Seeking Diffrent Ways to Clam Myself with Out Yelling

Read the book "Parenting with Love and Logic" or "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years". Both are terrific approaches to parenting; Stresses putting the responsibility for behavior on the child rather that the parent. They teach the parent to be calm rather than reactive. Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp...

I admire you for looking for better ways of doing things. Good luck.

Try getting down to her level and making eye contact before you speak to her in a low tone - this way you know she's hearing you - and demand some sort of response from her as confirmation that she recognizes what you've said.

oh boy can i relate..sorry no advice..i need answers too. I have a 2 yo boy..and so different from my girl..just doesn't listen..over and over again telling him things..not to get on the table..etc etc..it's really hard not to yell..i'm really trying..but my girl, now 11yo was very different..low key..not into everything..not a climber..etc etc..so I'm on my last nerve! lol

Hi A..
First I would like you to know that you are not alone. I had the same feelings when my son was 3 and going through this stage. I felt like all I ever did was yell, and I too didn't want that to be his only memory. For me there wasn't one magical thing that worked. Rather a series of small steps.
1. Started watching a LOT of Supernanny for tips.
2. Thought a senario through before speaking. If I started to approach him about toys that weren't picked up, I'd stop at the door and think about the scene that was about to happen. If I say this... this usually helps me get control of my temper or stop and think of a less angry approach or wording to my statement.
3. Turning the other cheek. Its HARD to sit there and watch a 3 year old throw toys about the room, or rip a book, etc. Instead of yelling for him to stop, I'd get his attention and as calmly as possible, let him no that when I came back to the room, whatever toys he had thrown would be thrown away; we don't throw toys, so they must not be toys anymore, and whatever mess was on the floor he needed to either cleanup or it was going to be thrown away too. Then I would walk to the kitchen and get a trash bag. I would then make him put the stuff he'd thrown into the bag.
4. Finding time for yourself. This is an important one. When you are stressed you have a shorter fuse.
5. Find your inner child. Let loose and have fun with your child. Bake cookies and decorate them with LOTS of icing; make mud pies; color; play with play dough; play house; dance!. My son (now 7) and I just spent an hour playing kitchen soccer. My husband would yell at us about not knocking the fish bowl over, and the two of us would just laugh! we were getting into trouble together!
6. Lower the volume. When you feel yourself starting to lose it, instead of yelling, speak more slowly and with a lower tone. Stay in control of you and you'll control the situation.
7. Ask, don't tell. I have to make a point of 'asking' my son to do something, and saying please. If I tell him to do something, he'll fight me.
8. Find shortcuts around the arguments. If the fight is over eating meals, give her smaller portions and let her be. Don't force her to clean her plate, but don't reward her later either with dessert. If you always fight in the morning about getting dressed, have her sleep in her clothes. If the fight is always over what she's going to wear, pick out the outfit the night before. If the fight is about cleaning up the toys, take all of the toys except 5 and put them away (rotate them every so often).If the fight is about cleaning up the books, give them away, and just borrow from the library (saves money too.)
9. Watch the clock. I found that most of the time when my son would argue with me was when it had been awhile since he had eaten anything. Now I try to make sure that he has something every 2 1/2 - 3 hours. When he does get mad, that's usually my first question to the situation. Have you had any thing to eat lately? Are you hungry?
I hope I've given you some ideas that are helpful.
M.

Hi A.,

Good for you to look for help in this. You're right, yelling is not the best way to handle it. But, many of us have, and thank the LORD there are other options. I would recommend a couple of helpful books that can be borrowed from the library. One is When Anger Hurts Your Kids. It is a great source for you to process through some of your thoughts and expectations as well s give specific suggestions for your situation. Another one is Parenting With Love and Logic. Great book and there are also courses by this name. Most of all, I would suggest a parenting group where you can find the support that you are needing as well as practical help. I would try to remember, your child is not out to get you, she is just doing what she needs to do to get what she needs, whether it is a particular thing at that time, or simply your attention. Whatever it is, she is a normal toddler it seems, and as a friend told me, her job is to push the boundaries, yours is to hold them. I find if I address an issue from the first, I am much less emotional about it. Also give choices so that she realizes she has some control over what happens. Example: do you want bring that to me, or would you like for me to take it from you? Would you like to stop crying so that we can have a good time together, or would you like to go to your room, crib, etc. until you are able to play nicely? You can come to me, or I can come and get you, which would you like to do? I use the phrase "the choice is yours" w/my two year old and that seems to really click for him. All in all, I would remind you, try to have realistic expectations, decide what is important to work on, when you see something you need to correct do so quickly and don't harp on it afterwards. Simply giving a consequence quickly upon the unwanted behavior will teach them what is acceptable and what is not. And by the way, kids begin to recognize that connection as early as about 9 months.

