Does CIO Really Work?? I'm Nervous About It but I Need My Sleep!

We never tried CIO. We used the No Cry Sleep Solution. It kind of sounds like what you've already tried.

http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug...

If you continue with CIO, know the 2nd night is harder than the first because she'll know what to expect and will fight you on it.

Good luck!!

When these apparently good ideas do not work out then you are trying them too soon.
Way too soon in this case.
You have an established sleep routine that is working well for you.
Why try to alter it?
Give her a bit more time...eight months is sorta early to be in a crib/room by herself, yes?
Eighteen months to two and half may be a better age to try this transition.
Personally , hubby and I loved bringing our wee ones in our bed for snuggles and cuddles part of the night. They were mostly in crib/bed all night by two and half .
I do not remember any crying....maybe because they knew if they needed to come be with us , they could.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

PS Three is a lovely number of children. One tends to be indulged and is lonely, two is generally WAY too competitive...I think three is a great number to focus on. (I had seven...YIKES)

I agree with the post from Liz D - please be sure you have done your research and are comfortable with the method you choose BEFORE you try anything new. I also agree with those that say using crying it out may risk the trust bond you have so beautifully established by responding to her needs.

You also need your husband to agree with you on the best approach - even better if he can read with you and figure it out but if he's anything like most men he can't be bothered with that sort of thing.

Have you read any of the Baby Whisperer books by Tracy Hogg? I have the Baby Whisperer solves all your problems. While I didn't follow all of her recommendations to the letter, she has some well founded ideas about the need to always respond to a baby's real (not mantra) cries, much like Dr sears. Also, all sleep and routine is related ie she should have a good daytime routine to ensure best sleep at night. I recommend this book/author.

Also, one piece of advice I got is that there is no deadline/cutoff to do this sleep training everyone worries about. If you decide to try it but it doesn't feel right the night you are trying it, simply plan to try again another time when you feel ready, do not beat yourself up over it. If it doesn't feel right to you, you should trust your instinct and do what you need to to take care of your little one.

Best of luck!

I guess my question to you is Why do you want to do the CIO method? Your baby is only 8 months old, this is normal behavior for that age. I'm really surprised how many parents still adopt this practice. Your baby is communicating to you when she cries, especially if you have never practiced CIO before. I can list soooo many reasons to try other options, maybe the most important: the bond of trust that is broken when baby is not responded to, and the cortisol (stress) hormones that are released during CIO are extremely detrimental to immune and neurological function. I am sorry to sound so harsh, I am just surprised that so many people still think this is normal, especially when there are much gentler options. Listen to your instincts. Check out: http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp for some great sleep advice. I just wanted to add that I have a nine month old who does sleep through the night, we have never lost any sleep!. She sleeps next to me, and nurses a few times a night by snuggling up and latching on, we barely wake up, no tears and well rested. Good Luck!

Hi C., We tried CIO with our daughter when she was nine months old and we gave up because it seemed too difficult for everyone. What did work, with astonishing success, was the "PICK UP/PUT DOWN" method that Tracy Hogg describes in her baby whisperer books (http://www.amazon.com/Whisperer-Solves-Problems-Teaching-.... The first night we did that and she fell asleep after 40 minutes of fussing in her crib... and now she sleeps through the night (in her crib!) and naps very well. This method really worked for our family and I would recommend it. Good luck!

I just read your "so what happened?" I don't think if you go in every 5 minutes that it will work for you. I could be wrong- who knows? It doesn't sound as though you are very comfortable with the method and perhaps it isn't the option for you? Just a thought, CIO isn't for everyone. I swear by it but everyone is different.

C.,

I used the 'Sleeping Through the night' by Jodi Mindell. I really like this book because after reading about 7 others all of different philosophies this one was the most down to earth and realistic to me. The theory is to put the baby down to sleep awake. You can go in as often as you like. For some that is every 2 minutes for others it's every 15 minutes for some it's you don't go in because it upsets the baby even more. When you do go in you stay neutral. You tell the baby they are OK and that it is time for night, night. And you leave. You wait whatever you feel is right for you and your baby and you go back in and do the same thing. You don't pick the baby up or nurse or give a bottle. The theory is the baby needs to learn to put itself to sleep. And they do. During the night when the baby wakes up you do your normal nurse, rock, bottle or whatever to get the baby back to sleep. Within 2 weeks the baby should be able to put themselves to sleep and when they wake in the middle of the night be able to get back to sleep on their own. Of course some take longer and some not as much time but it does work. The first night isn't fun and the second night is generally worse but after that is gets easier. The reason I like this so much is because I can go back in when I think it is right for us and let my daughter know that I hear her but that it is time to go to sleep.

