my sister and law divorvced about eight years ago.she has three kids 16 .15 and 13 year old.she is always telling them he didnt pay child suport when it comes direct out of his check. the oldest when she was 14 moved in with the dad and since her mother does not want a thing to do with her. nor, will she let the boys have anything to do with the father or thier sister.she has went as far as pulling them out of school says she is home schooling them so thier dad cant go see them at school. with a court order he supose to get them ever other weekend and she refuses to send them,they are withdrawn from everyone act strange around other people .I'm 35 with a 16 and 18 year old,i have been with my husband since i was fifteen ,if we were to divorce if they wanna to go see him they could go .I know her ex husbnad who is a very good father ,he still pays child suport even though they will not come see him. his ex wife said sign his rights over so the new husband can be thier father.but she just running off at the mouth because she be out of 800 a month ,he has never talk about thier mother in front of them ,eight years later and he still said today he will not sign away his rights and will keep paying child suport and calling even though they hang up and sending them gifts on hoilday's ,do you think the mother should talk bad about thier father in front of them?and let them know ever thing she feels he doesnt do right .she makes up stuff on him thats not true i think later she will have some messed up boys or they will go live with thier father just like her daughter has. these kids need to be around other kids .or they will get grown on her and end up not ever having a family of thier own or they will go wild if she doesnt change the way she is doing .i think there is still time she can fix a lot of this but she is a hateful person .
This was just to vent .the mother is my husband sister ,she has dranied her ex in court .she wanted toeverythingand it costed him 20. Gand tryying to divorce her and takke her back for not sending the kids now he don't have the money to fight her anymore,and for the person said I don't know how I would act if I was divorcing,I do know it would not be the way she has acted the kids boys act. Strange and its all because of what she has done to them over the years,it crazy she was cheating and wanted everything when she didn't geeet the house tjhats when she started making up lies to control the kids she don't work never has ,she trying to get checks on the kids for them being add but she quit giving them their meds. But she tells ssi they are still on meds. She has really messed these kids up and its effected them really bad.my husband and his fmily moher and father all agree she is wrong ,so we don't talk to her in about ix months now,the father n daughter came to see me and my family today ,he brought gifts like always for me to get to hiis boys ,the daughter last time she came over with father she went to c her mother and was asked to leave. It really hurt her
That's a long post for a no brainer question. What are you actually asking? OR are you just wanting to vent?
She isn't telling them things about their Dad, she is lying... to them.
That is different, from telling a child "bad" things about a parent or negative things about a parent.
She... is LYING to her kids.
On purpose.
And consciously.
And keeps on doing it.
And keeps on lying.
One day, her kids may grow up, learn the truth themselves and hate her.
Because, she is a liar. To her own, kids.
What goes around comes around...one day hopefully, her children will grow up and realize it takes two to tango, and they will see what a pathological liar their mom is...
And to answer your direct question...of course not, do not speak poorly of your EX....
no matter what happens to the marriage - it is NOT the child's fault.
They are SUPPOSED to be CHILDREN. They should NOT hear nasty stuff about the other parent. PERIOD. EVER.
When my ex and I divorced - we spoke nasty in front of our daughter. One of our friends told us - ENOUGH - we didn't even "see" what we were doing to her...that changed us - from that point on we NEVER spoke ill of the other. It was NOT her "fight". If we had issues - we dealt with it when she was NOT around.
Now that she is over 18 - we don't talk unless we "need" to. She was engaged. Now she is not. so if she gets married or engaged - we'll talk. Other than that, in front of our daughter we were ALWAYS nice. Was it hard? Heck yeah. But WE were the adults.
If the kids have been withheld from their father and there is a court order for visitation - then he can take her back to court. He CAN get her arrested for failure to follow a court order.
If your sister talks ill about your former BIL in front of the kids - stop her. RIGHT THEN AND THERE. You correct her. You tell her that her actions are NOT acceptable. YOU need to stand up for the kids....DO NOT let your sister do this.
Of course she shouldn't speak ill of her ex in front of the children. The father also needs to have the custody order enforced. She doesn't have the option of not sending the children unless she goes to court and has the visitation order revised. As to the child support, that is a separate issue from visitation so of course he pays it even if he doesn't see the kids.
You can say you would be civil and everything would run smoothly if you were to divorce, but until you are in that situation you just don't know how you would behave.
No the mother should not talk bad about the father (unless he is abusive to the family or others). This sounds like your brother's wife who wants the new hubby to adopt them.
As long as a person is a decent parent, I feel it is the obligation of the other parent to support/encourage/promote the other parent because it can only benefit the children, give them stability and will have a greater chance that the kids will come out well adjusted.
I feel bad for the kids and the mother sounds like a terrible example.
My ex left me with (no job) two kids, all his debts and bad credit score, he didnt pay child support for many many years while I struggled to raise my kids. He bounced in and out of their lives, mostly out. But I Never talked bad about him, I wish I had tried more to reassure them it wasnt about them, but I tried to just say he had problems, and to never criticize their father. You describe her as a hateful person so I really hope they go live with their father.
From reading your question, it seems like you don't agree with her actions. I don't agree with them either. The children should be able to draw their own conclusions. She can have as many husbands or boyfriends she wants but, the children will only have one biological father. Maybe she should be referred to a counselor or someone who she can talk to about the divorce.
my parents Never spoke poorly of eachother and when my mother had to reference her first marriage she did so as in my first marriage things went like this, i will not do that again in the future i think i will try to do this instead. my mom has only been married once but it was a good way to keep the feeling seperate.
NO. I think that people who complain to their kids are doing the kids a disservice. The kid is 1/2 that parent, so don't trash your kid. My father was MIA and my mother held her tongue as much as she could. His behavior spoke for itself.
I have sks now, and we may say, "I'm sorry your mom did/didn't do x." but most of the time that's all we say. Occasionally (now that they are older) DH will say things like, "Your mom is good at now and then but not so good at the everyday grind" which is true. Her actions speak volumes, but sometimes a kid just needs reassurance that it's not them that's the problem.
Bashing an adult in front of the kids puts them in the middle of adult issues.
She's outright lying to them, and it's affecting them and their relationships with her and everyone else. She and the kids should probably get into counseling, as your BIL should too.
If a court ordered your BIL visitation with those children then she's violating a court order. He needs to report her to the court.
