Did I Overreact? - Clearfield,UT

The non-rsvping mom needs to get over herself. You did nothing wrong.
It is a lot of time, planning and expense to have a party. That is rude.

If I were an attendee I would be so grateful to you for canceling the party.

Quick side note: my son was invited to a Bday party in preschool. We were not able to attend it that weekend(right before Halloween actually). I felt guilty until we go to school on Monday to find that class was canceled.....one of the kids had the H1N1 virus and shared it with ALL the other preschool kids that went to the party! Poor kids :-(.

So ya, you did the right thing!

I don't invite people to my house that I don't know. I just won't have kids come to my house and be dropped off for me to deal with. If I'm not at least acquainted with the parents my kids don't even go to their house.

If you invite people you know you'd have her number AND you wouldn't have had to do invitations or anything like that. You'd just pick up the phone and call the mom and invite them.

Perhaps it's time to meet the parents? Then next time you'll have everyone's number and already know they're coming.

I have saved myself so much stress by doing things this way.

Also, if we do have a party where everyone in the class is invited I do not request RSVP's. People get busy and they forget. So we always just invite everyone and tell them we're just doing cake and ice cream, if they want to drop in to just come on.

If no one comes we get to eat a lot of cake. If every single person comes we have fun and eat fine.

I'd be psyched I got to legitimately turn away one of those rude non-rsvp'ers! Of course you needed to cancel and now you got to call this mom out that she never rsvp'd. So certainly you didn't over react. She's either a huge jerk or will realize she screwed up. Hopefully she will learn to rsvp. I don't think any mother expects a party to happen when people are that sick in the house. I don't think any mother would want the party to happen. If she wasn't happy, I hope it was a cover for embarrassment that you didn't expect her to come bc she never had the courtesy to tell you she was coming!

No, you most certainly did not overreact. Your husband is incorrect. There was a huge risk for the guests to pick up the stomach bug, you did the right thing.

The other mom was at fault for not rsvp'ing. I wouldn't worry about offending her!

Hope your family feels better soon!

YUCK!! I would NOT want my child around vomiting and diarrhea! Thank you for postponing!!

How great to be able to give a person who didn't RSVP a "sorry - you didn't RSVP and we didn't have a number!" That must have felt good!

Hope your family is well soon!

You did nothing wrong. Viruses can hang out on doorknobs, game controllers, virtually everywhere. How horrible would it be if one or two of the guests came down with it, gave it to their family members, they spread it around, etc...? You bet people would be upset with you then. As for the woman, who cares if she's offended or hurt. Maybe she'll learn to RSVP as asked. I think that's just rude on her part. ( this is one of my pet peeves - can you tell?! lol ) Also, I'm sure your kids wouldn't have enjoyed themselves nearly as much if you had gone through with the plans.

You were right.
The non rsvp-ing Mom and your husband are wrong.
Instead of feeling awful for the kid that had a disappointment - feel glad that you won't have to feel guilty for this kid getting sick.

If I were one of the parents, I would be quite grateful to you for choosing not to expose my kids to this lovely bug--and I am not a germ phobe. When that many people in a house are actively sick, it makes no sense to bring other folks into it. Also, I can't imagine that your kids or husband would enjoy a party when they've all just been sick (even if he thinks it would have been fine).

As for the mother who showed up with child after not confirming, you can't do anything about how she feels. She probably felt somewhat thrown off course and was wondering what she was going to do with her disappointed child, however you COULDN'T have informed her about the change of plans since you didn't have her contact information. You told her it would be rescheduled, right? Now, she will know to confirm if she plans to be there.

Doesn't sound like an over-reaction to me. They'll get to have fun in better circumstances.

You were in the right. If she's offended, she may at heart be more mad at herself for not RSVPing than really at you. Let it roll off your back. Why feel awful for one child who was turned away when it was the kid's mom's fault and not yours that the child was disappointed?

If you're concerned that this mom is going to badmouth you among the other friends' moms -- believe me, you would be far, far more badmouthed if you had held a party while knowing several family members were actively sick!

Of much greater concern to me would be having a husband who thinks there's no real risk to the kids. He's so wrong it's unreal. If he's actually angry at you -- he needs for your family doctor to have a talk with him and tell him how wrong he is. Only one kid touching one doorknob or faucet handle could end up sending home his virus to spread through another family. Tell him he's wrong to be angry with you and needs to get his head on straight and learn some facts! If I sent my kid to your house and found out later that ONE family member had vomiting or diarrhea (much less SEVERAL with it at once) I would be beyond furious with you and your husband. You are right. He's wrong and especially wrong to treat your correct concern and conscientious behavior so very dismissively!

She had no rigth to be mad.

Of course you don't have people over when someone vomits that morning. We all know how stomach bugs multiply.

The lady who showed up should understand that she was the ONLY one you didn't notify because she's the only one who did not RSVP and you didn't have her number! She has no right to be mad! If I showed up with my kid and the hostess said, "I'm so sorry I couldn't call you, I didn't have your number" I would have no grounds to be annoyed.

Don't
feel bad!

You did the right thing, as a mom, I appreciate if someone gives me a heads up about sickness (viral) in their family because I don't look forward my kids getting sick, because they would!!!
As for the mom that got upset, it's her problem for not confirming and/or providing a phone, how could you have known she was going to show up? If I was her, I would've been the one apologizing for showing up without confirming.
Hope your kids feel better!

