Dealing with chores....HELP!!

Since punishments arent working, why dont you try rewards. Maybe make a chart and every day that they complete their chores they get a sticker for that day. At the end of the week, reward them for doing a good job. I bet it wont take long for them to realize good things will come if they just do it right!!

A.

The BEST advice I can give you, is stick to those punishments! You have to stick to your guns or things will never change. We set up a dry erase board with a point system, if they do all their chores for the week, and have minimal behavior issues, then they get a reward.(go to a movie or restaurant of their choice, we play a game they choose, etc.) It has really worked wonders here.

Wow - I think you definately need to change your tactics. A reward system is a good idea. When you see them do something right - praise them, praise them, praise them! I truly believe the more you praise them, the more they will want to do the chores and please you, does that make sense? Praise them for every little thing they do right, even if it seems insignificant to you, it's huge for them.

When someone tells you that you are doing a terrible job and keeps nagging you, does that make you want to do your job better? Not me - I tend to stop caring because I figure I'll never get it right so why should I bother trying? Kids are the same way. Teach them excellence, not perfection.

My advise is, don't be so hard on them. So what if it's not done perfectly. It's not worth you being bent out of shape every single day. Remember, they are only there with you for a short while. One day they will be gone and your house will be exactly how you want it. Wouldn't it be better have a peaceful household than one of strife? When your children are adults, how do you want them to remember you?

H.,

I have been there. I have 3 girls 12,9, and 7. I give my girls a designated chore and a time limit. I know this is probably a dumb question, but have you shown your children what you expect and how you want them to clean? I am sure another dumb question but, have you designated an appropriate chore for the age group and disability? Example: When my nephew visits (he has ADHD)I will not make him sit to fold laundry. I let him run around the house to pick up items on the floor.
If the chore is not completed in a correct and timely fashion they are grounded for that period of time. My girls have tons of friends in the neighborhood so when those friends come by they want to go and play. Nope not if your chores aren't done and not if you have gotten yourself grounded. I have been accused of raising my girls in a military bootcamp (veteran of the USN and USMC). Some say I am incredibly hard and others appreciate my strict environment. There are different parenting tips try anything once (is my Motto(ok that is within reason.).
Sounds like your hands are full. I hope that all of the different advice you see on the board will help you out. We have some smart ladies here!

Relax and breathe. It will get better!
Dene'

I would make sure that your kiddos know exactly what it is you want them to do. Then make sure that it's not too monumental a task. I've also found it helpful to be very, very specific (esp. for little ones). As in, first put all the balls into the bin. Once that's done, direct the next action. As they get older, something like 'put your toys away' works, but they have to know/be able to do what you're asking. Kids don't think like adults, and what we think is 'common sense' often makes no sense at all to them.

Also, I disagree with the rewards/allowance/money thing. Both of my kids have chores, and they did not earn an allowance until they were able to complete their chores without whining and without me nagging (and to do them right)! Having said that, when my son does the powder room, I don't expect it to look like it does when I clean it.

Set a time limit, and a time of day. Over the summer, chores are done in the morning after breakfast. We have a loose 'reasonable time', but don't really have to enforce it because they know we're not doing anything else til the chores are done! That's incentive enough.

Try to avoid too much punishment, too. Set an expectation and a time, and if they don't complete it, mete out your punishment (no tv or video games) and then send them to their rooms for a while. You'll just keep escalating if you keep trying to get them to do what you want, and then you'll make threats you can't follow through on, and then they'll think you're a pushover. Set a firm limit, and stick to it. Something like no video games until you complete this chore when I ask (or is scheduled) might be a good incentive, and it's not hard to enforce. Make sure it's something that they will miss. I'm guessing the punishment isn't working either because there isn't follow-through, or because it's not interrupting their lifestyle. Choose something that they will notice...

Good luck!

My Ex-fiances parents had 6 kids ranging from 3 to 20 and this is what they did. Each chore even down to putting your shoes or bookback away had a money amout that went with it like a dime or a nickle or a quarter whatever you assign it. They had a chart as well to take care of it all. Well say one came home and just left his shoes on the floor and another sibling put them away. That sibling got the money for the chore even though it was originally assigned to the other. They were so focused on not wanting to loose their money that they actually did what they were supposed to so they wouldnt lose $$ and tried to beat eachother to things to be able to get more money at the end of the week/month. It also helped them in the sense that if they wanted to go somewhere or had something else to do they were able to barter with eachother cause they were actually getting paid to help the other one out. I had never seen it done that way before but it sure worked for them. :)She also didn't play the reminder/threaten game with them. Also on the chart with the chore prices she put the conquesquenses up if mom had to do the chore like video games gone for a week or what have you. Then when she would tell the kids chore time if when they went to bed or where ever, if she ended up doing them herself when the came home or woke up it was just gone. They quickly learned why and how to keep it from being gone. Once they came home from school to no TV in the living room (they didnt have them in their rooms) for a week because mom told them if they kept watching it before school and making themselves late it was gone for a week. The next morning one of his sisters was watching it. Instead of yelling at her mom just went with it and when they left locked it in her closet for the week. This made the siblings start getting after eachother instead of mom! ;)

