Cry It Out - Fuquay Varina,NC

Babies cry because they have a need that isn't being met and the only way they have of letting you know is crying.
If he cries, go to him and pick him up, ffs!

I never let my boys cry for more then 5 minutes. When they would wake at night (or fuss at bed time), as long as it was not a full out cry (just fussing or light crying) I would wait 5 minutes to see if they would self sooth, and if not I would go comfort them. I tried to do so without picking them up. If they were standing I would lay them back down. I would just rub their back/tummy and sing or talk softly to them until they were calm, and then I would leave. If they stared to fuss again I would wait another 5 minutes and repeat. I never had to go back in more then once, but I also stared this with my boys very early. Starting at 9.5 months means you might have a few rough nights, but if you are consistent he will hopefully learn to sooth himself better with time. Best of luck!

I just recently saw an article about why you shouldn't do cry it out.

http://www.phdinparenting.com/blog/2008/7/5/cry-it-out-ci...

There was also an article recently in Psycology Today.

I never did cry it out. I couldn't handle the sound of the crying. It just grated on my nerves too much. After reading these, I'm glad it didn't work for us. I'm not looking down on anyone who does use it, because I've had family and friends who it worked for. But, I definitely think there is a right and a wrong way to do it.

Babies wake up for a reason. That reason is not to manipulate you. You are not spoiling them when you go to them when they wake during the night crying. Cry it Out goes against a baby's very make up. If baby wakes up and doesn't stop crying until you go in and pick them up then there is a need, it is not want. If baby makes a little bit of noise and settles quickly (I'm talking within a minute or 2 at most here not a full hour!!) then there is a need.
It could be hunger, could be teething, could be about to meet a milestone, could be a growth spurt, could be separating anxiety, could be a nightmare, could need a diaper change, could be too cold or too hot. Whatever it is, there is a need so take care of that need, don't ignore it and let them cry until they exhaust themselves and give up which is what that horrible "Cry it out" method really is.

Sorry, we never left them to cry. We always went in and picked them up. I looked at crying as their way of say, "Mom, Dad, I need you."

Most nights they just wanted reassurance. They wanted to know we were there for them, no matter what time it was.

I think cry it out says, "Sorry, kid. Mom's off duty, and you're on your own."

I never liked the CIO and always picked my son up.. I just think that at that age, they aren't as some like to think being manipulative and trying to get their way by getting people to hold them. I just think babies have a limited way of saying HELP I NEED YOU.. nothing wrong with that.. I would pick the child up and hold him. Gotta say, time passes so quickly, there will come a time when the child doesn't want to be held and you ll miss this time in your life.. At least that has been my experience..

If it's not every night and he is still so young why not just work around his wakeful nights? You have a baby, your sleep will suffer, but the good news is this stage is VERY brief.

I didn't use any "method" or strategies in taking care of my babies just common sense, intuition and lots of love.

Do what makes YOU feel right. For my family that meant attending to crying babies no matter the time of day (or night). Not for one second have I regretted those choices.

Worst advice I ever got was from our son's doctor who said to let him "cry it out". Long story. Wish I could do it differently, especially with the information I have now. If I were you, I'd have a plan B bassinette (for those difficult nights only) right by my bed so I could reach through and hold his hand while he learned to calm himself down.

I used the "CIO" with both my kids, but I didn't just put them in bed and leave them.

My method: First cry, go in pick up, diaper check, lovie check, cuddles then back to bed. All following fusses I would wait longer and longer before going in and readjusting what needed it and leaving. It took a few nights, but they got the idea. I also listen to the "type" of cry. My kids had different ones for different issues. I ignored the "protest" cries and most definitely go in for the "I need help" cries.

I think going in after slowly lengthened waits will work for you too. If he's actually be asleep and wakes up, then go in to him, check him out and settle him back down. Usually if mine did that then there was something they needed. Otherwise they usually slept through the night.

