For the Moms and Dads Who Use the Cry It Out Method

Ditto Dana K. The idea that a 7 month old should be left all night in a wet/dirty diaper without a feeding (which some are suggesting) just baffles me. I feel sorry for some of the babies out there :-(

Yes you go to them if they are crying in the middle of the night. If he is dry, you change him and if he is hungry you feed him. It would be unreasonable to expect him to go back to sleep cold, wet and hungry.

Please respond to your infant crying in the night. Babies cry for a reason, it's our job to figure out what that reason is.

For a seven month old manipulation or being spoiled aren't on the list.

What Dana K & Mamazita said.
I don't know one adult that goes to bed hungry or stays in wet, cold pj's.
Go in, quietly feed AND change him, hold him for a few mins then gently
put him down.
At this age they don't understand or get self soothe. They just fall back
asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
Also, in all of my experience, boys don't sleep through the night like girls
do. I think it's because of their metabolisms (burns through the food
faster), maybe don't eat as much etc.
He could be teething. Help him by putting Infant Orajel on his gums.
Also, Infant tylenol to thelp with the pain.
As you say, you don't want him to wake your older child so go in there, feed & change him.
Soon enough you will be through this stage and he will be sleeping through the night.
Hang in there for now and tend to his needs. He only has one way (crying) to communicate to thim how he feels & what he needs. Turning
a deaf ear on that is just plain mean.
I know it's rough now but as I said, I can promise you that you will soon be through this stage.
Remember he is still an infant & is dependent upon you for everything.
I implore you to go to him when he cries for you. He's your only soother in the world right now.
Even animals in the wild tend to their young. They don't just leave them to fend for themselves. It's part of nature to nurture & care for our young.

Please feed and change him. I know I can't sleep if I'm thirsty, let alone if I'm wet or hungry! Heck, I can't even sleep with wet hair, and that won't give me a rash, make me itch, or swell a diaper up huge.

Also, if you are going to do CIO (which I'm not a huge fan of... But I know many mothers use this method...) make sure you don't start while he is in a growth spurt, sick, or teething. During times like that, it is a bit expected that sleep will become irregular. It's a lot to expect a person who has only been in this world for 7 months, who relies solely on his parents to help his world make sense, to understand that he is supposed to sleep when his little body is rapidly going through so many new experiences.

Yes, I still changed and feed my babies during the night. Just do what needs to be done and put him back to bed. For me it seemed to take about a week to get them into a routine or back into a routine.
As far as teething...Motrin works much better than Tylenol. I learned this from our dentist. NEVER, EVER give more than is directed. Babies can not have Ibuprofen until after they are six months old. When my girls were teething, I gave them Motrin and bedtime and it would help them through the night. Teething is a rough time for babies...they say most adults would request narcotic pain medications if they were going through it!
Remember, periods of night waking can occure over and over again. Mine did it at 6-12-18-24 & 36 months, just like the book suggested. It was when they were teething :-)
Like most phases with children just remember that "This too shall pass"

1. We attended to our babies at night because that is how we felt about matters. We did the standard checklist - too hot/too cold, wet/dirty pjs, dirty diaper, appendage stuck in an odd position, hungry... Who can sleep when they are uncomfortable? Besides I am always a bit puzzled when people suggest ignoring crying babies. In my book babies cry for need not manipulation. I don’t mind attending to my babies because I believe it short circuits all the drama which results from letting a crying baby get worked up to a lather. Just my opinion. What’s yours?

2. Between my oldest being a light sleeper and my youngest being way too loud of a crier, we didn't even try CIO the second time around (nor did we need too honestly). My youngest is so loud he could wake the dead. Not only would he wake up my light sleeping older one but he'd probably wake the guy two blocks over. Believe me when I say this kid has an ear splitting scream. I think if your baby isn't that horribly loud, you should ask yourself what will happen if and when your oldest wakes up. How hard is it for your oldest to get back to bed? How hard of a sleeper is your oldest? How will your oldest be the next day if he gets broken sleep? Will your husband help at night or are you going to be dealing with this alone?