Good luck,
L. M

Hi C.! So hard - I know.

If your LO sleeps with you - are you not sleeping? It is ok to have a baby that young sleep with you - especially if you are all getting rest.
BUT - if this is preventing you from sleeping, then yes, you need another solution.

You are not doing anything wrong. You just need to stick to it. It will take a couple of weeks, not one night for a couple of hours to teach your LO to sleep on her own!
It make take you THREE hours the first night, two and a half the second night, two hours the next, and so on until she catches on.

You will get LESS sleep when you start sleep training, but will get MORE after the sleep training is done.
It might be far easier on you and your DD if your husband does the soothing.

You could also stay with her in her room until she falls alseep. Rub her back, talk to her, but make sure she stays in her crib. After a few nights of this she will realize she is not getting out of her room! You need to stick with it and not give in.

I know 90 min is a long time, but it only confuses the baby if you do give in. You need one method, and one method only.
If after 90 min you've had enough, have your husband take over.

I used to pull a chair up to my baby's bed so I could sit and then lay down next to her in her crib. Sometimes I fell asleep too!

GOOD luck.

I agree w/ Gigi if you are both getting sleep when she's w/ you then why change anything only if its a problem do you need to come up w/ a different solution. When we moved our 2 year old out of our bed we had his crib right next to the bed so I could reach in and rub his back and soothe him that way then slowly moved the crib to the room w/ his brother. Now when he wakes I just tuck him back him give him a kiss and leave the room.

I used the CIO method but I had started it much younger than 8 months, so by 8 months she was already sleeping very well through the night. And to just clarify that I am not some sort of monter, I used the CIO method after she had been changed, fed and cuddled. I believe there is a proper way to let them CIO....like you have suggest putting them down and letting them cry for 10 minutes then going in if they haven't stopped to talk and soothe them. When she wakes at 1:30 am is she looking to eat or just wanting attention. I have read that after 6 months of age babies do start learning action and response. So they do begin to learn what actions elicit what response. At bedtime, after they have been changed, fed and maybe even rocked, make sure you put her to bed sleepy, not wide awake. Then take a few more minutes to rub her belly or stroke her head, which ever you feel she likes more....then if she looks good and ready to fall asleep, leave the room. Maybe for the first time take only 5 minutes.....then go in and talk and stroker her again. Then leave and return only if she crys after 10 minutes....increasing each time by 5 minutes or so. If you would rather sit by her crib then to leave the room you can do that, just as long you never pick her up...just touch and talk after each interval. Once asleep if she wakes up try going in and stroking and talking to her(if you know that its not a dirty diaper or feeding issue. You may have to do this repeatedly for 3 or more nights, but evently she should learn to self-soothe herself to sleep. By 8 months I could just lay my daughter down and she would fall asleep in 5 minutes without crying. My daughter now at 4 will just lay down and stay in her bed and asleep. I never had her get up after I put her to bed.

I just went through this! My background is that my daughter slept in a co-sleeper and swaddled attached to my bed until 5 months. She was a terrific early sleeper, but then it all went wrong from 5 to 9 months (she had a couple of illnesses and I went back to work, which disrupted her sleep pattern, but she didn't recover). We had been taking her into our bed, so that at least we got some rest. But she was getting bigger and full of night-time acrobatics, so we decided it was time to move her into her own room and crib. I never thought CIO would work. I was just really skeptical, especially since we had done co-sleeping for so long and I considered her "attached", and I was also concerned because she stands up in the crib and I figured she wouldn't be able to get herself down. But it worked! On the first night, she cried for 25 minutes, and woke up 3 times in the night for 10-20 minutes at a time. We did NOT go in to soothe her (more of a cold turkey approach). It was difficult, but it worked because the next night she cried at bedtime for 20 minutes again, but only once at night. The next night, just 30 seconds at bedtime and not at all at night. We've had 10 days now of a full night's sleep! We read "healthy sleep habits, happy baby" as reference, and he suggested an even earlier bedtime, so now we're putting her down between 7 - 7:20pm, and she'll go until 6:30. We have a set routine - bath, bottle, rocking/lullaby, and then in the crib. 30 seconds of crying and she's down. Good luck - it does work, but be consistent even in the middle of the night. She's a very happy baby, and full of smiles in the morning. She's much happier now because she's better rested.

