Concerned with Imaginary Friend

G.-
I would go along with it... my husband had an imaginary friend at the same age named Scotty Lambchimer.(no joke) His mom set a place at the table every night. My husband had school friends and was a normal kid. He just had a friend who no one else could see.
Imagination is a rare and beautiful thing. C.S. Lewis imagined Narnia as a small child and didn't write about it until he was well established author. It is a place where dreams and magic still have hope to be and become something real.

I was the same way at this age and my mom was so worried that she took me to a child psychiatrist! They told her it was completely normal and I did eventually grow out of it.....

I wouldn't be worried. My daughter created an imaginary friend named "Sassy" when she started Preschool at age 4 also. She is very smart and has a very vivid imagination. Her friend even interacted with the other school kids, ate lunch with them, etc. The teachers played along to the point she became a part of the class also and even 'graduated'. Sometimes she was at home with us also and sometimes she went on vacations and was gone. She seemed to forget about her some over the summer and by the time Kindergarden came she was gone. I asked her one day and she said that the girl had gone to be with other 4 year olds, that she was too old for an imaginary friend now that she was in Kindergarden. And we haven't heard from her since. So I would say it's juist a phase.

I wouldnt be too concerned. When I was growing up, I had several imaginary friends, one was a monkey and two were gorillas... they would all ride on the back of my bike with me. I also had two human imaginary friends as well.

I eventually outgrew it, but I still remember them. They brought me a lot of comfort when I was alone or bored.

I dont think any harm can be done... but that is just my opinion. :)

And kudos for you for encouraging creativity and imagination!

Please do not discourage this. This is a cuge form of CREATIVE IMAGINATION. It is a great thing for kids. As long as the playfulness is positive and not hurtful, I think that your son is just fine. I promise your that he will grow out of it.

Keep up the good work,
M.

I wouldn't worry. My son is almost three and he has "his boys" He will be talking and I will answer and he'll say "I'm talking to my boys mom". I watch children in my home and "his boys" are usually around on the days that the other kids don't come. Since your guy is not withdrawn it seems like Jackson is just filling a void, or as somebody else said easing the stress.

Hi G., I just had to respond. Imaginary friends are quite normal, but I will certainly agree that they can be challenging to get used to....my oldest (now 7) had an imaginary friend when he was about 3. I was pregnant with my 2nd boy. Well, if you think imaginary friends can be strange...imagine when your little tyke says his is his 'husband'!!!! We eventually concluded that he had been hearing the women at his daycare discuss their husbands and for some reason he decided he was going to have one too. His 'husband' had no name but a big red truck. Really, this freaked me out for a while as MY imagination ran with who's been around my child. This lasted for months and months and eventually 'the husband' faded into my child's distant memory. I can look back on it with humor but at the time, it sure seemed odd! In addition, I should add that my research into the matter back then confirmed that imaginary friends are a sign of intelligence and creativity. My 7 year old has both in spades. So consider yourself lucky! :-)

Hi G.,
You've really received a lot of great responses already. And I will concur with all of the sentiments not to worry about it, and to allow it to be a creative outlet for your son. Just reading your question brought me back to my childhood and I distinctly remembered my imaginary friend "Joanie". I had forgotten about her, but immediately enjoyed a fond recall of the many hours we spent playing together. I am a highly creative person and have been all my life (not just as a past-time, but as my life long profession as well). Even reading the comments about it being a sign of intelligence and creativity added another piece to my life puzzle. Funny how things seem to fit together as you go along in life....
Thanks for asking the question and giving me a happy memory.
Your boy will be something great! And Jackson will be a fun part of the journey.
Blessings to your and your family,
M. Day
www.heavenborn.com

P.S. I can't help but to point out our similarities: I am 42 w/ two grown girls, a 17, 13, and just turned 5 year old @ home + 2 grandbabies! Yikes... keeps us busy doesn't it???

Having imaginary friends used to be quite common. Unfortunatly, due to TV, computers, gaming systems, etc., kids hardly use their imaginations anymore. I would not be the least bit concerned about it, and in fact I would be happy to see it. I would not encourage it in the way of "Jackson" becoming your friend, but when your son asks you to wait for "Jackson" to come with you, I would wait for a few seconds and then remind both of them to put their seatbelt on. Play along some, but don't bring it up. One day "Jackson" just won't be there anymore and you will be surprised how much you miss him. LOL!