Considering your children are still pretty young, I would work with them helping them (unless it is something very easily done with one person) and I would also suggest a timer so that they know they have to work for a specific time and then they can return to their games, etc. If you leave it as "you're grounded until its done" it makes the chore seem unacheivable and easy to put off. A timer and working hard and fast for 15 minutes-knowing there is an end to the work seems more do-able. Then take a break and if you have another chore do the process again later.

Also, it is very important that they feel like they are doing something to help you and you make a point to show that you appreciate their help. Kids actually like helping when they are thanked or asked like, "hey, could you help me pick up? that way we can go to the park later..." type of thing.

When my kids got older I would still ask them nicely, but when I got, "Oh, mom..." then I would get tougher and say, "ok, you can either help me pick up the livingroom now, or I can find you a lot more things you can help me with". They would usually get busy so that I didn't find more chores for them to do. I'm not an expert, but this worked for me. Honestly, though --it is still a battle sometimes.

Now, my six year old loves helping me. I don't know how he got that way, but he will sometimes just clean real good and come get me and show me what he did. I always say, "wow, that is so awesome! I can't believe you did that all by yourself (even if he made the bed and it's all crooked or whatever!) and he is SO PROUD. I think that is the key. Make them feel like they are a needed part of a family and that the work they do helps you and the whole family. Tell them, this is what families do is help each other.

Also, try to make it as much fun as possible when you are working together. Be their "coach" and not the drill master. Be more like, "com'on guys, lets go, lets go..." instead of "if you don't start picking up those toys you are going to be grounded!". It changes the whole tone and it doesn't seem as much of a chore.

Hope this helps.

OMG - That would drive me bonkers too!!! But remember kids almost always win when it comes to power struggles, so my recommendation is to change the rules of the game on them. You have to be smarter, not more stubborn. Try giving rather than taking away. Let them earn an additional privilege or surprise, such as going to a special park (yadda yadda) if they finish by a designated time. If they do, or they come close, reward them. You can also make a game of the chore, such as magical chairs/cleaning. When the music plays, they clean; when it stops, they have to freeze. You can also help to change their attitudes about chores, by happily helping them with their chores, praising their efforts all the while. You'll be presently surprised when they start doing the same for you! Ohh, another good one is to clean in cognito...pick out a costume and clean in character. Even the oldest kid will have to be entertained by this, appreciate your efforts and want to join in the fun. I also HIGHLY recommend Melissa M.'s chart method, which is good for long term responsibility building.

I have to ask...what is chorebusters? I couldn't find anything by googling it.

I am glad to hear that things are getting better. I want to suggest that you read Coach Mom by Brenna Stull. It's a fairly new book. Brenna is a mother of 5 and I took her class. She is one of the pastor's wife at church. She has some awesome ideas. Good luck.

A therapist just told us to put some marbles in a jar or cup every time the child does something good. Like pick up without being told. I have ribbons I give out occasionally. Anything that is just once in awhile is worth the effort. What makes us move in our job? Recognition? That does that breed? Self value and worth. If you do this you can pick what we will do on our free time. Or you can decided what meal is to be cooked on a certain night. Give them a goal they can set and when they maybe have so many mables in the cup they get this goal met. I sure feel for you. One of the children's problems would be to much. Also if they are bad they get a certain time of freezing their marbles. You do not take them away. You can use anything as long as they are setting the goals and moving in the direction you want. Pick up this or share a toy with a brother, or clear off the table. If this does not work there is a wheel that you could make giving that child this chore for this week and the one who gets the most chores done in a week gets something like a desert they want or a friend over for dinner. You really can be creative with all of this. A three year old can not do as well as a ten year old. My 9 yr old will still try to hide clothes in a corner of her room or dump it in the bottom of her closet. What ever you do do not let up on it. G. W

My daughters counselor told me to try this and it has worked. Each chore is linked to one priveledge and they do not get that priveledge back till they complete that chore. No matter how long it took. You just have to be patient the first time it wont go as smooth as you want. But eventually they want the priveldge back.
Examples are clean room or no phone, her laundy no flat iron, dishes or no ipod. Just find things that are most important to them.