How to Stop the Whining?

I think all kids are born to whine. It is so hard to deal with. I have gotten to the point with my kids (4,3,11mos boys)
that I just say are you whining, and the older two know they have to start over and try again or they get nothing. It seems harsh, but I decided until they can speak without whining they don't get what they want AT ALL! It didn't just happen over night.
I started whining back at them, and demanding the same things they were. They did not like that. I explained to them that it was called whining. I tried to reason with them, and explained I was done reponding to it. After a few days of that they seemed to understand. If they wanted a snack, they had to ask nicely and speak clearly. If they started whining I simply wouldn't even aknowledge they said anything. They would repeat themselves in an appropriate manner, and all was well.

Now in regard to whining when they don't get their way, I go sit them on the time out chair or their bed until they can talk to me about it without whining. It is rough somedays, and they are young. I remind them everyday when they start whining. Usually that helps them remember how they should talk.

I also think it is individual. You may have to try several different thing before one works for you. I wish I could tell you that whining is just a stage, but if I remember correctly it is a stage that can last more than 18 years. Good luck!

Ignore the whining, plain and simple. Do not engage in conversation with him when he whines, explain very calmly "you are too old to whine and I will talk to you or answer you when you talk to me in a normal voice". I would say the chart isn't working and to try time out. Make sure you carve out special time for just him and his interests during the day at some point, however, just make sure he knows he doesn't get to whine or act out, period. Be consistent no matter what.

Hi L.! I had the same problem with my daughter. When the whining would start, I would tell her (once!) that if she wouldn't talk to me without whining it, or in a normal tone of voice, I will not answer or respond. If it continued, I would ignore her until she did speak to me correctly. I know this is difficult to do, and it may take a few weeks, but eventually he will realize that the whining is not working to his advantage anymore. Don't give in, you are the one in control, not him! And don't feel guilty about ignoring him, he is not suffering, he just wants you to think he is to get his way faster. BE STRONG!!! J. L

Hi L.,
This TOTALLY worked for me: Whenever my girls would speak to me in a whining voice, I would say in response "What? I'm sorry honey, but I can't hear you when you're whining. Please ask me again in your big girl voice." at which point they would ask again in an acceptable manner. I did it consistently every time they whined and it stopped pretty quickly. I myself, didn't take the time to explain what whining was. I just used that phrase, and they figured it out on their own. It was easy and very simple.
I hope this helps! If you decide to try it, I'd love to hear if it works for you.
Best of Luck,
M. W.

Look him in the eyes, tell him that you will respond to him when he uses his normal voice (although it feels like his normal voice has become whining, ha ha, and then go back to whatever you were doing. Don't look at him or respond in any way until he uses a normal voice. He'll get it quickly. My oldest daughter did the same thing and it took her maybe 20 minute the first day, 15 the second and even less the third day. Then it only happened rarely and all I had to see was "I will respond to you when you use your normal voice."

Good luck!

My daughter is almost 4 and she is going through the same whininess right now. Unfortunately I think that it is just part of the fun of a toddler but one thing that has helped me and my daughter is calling her on it. I tell her "you know what I really like? When you talk like a big girl" and every child wants to be big! If she keeps whining then I say "I am sorry but I cant hear you when you are whining, when you would like to use a big girl voice then I can help you" and I just keep reminding her that I cant understand the whiny voice. I also joke around with her and tell her that we should say bye bye to whiny girl and I make it a game. She thinks it is fun to say goodbye to whiny girl. Of course it is a constant battle as is everything with a toddler but I have definitly seen improvement since I have been calling her on it. Good luck!

When my daughter was that age her whining and crying for stuff got really bad. I told her I can only hear talking not whining or crying. (I kept it light and positive) Then when she would whine I would good heartedly say to my husband -honey did you hear something? I can only hear talking so I can't hear anything right now. It got worse at first but when we were consistent for a while she got the message and learned to steady her voice if she wanted something. Stay calm and in control and good natured and they will learn to do the same. Good luck!

Hello - I would try all the positive reinforcement you can, meaning thank him and praise him whenever he talks nicely - tell him how much you like it when he talks like a big boy, or whatever seems appropriate.

