Climbing Toddlers and What to Do?

S.,

What seems to be working with my 13 month old monkey is to tell her no. If she does it again (inevitably she does) then I pick her up and move her to her room telling her that this is where she can play, not the kitchen/dining room/whatever.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

They certainly could hurt themselves, or they could fall and NOT get hurt, or they might not fall at all. Mamas are wired to worry – it's our job. We are capable of imagining every possible terrible consequence on behalf of our happy-go-lucky kids.

And amazingly, most of them grow up relatively unscathed in spite of many falls and near-misses. So another part of our job as mamas is to take a deep breath and let go a little more each day as they become more imaginative and capable.

Your girls sound pretty precocious, and that is something to delight in as much as be terrified by. Think about how different you might feel if they were boys – might you have an expectation that they would take more risks and get more owies? So, why not girls, if they are up to it?

When my daughter was their age, she would want to climb or have other daredevil adventures. I didn't try to stop her unless she was in genuine danger. I would tell her, "Okay, you can do that, and I want you to know that xyz could happen. How will you feel if that happens? How can you keep it from happening?"

She would have a chance to think over the outcome, and would usually let me show her the safest way to do something, or even try a less risky version until she got good at it. She was always physically strong and well-coordinated. I doubt that her body tone would have been as good if I had kept her from extending herself into new territory.

By the way, my 27 mo grandboy kicked a chair out from under himself while leaning on the table last week. It looked like a terrible fall, and every adult in the room rushed to administer first aid. It scared him, and bruised one hand a little, so he cried for a few minutes. And then he was fine.

Your daughters are doing what 22 month old babies should be doing. They are exploring the world and learning what they are capable of doing. Babies at this age do not have a long term memory and so they don't remember what you said.

What my daughter did when her kids started climbing was to move furniture so that they couldn't climb onto the high places. However, the high chair seems a reasonable goal to reach when climbing. After all they do sit in that chair every day. I think my granddaughter was putting herself into the high chair at that age.

Why wouldn't they be safe if they put themselves in the chair? True, there is a chance of falling. You can't protect your daughters from falls. It is good that they are testing themselves. They are learning about space and their own capabilities in that space. Would you want them to lose their curiosity and then perhaps be safer from falls; to learn to live on the safe side, unable to take risks.

When my granddaughter started climbing on things that my daughter didn't want her to climb onto (such as the shelves in the etegere holding the TV) she kept furniture away from that area so that my granddaughter couldn't get started. She learned to pull a chair over to the TV but that left time enough to stop her.

A fall from the table or high chair is most likely to not cause a serious injury. However, if you don't want them climbing there, be sure that the chairs are pushed completely under the table and that the high chair is not close enough to the table for them to reach it if they should get onto the table.

I worried about the risks my daughter took as a child. I'm less concerned now with my grandchildren. I've experienced my daughter's exploration of her world and nothing bad happened. With that experience I can relax and enjoy my grandchildren's exploration. Now my daughter is concerned.

When I remind her of the things that she did she is frequently incredulous. She sees the possible dangers now instead of the desire to learn that is driving the kids actions. It is our responsibility to prevent injuries but we have to make a judgement about what is truly dangerous and what is a mother wanting to protect her children from all possibilities of injury. We also need to learn when to let go and allow our children room to explore.

The one thing I would warn of is (something I hadn't thought of) the day they discover that a kitchen/dining chair can be dragged over to provide access to the kitchen countertops/cupboards. This happened to my girlfriend--one day while she was in the laundry room her little girl dragged a lightweight chair over to the kitchen island, climbed up and 1) dumped a whole can of fish food into the tank, 2) found the magic markers and wrote all over herself, 3) found the sharp knives and dropped one on her foot (fortunately it didn't cut her), and 4) found the dog's thyroid medication and fed him the entire bottle. So--all those things that had been "up high" were suddenly accessible in a way that hadn't been foreseen. It could have been much worse (she could have fallen, or cut herself, let the sink fill up and overrun, switched on the rangetop, microwaved something, eaten the dog's meds herself) but as it was, she was just decorated for a few days...and the dog survived too.

So, My son starting doing that when he was getting close to two BIG TIME too. I bought a small indoor slide and put it in the middle of his room. Everytime he climbed I'd say, "We don't climb on the table, but you can climb on the slide" and I'd physically move him to the slide. You have to have something to redirect them to. Make sure you take them outside everyday to play and climb. I worked in a childcare center for ten years as a Director. I found research that watched toddlers and their play patterns and it all evolves around large motor. For example, they'll sit with you and read a book for a couple of minutes and then get up to play and then they'll play with soft blocks for a few minutes and then get up to play with something that allows them to move again. That's why the research suggested we put large motor in the middle of our classroom (physically). Large motor could be a play structure, riding toys, rocking toys, balls, jumping mats, etc. So, I tried to do this same thing in our house (of course on a smaller scale).
Just think of it like, toddlers have a NEED to move and climb so give them a safe place to do it. Redirect them to something appropriate. They'll get the message.

