Battling with My 5 1/2 Yr Old

Wow - this was like reading about my own life. My daughter is 5 1/2 and is the exact same way - so loving and caring with everyone but me. At home, she is stubborn and willfull and argumentative. I always allow 3 repetitions of a request and if she doesn't comply after that, she gets punished. This hasn't really worked, however. It's just led to her being punished a lot. When we get in a really bad slump, I'll try to take some time for just me and her to go do something fun and try to get back on the same page - like hike around Walden Pond or go to the mall to buy her some new earings or a little trinket - do something to remind her that I love her and love being with her. I think the only-child syndrome is very similar to the first-born in that they have a mothering instinct. I love to watch my daughter be the only one on the playground making sure a hurt child is okay - so I take advantage of that, too. I make sure she understands that her attitude hurts me, and that in turn makes her want to kinda take care of me instead of fight me. This has worked the best, but I feel it's a bit manipulative, so I only resort to it when the situation is really bad. I also just remind myself that a happy mom gets through to her better than a demanding one. So even if I don't feel it, I fake it, and then the request seems more reasonable to her. I also realized it takes 2 to fight, so once I've explained how things really are to her, I've done my job and refuse to argue it with her any further. Good luck - I look forward to seeing what others write.

I love the book "Positive Parenting" by Glenn Latham - your local library should have it.

Good luck!

I absolutely love the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish -- it is one of my childrearing bibles, and has been so helpful. I highly recommend it.

Hi there - I feel that the situation you are describing is exactly what I am going through with my 5 1/2yo dd too! Is your dd in full day kindergarten? I've discovered that my dd has had a lot more trouble controlling her emotional responses since she started school. She has a melt down almost daily and tantrums more often. My husband commented the other day that I've been really impatient with her and it's true. Just because our girls are high energy doesn't mean they aren't overwhelmed and tired. I've been shifting my dd's bedtime about half an hour earlier. As for the listening issue, I've tried to make my requests in her face...making sure I have eye contact and then giving her a time limit with a timer. I hate being a broken record and if I have to repeat any request a third time she loses a privilege (ie TV time). I'm wondering f this is like the terrible twos, when kids test your boundaries because school opens up new possibilities and more independence for the kids, and perhaps they are seeing some freedoms other kids have. It seems to be a phase (I'm hoping!) because I want my daughter back!