3. Don't try CIO methods when the baby is sick or teething.

For what it is worth my oldest was and is a terrible sleeper. CIO never worked the three times we attempted it with him. We found ourselves having to work hard to get our oldest asleep and to stay asleep but that phase is behind us (read distant memory). We fed overnight until he was 13 months because it worked for us. Which is rather the point I am trying to make – decide and act on what works for your family. Take our opinions and experiences with a grain of salt. All of us are making it up as we go along. You should do the same. I know CIO is considered the gold standard of sleep training but like all rules there are exceptions. It doesn't work for all babies in my experience and based on asking others. In contrast my youngest came home a champion sleeper through no influence of mine. He slept through the night without any food or diaper changing from three days onward. He puts himself to bed too. He’s a wonder sleeper but if he had been tough like my first, then we’d have met his needs because that’s our job as parents. Good luck and may you find a workable path for your family.

I personally don't use the cry it out method. But in my opinion there are some no brainer things you need to do even if using this method. That is changing them and feeding them. The cry it out method is solely about self soothing. It's hard to self sooth yourself at that age if your wet and hungry. So be very direct and feed them, change them then just put them right back down.

As for your other...that is up to you to decide and for you to pay attention to based on how your toddler reacts. If your toddler wakes up easily then don't make this miserable for yourself and have TWO crying kids. Just make the cry it out thing for the day.

We used the Ferber method, it worked for us.

Ferber advocates graduated waiting and retraining sleep associations. It calls for graduated waiting at every sleep interruption, and makes room for things such as feeding and changing, if that is what you need/ want to do. Ferber recommends that you hold off on sleep training if the child is sick, teething, experiencing major life changes. He also haxs you comforting your child through these things, then resuming sleep training after they are through these episodes.

I say start sooner rather than later, at 7 months, they are pulling up and crawling, and it only gets more challenging.

Best,
F. B.

Okay, let's see.
1. You moved him out of your bed into his own in a different room.
2. You don't want to get up to feed or change him in the middle of the night.
3. He is crying.

Well the move maybe a bit much but that is okay as he will get used to being in his room.

Everyone wants and needs a clean and comfy place to sleep with a full tummy. Go feed him and put him back to bed. He should stop crying.

If he is teething, his gums hurt and orajel will help him.

I never really used the crying out method. Both kids were in their crib from the start. They were feed, changed, and slept in cribs. When they cried I attended to their needs day and night but they stayed in their cribs until they could climb out.

As you have found out being a parent means a lot of inconvenience to the adult to tend to the needs of the young. Soon this chapter in son's life will be over and you will be on to something else. Then you can get our sleep.

Just make a routine and stick to it. Don't put baby back in your bed to sleep because you are too tired to get up.

the other S.

My kids were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks - 9:00 - 6:00. They didn't need to be fed in the middle of the night once they weighed enough, according to my ped. Since they didn't wake up, I couldn't see a point in waking them up to change their diapers. They didn't poop in the middle of the night, and those big Pampers keep the wetness away from the skin.

At 7 months, she certainly doesn't need to be fed in the middle of the night. It's only for comfort and putting her back to sleep, not because she needs the food. I would wean her from that, quite frankly. Have your husband go in and pat her on the back and then walk out - no picking her up. That way she isn't smelling your milk.

Good luck. It's harder to do this when they're older.

I tried CIO with both my kids around 6-7 months, and gave up after a few weeks both times. Don't be too hard on yourself, especially if you have other kids you don't want to be bothered by crying at bedtime. They will eventually figure out how to sleep through the night no matter what you do or don't do. Hang in there!