Do what Gigi said. It does work. Took a week for my son at 10 and half months and it was the best thing we ever did. He is the best sleeper ever but before that we co-slept and he was awake every 3 to 4 hours. It was horrible and I never got much sleep, but I was breastfeeding and it was easier than getting up to get him. After I stopped breastfeeding he went into his own crib. YEAHHH! It takes a few nights and it isn't that bad. I would go in and rub his back and sing to him until he went to sleep. I made sure the bed was comfy for him. Every time he got up I went in and put him back down and rubbed his back. When he got up in the middle of the night I calmed him down but didn't bring him back into my room. He got the picture and soon bed was his best friend. He loves his bed. Then after about week i know longer would go in when he woke up, he was able to wake up cry for a second and go back to sleep on his own. Babies wake up in the middle of the night and that is normal. Babies also need to learn how to soothe themselves back to sleep and realize that it is night night time and not to wake up fully. Usually my son would just get up and turn around and fall right back to sleep. He started sleepting 12 hours straight at 11 months and now he is two and sleeps 11 hours straight! Give it a week or so. you can do it. :)

hey C., i was in the same situation as you. i did the cry it out at 10 months. we did a little co sleeping but basically it was me just giving up and bringing her to bed. but finally i just needed sleep. (she also tossed and turned) so anyway....we did it last month and it took 3 good nights of doing it...so hard, but it does work. i did it with my first. and same thing after the third night..all was good!!

I recently used CIO with my 2nd child when he was 10 mos old. I also used it with my daughter when she was 13 mos old. It definately works but you have to be ready to endure 4 - 7 nights of really tough nights. For me, it was pure exhaustion and the realization that my son was liking my company which was causing him to stay awake longer when he did wake. Now when and if he wakes he typically cries for a few minutes and puts himself back to sleep. I know how difficult it is hearing them cry and believe me it was not easy with my son even with the knowledge that it had worked for my daughter. I actually had to move downstairs to the couch for a week since my son shared a room with my husband and I. But each morning when my son awoke happy, I knew I was doing the best thing but helping him learn to soothe himself back to sleep. Good luck and here's to some good sleep in your near future :)

Hi, I did CIO with my daughter many times for sleep training. I know how you feel about sleep. You need to not go into her room, just peek your head in and say soothing things every 5 minutes for the first 1/2 hour then every 10 minutes after that, do what you feel comfortable with, but don't go in and dont pick her up. My daughter is now 17 months and we did sleep training about 4 or so times. She now can put herself to sleep on her own and could at 4 months. Another time we had to do it was when she was waking up at 4 am. It is soooo hard, but you have to let her cry. Usually the first night she cried for an hour straight and it torn me up, then the second night it would be 45 or so, then the third 15 minutes then she was golden. I remember laying in my bed crying thinking "am i doing the right thing" Dont give up becasue when you go back to your regular ways then you waste all the time you have put into it. I promise it works, and it usually only takes 3 nights, but every child is different. Email me if you want to chat more...feel free to ask me any questions. I am a big believer in this and it is cool that there are other moms out there that are doing it too. Just remember you still have a happy smiling baby looking up at you in the morning even if you have to let her cry. Good luck
M.

Hi C. - I feel your pain and have been there!! In my opinion, CIO may or may not work for you/your family. It really all depends; I recommend trying various tricks/techniques at different point, experiment until you find what works. Just make sure you're doing something you feel good about.

At 8 months, CIO did not work for my daughter. I tried letting herself cry herself to sleep at night b/c I got desperate and she was at a point where she woulnd't even go down on her own. DID NOT work, b/c she was up within the hour. I'd go in, nurse her, and try and get her back down in her crib. When that didn't work, I would just go to bed with her. Regardless of when she went down or for how long, she always wound up in our bed generally before midnight and would nurse off & on all night. This lasted until she was almost 1 year. I loved sleeping with her and never had a problem with it - it was a good arrangement for the whole family for a while. But by the time we got to 10-11 months, I found that the quality of our sleep was decreasing. She seemed super restless and I wasn't sleeping well either...

So... I started by going in to comfort/nurse her when she would cry. If I couldn't get her back to sleep or if she woke up when placed in her crib, I would tell her I love her, but it's nighttime & time to go back to sleep. She would cry, but generally for only a few mins (sometimes as much as 10 mins). It was no fun, but I did this with her for about a week... Then I got to the point where if she'd wake up crying, I'd give her a couple mins to cry before I went in. Amazingly, she started sleeping through the night! Now, at almost 14 mos, she occassionally will do a little shout out in the middle of the night (cry for a couple mins), but she is generally right back to sleep. I look at my clock when she starts and would go in if it kept up... but often times she cries, then is silent, then cries, silent and so on for maybe 10 mins. When I notice those gaps between the cry & the quiet expanding, I give her a few more mins to settle down. She always does.