Blessings on you, A.

Your daughter appears to be in the "terrible twos/ threes" age group, for starters. This is the way they behave. I'm a mother of three, son-15 and 12, and daughter 9. Boy did I experience this! Plus she has another issue, she is no longer the baby and doesn't get "mommy" the way she use to. She's harboring resentment. It's important to include her in as much of the new baby life as possible, let her assist in feeding, bathing, holding, etc. Maybe daddy can take her for special father/daughter time or he can take the baby so that you and her can spend quality time like before. Now as for you, it's obvious you get very little "ME" time. You really need to analyze the full situation, is the yelling because the child is really misbehaving or is it more that you feel tired and worn out. Being a mother is definitely hard work and rarely do we take time away. Before responding to your daughter, take several deep breaths, count to 10, pause before responding. I don't know if you work outside the home, if not it could be that you are long overdue for your own pampering time, even if you do work outside you need that time. My kids now, begs me to take "ME" time. One of my son placed a note on my bedroom door saying, "MOMMY TIME, BE QUIET". They can see now, when I'm becoming aggitated and before I reach that point they excuses themselves or allow me to have my own quiet time, or if I just need to get out the house. When you find yourself ready to explode, take the kids out for a walk. Exercising/walking always calm a person down and then speak with your daughter about what she did. don't wait too long because they'll forget. If it a weekend, have your husband watch the kids, you go into your room, place a sign on the door, color coded for your daughter to know, this is your time. Explain to your daughter whenever this color is on your door it means quiet time, and she's to be with daddy. It'll take a little time, since she's two but she'll eventually understand because daddy will reinforce it. Another thing I did and still do, when younger I would read or use an illustration related to whatever it was that they did wrong. The best time for training is at infancy. Sometimes, I prayed. If you believe in GOD, you can really calm your temper with his help. By no means allow you daughter to get away with her actions, once she's more obedient, your temper will calm as well. Don't allow her to watch her favorite show and keep reminding her why. When she throws her tatrums as she will, reinfornce that this behavior is why you can not watch Dora (i.e.). Also, make sure your husband is apart of the disciplining stages as well. He has to not go against you when you make decisions regarding her discipline. I hope something I have said works for you. I'm dealing with a 15 y/o son, interested in girls, cars, motorcycles, sports,and clothes. So it's a new battle ground, I guess it's non-stop as a parent. One final reminder: GET SOME "ME" TIME.

If you have someone (a friend or maybe hubby) you could explore by just talking about what triggers your anger and when you notice it the most. Sometimes just exploring WHY I am so angry at certain times really helps. I am also a christian, and asking for God to help me is also one thing I do regularly. :) Good luck. :)

Hi A.,

I'd like to recommend the book 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle. It really deals with the whole-life, and may seem a bit overwhelming at first, but if it strikes a chord with you, oh boy, you will love it! It's the current book for Ophrah's book club. If you go to Oprah.com, you can navigate your way to the book. They are doing a live classroom-like seminar every Monday night for 10 weeks. Tonight will cover chapter 5, and you can always check out previous weeks' chapters webcasts and watch them. Last week, week 4, touched alot on parenting, and there was actually a woman who posed a question regarding her always-screaming 3-year-old. (Not that she is the one yelling...but may be related?) Maybe you could just watch the 90 minute session from last week?

Sorry for rambling...it's really an awesome thing! Let me know if you decide to check into it and what you think. In any case, good luck with what you decide to do!

I know how you feel, my daughter will be three in June and we are going through the same thing. I don't know what to tell you except that it is a phase that we just need to hang in there and get through. YOu could pray about it, that helps me, but in general I think it is a phase.

