Input on Allowance/Chore Charts/incentives

Whatever you do... make your reward system SIMPLE or your children will be bickering about the system! Come up with a reasonable allowance payout, per week. Personally, I would just give each child a chore list, some items ALL children are expected to do (morning stuff like make bed, pick up dirty clothes, keep bathroom organized, and some evening stuff, etc...). Then, give each child a specific chore or two that is expected of them each day (i.e. one cleans off table, one sets table, one dumps garbage,...) This will ALWAYS be their chore - again, keep it simple. Let them agree to the job they will do - any switching off can be arranged between the children - but it's their responsibility to do that. Some "extra" jobs are just negotiated on the spot, but I don't believe in paying a child for every extra job - everyone is expected to do their part to maintain the home. Giving them money helps them learn how to save and work toward a goal. It's not a free handout. they can get docked too, if their jobs aren't done satisfactorily. I loved getting an allowance as a kid - we're passing on the tradition!

I personally think that marble jars may work in school but... as a parent, it's not something that I would want to monitor all the time. Some of the "behavioral moments are just subjective and arguments will ensue... "(...."When Susie did that.... SHE didn't get a marble pulled--WHY DID I? That's not fair!!") ON a weekly basis, when all has gone well, just going out for ice cream, playing a board game or taking a trip to the park can be a good award and time spent with the family, together.

Also, we have a "no fire drill in the morning rule" in our home. That means that things are done on a timely basis. You do your morning routine and you it to the best of your ability, and do it peacefully (i.e. no yelling, no fuss, make your bed, pick up old clothes, brush teeth, comb hair, eat breakfast, feed the dog). Also, the night before (and I used to make my kids write their reminders on post-it notes) .. .lay out clothes for next day, take a shower, organize stuff for backpack. Of course, homework is a given.

If they cause a "fire drill" in the morning (i.e. totally disorganized and running around like a chicken without a head!) they get ONE GRACE PERIOD. After that, if it happens, I implement the "no fire drill rule" and they are instantly grounded for one hour, AFTER SCHOOL, AFTER all homework is completed, (which they hate because they usually do homework after dinner!) , AFTER dog is walked and ALL forgotten chores are done - their hour begins! The "hour" grounding doesn't sound like a big deal but with all the stuff that they have to do after school - they are flying around to just get to their hour grounding. When they have a friend or two ringing the doorbell just after school on a beautiful day... it's rough! Mornings are good here!

Good luck.

Hi L.!
Personally I would stay away from the allowance part. All children need to learn responsibility...and as one mother mentioned,once money is involved then they are only well behaved because you will buy them something.
We started a Rules-Incentives-Consequences board about 2yrs ago (son is now almost 8) It works great!
for example:
Rule #1:Absolutely NO dauhtling (misspelled)at all! If he does dauhtle at all the consequence is that he will write out 5 times...I will not dauhtle while....brushing my teeth,picking up etc. Five more time's are added for each occurance. He got up to 30 and now the dauhtleing has subsided ALOT! :)
Rule#2:No arguing or talking back.
Consequence:Loose Movie night and go to bed early the remainder of the school week. (he just lost this one today for arguing)
Each rule must follow a consequence.
We also have the incentives as well.
They are as follows...and you can come up with your own
Monday-Game night
Tuesday- 30 min's computer time
Wednesday- Free night
Thursday- Library night
Friday- Movie & popcorn night and stay up 1hour later
Saturday-Play dates/or other active activity
Sunday- Family day & our family meeting
Many of the consequences to the rule's are that he will loose a fun night or his favorite's such as gameboy,playstation,T.V. etc.
We are actually on rule board #2. When making the rules involve the kids as well as they know what they do wrong and what buttons on mom and dad to push :) If they come up with some rles then it makes it easier for them to be involved. Also each child should have their own individual rules. They will share some rules however they need to keep their individuality as well.After some time the rule's will be too easy and new rule's will have to be added. At this time we go through the rules and he become's very proud of himself because of his accomplishment. Then there is a big reward. The last time he chose to go to the movie's!! He loved it and bragged to everyone how proud he was :)
Good luck and have fun with it!!

L.,

I agree with Ellen's post (the most). Keep it simple. And I wouldn't tie ANYTHING to an allowance until it's above and beyond "everyday" things. I agree with the other posts that you want a simple plan that makes it clear what is expected of each child (unchanging - as in clean room, pick up toys/stuff, do homework, etc.) and then more "chores" based on age and responsibility level. We explain that the old child/children get more privileges so we expect more help from them (later bed time, more unsupervised time with friends, maybe over-nighters that little ones can't do, etc.).