Mine are now 8 and 2 and still sometimes need me at 3-4am, then again, no one sleeps like a log ALL the time, not even us adults. The key is to get to your baby quickly and leave quickly.

Good luck.

An infant learns to trust his/her adult or not to trust them by how they respond when they cry. You're not responding to him when he's crying so he's insecure and afraid. What you're doing isn't good. He needs to know you're there. It's normal for babies to wake up in the middle of the night. If you can't wake up with him and feed him or change him or what ever he needs you might want to have a family member come in and help for a while. So they can get up with him during the night and you can sleep. That way you can get the rest you need and someone can care for the baby when they need it.

Cry it out did work for me -- I was completely worn out and had to do it. My babies were all over 6 months, very large and did not need nighttime feedings. It only took me 3 nights with each of them. One of them I had to let cry for about 2 hours, and it killed me, but I had to do it, for my own survival. Each night they woke less and after night three, they didn't wake at all.

I don't disagree with the responses below who are against it, and I have nothing against soothing them if you want to, but sometimes you have to come first. If you know you are at a point of no return, and you know your babies can make it through the night without feedings, you might have to harden your heart and suffer through the crying.

We did Cry It Out with my first child. I did the interval approach - go in at first to check how on them, then 5 minutes, then 10 ..

Well, it was hard. Did it work? Yes it did. But I think honestly he just got used to the fact that I wasn't going to be there. I don't think he learned to self soothe. I regretted it afterwards. I always felt there had to be a better way.

So with my other kids, I just did the pat on the back, soothed them in their crib. But I'd go in when I felt I needed to. I didn't watch a clock. I used my mother's instinct. So they never were distraught. I will say it was a lot easier on me, and a lot easier on my babies.

One of mine cried because he had hear infections. So make sure there's no medical reason for it too.

Good luck :)

Cry it out does NOT mean to ignore that your baby is crying and do nothing until they stop. Please look it up on a reputable site that explains it. Dr. Ferber is most notable for this, and it is sometimes referred to as "Ferberizing"...
But it does NOT mean to ignore your baby and listen to them scream.

One of mine who had been a good sleeper suddenly started waking at night at that age. I remember being frustrated for a while. Then, I started giving him a big bowl of oatmeal cereal before bed and immediately he started sleeping through the night again. Turns out he got big enough that he needed more food.

So, in your shoes, I would not continue with CIO because 1) if he used to sleep through and suddenly he is not, something has changed and it's better to try to figure out what that is and 2) even the most strict CIO moms I know don't let babies cry for an hour or more. That's too long, especially for a baby that sometimes sleeps through the night (meaning he knows how to roll over and go back to sleep).

I would try two things: a bigger bedtime snack and check the room for anything that might seem scary in the dark (a stuffed animal, etc).

This is a sensitive topic, so you'll probably get a mix of answers.

Cry it out worked for us. We did the method where we went in after five minutes, gave a few pats on the back to reassure we were there, then left again. After another 10 minutes of crying, we'd repeat the process, then repeat every 10-15 minutes after that if needed. The first night was awful - a little over an hour of crying. But the second night, there were only 20 minutes of crying, the third night 5 minutes and then he went to sleep easily on night four and most nights thereafter.

If you're doing a traditional cry it out method, picking them up is counterproductive. They will get used to it and expect it, so it's hard to do it sometimes and not others.

The key is consistency - whatever you decide to do, do it the same way every time. If you pick him up sometimes, but not others, he's always going to want and expect to be picked up. Or if you feed him sometimes. Just decide on your method and do it consistently.

If he uses a pacifier or has a special lovey/blanket/animal, make sure he has that with him to help him figure out how to self soothe.

If you decide to let him cry it out, just make sure you're going in at regular intervals to give some reassurance that you are there and he is ok. Definitely don't let him cry for a solid hour without checking in periodically (not sure if that's what you did or not...couldn't quite tell from the post).

good luck! Usually these are phases and it will pass again soon.