The ladies are all right in that it should be explained, and tell them stuff does happen. I do worry about them just looking at you and laughing, they are learning early. I know they are young but sounds like they are pretty smart, and if you don't get a handle on it now you will have trouble later, I am just saying, I have seen it too often with nieces and nephews and folks I babysit for you better get in charge now!
I have 4 brothers who were bouncing on the bed at once and they all fell off and broke their front tooth on the same day. My mothers head was swirling because she had just warned them that something could happen.

I had a three year old who was jumping on the bed when his brother was only 4 days old, and he split his head open requiring stitches. Two years later he was under a blanket spinning around and again hit his head and needed stitches.
So pass on this true story to them. Trust me breaking your front tooth is not fun, and I have done it too as a child and now I am still in pain as an adult.
It is up to you as the mother to decide what is dangerous or not, but I have to warn you things that look like there might not be a problem turn out bad. So be close by.
Good luck.
Had 8 brothers and sisters, and 3 sons of my own with a lot of energy.

Well, you could build a bubble and put them in it for one really big time out...I'm sorry, just teasing. I'm also a first time Mom and couldn't imagine having active twins! However, it seems that they're right on track for exploring what their little bodies are capable of and what the world offers.

But the real issue could be that it's darn annoying when you ask someone to not do something and they keep doing it. My daughter is two years old and I started doing time-outs around 20 months. It works for her, so good luck!

Hi S.,

I think there are several issues to address here...They need to learn that "NO" means "NO". If they do it anyway, there needs to be a consequence or they know it doesn't matter if they listen. Now is the perfect time to start time-outs. Give them a warning and if they don't stop, then time-out. This should happen EVERY time they don't listen to you. When my daughter was that age, I put her in her crib for time-out (light on, door open, no toys). Then when the time is up, tell them they were in time-out and why, then if they can, they need to say "I'm sorry" to you and you give hugs and kisses.

I have read the other comments people have made. Yes, large moter skills are important and they should have appropriate places to climb. If they are allowed to climb on furniture- beds, couches, tables, at what point is that not OK? Do you want them to go to other peoples houses and disrespect their furniture? I think it's better to teach them that furniture has a specific purpose- chairs for sitting on, etc. Climbing Toys have a specific purpose too...I would also worry if you "let them" climb around your house, that they will choose to do it while you are doing something else (taking a shower, going to the bathroom) and you will not be there to monitor and help if they do get hurt.

My third point is that kids do get hurt. It is our job to keep them safe (within reason!). Children this young cannot make an informed logical decision on whether to jump ("you can jump,but know that you could get hurt..."). They are not capable of understanding the consequences. The older they get, the more they are capable of.

So...I would suggest finding safe places for them to climb and explore. I enrolled my two year old in a parks and recreation tumbling class. They had an obstacle course with all kinds of things to climb and jump on, but there were soft mats all around to cushion any falls. Playgrounds at the park are good too. I let my daughter climb the ladders, but am right there, with my hands ready to catch her if she loses her grip or slips. As her abilities increase, I give her more space. Overprotective is not letting them climb at all. Protective is making sure they have a safe place to climb!

We've experience the same problem for several months-my 18 month old began climbing our furniture almost as soon as he could walk, if not sooner. He had a similar response to "no" also. We endured for a while, rushing to get him down and talking to him about it but nothing was changing. I'd read that time-outs do work for toddlers, even ones as young as my little guy, so we destinated a time-out chair and started using it whenever he would climb on furniture that was "unsafe". I keep my verbal explanation to him short: "No climbing. You might fall and get hurt. Time-out.". At first, it didn't seem like he really understood at all...he wasn't really mad that he was in time-out but never seemed to grasp that it was a consequence either. But, gradually over time, I've noticed that he stopped climbing on the forbidden furniture (like the dining room table) and also he'll now respond to verbal cues to stop before he does something. We tried to keep his time-outs to around a minute or so-I've read that the time-out length should be equal to their age. He's never cried because he was put in time-out but has had a few pouty-lip moments. At times, he'll try to get up too quickly (before the time-out is officially over) but will go sit back down if I remind him that it's not over. We've never had to utilize time-outs on a daily basis, yet we did get results. Best of luck!

they could be hurt yes... but this is what they do to explore and get familiar with their bodies.