I also agree with the post that talks about the "no fire drills" approach. That has helped our family TREMENDOUSLY ensuring that everything is taken care of the night before...my kids are little tho, so we don't have the "penalty" associated with it (yet). For my children, after dinner is QUIET TIME in our house...get ready for tomorrow, clean up their rooms before bed, get jammies on, etc. There is usually NO t.v./computer time after dinner. This seems to help calm everyone down for the night. (Instead of getting into the "5 more minutes" fight, or "after the next commercial".) Once they 'go upstairs' after dinner, they don't come down. I think this also has helped us to get to sleep faster, sleep better and do better the next morning because the kids are calm and relaxed before bed. Once it's a routine, there are no fights, no arguing, etc.

May I suggest maybe you have a simple chore chart (make one in Excel and post it on the fridge...ours is laminated (they have those self adhesive covers) that we use a dry erase marker on. Then each time a child completes a chore, you get to see them check it off. Ours has days of the week on top, chores listed down the side (one for each kid).

Then instead of the "marbles" and the difficulty in keeping track of them, you have "check marks" that YOU control each day. Each time a child does something wrong, maybe they get one warning, and if it continues, a check mark. Three check marks (on the top/bottom of that day of the chore chart) and there's a "penalty".

Then base your reward (or allowance if you so choose) on the WHOLE WEEK's chores PLUS "penalties". So for example, if my children complete all chores for the whole week, they "earn" special mom/dad time. Maybe it's a movie rental they get to pick, maybe it's a trip to the library, or a trip for lunch out JUST with mom or dad. I think one of the best "rewards" we can give our children is our time.

Finally, you HAVE to engage your husband in this. When he gets home, have HIM walk right over to the chore chart and say, "Let's see how we did today! I see John was a great helper, and look at that Joe did well too. Jack, I think you need to get moving before we eat dinner, and finish up here huh?" THAT has been THE BIGGEST motivator for my kids. They race around before dad gets home to pick up their toys, hang up jackets and backpacks, etc. because when I'm cooking dinner, they KNOW Dad's coming home soon and going to be checking the chart.

As much as I see the need for an allowance at some point for my kids. Right now, our praise and rewards of our time (especially without siblings around) are better than money. They love telling Grandma and Grandpa about what great "helpers" they are and believe it or not, they actually ASK to help me clean the house now.

Best of luck...let us know what happens!

Sara

I was just contemplating starting this with my kids, but then I wondered about two things: 1) maintaining the chart, and 2) the rewards.

1) I am interested in the details of the charts people have done and how hard it was to maintain them, or check things off. What things are included as chores?

2) How do you determine the rewards? Monetary (how much/often), treats (what kind) and how is it regulated and scored? At what point does the child believe money must be the motivation for all responsibility (as one poster pointed out).

I hope you get alot of responses, because I am curious to see how other families motivate their kids!!!

I think it sounds great and you can tweak it as you go along.

I started with the chore chart and the allowance and charts for school work and found they didn't work quite the way I expected. Stepdaughter started thinking she should be paid for everything (if I'm good will you buy me XYZ?)

So we switched it. First we sat down with her and went over everyone's role in the family. We went over her role, and how everyone works together to make a family. We told her she was not the LEAST important, and she was not the MOST important.

We talked about how stepmommy and daddy go to work to make money, and we use the money to pay for things.

We wrote down her chores on a list with the day of the week on top. We put them in plastic so she can cross them off with a dry erase marker. Those are her chores, her VERY IMPORTANT responsibility. (We really stressed how important she was, and how much she was helping us.)

We all do our chores together. We'll even call her in to "inspect" our room. Just by making her feel important and that she is helping we saw the big change we wanted! Even better than allowance!

In fact, last night she cleaned her bathroom ON HER OWN as a "surprise." (She is only 7 years old).

She gets allowance on Fridays because we are a family and we all share in the money that is brought in. (We also give each other the cash for the week at the same time). This way allowance is "sharing" not us as parents paying her. If she doesn't do her chores then we show how since she didn't help as much, she gets less. The idea is the same, but the feel is different. "Sharing" is not the same as "paying." We also put aside money at that time for fun activities like mini golf. That might mean we all get less allowance, but we all get to have fun.

Also, try The House Fairy (www.housefairy.org). The House Fairy comes weekly and we hardly ever have to get her to clean her room...it's just clean!

The Chore Chart for us didn't help except show how we were paying her to be good. Now she knows she is helping, and that made all the difference.

Do they get something if they have 3 marbles or do they have a consequence if they lose one? I don't get how that part works. Sorry.

That's a lot of things to start doing all at the same time. I think I would first do the marble thing, then the allowance and then the extra jobs. I don't know how old your kids are, so maybe I'm off, but I think you need to start with the marbles and do it for at least 2 weeks before adding the next item.

Remember you will have to keep track of all of this as well. That was my main problem with the charts. That and my kids thought they should get rewards all the time for normal behavior, so watch out for that.

M.