from their own lives. Also, people who tell me what I SHOULD do or what SHOULD happen/have happened, are usually dead wrong.

Would you rather have advice from someone who has'been there' or someone who just read about it or studied it in school?

Organizations like AA work because it's substance abusers talking to substance abusers.

If you think maybe your S/O is abusive it's better to talk to a woman who has been there then someone who says 'oh let go he's having one of those days' uhh ahh the next thing you know you are being fitted for your coffin.

Experience is the best teacher.

Amanda:

You can get a boatload of information from people with different opinions than yours - because you can listen to their life experience - not just their opinion as life experience says more than just an opinion....

In some cases - it all depends - there are some women on here whom I've not met in person - would LOVE to meet them in person - that have enlightened me with their different opinion....

Well I tend to give more weight to the advice I receive from people I admire and respect, especially someone who has already "been there, done that." It doesn't mean I won't listen to others, but for example, I'd rather get marital advice from someone in a long term marriage vs. someone who's been married 3 or 4 times.
Not coming from a stable family I have learned a LOT by watching and listening to people whose values and choices I admire.
As far as this site goes, I can pretty much tell by the tone of the post whether or not I feel the advice is useful, and also by their previous questions and responses to others' questions :)

To me opinions and advice are night and day different. I put a very small weight on what any human being says unless I know their true heart and diligent efforts come from studying the Bible.

I would have to say yes. A person's life makes a HUGE difference. It should.

I only look at personal info online if I am giving advice. I try to find out as much as I can since most leave a lot out of their requests.

In the real world I tend to have a couple good friends that I get advice from. It really doesn't matter what path they have taken so long as the advice is logical.

All you do is pick and choose what advice to consider.
Everyone chooses, their own solutions, in the end.
You never have to actually 'do' what someone suggests.
We all have our own, choices.

And, you get 'advice' from people you trust and or respect.
Some people just give advice to anyone.
So be it.
You are the one that 'chooses' the advice to take to heart.
That is where, 'discernment' comes into play.
And common sense.

There are some people who give great advice, because most of us have heard all the pros telling us how to handle a situation, but we dont always follow that advice ourselves. I could teach a class in Weight Watchers to the letter and explain it all, but I myself am over weight because I dont stick with that great advice. We all have our faults, and know what the solution is to many problems, we just dont take our own advice often enough. It doesnt make our advice wrong for others who might actually listen and follow thru. Sometimes the best advice comes from someone who has been there before and learned from their mistakes.

If the advice makes sense, then it makes sense. But, yes, I think we all take into account the person from which we receive it. If we claim we don't, then we are not being entirely truthful.

I do believe that what a person's own life looks like matters when receiving advice from them. Not necessarily if things always are perfect, but how people contribute toward their own stress and drama. Some people have dark clouds following them through no fault of their own. But other people seem to create the clouds that follow them around. I would tend to discount the advice of someone who is a cloud maker, because I don't want to create dark clouds to follow me around. But someone can still give good advice even if they ARE a "cloud maker". It might just be the different idea that sounds great but you just hadn't thought of. Or maybe they have been through something similar and learned what DOESN'T work.

We ALL use filters when we receive advice from others. You don't have to share with your friend that you are filtering her advice. Neither do you have to TAKE her advice. But hearing it is of no real harm. Unless you find unsolicited advice annoying and you aren't ASKING her. In which case the problem isn't the advice per se, but that it is unsolicited. And that is a different issue.

I take ALL advice with a grain of sand and weigh how I feel about something versus what the advice was given me. Once I've weighed that, then I consider what type of sincerity I should put into accepting the advice which depends on how well I know the person, what their history is in general and in the realm of the question I asked.

I personally think it is very important to get advice from someone who does what they say or the advice they are giving. It is very easy to get bad advice from well meaning people, but I am careful to weigh who's advice I am truly "listening" to.

She has been thru the experience of the drama, but her views might be a bit tainted, however, it should not dismiss the idea that she is trying to relate what she has been thru, going thru and don't want you to go thru. I don't think she is advising you from an ideal life. She is probably saying "I've been there, don't like it, don't go there too!"

We learn from our mistakes. I have made lots! Hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes rather than repeating them.

It can go the flip side as well you know. My BFF has had one relationship in her life and she is married to him.

It's hard for me to take advise from her, when I know she has no clue what it's like to walk even a day in my shoes.

I think when it comes to advise, it's great to give, and great to listen, but the only one who can live your life is you.

I always try to take the time to think about what is driving the other person's responses/comments. That's what I don't like about this forum! Not enough back info to really be able to gauge what's truly being asked....

Within my circle of friends/family, I try hard not to judge (or hold against them) based on past/previous experiences. 20 years ago, we moved to our small town & I was shocked at how many people were still judging other adults by mistakes made in grade/high school. I truly believe that most people learn/grow as they pass thru the decades......but in this little town, that's not allowed/recognized! We were often judged for befriending those whom were still being judged by childhood events.....how sad.

Conversely, sometimes it does pay to remember "who" you're talking to!

Good question.....Peace!

I take whatever advice I think is good and I can use to better myself or my situation. It doesn't really matter who it comes from. For example, someone in bankruptcy might have great advice about finances that maybe they have learned after the fact. Who knows? If you learn something you can use then great, if not, you don't worry about it. Good luck!