Hi, I would suggest if you have a friend with this book, get it and read it.....my now 5 year old, is still like that, he gets into "rages" or writes on the wall....but I handle them alot differently after reading this book. It is called 1-2-3- Magic, not sure of the author, my husband took it to work with him, so we can be on teeh same page with discipline. But if you search on Amazon.com it will come up. Hang in there.

Hi there,I am beginning to realize how important it is to have a support system of other younger mothers around you, have you got a circle or just us folks online? I also began meditating with Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, helps me immensely, especially when dealing with my violent autistic 29 year old daughter

I know what you mean. I tend to yell, too. I have found that exercising helps a lot. I have an 11 month old, 4 yr old, and 11 year old. I try to speak calmly but when I have to repeat myself a couple of times, I start yelling. My husband speaks once and then usually gets a paddle, I try to avoid spanking, but to each their own as long as that doesn't cross the line. We have an eliptical machine and a treadmill and I find going to workout and really getting out my frustration while doing it helps keep me calm. Also, you could get a punching bag and take some time out to beat on it a little each day!

Yelling is a learned behavior and it has to be unlearned. Your children will delvelop this habit if they grow up with it. One way get in the habit of not yelling is to set a timer for about 15 minutes. Each time it goes off, look back to see if you've yelled. The more often you have to remind yourself not to yell, the less likely you'll do it again in a short period of time. As days go by, you'll be able to set the timer for longer periods of time.

I can be a yeller also, but my children are older and remind be of those times.

I'm glad you're aware of this and hope everything works out soon.

I had similar issues with my son when he was that age. I spoke to my pediatrician about it and he referred me to a book called "1,2,3 Magic". I read every word of it and it actually made sense. I have purchased it for gifts for a couple of friends since. My son is now 7 and I never even have to get past 1..2 ..and he is moving.

Good Luck,

I understand... it is hard to keep your cool when they don't listen. Unfortunately, in my experience, their wills continue to grow, so constant reminders will be the norm. Having a consistent routine will help both her and you.

Have you noticed that you end up losing your temper when there are certain other things going on? That sometimes you're patient, but then the same action from your child at another time gets you angry? Try to notice.

I've noticed that I am a lot more patient when I've had 8+ hours of sleep, when I only plan one outing or activity per day, when I have a plan for the day (that I share with my kids so they know what to expect), and when I stay on the family's schedule, and don't bend to an impromptu invitation or phone call.

I hope this helps.

I can empathise with you! I went through a dark time when my dd and ds when they were 2 1/2 and 1. I was laying in bed one night, feeling uneasy, thinking abt my kids and our life. I too didn't want this yelling and negetivity to be her prominent memory. I was raised in a volitile environment, and fear and anger shadow all MY memories of MY childhood. I believe in God, and I began to cry and get all my frustrations out to him, and begged forgiveness and for help! I found that humility, and admitting I needed help were huge steps, because I then saw that I was weak and needed teaching, just like my daughter. I felt like God was so patient with me, I wanted to be patient with her. Talking to my little girl, and telling her I was sorry for yelling, and that I always loved her, and more intimate feelings, like how she has added so much joy to my life, and that before she was born, I never knew how to love, etc., was a turning point in HER behavior. She was so forviging, and hugged me and forgave me immediately, after months of my yelling at her! I would sit with her for 5 minutes a day and talk to her like this. I did it as long as I felt was neccessary to re-teach and re-establish a new, more intimate relationship with her. I was amazed at the overall change that happened in both of us. With God's help, and a new, clear perspective, I was able to come up with better strategies for dealing with defiance and misbehavior that were just right for her.

Now my son is 2, and I have found myself falling back into old habits, yelling again, giving commands 20 times, etc. I'm going to have to try different strategies with him, the getting down on his level and talking simply to him eye-to-eye doesn't work, because he won't stay still for two seconds! Spanking doesn't work at all, and time-outs don't work either. He's a fun boy, light-hearted, and laughs all the time. I love him so much, but he's not listening and obeying, and now my dd eyes me when she sees him disobey, and thinks she should get away with things too. It's time to start again! I think "Megan" had some very good suggestions. I will try them too!