Guess she learned her lesson. Next time RSVP. Overreact, I think not!

You handled things appropriately and to the best of your ability. There is no reason for the mom that didn't contact you to be offended. You didn't have the means to contact her in advance. Unless your words were along the lines of, "Next time RSVP you idiot." I you're probably over thinking it. ;-)

You did not over react. She did not RSVP - hopefully she learns to in the future. (Non RSVP'ers really irk me).

As for your husband - he is extremely wrong. I feel like I'm pretty laid back with illness. I don't mind if a kid has a fever, ear infection, strep throat, a cold, etc. But I will not willingly expose my kids to a stomach virus. I do not want to be cleaning up puke constantly as it makes its way through my house. It is expected of a host to inform/cancel if their is sickness in their house.

A.,

You absolutely did the right thing!

I can't imagine exposing others to such contagious bugs, and from the other perspective, I would not want to be at someone's house while other family members are sick.

Don't worry about her response. It's a great learning experience for her, and in the future, she will most likely not just show up to parties without responding in advance.

Don't worry about it any longer. Take care of your family and get some rest so you don't get sick!

J. F.

Hopefully that mom learned why it is important to RSVP for a party!

Even IF the other kids weren't at risk of catching the virus why would your girls want to be at a party when they are vomiting and having diarrhea?

Yep, I agree with pretty much everyone. You did the correct thing. Your husband was wrong. That other mother is a piece of work.

Oh good grief. What an entitled, ridiculous woman this is! When you reschedule movie night, DON'T send her an evite. She is being just awful. You have diarrhea, your child is vomiting, and she has her nose out of joint because you cancelled?

Your husband is being a jerk to you. Next time your child is sick, make HIM stay home and tend to her and you leave. See how HE feels about THAT. This could be each and every mother whose kids would get sick at your party if you had not cancelled.

Stop feeling awful for the kid who came, and stop referring to it as "turned away". The mother couldn't be bothered to RSVP. Maybe she will learn her lesson for next time for someone else's invitation.

If I was the mom who didn't RSVP and then showed up to the "cancelled" party, I'd be the one feeling bad...because I didn't have the decency to RSVP in the first place...and that I would have known the party was cancelled if I had. You did absolutely nothing wrong here- if you went ahead and held the party anyways and then everyone got sick, you'd feel even worse. Hosting a party at your house when a "virus" is running its course is not wise. If the mom takes offense, let her- it's her own fault. I personally would feel weird about notifying people who didn't RSVP that the party was cancelled.

You did the right thing by canceling.
The NON rsvping mom is a dolt.

how did you over react??? Your family is puking and running to the bathroom with leaky poops and you postponed the party?? Heaven forbid!! Girl - you did what I would have done!!

So glad you got to put a person who didn't RSVP in her place!! That's so exciting! I know I shouln't be excited about it - but I am!! Hopefully now she will remember to RSVP and give out her number!!

DO NOT feel awful for the child you turned away. Can you imagine how pissed the mom would be if her child got sick and she needed to take time off work to care for her?? Sorry - I know that sounds mean but this W. sounds really self-centered.

I'm sorry your family is sick. I would be LIVID with my husband if he didn't back me and KNOW it was a BIG DEAL that people are SICK.. ..

You did the right thing. I took my son and husband to a friend's child's first birthday party. They 'neglected' to tell any of the guests that they were ALL sick - and of course all handled the food. And of course everyone who went got sick. It was horrible. It was the first time my son ever vomited and he was terrified. I was furious - as were the rest of the guests.

Wait just a second. SHE didn't RSVP and SHE is pissed when she showed up unannounced? She is the one who insulted YOU!! No you did not overact. You had sick kids and the best thing was to reschedule to movie party.

P.S. your husband needs to get a clue. It is a big deal with kids have diarrhea and vomiting. It means they are SICK! I wouldn't want my kid over there under those conditions.

It is a big deal when it comes to calling it off for the night! I would NEVER want my kid to go to a house where people have the stomach bug unless it was an emergency to stay there.
Postponing the party was the right thing to do ! The bug is going through the house. I might let it slide if one person had a mild cold. Vomiting and diarrhea are gross. I would not want to be around that ! Let your family get well.

If the other kids got sick, I bet you would get a few texts asking why the party took place. Then, you could have passed these texts to your husband ! LOL

You did the right thing.

Of course you did the right thing! You never make your family suffer through a party and share their viruses. I don't know what planet your husband is on right now, but I sincerely hope that you put him in charge of all temperature-taking, ginger ale and toilet cleaning, and tell him you will give his phone number to all the other parents whose kids get what your kids have. (And how the hell does he think his kids got sick? From someone who didn't stay home and wash their hands!)

And the mother who is put out because she never had the manners to RSVP will a) never get another invite from you and b) ideally never fail to RSVP again. You did not insult her. She insulted you, with her initial rudeness in not replying, and again with her attitude when she showed up. ONLY when an event is an "open house" do people show up without an RSVP. Major, well-known rule of basic consideration.

Hold your head high and let everyone know that health comes first. We're so sorry that your kids are sick, and if you want to reschedule the party, go ahead. But I'd really think long and hard about inviting the one mom who showed up and was pissed at you.

Ha ha Pam R., me too!