At My Wits' End

Pick a mantra that sounds right for you. Stick to it.

"When you speak to me in a calm or serious voice like I am speaking to you, then I will be happy to listen to what you have to say."

Oh, we had a whole "whiner family" - we had Stella Whiner and many others who we made names for. I don't think teasing is the best way to accomplish what you want but it was funny and we were desperate! :) I really like the response where you calmly ask the child to speak in am appropriate tone and you will respond, too. It's teaching a child mutual respect and helping break a bad habit. It's the most direct and respectful way to teach a child. I wish I had had the wherewithal to understand that a child is a human being with a special individual personality when they were small. I KNEW this but didn't act on it as well as I should have. Good luck to you!

Things to try:

1. WHINE BACK They may not realize what they sound like.
2. Do not acknowledge anything said in a whiny tone
3. Ask for a "Big Girl Voice"
4. "Wow, you sound TIRED. Let's take a 15 rest on your bed".

Mine both went through this. My grandmother broke them using these. Good luck!

T.

I tell mine that whining hurts my ears and that I cannot listen to them when they talk like that. When they are ready to speak to me in a normal tone of voice, I will respond to their request.

I had some books titled "Help Me Be Good" and each little book detailed an issue such as whining, complaining, bossy, etc. The library has the entire series.

Also, my daughter went through that. I sang a little song that went like this EVERY time she would whine

"Wendy Whiner go away, come again another day". To this day (she's almost 15) if I call her Wendy she knows what it means.

Good luck. It is a tough habit to break but it can be done.!!

I agree with the posters who recommended telling your daughter that you will listen only when she chooses to tell you in her normal voice. I will add to that get down to her level when she has made the choice, this shows children you are listening, giving them undivided attention, and you think what they have to say is important. Whining is usually the reaction when the child doens't feel they are getting enough attention, and they have discovered whining is very effective.

You need to go deaf. You can no longer hear whining. When your child whines, you ignore her. When she repeats the whining (louder, more insistent, pulling on your leg) you say in a loud voice (with no eye contact) "I'm sorry. I can't hear you because you are whining. When you can use your big girl voice then I will be able to hear you." You repeat this like a broken record. First you will probably have some good tantrums. Don't give in. Don't react in anger. Don't correct. If there is a tantrum, put the offending child in bed and say, "You may come out when you are no longer having a tantrum and you can use your big girl voice."

Stand strong. After less then a week your child will come and whine to you, realize they're whining, and repeat their question in the correct tone. Then you need to kneel down, give them your full attention and answer their question. Also make sure you thank them/notice aloud that they used their big girl voice.

VickiS

"I'm sorry, are you talking? I can't hear anything. Let me know when you decide to talk like a big girl so I can hear you."

"What? I still can't hear what you're saying? You're still whining."

I also like the whine back technique. I tell my son I can't hear him because it sounds like <insert the most unintelligent sound you can possibly make> to my ears.

Whine with them and show them how silly it looks. My boys stopped and looked at me like I was an alien. Then I would say "I look funny don't I whining like a baby?" They got the clue after a few times and the whining seemed to diminish.

I tell my daughter who is almost three... "when you talk in a normal or big girl voice" then I will respond. I do not respond until she speaks to me in her normal voice. Works like a charm and she even uses her manners when she asks for something. Good luck!

I am using time outs, they stay in there until the whining stops then I start their time for time out. It has worked with my 4 yo and I am now doing it with my 2 yo.

E.,
You have to be strong and consistant!!! If they whine to get something- then do not give it to them. You should tell them one time "If you want ___ then you must ask me in a big girl voice or you will not get it". If they stop right then and ask in a big voice, then let them have or do whatever. If they do not then they do not get what they are whining over... if they throw a fit when you do not give in, then enforce a time out or alone room time.

You may have to sit down with them and explain that you will have a no whine rule...

Also reinforce positive behavior also. Perhaps a sticker chart for times they can ask or tell you something without whining. (get a small box with some little prizes) After they get a set amount of stickers each week then they get a prize.

You have to be consistant, I know as moms sometimes we give in when we are tired or do not have the energy to battle. But have you seen a teenager whining- or worse an adult? Not pretty, don't let your girls grow up to be like that, you have to train them now.

Best to you.
D.

You have some great advice hear. I had the same problem with one of my sons. Just remember this habit will take a little while to break. Just be consistent and it will eventually stop.

I can relate. While I try the same technique as EC described, it doesn't always work for my two year old. And, I just pray for patience...a LOT.

Amazon.com has a great responsibility chart made by Melissa and Doug - my son loves it, he's 4. One of the choices is "no whining." At the end of the day he gets to put a magnetic smily face on each item he completed that day (brushing teeth, getting dressed, saying please and thank you, etc). It really helped us b/c I could say "oh, don't whine b/c we want to make sure we get a smily face tonight . . ."

When my daughter was little I used to tell her I didn't speak Whinese. It got a laugh out of her brother and that kinda stopped that for a while then she started back up again...

I finally found out that if I talked to her at her level and said I don't understand you and when you talk to me "right" then I can help you...then i'd walk away. She then knew I was paying attention...and USUALLY tried to talk normally and it did stop.

Although she's almost 17 now and I'm thinking she's taking it up again...as a hobby (smiles)

Good luck to you. And when you find yours (your mind)...can you ask if it's seen mine??