Hi A.,

First of all, you are frustrated with all the responsibilities of taking care of two infants. You don't have to do things immediately when the children are crying. Take a few deep breaths, and set which is a higher priority and have the other infant to wait until you get done with the first priority.

Get yourself on a routine. There is a parenting group. Get involved in doing something for yourself on a weekly basis even if it just window shopping. Get yourself a babysitter for those times.

Join a health club, civic group or/and a parenting group.

Http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com

Once you feel like you have a life other than being a mom, and establishing a routine, you will feel better about yourself and you will then stop yelling because you will feel like you in control of your own life. You yell because you feel like you have no control over your life at this point.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

There are some really good suggestions already mentioned. I had this issue too. What I recommend is that whenever you talk to her, walk to her and get down on her level. At this age they are starting to test the boundaries, and expect that you will tell them things more than once. I also give my kids a warning that mom means business (mine is "I'm about to lose my temper" said very calmly). This works wonders for me, they don't want Mommy to lose her temper! I don't think they even know what it means, really, but they do whatever it is that I am asking them. And before you yell, count to 10 to calm yourself down. If that doesn't work, say that mommy needs a time out from (whatever it is) and walk in another room to get yourself together.

Hi A.. I completely understand your dilemma. You have alot on your plate having two young children and it can be tiring. The easiest solution sometimes is to yell. But if you are continuously having to yell at your kids that tells you that, well, it's not working, because your still having to yell. Some important things to remember: If you yell at your kids, you will raise children who also yell. Research has proven that yelling at children diminishes their self-esteem and interferes with neurological processes which can inhibit optimum learning. Imagine yourself a small child having this big adult person whom you love and admire, standing over you yelling and screaming at you. Can you imagine how scary that is for a child? I tell you these things because-I used to be a "screamer". Not only did I feel bad about myself, but it was ruining my relationship with my kids, however I began reading and researching on the effects of yelling at your kids. I have also taken alot of child development classes (one particular class at ODU-Child Welfare-taught by Dr. Karen Polonko-was an eye opener on this topic). But I degress... The best advice I can give you is to start educating yourself. There is alot of information on the internet, the Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters offers alot of parenting classes for free (childcare included), Dr. James Garbarino, Dr. Brian Post and Dr. Anda also have several books on positive parenting techniques. The group In Support of Children also has alot of positive parenting solutions and Dr. Katherine Kersey has written several books on this topic as well. All of these resources can be found online. If you need help finding them let me know. I know my response was lengthy, but I hope I helped in some way. Best of luck to you. P.S. If you want a more extensive list of available books on this topic you can email me at ____@____.com and I will send it to you.

Here is a link with some helpful information. It focuses primarily on spanking but you could incorporate yelling into this as well. http://groups.hamptonroads.com/pages1.cfm?page_id=10061

This may be difficult to manage, but you need to stop what you are doing. Go to her face to face, at her level, look her in the eyes and tell her what you want from her. Ask her if she understands and have her summarize or repeat what you've just said you need her to do. Use simple language and one command at a time. "Please stop banging", not a host of commands..."please stop banging", "pick up your toys" then "go get your coat"...kids that age are not equipped for more than one command at a time.

I think you will find most of the time, you are probably occupied with the baby, when she is doing something you don't like. You are yelling at her from across the room or from another room. Unfortunately, this is a bad habit that gets taken into teenage years with most parents--and the same complaint 10-13 years later that your teenager doesn't listen. If you communicate face to face and offer the respect in your tone of voice you want in return from her--it will begin a good level of communication between you and her that will last through teenage years. Good habits are hard to develop...but once they become habit, hard to break. Give it the effort you need now (ps...this isn't from me--but from an expert in the field of communication who has studied this problem--and it's development. I took a class and the things he said really applied when my kids were little) Good Luck--