When my LOs wake, we just go rub their back and reassure them. We stay until they are calm. I don't pick them up, but I comfort them as best I can out of the crib.

I agree with Dana T. There's a HUGE difference between teaching a child to self-soothe and be reassured, and picking them up to engage in lots of active conversation, extensive cuddling, etc. You go in after 10 minutes, then after 15, then after 20. It's 3 sleepless nights and then you are done.

My pediatrician told me the baby needed sleep as much as I did. It's called "sleep training" or "Ferberizing" - not ignoring. At 6 months, she told me to implement it. I'm so glad she did.

And I agree there are different types of dries - a soaked diaper means pick and and change. Fussy and needing to go back to sleep means no picking up, just a back rub and a "you're okay, it's time for sleep, night night, see you in the morning."

Read up. If you do sleep training, be resilient. Pick a long weekend and just do it. But that doesn't mean letting a child cry for an hour.

You don't mention if he is going back to sleep shortly after you pick him up. If he isn't, then 3-4am is his current 'waking up for the day' time. What time are you putting him to bed 'for the night'? If he is staying awake at 4am, it might be too early. Babies do need a lot of sleep, but not always all at once. Try keeping him awake a little longer in the evening and making sure he has a full tummy before bed.

i did CIO with my babies when IIIIII needed a break. but even then i wouldn't let 'em go more than 10 or 15 minutes.
your baby needs you. at the very least, go in to him and sit quietly by his bed and rub his belly.
khairete
S.

Dana T's response was really good. Maybe I misunderstood you, but if your baby cries, by all means check on them before doing CIO. I always checked mine for poop, offered a snuggle and a love, and put them down quickly. They need to be reassured even if you do use CIO. So, yes, pick the baby up. Ditto Dana T's approach.

We did Cry It Out and I can't say enough good things about it. Our kids have always been good sleepers at night and I attribute it to that. Never been the kind of kids who crawl into our bed at night or fuss for no reason in the middle of the night.

We did the cold turkey CIO. No going in all the time. There was no physical/medical need for them to be up and the doctor said it was time to try CIO. It was extremely hard at the beginning, but within days, they slept through the night. We let them cry and soothe themselves to sleep. Held firm and it worked.

It's not for everyone, but it certainly gets results. We were never attachment parenting types anyway, so it worked with our sense of fostering independence in our kids.

Try putting him in his crib drowsy--not sleeping.
Make sure he's DRY and FULL.
While he's drinking his bottle? Rub his feet/legs to keep him awake.
When he's JUST closing his eyes, etc. place him in his crib.
You can try some low, soft soothing music on "repeat" in his room. It might comfort & calm him.
Screaming for an hour? Um....no.
If he cries, go in in 5 minutes, pat back, quiet words, etc. GRADUALLY increase the length of time between check ins.
Will be about 3 nights of little sleep for you but he will Lear. That you're there, you'll come when he needs you & he'll learn to put himself to sleep.
Please do not let him cry/scream for an hour alone.

Cry it out isn't about letting your baby cry frantically unconsoled. Cry it out is more about meeting the baby's need to know you are there and meeting his needs without picking him up to soothe him. If he is needing a bottle or a diaper change do that. Laying him back down and patting his back or getting him something to soothe his gums if he is teething.

As other's have advised something that can help your baby self soothe is important from a stuffed animal to a blanket to a pacifier.

Cry it out is about giving your child confidence that you are always there even if they are full of angst and that being by themselves isn't the end of their world and they can be just fine.

Cry it out isn't about letting your baby cry for an hour without being consoled.

Try it again and be it consistent.in your approach while teaching your baby to be more confident.

We used the Ferber method, it worked for us. Read the book though, if you mean to shift his waking time, you will have to consider his whole sleep cycle. (including naps and bed time)

Best,
F. B.