My 3 year odl daughter told me when I got home that she wanted me to send her daddy away with Santa. I asked her why and and said well you would miss ur daddy if he went to live with Santa. She told me that the reason she wanted me to send him away was because he gave her a time out and whooping on her butt. I have never spanked my daughter on the butt nor have I known my husband too! We both have given her timeouts and taken away toys for bad behavior and such but nothing else! I told my husband about what she said but not in a offensive way at all, he said are you going to beleive our 3 year old or me? I was not meaning that at all when I was telling him about the situation. I think he is taking me talking to him way out of control. Any advice on this would help or ideas? There were no marks on her at all I did check for that!
There have been soo many times that my son has said simmilar things to about both mommy and daddy shortly after he is over it. Kids really tend to get over these emotions quickly. I discipline my son and he is not happy so he goes to daddy says "mommy is mean and she needs to go away" then we talk about it and move on. Really this is not the last time.
After reading the other posts, I'm kind of dismayed by how many immediately sided with your daughter and called your hubby "defensive" at best, and much worse. This seems misdirected to me. All kids make things up----they can't tell the difference between fact and fantasy at her age.( Send Dad to live with Santa?) I think a better lesson for your daughter would've been to say, first, Daddy lives here and isn't going anywhere, then question her further to see what she would say next. Sometimes, one "possible" remark may be followed by a story that makes absolutely no sense. I'd certainly believe my hubby first, and tell him as a joke---"you won't believe what she said! What a hoot!" I think his response was perfectly normal. I think if any one of us turned to our partner and said that one of the kids said he did something wrong, the first thing out of his mouth, innocent or guilty, would be, "Who are you going to believe---me or him?"
ask your daughter very specific questions about the spanking and see what she says- can you tell me where daddy spanked you? in what room? what was he saying when he was doing it? or ask your husband why he thinks she would say that.
i have to admit though, when i read the line about your husband saying "are you going to believe our 3 year old or me" i thought why was he so defensive right away? obviously, there could have been more to the conversation but that was my initial response.
good luck.
Spankings don't always leave marks. I am not a believer in spanking as discipline, but sometimes I do resort to it. And spanking varies by degrees. Done out of anger and loss of control can be damaging, done while in control and a little swat is not damaging.
Children lie, and adults lie, so no one here is capable of giving you an adequate answer.
I love Marda's answer, all of it, so I really can't add anything else to it... work on your communication with your husband.
Sounds like a smart child trying to come between two loving parents --united we stand divided we fall.
Children get mad and say things - sometimes very hateful things and if they see a negative reaction in their favor they will continue to do so.
Also around this age children often start to lie/ or fib and use their imagination.
Good luck
I fully believe in spanking if she needs it. A little paddy on the butt doesn't hurt her. It lets her know who the boss is and that she should mind her parents. Even the Bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child"..If you aren't stern with her (taking away a toy is nothing) you will have BIG trouble when she gets older. Sounds like you could use a parenting class.
I think I would be concerned... If you don't think your husband did it than is there any possibility someone else did? The fact that she came up with the term "whooping on her butt" would make me nervous! Has anyone ever said that to her in order to even give her the dilect to know what it means???
It might not even be your husband but your daughter might be using him as a way to tell you something...
I wouldn't let this go but I would try to trust what your husband is telling you. If he said he didn't than he probably didn't. ...or if he did maybe he feels bad and knows he messed up.
Hang in there and keep us posted!!!!
I am a mother of 4. I heard many things from my kids when they did not like the discipline. If this is the first time she has said this then I wold definitely chalk this up to a child's imagination and also manipulation on her part. My kids always try the mom vs dad approach. Sometimes we recognize it sometimes they get more creative. If your child is really bright she will learn quickly how to play mom against dad. I would discuss how honesty and telling the truth is important and that there could be consequences if she lies a lot.
If he's being defensive, I'm betting he's guilty.