My son and I went through the same thing around the age of 3. In my life before kids I was a preschool teacher and special educator so I thought I could handle anything, but your own kids have a way of annoying you unlike any others so you're not always able to think things through right away.
Some things that worked for me were:
1. Re-framing my expectations- My son is very active, curious, and becoming an independent preschooler, he's just testing his own limits (and mine in the process). This is a normal part of life-kids begin to pull away from their parents in an attempt to become more independent. He's not deliberately trying to break things or drive me nuts, he's just not able to predict what will happen when he tries new things.
2. It is my job to teach him what I want him to do and yelling doesn't teach him anything. This is not to say that I never yell, but when I do I talk to him once I've reminded myself of #1. Often, but not always, if I explain why I don't want him to do something and what he could do instead, it works. Sometimes we have to compromise-My son really wants to pour his own juice, but he always seems to spill a whole bottle of juice on the floor right after I mop. I know he's just trying to be independent, but it really sets me off! So, we got a small pitcher that he can pour by himself. Now it's much easier for him, he feels independent, if he spills I only have to clean up a cup of juice, and we don't have to spend a fortune on juice.
3. Sticker charts with the right reinforcement can work wonders. My son was so surly for a while-just flat out rude all the time. I started a sticker chart for politeness. My son loves to watch movies or play a computer game. He only gets one a day so it's very special to him. I told him that he had to earn that privilege by being polite. He earned one sticker for the AM and one for PM. If he had no stickers at the end of the day, he couldn't watch a movie. If he had one sticker, he could watch a 30 min show. If he had both stickers, he could choose a movie. When we first started, he acted up a lot, but after a few days with no movie, he got it. When he would be rude again, I would teach him a more polite way of saying the same thing and give him a chance to change his attitude. If he didn't, he didn't get a sticker.
The trick is to choose a reinforcer that they will want badly and stick with it. There were several evenings, after correcting my son's rude behavior all day, that I really wanted to pop in a movie and get a break! But I didn't-a few difficult days are definitely worth it in the long run!!! If you give in, it won't work.
I've used the chart for 2 periods of time in the last year. We only needed it for a few weeks each time and then phased it out. If you would like my chart, I can send it to you. It's in Word.
4. Get outside whenever possible. Letting my son get his energy out on the playground makes a huge difference in his attitude.
5. Set aside some time just for your child. When I spend some time every day just focused on him, he's much better behaved. Some days it feels like I only have 10min to play with him only, but even that helps.
Good luck to you!!!! Hang in there: This too shall pass; and when she's 16 you'll be looking back on this as the "good old days". Try to keep the big picture in mind and enjoy the ride when you can!

I can totally empathize with you! Unfortunately, I don't have an easy answer for you. I would recommend a couple of books...Siblings without Rivalry and Connection Parenting. Also, try your best to remember that you are doing the best you can do, especially during a very challenging time. It helps to step back when you feel out of control and remember that you cannot control your child's behavior but you can meet their basic needs and that is what is expected of you.
Good luck!

Hang in there, girlfriend! Kids are challenging. Speaking as an at home full time mom of two boys who are now 21 and 23, I remember feeling all boxed in, incompetent and angry, and guilty. In retrospect, I wish I'd taken positive reinforcement dog training classes before I had kids! LOL It is amazing how fast a creature can learn good behavior when the right motivation is discovered, a treat, a squeaky toy, or a hug. ( There is actually a series of really good books, called "The Five Love Languages", one for parents, one for women, one for men, etc., that helps us learn how to communicate better to motivate them in a loving way to get loving responses. I highly recommend it!
Sometimes kids (and their parents!) just aren't getting enough exercise, the right food, or enough sleep. And of course, there is always the jealousy factor when vying for attention, and 3 yrs. is the ripest of times for that, because no matter how brilliant we think they are, they are babies in many ways and just don't have the long term capacity to cope well. And, it seemed like the more I yelled, the worse they got, and acted out alot more, too. Vicious cycle, believe me. My husband traveled alot for work too. Even though I had family near by for encouragement and support, I was very hard on myself. A few things I did that helped were talked to the pediatrician about the child to make sure behavior was within what was "reasonable" for a toddler, talked to my personal doctor about my personal feelings/issues and make sure I am not suffering from depression or other issues (I was, plus am ADD and OCD, so never felt good about myself until I got help), and went to family counselor alot to get professional help. Also, have a "positivity" chart for you and your daughter, where you keep track of all the little good things both you and your 3 yr. old do - smiles, sings, shares (whether real or pretend), go five minutes without conflict, etc., so that you get used to catching her (and yourself!) doing the good stuff and rewarded for that, and also you will realize you really aren't yelling all the time. Also, if all else fails, here's a crazy idea that can be fun and refreshing. Take two minutes, go in the bathroom, turn on the fan and water and pretend you are all alone on an island. Splash warm water on your face, then pull out the "good lotion" that smells citrus-y or coconut, and put some on. A little break is sometimes all we need to make us feel better, even if only for a moment, so that we can recover and carry on.
If you really reach the end of your rope and think you are going to lose control, there are anonymous counseling hotlines for desperate parents. I don't know where you live, so I cannot recommend one, but you can probably call your pediatrician's office to find out. If not there, then social services would have it.
Good luck, and remember, someday they will have kids, too! And then you can sit back and laugh!

