Attachment Issues - Cleveland,OH

I’m not sure what advice to give to help him feel more secure. My DS is 5 y/o and very attached. I don’t see it as a problem I guess. He does well in school and has many friends but he does prefer to be around me all the time. My DD was like that too but outgrew it so I know my DS will too.

It was about a couple months ago that he started sleeping without incident in his own bed but I didn’t pressure him. He just did on his own and now sleeps great.

I’ve had people comment to me that it is obvious that I give my kids a lot of cuddles, hugs, kisses etc because they are so confident and secure.

I find myself missing the days my DD (now 11) was always by my side, wanting me to hold her and cuddling with her at night. I know these days with my DS will pass too.

Once he gets older guess I’ll have to buy myself a puppy! LOL!

Anyway just wanted you to know you’re not alone! Sorry that’s all I’ve got!

My belief is that it takes more time for some kids to feel confident in being independent. She will let you know when she is ready to take more steps on her own. Don't worry, it will happen all too soon.

The more you push her away the more her feelings will increase. Why are you wanting her to be away from you? Does she HAVE to go to pre-school? perhaps she's just not ready to let go of her mommy yet. i'd explore YOUR feelings and needs in this situation. Ask yourself what are your true reasons for wanting her away from you so much? Kids can feel the underlying feelings of parents. kids need that connection and should not be expected to be feel seperated at that age. I have a 7yo that is the same. and i love love love that he always wants to be near me. It tells me im doing something right. Good Luck :-)

Go to SuperNanny.com and see if you can find the show where a little boy was so attached to his mom he would run down the driveway after her car....

HAs she had any stressful situations in her life lately? Loss of family members? Divorce? Separation? Any stressful situations can make this stage last longer. This is due to anxiety. If this does not improve over the next 1 to 2 years , you may want to discuss this with your doctor. One of my friends lost her husband, her mother and their pets in about a six month period. Her youngest child has not spoken in school since preschool and is now in the fifth grade. and still not speaking. A lot of kids these days have anxiety. My youngest and oldest son's deal with anxiety. I think it is because they are wired differently than the rest of the world.

I know you say to not focus on the sleeping arrangement, but that (I think) is a big part of the problem. How can she be encouraged to be independent, when she shares a space with you? She might feel more of a sense of independence, if she sleeps in her own room, her own bed, and wakes up without you there. If you can get her to sleep alone, then she might feel more confident to do other things alone. We can't ignore the fact, that she still sleeps with you...I mean...you're asking everyone to leave out a huge part of the problem.

Are you dependent on her, as well? Do you need her to be near you a lot, sleep with you, go everywhere with you. I'm not implying that you do. I'm just saying, co-dependent relationships are harder to overcome. If this isn't the case, obviously you don't have to worry about that.

I don't think co-sleeping is an issue. My son is 4yo and still sleeps with us. We had tried him in different preschool-type settings before, and they did not go well. But, now he is ready. He just started pre-school last week. We had to build up to this point.

We have never used babysitters. He has stayed with family members on occasion (but only when visiting since they live far away), and is fine with people he knows well. The first sign of him being ok with strangers was when he finally went back to see the dentist on his own about 6 months ago. He didn't want to at first, but was fine when he got there. Now, he is so excited about school, he tells me to hurry so we won't be late.

His teacher came over to our home and spent 2 hours with him here on his own turf the day before he started school. The next day we visited his school for half an hour. The third day, he couldn't wait to go to school. I spent 20 minutes with him that day then left him on his own, and now he stays on his own the whole time (half-day program of 3.5 hours).

So, just enjoy it while you have it. I knew that I needed to work toward this (which is why I think you are worried about this), because that's the goal -- happy, healthy, independent children. But, even though I knew this intellectually, I was so devastated when it happened. I was so emotional for days leading up to the first day of school, and it has taken me days and a lot of support from friends and family to get over it. But, my son is happy, and that is what is most important.