My now 5 1/2 yr old son has an imaginary friend named Kenya and she appeared when he went to preschool. Now Kenya has a brother named Brother (came along when he found out he was having a sister). Now this past year they have a new sister named Chu Chu. I just figured he was bored and or needed an extra playmate or two. Kenya and Brother now live in the town that I am from (next door to my parents) and he wants to move down there like they did. They come visit every now and then. At first I thought it was weird but the more I talked to friends the more I realize it's normal. :D I love that he has such a good imagination.

Dont be concerned with "jackson"...be thrilled...they say that children who have imaginary friends are actually smarter than ones who dont have them!!! I can STILL remember the not one but two imaginary friends that my youngest child had ( she is now 33 years old) their names were "Buh" and "Zuh"....lol I have no idea what KIND of friends they were...I am assuming they werent children...with such strange names...but they went EVERYWHERE with us...my husband and I both played along with it...opening the door to the car for Buh and Zuh to get in the car..." talking" to them...dont discourage him...he will outgrow it naturally...and it is a wonderful stage for him.
He sounds like a wonderful little boy...tell him..and Jackson that I said hello!!! lol
R. Ann

G.,

Your son is just very inventive. I had an imaginary friend when I was his age. I had a little brother, but he was born with tibia torsion. Since he had casts that limited his movement, I invented my friend All Brown Cow. All Brown Cow ate dinner with us and went on walks. Once my brothers casts came off The Cow was set free to live in the English country side. I'm sure Jackson is just a friend for play time at home alone. When he is ready your son will retire Jackson as well. All that will remain will be fond memories.

Best Wishes,

J.

All of my kids had imaginary friends, and we also played along. It was one of those things that was kind of like a family game. Our daughter, to this day and she is getting married this weekend, will blame "Fred" for leaving the lights on in her room. Fred has been her friend from the time she was about your sons age. She has known from the beginning that he was not real and he was just a game for her that the rest of us played as well. One of my sons on the other hand had a family of mice that lived in his pockets. We also played along and from time to time we had to move them before we sat down. One day my husband sat on one of them, and he cried. It caught us off guard and we realized that to him they had become very much a part of his daily life. We began telling him they had to stay at home when we left the house. Eventually he outgrew that as well, he is 28 and there are no mice in his pocket. I think imagination is fine, as long as your son knows that his friend is not real. I have known a child or two that really believed their friend was real and had crossed that line in the imagination game. There is nothing wrong with pretending with him, and certainly nothing wrong with him having a special friend, as long as he knows it is just pretend. That is just my thoughts on the subject.

As long as it doesn't get out of hand, I think it is healthy and you should not prevent his imagination, as well as talking to "possible angels". Just do as you are, keep an eye one him, make sure he is still interacting appropriately with others at home and at school, and make sure he knows that his real friends are just as important. We have not had the imaginary friends yet come up as an issue, but I am sure if we do I be turning back to this awesome group, if it gets past what you are experiencing, as I am sure most of that is safe and normal.

imaginary friends at this age are very appropriate, it just shows intelligence. dont worry, he'll grow out of it. just ride with it for now.

I'm confused about why so many people are concerned, or cautious about their children having imaginary friends! My son (only child) has had the same "friend" for several years, and I've never given it a second thought. So, obviously I'm in the camp that thinks it's a sign of imaginative thinking.

i have 2 boys the oldest is 10 he had an imaginary friend when he was little. he did grow out of it and today he has a very creative imagination today so i would not worry too much about it at the age of 4 he will probally grow out of it

As a grown woman who had 3 imaginary friends as a small child (and many real ones), I can tell you that your son is fine. My mother was so concerned that she took me to the doctor, who informed her that it wasnormal and usually a sign of intelligence. I grew out of my "friends", and out of three children in my family, I was the only one to be an honors student. My 4 year old daughter now has 2 imaginary friends, and I just play along. It's even gotten to the point she does not talk about them as much. Enjoy the fact that he is blessed with an imagination!

Ok, I will admit, almost everyone here will say it is just an imaginary friend...but I'm going to throw something else out there. There is a very real possiblity that your son is an impath. A lot of people think this is "hokey" but I can assure you that there are spirits have been caught in this world for whatever reason and DO manifest themselves to people who are open to it. Some people see and can communicate with them, other just "feel" a presence nearby. Children are much easier to commnicate through because they haven't been told that these things aren't real....