She wants your love. Remember, she doesn't have your experience and knowledge. Remember her mind is young and new and exploring. She only wants to please you. She loves you. Just lover her back. Remember to laugh at her innocence.

I have a 4 year old. I laugh a lot. I also have a teenager.

They are exploring and learning. Help her learn. Help her laugh. Just LOVE Her!

A.,
That is just the question for myself too. My 3 1/2 boy is going through the same thing and I also find myself yelling a lot out of fustration. I know exactley how you feel. It's just so hard, because I just want him to listen the first time. My husband had to remind me he is only 3 and I know this, but when you are in the moment it's hard to remember. I also want to change my approach with my son. Thanks for reminding me all us moms are just human and trying to do the best we can.

Tell God tha you want to stay calm. When you feel anger coming , ask God to help you quick! Say to yourself over and over: "
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." When you are not calm,. your child will feel more stirred up and rebellious. Perhaps you could ask your husband to help teach the child to obey when he is home. AF

I know what you are going through. I have a 4 year old biological and 2 stepdaughters 7 and 11. My 4 year old does exactly the same thing. She is ridiculously defiant and I was at my wits end. I spoke to her pediatrician and he had some good advice which worked, so I thought that I would share it with you.

First things first: Start a rule list. Take the top 4 things that are unaccepatable in your home, whatever they may be. These are the top four rules on your list. These are the things that the children DO NOT get a warning about. If they break these rules, then they are punished, no exceptions (We'll get to the pnishments later). Second, take the next 4 things that irk you. These are the next 4 rules on the list. With these 4 rules, the children get ONE warning each day and if they break it again, then they get punished. Make sure this rule list is posted somewhere in your home, ike the fridge or some other central area. The "rule list" can be different for each child, or the same. Next, PUNISHMENTS - Sit down with your children and get a tupperware with a lid. Ask them what punishments they hate the worst. The things they hate the worst, you write on paper scraps and fold them up and put them in the tupperware. The more they hate it, the more times you put it in the tupperware: EG. soap in mouth, time out, taking away TV, etc. Then, when it is time to punish them, they have to go and pull their own punishment out of the tuupperware. They "pick their own poison" and I have found that the punishments are much more effective this way.

Try this for a while. It doesn't happen overnight, but if you stick with it, it may help. Also, do not threaten your children. When you say that you are going to punish them, make sure that you follow through or else they are going to think that it is all just idle threats. When you say, "No," make sure they understand that you mean it.

Hope this helps!

Hi A.,
I have worked with children for over 20 years. The last seven years I was a director for a childcare facility. Children at times, go through stages that seem to just hit every nerve in our body. I agree that yelling is exactly what you don't need to do. Go to your daughter and make eye contact. Speak to her in a normal and of course loving voice. Give her 2 choices of what to do. The first choice will be what you want her to do and the second choice of course will be something that you know she would not want to do(ie- time out in her room sitting on her bed or in a chair). If she does not respond, pick her up and take her to time out. Yes, she will probably get up, just put her back making sure you remain calm. Time out should be 1-2 minutes per age. I know that this will take time but it is important to be consistant and calm. After she gets the idea you will start seeing a change. As far as for you, Pray to God for strength and guidance. He is there for you always and he is the best source of guidance and Peace!

Much luck and many prayers to you and your family.