I used a modified version of CIO that worked wonderfully for us. I would put the boys in bed awake at the same time every night (830) and if they started to fuss or light cry I would wait 5 minutes and then go in to comfort without picking them up, just rubbing them and singing softly. Once they were calm (but not asleep) I would leave again, and if they fussed I would wait another 5 minutes. I almost never had to go back in a second time, they were always calm before the second 5 minutes was up (I started at around 3 months when we stopped co-sleeping). If they woke at night and were just fussing or light crying then I would wait the same 5 minutes before going in, they almost always settled back on their own within that 5 minutes. Now, if they ever fussed longer then 5 minutes, or if they were really crying, I always went straight to them. The key is finding the balance so that they learn to self sooth while still knowing you will always be there for them if they really need you.

In the middle of the night, wait just a few minutes, then go see if there's a reason. Don't make eye contact, and make it very brief! If you suspect teething, you may just be in for a rough few weeks of sleep. Try some tylenol or numbing gel. Good luck!

With my first I fed her at 11 (cluster feeding while I was watching tv), put her down in the crib, and did not go back until morning. She woke up for her "next" feeding like she was used to at 1 or 2, and I let her cry it out. She cried for 4 night for 4 HOURS STRAIGHT, argghh. But after that she slept through the night until about 6 AM. So it is difficult but fast. I sat on the top step while my husband slept with earplugs. Just wanted to make sure she was not choking or throwing up.
With our second with used the Dr. Ferber method. Much more gentle. Get his book out of the library and follow it exactly. You start with going in after 10 minutes of crying and just pat their bum without picking up, then 15 minutes, then 20, etc. The next night you wait 15 minutes before going in, soothe, then 20, then 25, etc. The third night you let them cry 20 minutes, etc. This is gentler since the child does not feel you have all of a sudden abandoned them, but this method took about 2 weeks before she slept through the night. Both kids were 7 months, neither remember anything about either method. So do whatever works best for you. If I were to do it again I would use Ferber's book. I bought it since it also has solutions for nap time, sleep walking, night terrors, etc. It is called something like "How to solve your child's sleep problems" by dr. Ferber. Good luck.

There are many approaches to this, and all of them come down to what YOU are comfortable with. Whatever you choose...baby will be just fine! Keep that in mind.

I went with full CIO. Meaning, closed the door, and didn't go back in until morning. No diaper changes, no feeding overnight. The whole idea is that baby should be past the point of needing those things in the middle of the night (and at 7mos, he is).

DD never woke my son. He was used to her cry already, esp in the middle of the night. It never disturbed him, and they share a bedrooom wall. They both also have noise machines in their rooms, FWIW.

I did this at a time when teething nor colds were a concern (5mos), so I would take that into consideration.

Basically, anything you do will work, as long as you are consistent. Anyone who tells you it's cruel, etc... it's patently false. Lots of people will tell you it's damaging, etc... My BFF and her hubby are behavioral child psychologists that used total extinction (full CIO) with both of their kids, and have YEARS of research to show that these kids grow up wonderfully independent.

So....find what YOU can tolerate. Full FIO, Ferber, whatever. It all comes down to what you can handle. The baby...whatever you choose, will come out just fine!!!

Out of sheer curiosity, over the past decade or so, I've polled just about every young parent in my acquaintance about how long their babies took to sleep through the night, and which sleep "training" techniques they used, if any.

Only about half of these families used any form of CIO, yet babies in both groups had comparable ages they slept through the night: some before 6 weeks, some at 1-2+ years. At least half of those parents who attempted CIO with more than one child insisted it maybe worked for one child, but not for another. My daughter's only child, a happy, bright, and normal 7yo, wasn't able to sleep all night for 2.5 years, in spite of 2 tries with CIO. He still has difficulty some nights.

My sample size is perhaps only 40 or so babies' worth, and only casually analyzed. But I have been noticing that every single baby is different, and each comes into the world with different needs and differing ability to deal with discomfort or stimulation. Some are "easy," some much more challenging. But it appears to me that babies tend to sleep when they are able, with or without sleep training.

