O.K. Moms I have another question as I love how honest everyone is on here!
A group of us were at the park and I commented that I was planning on starting my son in Kindergarten at 5, about to turn 6. This Mom asked why I was holding him back, how could I do that (like I’m a bad parent) and I explained that as far as maturity, I didn’t feel he was ready. My daughter started at 4 going on 5 but she was very mature and socially very adapted. She told me that I seem to baby my son by co-sleeping with him (that was an earlier conversation) and that’s why he’s socially immature.
She said I bet you’re one of those Moms that used baby talk on her kids. She also said that since day one she has talked to her kids like they’re adults and they have always slept in their own rooms. Her argument is that is why many kids are so immature and not as smart. Of course she added that where she’s from, parents don’t baby their kids like they do in our Country.
She really has no room to judge me since she doesn’t know me much nor did she know me when my kids were babies. I wasn’t about to defend myself or my parenting skills. My kids are awesome and her opinion means squat. However, is it true that the reason my son may be immature for his age, is because I co-sleep with him? I definitely don’t baby talk!
oh my........I come from a country where we cosleep well into teenage years due to lack to sleeping room. I wonder what she would have to say to that?????:)
Co-sleeping has nothing to do with maturity - heck, my hubby sleeps with me and I still think he is a bit immature :) Little boys tend to all be a bit socially immature compared with their female counterparts and I think you are right to hold him. You are playing it safe and I would rather have my kids be the older ones in their senior high school class, than they younger ones.
God love ya - I would have told the women she may want to go back to her country.
Co-sleeping is the human norm and has been for millions of years. Many countries co-sleep even with grade-schoolers simply because of the sizes of their homes. Native Americans all slept in the same hut until their children took a mate (and they fooled around while the kiddos slept - I am not quite that brave.)
Recent studies have shown that even breastfeeding is the human norm with a minimum of 2 years and a maximum of 7!!! The study is: Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives by Dettwyler
Stick to your guns - only you know your child and you are his best defense!
:)
You are nicer the I am because I would have told her to shove it. I co slept with each of my children until they were 4 years old and started hogging up the bed. My daughter moved to her bed earlier this year and she talks to anyone. She will start school next year and she will do just fine. However she is so different from my son that strangers will comment on them being like night and day. My son is now almost 9. He started school at 5 and he was shy and bullied and just this year has started to come out of his shell. His best friend is a year younger then he is and is one tough kid. That is what helped my son realize he didn't have to take being bullied anymore. Ironically his best friend still sleeps in his mom's bed because they live in a one bedroom apartment. I guess that blows this ladies theory. My dad told me when I had my son and my MIL was freaking out that he was in my bed that everyone has an opinion and yet there are still no expert parents. We all do what is best for each of us and it sounds like you are doing a great job. Let it go and don't second guess yourself because some dumb lady didn't know to keep her opinions to herself.
Everyone is a critic.
Co sleeping has nothing to do with maturity level. Boy are generally slower than girls. Sounds like she is a one upper.
Co sleeping creates a more secure environment and actually helps with bonding and maturity. It helps to create more independent children, believe it or not.
Kids do better when they are a little older starting Kindergarten. My MIL is a K teacher and she prefers the kids (regardless of smarts or social skills) to be closer to 6 than 4.
Lots of studies prove that kids who co-sleep are more secure and have higher self esteems. We co-sleep w/ our kids(trying hard to get the 3 yo in his own bed:-)), and it is also comforting for the parents too! There's something about feeling your little baby or toddler snuggling up to you, it's a precious feeling!
Pay her no attention. She doesn't know what she's talking about, she just likes to pretend she's a SuperMom. Alot of women out there think their way is the only way.
I've known many women like her, and my kids are as smart or smarter than theirs.
I agree with a previous post - I would have told her to go back to her own country.
Stay true to your instincts. Nobody knows your son better than you do, and if this is working, then don't fix it. Boys are slower to mature, and why do kids have to grow up so fast, anyway? I don't baby talk to my kids, but I also don't talk to them as if they were adults. Why? Because they are KIDS and they should get to be a kid!
Let your son grow and he will find his way, especially because he has the trust and security in his fabulous mom. Keep up the good work!
There is no one way or even a right way to rear a child. I sleep with my daughter still (she is now almost 3) and she is well adapted, independent and very sociable. So, no, co-sleeping is probably not causing your son's immaturity.
No that is not the reason. My children slept with me until age 3 (except the last one who wanted her own bed at 2). Co-sleeping has most likely have affected his self-esteem, his closeness to you, his sense of security and his maturity but in all postive ways.
Boys tend to mature slower than girls and they mature in stages. Are you even sure he is immature for his age? The other mom obviously isn't mature herself. If he has friends, then he's not more socially immature than other children his age.
I think you were right to hold him back. If you think he wasn't ready, then he probably wasn't. You know your child best.
Trust your instincts. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job! And kudos for not responding to her and escalating the incident. You know she wouldn't have listened to anything you said anyway.
You obviously know your son and daughter better than her and you know what's best for them. I believe that co-sleeping and attachment parenting bring you closer to your children and fosters independence. I would not listen to what she has to say. Apparently she is jealous because you know your son well enough to say whether or not he is ready for school. Maybe she started her kids too early and they struggled.
I am also going to have to make that decision of when to start my son in kindergarten since he was born in October. Next time tell her "Mother knows best" :)
S.
Just IGNORE her... she is obviously more interested in hearing her own voice, than in carrying on a mature conversation between 2 well-balanced adults. Mom or not.
What an egotist.
Phooey on her. She is NOT expert.... and what she said is only her opinion and she is NOT the Mother of your children. Thank goodness... we all raised our kids different than her.. and her attitude! LOL
What country is she from anyway? Just curious...
All the best,
Susan
First of all, no mother has a right to make that many judgements because another mom is putting her child in school at age five. I didn't start until I was six, and it did not hurt me one bit. I wasn't ready for school before then, and actually skipped ahead a grade by the time I was in Middle School. So five is a fine age.
Two, boys mature more slowly than girls, and from your description, he is right on schedule, if not more mature than boys his age. He is fine.
Three, I do admit that co sleeping has been done for thousands of years. However, I also believe that after a certain age, it is time to wean them. Like you wean an infant from breastfeeding. If he is getting close to starting school, it is time to start letting him sleep in his own bed, like a big boy. (You can play up the 'big boy' part; he'll feel special.) You can do the weaning in small steps, but do it nonetheless. Reassure him of your love and security and affection in other ways.
To the other mom, who judged without cause: stuff it!
She can keep her opinions to herself.
God bless!
M. D
Shari, First of all this women needs to learn tack when voicing her opinion. I have been a mom for going on 27 years. I always tried to talk normal to my baby's, so when they started talking they would use the words for things, such as the bottle was a bottle not a baba, and a blanket was a blanket not a blankie, a cup was a cup not a cupie. As far as sleeping with children, I don't think that's healthy, especially on a regular basis, children sleeping in their who rooms builds independence and security. We always believed the marriage bed to be sacred, and I don't see how having children in your bed can be healthy for intamacy in your marriage. Does it case children to not be as smart? it may for some and it may not for otheres. Age 5 is the normal/average age for kindergarden depending on where their 5th birthday falls, so in that area I have no idea what she was talking about. I do think he is to old to be sleeping with adults. This is just my own opinion based on my 26 years of experience as a mother and raising 3 kids of my own. J. l.
