Backstabbing husband...again

I sounds like he needs to come clean with mom with you on phone or present at the same time. She may know that he lies, but if not she does need to know now.

My husband doesn't lie, but takes on sarcastic humor and it's all about me when his family or friends from before me are around. It's like he reverts to an idiotic adoescent or something. The rest of the time and with other people he's fine. He says he doesn't see what I'm talking about, but it ticks me off. What we do is just before they come I remind him to say nice things about me and when they're here I compliment him whenever he says anything normal about me and that usually reminds him to say something nice which he then does. The games we play....

You should have stepped in and assued your MIL that what he was saying was not true. Unless of course you never want her to visit again - at this point I'm sure she thinks he has married a shrew based on what he said to dear Mommy.

He's also lying to you by saying if people at his work found out you had problems he would loose his job. I can assure you that if he lost his job because of this - you guys could sue and be set for the rest of your life. However, based on what you said - you might want to prepare for him to be unemployed anyways - sounds as if he may be having problems at work.

If he will not go to a counselor with you - go by yourself for yourself. You may discover your marriage is not worth saving.

Have you HONESTLY asked yourself what else he may be lying to you about??

Stand your ground on this! First off, whether you love someone OR don't even like them, you shouldn't tell lies about them OR to them. You get into hot water with either situation. Now he's playing you. What kind of job does he have that would make you believe they will fire him for having problems in his marriage AND FOR WORKING ON IT? And how are they supposed to find out unless HE tells them! He needs help for whatever reason he is lying because that is a BIG problem. I can't trust a lot of what my mom says even about important things because I've caught her in so many half-truths and outright lies and when I've found out the truth and confronted her about them she claims she never said that! Very frustrating because she does not have Alzheimer's or anything like that: She just lies. Good Luck and my prayers are with BOTH of you.

I agree with what everyone has said about no one knowing about counseling unless he tells them.

Here was one of my thoughts:...the counseling might help him at work as well, because if he telling lies at work too...they will catch on and that would be worse for his employment status than seeking counseling (that they wouldn't know about anyways).

You could always start going to counseling alone if he won't go with you, it might help YOU work out some of your feeling and issues about his lies in a safe place.
HUGS!!!

Unacceptable behavior! He is a grown up and he needs to realize that his lying is a terrible habit. He needs to tell his mother that he lied, exaggerated, whatever...

I cannot think of one job where it would be any of their business or that they would have a right to punish him for seeking help. Counseling is just like going to a physical examination. You cannot be blamed for that. He has a mental illness and it needs to be treated. No excuses. Then the 2 of you need to go to marriage counseling.

How will he ever discipline your children, if they follow his lead and begin to lie? I know in my husbands family they tend to tell each other "what they want to hear". I do not put up with that. I told my husband as long as he is always telling the truth, I will not be mad. As long as he tells the truth to his family, I will always be on his side and will support him.. We still catch them not telling whole truths, leaving out "upsetting info" or out right lying. It is a pitiful life for all of them. They are all on guard telling or sharing anything. My daughter now sees what is going on with them and finds it very strange. She does not trust them even when they flatter her. She says "they are not trust worthy."

Been there, done that.....Now he is loooooong gone! I was on my own with twins that were 7 months old! It isn't just that incident he is lying about. TRUST ME!! You can try counseling....it MAY help, but after all I went through with someone like that, they just make you seem like you are crazy. He convinced my best friend, my mother, his mother and many others and nobody knew the true story until it was over with him. Even then it took a long time before everybody started sharing and comparing stories of the depth of the lies he told. Nobody likes to get involved and discuss those types of situations. It really stinks and I am sorry you are going through this. Praise your friends for telling you what was said and my suggestion to you would be to move on if he won't get help with you! I have never had a day go by that I am not thankful that I left when I did and that was 12 years ago!!! There is no telling what he has said to other people when you are not around.

M.

Hi S....sounds like counseling is definitely in order. If he won't attend with you in the beginning, I'd go by yourself at first, but would definitely tell him telling lies about you to others is hurting your marriage and causing you to lose trust in your relationship. Don't buy the line about him losing his job over counseling! I've never heard of such a thing! Does he lie about other things as well or only about you? He could be a compulsive liar.

My prayers are with you...Good luck!