C. B.

Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy? It's a book by Ames and Ilg
That's a tough developmental stage for the child. Someone highly recommended this book to me. It looks like a great resource.
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/10/book-review-you.html

~L.
www.accesspilates.com
www.notaboutfood.com

try the book From Difficult to Delightful in 30 Days. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's wonderful. You will start on a super easy and simple program and by the end you should stop the yelling because she will be a much better listener. The book is for children with ADD but can be applied to Any child. My daughter doesn't have ADD but the principles work wonderfully. Good Luck. Also it is designed by a child behavior psychologist.

Who ever termed the phrase terrible two's didn't have girls. 3 and 4 OMG.. so much more intense. I'm an educator so dealing with kids and having extreme patience is important but it's so different when it's your children.

1) I notice your a SAHM, I was too for 2.5 years and realized I was doing nothing for myself. Behind some of my irritation was some resentment and feeling of lack of appreciation, even though my husband is fabulous. I began to work out 1 hour each night and he did bath and bed. Take time for yourself if you don't now.

2) Replace time out with quite space. Frame this as a place for her to think about what's happened and why she's there, let her know why she's in quiet time be really specific. Get her a timer or if she's reflective enough tell her when she's ready to talk calmy and apologize she can some and get you. Walk away, deep breathing the whole time and remember it's not personal.

3) Be firm and be consistent. Any lack of consistency will make it worse.

My daughter just turned 4 and she's quite the little grown child. She has however seemed to respond really well to having space to reflect and have a real conversation with mom once she's "over it" whatever it may be. I take the time to get down to her level (on my knees or something and just let her talk). Also if I got too loud I apologize as well if not I hug her say thank you and we go about our day.

Hang in there. Remember all that hard work will pay off when they are older!

Take a minute for yourself when you feel that you are heating up inside. Walk into the other room for just a minute or take a conscious breath before speaking. There are many funny Mommy books on the market to help with this area. Try "She's Gonna Blow" or any other Mommy books with a heavenly perspective. Reaching out and asking for help is a great start. It shows your concern for your beautiful children. God bless you!

First: you are right, it is a stage, it can last even 6 months, especially with the new baby. The best thing is make SURE you can give your daughter 5 minutes per day when she's at her best (some are morning people, some are evening, some right after a meal...) this time is for you and her alone; and she gets to direct the play (someone else will care for the baby, answer the door, etc.) Set a timer on days you have NO time, and make it, for 5 minutes.

ON THE OTHER HAND;

Make sure she has clear, simple CONSEQUENCES when she's doing what you would never let her do, even if she were "nice", and then

BREATHE,
LOOK AT your hands (or any part of you), say something about them you can see at that moment(like; I have two rings on one finger, or; my right hand just went high in the air, above my head).
THEN TALK to your child by telling her what action you WANT her to take right now...

For example, Your daughter fills a toy cup with water from the bathroom and brings it to the living room and pours it on her doll on the comfy chair. You're busy with baby brother at the time, and just see the last of the water on the doll's head, a wet stain on the comfy chair...Breathe, say what color pants you are wearing, then say in a firm, but calm voice, "child, WE KEEP FURNITURE DRY...go get towels and dry the chair". You get towels too, and dry the chair. Ignore any noncompliant behavior. If she runs and hides or cries, etc. YOU just notice the chair and show the lamp how to dry the furniture. If she joins you, talk about her helpful behavior ONLY. If you must "teach her", then repeat the words, "we keep the furniture dry" as many times as you need to, to feel better. The less said, the better.

Hello A. W

My name is A. and I have 3 children 8, 14, and 22. I grew up in a house where my mother yelled all the time and all the time she yelled. So naturally I did it to my kids. So about 6 years ago I lost my job and found a good solid relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I have been blessed with the fruit of the spirit. It has been a long process and what I have understood it to be is a choice that we must choose to do. I asked myself oneday what does yelling solve and the answer was abosultly nothing. Today I am yell free and it the best feeling in the world. My relationship with GOD has taught me what it means to have the Peace that surpasses no understanding. Here is a scriputre to read and meditate on and to start you on your way.
Psalm 37:11 But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
My email address ____@____.com