Can You Post Links About Highly Sensitive, Strongwilled Teen Girls?

If you have an anxious teen who feels unsupported, I think you have to work more creatively to find a counselor before April! Talk to the pediatrician and the school about referrals, and talk to your insurance company to find a professional or at least a group setting that doesn't have so long a waiting list. If you're in KC, you aren't out in the boondocks. Arrange your work schedule around her, not the other way around. I'm sorry her dad isn't more involved, but I wouldn't let any kid sit around feeling awful, and certainly not a teenager. These are tough issues and this is a critical age.

Rather than find a website, I would contact her guidance counselor (just get link/email off school website) and ask for material directly or a visit with them.

I would not wait till April. That's ridiculous. I get you work, but what would you do if she needed to get in to see something for medical reasons? You'd make time.

Oftentimes, teens just need to be heard. That was the best advice I took away from this site when I first joined. Helped me with a sensitive tween and I've kept it up. Made all the difference. Less talking on the parents' part - just spend time one on one. Have a movie/pizza night, hang out, do things together that she enjoys and allow her to open up. Let her be herself - let her know that her highly sensitive, anxious, strong willed self is just great. That's what she wants to know.

Help her find coping strategies for now - breathing, calming herself down, journaling, exercise, etc. if she's anxious. There are tons of anxiety sites (just google) for teens. If she's a perfectionist there's nothing wrong with that. I find we make these traits into negatives. Help her (role play) find better ways of dealing with peers. When you listen, you can offer feedback GENTLY. That's the key :)

If dad is unsupportive, then you take the lead. Tell Dad he needs to change his tune.

This cannot wait until April! Your teen is sensitive, anxious, feels attacked, and feels that no one understands or supports her. And her dad sounds like he's pretty much substantiating that by just watching tv and telling her to quit "messing around". And you are trying to find her some professional help, which is the right thing to do, but you're trying to fit your daughter's needs in when your work schedule will permit it.

I get it - work is important and provides income and often health insurance. Most people can't just quit their jobs.

But your teen is in distress. Take time off, ask for a family medical leave, emergency leave, whatever. Take Diane B's advice about talking with your daughter's doctors, school counselors and your insurance company, and ask them for a suggestion. Spend a day making calls to psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists. Look them up on HealthGrades (a website) and find an appointment for your daughter.

And, on that day off, talk with her. Yes, it will probably be annoying. No, you can't "fix" the problems she's having by making cookies or just listening. But you can tell her "honey, I know you're unhappy and I'm listening. I love you and I'm here for you. I will be by your side and try to help you understand why you feel the way you do. It's not stupid, or silly. You have the right to feel like you do, but you know and I know that you're smart and kind and loved, and I want to find ways to help you feel happier, with others and with yourself."

Even if she doesn't respond with hugs and gratefulness, don't stop trying. Your daughter is sending important signals and they can't wait until April. Websites or books won't be the answer here. She needs help that only a human can provide: a doctor, a therapist, a counselor. She might need medication at some point. That's ok. If she were displaying signs of diabetes or had an infection, you wouldn't wait. Mental health and emotional security can't wait either.

My daughter sees a psychiatrist regularly, but I see consult a counselor too, in order to help me as a mother understand my challenging daughter. It has helped tremendously.

I would not wait until April. Why? Things will just get worse.

I have a 23 yr old, strong willed, anxious daughter. Adversity has certainly made her grow. She always had 100% support from us. At no time did we dismiss her feelings.

My child is a perfectionist. She is thriving in her job now after college graduation but boy were we glad high school was finally over.. Her Sophomore year of college (10/2015) my husband (her dad) dropped dead suddenly and threw us into a tail spin.

Her health and anxiety got worse and she ended up with heart surgery in July 2016.

Address the issues NOW, don't put it off.

I never wanted to squash her strong willed part of her personality.. it is a great attribute but you HAVE to learn how to use that attribute to your best ability.

She has had a counselor and there is NOTHING wrong with that. It helped her learn a lot of ways to deal with people.

One of the hardest things she had to deal with was group projects because she cared about her grade and cared about the project. Many times, she ended up with the brunt of the work for everything and the other group members benefited from her hard work.

She is probably a very gifted empathetic child.
Group work is hard. She probably feels she is working with moronic kids. I get it. Her dad is no help.

Have you tried putting her in a special club or program, dance, sport? She needs to build her confidence and showcase her perfectionist traits in a positive way. Being a hard worker and caring about your work are good traits.

13/14 is a hard age but I do think a lot of kids experience this in one form or another.
It's part of finding herself - every teen has a period of general angst and 'no one understands me'.
(Heck, I'm 56 and no one understands me but I've stopped caring if anyone ever will.)

Our son being an only child always thought of himself as an adult from an early age.
As a result he often felt annoyed with what he felt was childish stuff from his peers.
I think what helped him the most was he made friends who were older than himself.
When he was 14 - through taekwondo - he had friends that were 17 and 19 years old.
By high school his peer group maturity wise finally caught up to him and his friends were then closer to his own age.

He's currently a sophomore in college - and even last year (when he was a freshman) his best friends were juniors and seniors.
Of course he had some friends that were freshman but he still feels that a lot of freshmen get involved in some pretty stupid stuff.

April is a pretty long wait to see a counselor so see about finding another one sooner.
In the mean time try to make sure she is in an activity where she can make friends outside of school (and of different ages).
No one at any age likes being corrected. - so don't correct her.
Merely remind her from time to time that there's more than one way to achieve a goal and there's no wrong way to get there.
Part of learning to brainstorm is to consider multiple paths (even ridiculous ideas), evaluate the pluses and minuses of each and weigh it all up to determine the best path.
Sometimes the best way is an out of the box approach or even approaching it sideways can make for some interesting results.

I think that maybe both you and she can learn about approaching things sideways and by the time you guys have it figured out - she'll be past her awkward stage.

I would recommend parenting classes and marital counseling.

You wrote: "She is feeling no one understands or supports her. Her dad just watches tv when he is home and tells her she needs to do her work and quit messing around." Well then, it sounds like your daughter has a point - her own father does not seem to understand or support her!

Also, you should avoid referring to your daughter as "So annoying". And "strong willed" sounds like one of those things you would be proud of in a *son*...be careful about sexism in your expectations of your daughter's personality.