I would suggest professional marriage counseling. His bad mouthing you might be to detract attention from something inappropriate that he might be doing. Ooooor, He probable really believes what he is saying, even though you have not verbally told him those things, maybe it was your actions, or reactions. Maybe you could try letting him assert himself, consult with him about things, and even if you don't agree with what he wants to do, do it anyway. It's better to let him be "right" about things (even if he's wrong)then to have him feeling like he has no say so. And don't be sarcastic about it. Fake a little genuiness. Play up his ego. Good luck.

There are a lot of red flags going up here. The lying has to stop. He's a grown man, and no one's making him do it. That's very immature of him to do this.

About his job...he's not going to get fired. He's probably just lying to you because he doesn't want to go.

It sounds like you need to reevaluate your marriage.

Um I think he may be lying about the counseling causing him to lose his job. It doesn't matter what your job is, that shouldn't have any effect on it what so ever. If anyone did find out they should respect the fact that he is taking responsibility and working on his marriage. Everyone has issues in their marriage it's all how you handle it.

Also counseling is confidential, how on earth would anyone find out unless he told someone?

He obviously has a problem, he has acknowleged his problem now he needs to take responsibility for his problem and get help. Tell him you support him and will be with him but he needs to get help. I think counseling would be extremely helpful for the both of you.

Stand your ground, don't fall for his bologna!!

Good luck, I really hope it works out for you!

Hi S., I will give you my own personal opinion on this matter. Your husband is using lies to get attention not caring that he is really hurting you along the way. Does he have topic of conversation with people in general? He is being very selfish and that is immature behavior! You both need marriage counseling. Your husband needs a wake up call. I have known through the yrs that you start lying and you will NOT stop. Lying is a chain of events. You need to cover the lie that was said 5 minutes ago and before you know it your whole entire conversation was a big fat lie. Other people lie to avoid any type of confrontation this could be his case. Try counseling and I applaud you for wanting to save your marriage.

Good luck,
Elisa

Your husband is doing this for attention. I know this because my own brother does carp like this to get attention.

As to what to do about it, you could ignore it and acknowledge it for what it is- attention seeking, or you could make him go see a therapist. As for losing his job, it is most likely illegal for an employer to fire him for a mental issue that does not outright affect his job.

You are in a tough situation and I wish you luck!

I've sent you a personal message reply but I'd like to add here that I agree, it'd be interesting to have all 3 of you on the phone or even better...in person...to see if you can straighten this out. I'd advise though, not to say why you're getting the 3 of you together until you DO get together in person, you could have a brunch or early dinner or just an intimate get together just the 3 of you where you can talk openly. Then just start explaining why you've brought the 3 of you together. Start w/your MIL & just say that you know of the things her son has said about you to her & you'd like to set the record straight & go from there. I really hope things work out for you! Best of luck!

Sorry, that's awful. Sounds like he's a mommas boy who will say anything for attention. I agree that a marriage should be based on trust And communication. I would probably ask him why he felt this way, maybe he believes he is telling the truth? Good luck.

for the comment about loosing his job...if he dosent realize that his marriage needs help he could loose his wife. i never heard such a thing for a job to fire someone over a couple getting counceling. if it were me and i heard my husband saying something like that to anyone i would have gone in the room and called him out on it. i do not think that this is anything that a marriage could not withstand. i do not see divorce over this matter only acceptance and learning to work on flaws...realizing no one is perfect and he perhaps needs some special attention that he gets by belittling you or making you out to be this big bad wife. good luck.

Oh, sweetie, definitely seek counseling if not together then for you. It can help you sort out how you want & need go with this. Marla Sifers, ###-###-#### on 2611 FM 1960 west is fantastic.
I did not have lying so much, but years of anger, beratement, & basically overly self-centered man. Tryed for years to get him to go get help & wouldn't until I just could not continue the marriage; it died. Long story short, Marla was the 2nd therapist at his insistence, I went just to get HIM into some therapy. She really got things out and I really help me SORT things out (there was alot more involved, too much to list). The marriage is gone, but I think she help keep prespective of both parties and working to a resolution that doesn't go so ugly. A keep your eye on the ball thing; especially like the kids!!
I guess I'm saying what everyone else is saying, get some counseling. It will help whatever direction you choose to go.
Many Blessings & hugs!!!!

First of all, why would he lose his job based on his marriage status or happiness? He would not. It seems he is once again lying.

I have never heard something so ridiculous.

I apologize for being so crude but this really upsets me.

Here is a counselor my husband and I have seen over the years.
eugenewebb.com