I have a 35 month old and a 23 month old and their favorite thing to do is stand on the desk chair and jump onto the loveseat..... I stand there when they do it and we talk about being careful and that they could get hurt etc.... honestly - they have gotten hurt more tripping over a toy they leave on the floor or runing in the backyard....

also pulling all of the cusshions off the couch and jumping off the couch onto the cushions.... way fun.

perhaps take them to Pump It Up or Jumping Jack and Jills or another place like that so they can get all of that energy and exploration out in a more controlled environment.

Get used to telling them to be careful, put pillows down on the floor where you can & try to move the things that would hurt them when they fall.
My daughter started climbing at 18 months & when I finally accepted the fact I couldn't watch her ever second & she would not stop, I focused on supporting her exploring spirit. And I pray a lot & have lots of pillows around & not many sharp corners.
You will drive yourself crazy trying to stop them from climbing, especially with two of them, so I greatly encourage you to find ways to let them do it safely. I know we never want our children to get hurt, but it's going to take either getting stuck on the top of her dresser or falling on her butt to start teaching her how to be careful.
The start with my daughter was also climbing into her high chair. I would stand near her & encourage her, helping her turn around into the seat until she could manage it herself. Then I would sit & we'd have a meal or snack. Now she's 27 months & sitting at the table, not a high chair. That's something else: all these phases pass so quickly!

Hi, I too am stay at home mom of twin girls, they are 21 months. I love being home with them, they are wonderful!

All of the other comments have been valid suggestions but it is SO different with twins. They see each other doing things and they think it is a big game they are playing together. One starts to climb and you say no and give a time out. Then the other one has to start climbing and so you say no and give a time out. By then the first girls time out is over and she gets up to go start the whole thing all over again or she goes over to the other girl who is in time out and they laugh together so they think time out is a funny game to play together. It becomes this endless cycle of climbing and laughing and time outs. Unless you have twins yourself there is just no way you could possibly understand dealing with two toddlers at the same developmental level.

My girls also climb EVERYTHING and I am always worried they will hurt themselves. We say "no" and they also think it is funny and do it again. We have started using time out and it is working pretty good. They still climb things and they still think it is funny but they also know that if I have said "no" once and they do it again they will spend a minute in time out.

Another thing that really seems to work for my girls is to tell them that I will count to three and they should get down from the table or they will go to time out. After having done this over and over again for a couple of days the girls understood. Ususally they get down by the time I get to three and I can congratulate them for making a good choice, if they don't I put them in time out for a minute. I like this approach because then you don't feel like you are saying "no" a million times a day.

Finally, we invested in a small Kangaroo Climber that is in our living room. If the girls start climbing on chairs and tables and things we direct them to their "slide" as we call it and it gives them an OK place to climb. It has been a life saver. We also go to the indoor play park, the outdoor parks and the children's museum alot to get their climbing out. It is hard work keeping track of them at these places but it is better than trying to keep them off the furniture at home.

Anyway, it has been a slow and frustrating process that many times I thought wasn't working but I can see that they are understanding better and climbing on furniture less. Good luck and I hope you can give me some advice in the future as I am sure I will need it!

My older daughter was the same way! I just let her climb as long as it wasn't something that she would damage by climbing on (like the piano keys) or something that could fall on her (like bookshelves). She started climbing into her high chair at around, oh, 16 or 17 months old. She was climbing up stairs at 7 months and down stairs at 10 months. She has only fallen and hurt herself one time and even then it wasn't bad enough to need to take her to the doctor or anything.

They're just exploring and I believe that children need to explore and learn their limits (within reason - not as far as electrical outlets or roads go, of course) without grownups hovering over them.

So, I would either let them climb and stop worrying so much about it - just be available to comfort and take care of them in case they do fall. OR you could provide them with something else they CAN climb on. They want to and need to climb right now and if that need doesn't get taken care of appropriately then they will try to take care of it in ways you don't approve of - like with climbing on the table.

I highly recommend the book "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Liedloff. It really helped me to stop worrying about my children falling and hurting themselves! It's not a parenting book, but a very easy to read anthropological study about how we raise children compared to indigenous tribes in South America. Children really are much smarter about physical activities than we give them credit for in our society.

Best wishes!
~B.

Time outs work now. This may sound a bit harsh but if you can't control your children at 22 months then how are you going to control them at 12 or 14 or 16? It only gets harder. Pick your battles and go from there. The first battles are anything life threatening or dangerous. I am a grandmother and remember when a little spat on the bottom along with a stern no never hurt anyone but it sure got the point across. I have a grown daughter with 6 children. A 15 year old daughter who is not pregnant, doesn't do drugs or alcohol, and has a 3.0 grade point average. I also have a 12 year old son who is not into gangs, does not spend any time in the principal's office but does play baseball, goes to after school clubs, is on the honor roll, and is up for an all school award. They all got spats on the bottom from time to time. There is a difference between a spat to reinforce the no and a beating. Try time outs, if they don't work try something else.