My suggestion would be to ride it out for a little while. It obviously isn't affecting him at school or socially. If however, you feel that at any point it is interfering then I would hight recommend finding a professional impath to see what else is behind this...if he does have impath abilities or if it is indeed a made up friend. A legitimate impath will be able to tell you without a doubt. Keep us posted on what happens.

My son was the same age when he had his imaginary friend, Johnie. We knew everything about Johnie. He lived in TX. He worked at Disney World. I wouldn't say we encouraged it but we would listen and ask questions. We never took it to the extent of setting an extra place at the table :)/ Eventually, as the preschool year went on and my son developed more friends and more confidence, Johnie went away. He doesn't remember his friend anymore (he is 6 now) but we sure do and we get a chuckle out of it.

Hi G., I dont know if you got help on this. But..... I am 41yrs old and I had an imaginary friend when I was young. It was before I went to school. She was so real to me. I really dont remember much, my siblings could tell you more. But I know she ate dinner with us. and everything. Her name was Mrs. Gonason. LOL. She was my "teacher". She "died" when I went to kindergarten. I remember being really sad that she was gone. My best friend also had an imaginary friend and so did my husband. I know lots of people that did and I think it is very healthy. I kind of wished that my kids would have. I dont know. I think your lucky. Oh, and what is your Home business? Ive tried lots. LOL

G.,
I haven't read any of the other responses, but my understanding is that it is a great sign. I think I read an article about it in parenting magazine and you might want to go on their website and see if you can find it in the archives, but it is a sign of good imagination and other things. I too had an imaginary friend as a child, I think around his age. I have vivid memories of it. I think I am fairly creative and have had no negative effects from it. Please don't worry and it will go away. Probably the more you discourage it, the more he will hold on. My family embraced my friend and I eventually stopped talking about her.

Oh...don't crush his imaginary friend!

It's perfectly natural, and normal, to have an imaginary friend during times of transition and stress, like starting preschool.

Now, if Jackson begins to take the blame for "nautiness" or Jackson is telling him to do bad things, that's a problem...but as long as he's just a playmate riding in the car for comfort, then I don't see a problem.

My daughter had a playmate named Blind Mike. I have no idea where that name came from, but I eventually made a sock monkey without eyes who became the physical form of Blind Mike.

My daughter moved out this year, and is happily living in a college dorm at Cornel College.

And so is Blind Mike...I saw him on her desk in a picture of her dorm room she sent me last week.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I have a younger brother (5) and he has imaginary friends. My mom even brought it up with the doctor... it's completely normal and helps kids cope with stressful situations, or he could just be bored, or have a very active imagination.

I had an imaginary friend when I was about that age too. He was a little boy named Fred. We used to play together all the time, at that time I was an only child. I remember him vividly. No harm done though, I'm a perfectly functional member of society. ;)

G. this is perfectly normal. My oldest daughter had an imaginary friend with a really weird name and she played with her all the time. My younger daughter played with her also. My oldest would not let her go to preschool until one day she snuck in with my daughter. LOL Her preschool teacher told me that they were coloring and my daughter kept shooing someone away and telling her to leave her alone. When questioned she explained that her friend came to school when she wasn't supposed to and was bothering her while she was coloring. Her preschool teachers did everything in their power not to laugh. She had a great imagination and she too is very intelligent. Today she still has a good imagination and harnesses it in acting and drama classes and productions. It is very normal and will end one day. So don't worry. You can choose to encourage it or not. We really didn't acknowledge it all the time and within the year she was gone. She went away to live with another family. Which was fine with us, because we didn't want to have to pay for her college, which my daughter informed me that imaginary friends don't go to college. So let him be who he is and have his friend too. Good luck and God Bless.

My daughter has an imaginary friend as well. She actually has more than one. I don't see it as a bad thing at all. She plays well with them. It doesn't concern me at all.
I have asked my daughter many questions about her imaginary friends and she'll answer them. If it concerns you at all ask him questions.

Hi G., do you guys have a family pet? Your son may need a pet of his own. Maybe small fish or a lizard. He will most likely grow out of it I wouldn't worry to much about it. - married mother of two

I know you have gotten all the other responses, but it sure made me smile reading all the inventive names of the "invisible friends"! All my kids had them, two of them weren't very well named, one was "Ghost", the other one was "Boy".
I had one that I played with when I was 3, his name was "Murphy". Murphy was an old man. I liked him a lot. When we moved Murphy didn't come with us, so by the time I was 5 I had outgrown him.
Have you ever seen the movie "Drop Dead Fred"? It's a hoot, you oughta give it a look for a funny take on the invisible playmate situation.
I bet eventually Jackson will find someone else to play with and your son will have moved on to other things.

