Custody Problem

Is there any possibility of you moving closer? Seriously. They need to see him regularly to have and maintain a relationship.

As for school and medical, he needs to send a written request to the principal and the pediatrician with a copy of the divorce decree AND custodial agreement stating that he is a custodial parent and that he would like copies of all report cards, documents, etc mailed to him. In addition, he would like to participate parent-teacher conferences via telephone on a quarterly basis.

When I was working in a public school, we did this frequently for parents. They are his kids and he has every right to be involved!

First I would like to say that your post is the best one I have EVER seen coming from a step-mother and your husband is fortunate to have you as his wife and life partner!

The mother of his children is bitter and doesn't seem like she's moved on with her life. She may need some help, but she is also in "contempt of court" and could be jailed. If this happens the boy's father can file for custody. Given her mental state, that might be the best thing for the children. Your husband's lawyer might request an mental evaluation of the boys mother based on her behavior.

I wish you all the very best, this is a touchy situation.

Blessings....

Tough situation. His boys are really young but this much I do know. Your husband should document everything. He should keep detailed information regarding how his ex-wife is behaving and influencing the children to their detriment. Email is his best friend. If she is crazy enough she will hang herself electronically. With enough ammunition against her she could loose custody and be forced into having supervised visitation.

In my husband's case, the ex-wife have telephonic visitation eventhough she lives in the state but the child is much older than 4.

He will need to go back to the courts. Courts aren't interested in he said she said, they are interested in facts. Keeping the facts straight via email would be very helpful in him keeping in touch with her for documentation purposes.

Also video and record phone conversations may also be helpful. Understand you do need to let her know that you are recording the phone conversation.

Keep all receipts and records of all monetary substance paid on behalf of the children. This will be important as well. You want to show you purchased clothes for them and sent them to her. Also with the medical anything you want to show evidence.

Their father must never give up on being a father to his boys no matter how hard and painful this process will be and can get. Eventually these boys will probably turn on their mother if her words prove to be lies in their eyes but they also will protect her because she is their mother.

You stay supportive and encouraging. My prayers are with you.

What Theresa said, basically. There are two sides to every story. Support and care packages are nice but these kids are little...when's the last time he HUGGED them? Do you have kids of your own? If you do, you know the mommy lion gene well.

How sad. So many people want to give the absent dad the middle finger, when sometimes (in this instance), poor dad doesn't have a choice because the mom is too selfish to understand what she's doing to her children. I'm so sorry you guys are going through this.

I would have him continue being the bigger person, and both of you should never bad mouth psycho mom to the kids. This is one of those instances where the kids WILL realize what's up as they age, and they will have no one to blame but mom.

All that being said, there are always 2 sides to every story and there may be some very real reason she is so adamant about keeping the kids from your husband... it may not make sense to YOU, but she may have some personal reason (even if that reason is jealousy, resentment, or being just plain malicious). The 3 of you should really go see a counselor who specializes in blended and stepfamilies. If this goes to court (which it sounds like it probably will), have his attorney request it. Again, it makes dad look like the good guy he is (because he's not doing this for himself, he's doing it for the well being of his children), and chances are, he'll be rewarded with even more time with the kiddos.

Hope things get better :) Stay supportive!

You're doing a great job taking the high road. It's so hard to remain calm while due process takes so darn long. Taking her back to court for contempt is absolutely the right thing to do.

Regarding the daycare/pre-school, a nicely-worded letter from your attorney is all you should need to get them to comply with the order. They DO NOT need her permission to release information to and communicate with them and they are in violation of HIS rights by continuing to do so. My husband has dealt with this kind of BS from his daugther's schools/doctors every now and again and he just keeps pressing. They all get with the program eventually.

All he can do right now is document, document, document and wait for his day in court. It's hard when the other parent is irrational but I have faith that the sane parents eventually "win" when the children get old enough to see that something's not quite right. We had to bite our tongues and play nice with my step-daugther's wacky mother for years and guess what? She lives with us now and without us saying anything negative about her mother, she's coming to her own conclusions about who was telling the truth and who was lying over the years, and who is actually equipped to be a parent right now and who isn't.

I think that planning to move to their state is a wonderful idea - just keep good records of everything and trust that the law will do its job. Sometimes the wheels of justice have been slow to turn for us but we've always gotten a fair shake in this and I hope you do too.

It looks like you have gotten some really good advice already. i would just have him document everytime the mom breaks the visitation agreement. and look into the court having her take parenting classes i live in florida and inorder to get a divorce you do have to take a class about how to get a long with the other parent. It looks like the kids an d mom live on the other side of the united states from you guys and i don't know the details of the divorce but since it was finalized in december and the boys are 4 their mom is probably just having a tough time still with the divorce and her ex's remarriage. If you and your husband can try to just tlak to the biys and tell them you love them ask about the things you send to them and make sure they know when you plan on seeing them again. And good luck !

I agree with the other moms about going to court and for your husband to be consistent with telling them how much he loves and misses them. KUDO'S TO YOU FOR BEING SO MATURE ABOUT THIS SITUATION!!!! I am from a divorced family and grew up with a step-mom who always based my mother, so it is so nice that you are being the bigger person here. i dont really have any other advice you havent already read, but I will be praying for your family!!!

If she is not complying then i would think your husband can go back to court and request that he have full custody and she have visitation. The courts will give the kids to the parent who is most likely to let the other one see them.
Good luck... Divorce is very painful for children.
Your husband sure moved on fast if the divorce was just final in December. Makes me wonder why the boys mother is really so mad!

Go post your story on www.freeadvice.com - they have a section for custody issues and there are many court clerks, lawyers, and child advocates who frequent the forum (you have to click on the community tab to find the forum) who will be able to give you advice on how to proceed legally.

I know that no one wants to go to court but that is the only way to handle these things, and she will learn that the only ones she is hurting is the kids. I would tell him to tell the kids everytime he talks to say how much he loves them and how much he wishes him and the kids were together right now so he could hug them. This will tell the kids he WANTS them.

Good luck and keep up the GREAT work!!