Sorry for this long post... but the sleep issue is so hard and everyone has an opinion (CIO is inhumane, CIO is the only answer!!)... You just need to figure out what works for you guys and makes you all happy & well rested! Both my kids co-slept with me, and I am happy to say they are both sleeping well on their own now! it's hard for sure, but hang in there and be patient - you guys will figure out what works :)

Hi C.,
We had very similar nights on Thursday! I am trying to break the habit of bringing my 8 month old into bed when he cries at night, which started at 5am and wasn't so bad, then became 4, then 3, etc. and there was too much tossing in turning to sleep well for either of us. At 2.30 last night I decided to stay strong. He went down great tonight. Let's just see what happens through the night. Luckily my 2 year old sleeps through it. No real advice, just commiserating. I plan to keep baby out of the bed again tonight come what may. Sure helps that it's Friday! Good luck to you!!

Even if it 'works' it's not good for the emotional or physical development of the child and terrible for your attachment to her. Check out Dr. William Sears on the subject. Also, read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantely.

There is never a reason to leave a tiny baby like yours to CIO....

Hi C. - I did CIO w/ my son when he was about 41/2 mos so it was a little easier in that he lacked the energy to fight SO hard. But it was still a a tough day or two. Upside - he is a terrific sleeper now and on the rare occasion that something wakes him up in the middle of the night it only takes about 30sec - 1 min and he's quiet and going back to sleep.
I would HIGHLY recommend going to the library and getting Dr Ferber's book. This is his plan your working with and he does a great job explaining how you want it to go. He also has some chart guidelines. As I recall you add a few minutes each time. Like check at 5, 7, 9 minutes night one and 7, 9, 11 minutes night 2. So that the baby gets used to going longer and longer w/o you. The biggest reason I found it helpful was I thought if I was going to do something that was going to be hard for my son I wanted to make sure I was doing it RIGHT (at least according to Ferber). It made me feel more confident. Good luck.

In our experience, CIO works. There's nothing to be nervous about - it will not harm your child. If you want to try another method, that's fine too, go ahead - but whatever you choose, do it according to the plan and be consistent! We didn't stay in the room because we didn't want our son to get the idea that this was the new plan - we just went back after increasingly long intervals, did a quick back-rub with soothing comments "You're fine. Time for sleep. See you in the morning. Love you." No other touching or picking up. We lengthened the time from 5 minutes to 10 to 20 and so on. It's awful for the first few nights but if you just tough it out it will get better. The hardest part is what you discovered - being so exhausted and frustrated that you give up and bring them to bed with you! We've all been there so don't beat up on yourself! Take turns with your husband if you can allow yourself to NOT respond every time she cries - my husband and I just slept in separate rooms so only one of us had to deal with things - at least we each got to sleep for a few hours! Three or four days should do it.

I don't believe in CIO at 8 months of age. A child this young needs you. I went through this with my daughter, she would awake at the same time to come sleep with me. I let her, I was also nursing, so I nursed on demand. I'm sorry your having a difficult time, but she is young and needs you, she doesn't understand why you don't come when she cries, she just knows she wants/needs you now and it's the only way she knows how to tell you. Yes, it's hard on you with the lack of sleep, I still don't get enough sleep as my youngest is not a good sleeper still. Parenting is tough, especially when we're lacking in sleep. Good luck, remember your not doing anything "wrong" she just may be needier than your oldest daughter.

You are not doing anything wrong. The first night you start is ALWAYS horrible. She will want to test the limits to see what she can get away with. The important part is to stick with it and she will get it. Once she learns to self-sooth you both will be sleeping through the night. It is aweful to hear your child cry but as long as she is in a crib, with appropriate things, she will be fine. Also try giving her a tee shirt you have worn to bed several times as a lovey. Your scent will relax her and she is old enough (I am assuming she is rolling over) to have a lovey in the crib with her. Good luck!!

When you finally give in it teaches your child that you will respond when he/she escalates the crying/whining/fighting. So, if you are going to cave in, do it right from the start.

I read Ferber's book (latest edition - NOT the old one) - I don't agree with some of his methods, but his explanations of sleep and sleep cycle are great. I'd recommend that.
One thing - Ferber NEVER recommended just letting a baby cry to sleep - there is a pattern of soothing and reassurance from the parent. Don't go this route if you are nervous - the baby will pick up on that. REad some sleep books and find an approach you know you can sustain (and your partner too).