Hi G.,

My son also came up with an imaginary friend at about age 3? or so. "Sloppy" matter of fact! He also had many others but I can't remember all of them. Sloppy was the main one. My son is very smart, very friendly to everyone, has lots of friends, etc. He is now 7. Very rarely do we hear of Sloppy anymore. I guess he moved out. LOL.

It's just a phase. I wouldn't put too much effort into worrying about it. There are worse things he could be doing. I always encourage the use of imagination. Just think, every invention in the world was dreamt up in someone's imagination!!

How we handled it was if he brought up "Sloppy", then we played along. If he didn't talk about him, we didn't mention him.

Best Wishes,

J. H.

Imaginary friends are a sign of high intelligence, and a lot of fun.
Sure play along with it, enjoy it with him while you can, because one day soon he is going to look at you like you are crazy and laugh at you for being so silly as to "believe" in his pretend friend. At that point he will never again admit to having an imaginary friend. LOL !
My (above average intelligence) adult son just snickers when we bring up the subject of his childhood imaginary friend. We enjoyed playing the "game" then, and we enjoy the memories now.

I would just let him have his friend. I had one and I know others who have had them. I wouldn't encouage it, but if he's talking about "Jackson" just act like he's talking about the kid down the street. He'll out grow the imaginary friend.

Hi G.,
Don't worry too much, many kids, like mine as well, have or had an imaginary friend, and it is very normal. My kid had imaginary friends who were twins!;, it was so funny and sweet to see him playing with them. I also had an imaginary friend at the age of 5, and she ("Francesca"))was always with me at home and at school. Just let your son be and pretend you see "his friend" like him. Do not exaggerate anything though, just be normal and nice. You don't need to treat him or having visit a therapist for these kind of things....It is normal...It will pass.
Good Luck,

Alejandra

If it isn't interfering with his school or home life, and his personality isn't changing (He just has a "friend") I think that it wouldn't hurt to have an imaginary friend. I was looking at the ages of your children, and there is a pretty good size gap between your 2 youngest. They play different things, and your 9 yo probably doesn't like the 4 yo to play with his stuff......I am sure he will grow out of it as he gets older. Just let him play....My 16 had an imaginary friend up until she was almost 11 (and she has a sister 2 years younger than her) and she is INCREDIBLY creative and writes some of the most amazing stories now for her younger sibs. HTH

About a month ago my son came up with his bear friend he did this and that and it was so real to him at least that is the way he talked,we went along with it,my first thought was to discourage him from it but then I realized it was just a phase and didn't want to discourage him from his imaganation and thinking abilites (story telling) and you know what it didn't last very long and he rarely mentions his bear friend and the bear hunts they go on.So as a mom let thim imagine and him be a kid it doesn't last long and you to can have fun with it too.Sahm of 2 and 1 more on the way

Our daughter just turned 4 and has had 2 friends since she was 3. Cookin is 4 and a boy, and Lassie is 2 and a girl.(We have no idea where they came from.) Sometimes we join in a play along, other times we change the subject. My daughter will ask me to hold them or feed them or be involved in other ways. I have been told it is not a bad thing and they will dissapear. When we mention them to her, she will say they are just pretend. Since she knows they are pretend we haven't made a big deal out of it yet. Good luck with your son.

My daughter had an imaginary friend named diane. At first I was concerned about it, but someone had said to me maybe it is her guardian angel. Never thought about it like that before. She has since outgrown "Diane" she is 5 and just started kindergarden. I think that it is something every child goes through.

Hi G.! I think it's perfectly natural for kids to go through a phase where they have imaginary friends. As long as he's doing well in school and playing well with other children, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

Imaginary friends are very normal for kiddos. You shouldn't worry about it. While taking my kiddos to a therapist, this was one of the concerns we had and she said it was completely age appropriate and as long as his imaginary friend wasn't telling him to do harm to others or himself, everything was fine. If you act like it's not normal, he'll hide it or it will get worse. :)

i think it's completely normal. i'm not sure i'd actively encourage it, (i watch too many scary movies i guess, it would kind of freak me out!) BUT i know it's a phase lots of kids go through and there's nothing wrong with it. if you give him the impression there's something wrong with it, it'll make him feel bad. good luck!