I have a sister who is sixty now, who still thinks I am the little sister who knows nothing and gives me very bad advice all the time (totally unasked for). Sometimes we really just want to vent or have a shoulder to lean on. She gives it without thinking about what our lives are about, only about what she does, has and is and also judges despite her errors in life. She is (yup this is pretty bad, too) a counselor for a highschool, has a private practice and is very negative telling (and tells us her family much to our horror !) that she lets people know they won't succeed or accomplish much because they have green hair or they only got straight A minuses or they weren't on track or football. How many people have given up because of her advice I don't know. So answer, well, I really try to take stock in advice and who is giving it, here or in real life and if it works I am forever grateful, but if I see after awhile that someone has a lot of hot air coming out of their mouths because they like to hear themselves talk or it makes them feel important (and usually it is only to themselves if that is their goal) and I take it in stride. Sometimes people DO give great advice but don't follow their own rules, sometimes people are REALLY successful and yet if I were try to follow the same path it might not work for me. It's just like everything else in life, we can try one road and if it doesn't work, then get on a different path. Everyone has something that has happened to them and sometimes they learned and trying to help someone else before it happens to them. (Oftentimes the very basis for the advice we give to our children). In that case I have erred a million times and hope my children will see they should not do some things. Perhaps your best friend is doing that or perhaps she still thinks she knows too much. Here in this forum I have seen so many women who bare their souls who truly love and want to help others. It is the first place I go most mornings and I have learned much. Maybe something doesn't work once in awhile, but I can honestly say when these people (and some men too, excuse me) when they come online fairly anonymously, they are playing with the full deck, their total hearts and that I feel priveleged to know.

Yes definitely in real life, i wouldnt let a slob tell me how to clean and an awful parent give me parenting advice.

both of which has actually happened to me.

It really depends on what advice they're giving and what areas of their life they're making bad decisions. One of my best friends has a horrible track record of bad financial decisions, so I definitely don't take financial realated advice from her. But, she has a degree and years of experience in child development, so I do ask and take her advice on parenting. For me, it really just depends. Sometimes there are people that have great ideas and advice, they just don't follow their own advice.

I would hesitate to take the advice of someone who has demonstrated a lack of wisdom in their own life. Similar to his site, when people ask about child raising/discipline, I will often suggest that they find someone in real life whose children are how they want their's to be. It is just too important of an issue to trust to anonymous people whose own children may be a total mess. People have opinions, but reality may not be what you want for your own child. I think it is a good idea to take advice from people win wisdom. Of course, even fools might get it right on occasion, but I wouldn't chose them for advice.

Yes because looking at another persons life and how they handle and deal with things will tell you their advice may work for you. Now of course you are not going to seek advice from her anyone in an area where you see they have made some not so good choices.. Your not going to seek marital advice from someone who is divorced, or seek financial advice from someone who has just filed bankrupcy, but all advice must be weighted out. If you think a pieceof advice is good get a second opinion thats what I do. J.

Updated

Yes because looking at another persons life and how they handle and deal with things will tell you their advice may work for you. Now of course you are not going to seek advice from her anyone in an area where you see they have made some not so good choices.. Your not going to seek marital advice from someone who is divorced, or seek financial advice from someone who has just filed bankrupcy, but all advice must be weighted out. If you think a pieceof advice is good get a second opinion thats what I do. J.

Updated

Yes because looking at another persons life and how they handle and deal with things will tell you their advice may work for you. Now of course you are not going to seek advice from her anyone in an area where you see they have made some not so good choices.. Your not going to seek marital advice from someone who is divorced, or seek financial advice from someone who has just filed bankrupcy, but all advice must be weighted out. If you think a pieceof advice is good get a second opinion thats what I do. J.

Updated

Yes because looking at another persons life and how they handle and deal with things will tell you their advice may work for you. Now of course you are not going to seek advice from her anyone in an area where you see they have made some not so good choices.. Your not going to seek marital advice from someone who is divorced, or seek financial advice from someone who has just filed bankrupcy, but all advice must be weighted out. If you think a pieceof advice is good get a second opinion thats what I do. J.

I listen to everyone. But yes, people that don't know a whole lot about what topic I am talking about, I usually wont take it into consideration, unless they have a valid outsiders point of view.
I have several people try to give me advice about my more natural lifestyle, but they were just blowing smoke so they could hear themselves talk. So no, I wont listen.
Bug's post is hilarious. Yeah, I wouldn't listen to her either!! But it super random, people come to me for advice for things I haven't ever experienced or know anything about. I try to send them to people that do know that they are talking about lol.

Absolutely - take everyone's advice with "a grain of salt" - you don't necessarily know from where their responses/feelings/advice stems. Take it all in, sort through it, use what fits your life best. Sometimes people get upset if you don't follow their advice to a T, but that becomes a very controlling, perhaps bullying situation. The best you can do is say "Thanks for the advice - I'll consider it!". :)

sift, sift, sift what works for you is what works for you, if you think the advice is good, common sense and you want to give it a try, go for it, otherwise in person a simple, 'thanx' - online, delete & go to the next bit!

i DO use my personal experiences to answer & am amazed at some answers both in a good & bad way (mostly good here). if we didn't think it would help to give & get outside perspectives we simply wouldn't be here, right? ;)