I have also sought out information on brain development and trauma, and lots of recent data suggests that intense or repeated trauma, including desertion/neglect which babies MAY experience during CIO, can have both immediate and long-lasting negative effects on the brain.

If you do try CIO, I hope you'll read the latest theories on the Ferber method, and listen for sounds of real distress in your baby. You might also pay attention to getting him into daylight in the early part of the day, and avoid screen time of any kind for him in the early evening. There's evidence that the high proportion of blue and green light coming off screens (and much fluorescent light) can interfere with the brain's natural production of melatonin, the sleep hormone.

Wishing your family a positive experience.

If it is the middle of the night and the baby starts to cry you wait a few minutes. Mine would often wake up, cry for a minute or two, then roll over and go back to sleep. If the crying continues five or ten minutes then investigate the reason. If there is a dirty diaper change it. If baby is teething, Tylenol, If baby is truly hungry, then feed him. Make sure you feed baby more before bed the next night. (Mine were fed at 10:00pm right before they went to bed, then they were up at 5 or 6 to eat. I wouldn't expect baby to go much longer than that. So if your baby goes to bed early he may be hungry in the middle of the night.) My boys shared a room and the crying never woke up my three year old. At most he would grumble and roll over. I used the Ferber method, so baby was never left to cry for longer than 10 minutes.

I really recommend that you read Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. He addresses all the questions you have asked and gives detailed answers.

In short, if you are still nursing at night you can't just quit and let a baby who is used to nursing scream all night. That would be cruel. There is a way to gradually eliminate night feedings oulined in the book. Same with diapers, if baby needs a change, you change her.

Also, you won't have any success if your child is sick or teething. You are trying to teach your baby to self-soothe and fall asleep without help, but a child in pain is not in a position to learn, so don't waste your time.

Really, the book is worth reading. You can probably find a copy at your local library or used bookstore. Don't sleep train until you are confident that you know what you are doing and you are set up to succeed.

It's ALL ABOUT HUNGER. We used CIO, but I learned that when the kids were nice and stuffed, they never woke during the night. I got the tip from a mother of 10. Believe me. It's true.

When a 7 month old who nurses wakes at night they are hungry. Breast milk is not filling. Once you can add more feedings, solid food, cereal, whatever it takes all day to make him fuller, he won't wake at night. Meanwhile, yes, nurse him during the night. I wouldn't even worry about establishing training with a baby who isn't full enough to sleep though the night. You CAN get a baby to sleep thru by 3 months, but only if they are full. And for some big hungry boy babies, that entails formula and other more filling substances.

CIO is only appropriate when babies on a good schedule are put to bed FULL and dry and well-loved EVERY NIGHT so they aren't afraid. You walk away. They cry for a few minutes. They fall asleep. That's it. If they are too hungry to sleep through, you feed them during the night. A baby should NEVER be left to scream to the point of real distress. If they're awake in the middle of the night, they're hungry or off-schedule, and you have to be patient until they are ready for CIO-which is really just "Leaving a baby to settle themselves". Not all babies are comfortable enough for it at the same age.

We did CIO, but I would still go to him and feed him/change him in the middle of the night. Once he stopped nursing, around 10 months, he would not wake in the middle of the night. Get the book, Sleeping Through the Night by Dr. Jodi Mindell. She gets you through all of the stages because when you get one thing figured out, something else will change and you have to figure that one out. Good luck!

If he still feeds in the middle of the night then you need to feed him and change him. Deal with one thing at a time.

Start CIO at bedtime only and deal with him in the middle of the night. When teething is all through, then you can break the 3 AM feedings. You want him to self soothe when he should be doing so. If he's hungry or teething, then he needs you.

Also, at 7 months, he doesn't need to be fed in the middle of the night. Keep him up a little later. Feed him and then put him down. When he wakes, don't feed him, just change and cuddle and then put down. Again, wait to do this AFTER you have established CIO at bedtime.