When he whines, I'd try being very matter of fact, and calm, and say something like "I'll be happy to talk to you/help you when you can talk nicely." and don't give in - just wait till he can repeat what he's saying, without any whining. I do this with my girls if they are yelling or something and it works.
Good luck!

When my kids whine I can't understand them. At least that is what I tell them. I say it lovingly and clearly. "I just can't understand you--please try again." I still listen but I tell them I just can't understand what they are saying. Consistently doing that has helped us get rid of the whining quick. It has kept kindness and respect in our relationship too.

Hello L., If you find reading helpful, I suggest reading "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk," by Faber and Mazlish. You may find some great ideas about getting behind your sons whining and responding respectfully and effectively. The library has this book.

I encourage you to trust yourself! ~T.

The best way to stop a whiner is to not pay attention to the whining. If he's whining at you, tell him you can't hear him until he stops whining. Then don't listen to him. Tell him he has to use his big boy voice. I know it's easy to give in to him to make the whining stop, but don't do it. It won't take him very long to realize that his method is not effective anymore. Be consistant and don't listen to it. He'll stop. It's the age he's at. My son did it too, but he's pretty much stopped now. He's 4 1/2 now.

The best thing I have found that worked with my son and daughter was to say "I can't understand you when you talk that way. Please talk to me in a normal voice and tell me what is wrong/what you need/why this bothers you, etc." This helps the child understand that you are willing to listen to him/her, but not the whining. Half the time the child would realize he/she wasn't going to get his/her way, and the other half of the time they would realize how silly it sounded when they said it in a normal voice. At least in normal voice, you can talk to the child reasonably and explain why this isn't an option or it helps them vent their feelings without being the "whiny child".

I read the other posts, and my advice is almost exactly the same. Maybe it really works, huh? I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who still whines for things. She whined when she was your boy's age, too, but it was worse then. I started by explaining what whining was, and showing her what it sounded like, then telling her the polite way to say what she just whined. Eventually, when she understood "whining," all I had to say was "Excuse me?" and she almost immediately would ask the polite way. When she whines, I simply tell her I'm not going to listen to her when she's whining. Again, almost immediately she, consciously changes the tone of her voice, and calmly says "I'm not whining now, mom." Then I say, "Thank you. Now what do you need?" and the whining is gone.

I would just say not to give him what he wants when he whines. Work on teaching him exactly what whining is, and that it's not an acceptable form of speech, and tell him exactly how he's supposed to talk to make you happy. Kids usually are very receptive to what pleases their parents at that age. Whatever you decide to do, you HAVE to be consistent. Eventually, he'll catch on. Good luck.

L.,

I have a 3 1/2 yr old and went through this VERY briefly. The one thing that really pushes my button is whining. I told my son that Mommy can't hear you when you whine, so if you want to talk to me, you need to use a big boy voice. And I stuck to it. If he started whining, I would completely ignore him. I might remind him I can't hear whining once or twice, but then I ignore him again until he uses a normal tone.

It worked for us.

Good luck!
C.

Whining....yikes.. within earshot it does eventually drive you nuts and you may give in...
first of all, when he whines again whine back and mimick him for a couple of verbal paragraphs in a whininy voice.. and explain that that is whining...do you like it when mommy whines? Mommy doesnt like it when you whine either...now the the next time I hear you whining you will have to go to the whiney bed... (in his room or another spare bedroom) basically out of close ear range.. so you can be a strong parent..and follow through for a few times.. when you place him on the bed tell him when he is through whining he can get down off the bed...try this techniqe for about a week and see if that does not work.. when he starts the whining again a simple reminder is all it takes and a question of do you need to go to the whiny bed? because you are shinning right now and Mommy cannot hear you when you use your whinny voice... usually the whining will end.. because it does not work for him anymore...be stong and move past this stage of development.

Whine back. When my kids went through the whining stage, I would whine back with my response. I told them when they stopped whining to me I would stop whining to them. I wouldn't honor their request either until they used their normal voice. They were so shocked I would whine at them AND they did NOT like me whining at them. It broke all three of them!

I demonstrated what whining is to my son and explained when I caught him whining "what you are doing is called whining. It is not a polite way to get what you want and I expect you to ask nicely." Then I would demonstrate a different way to ask for what he needed. When he whined I would not give in for whatever he was asking for and would remind him "you're whining. Maybe when you ask nicely." Then I would go back to what I was doing. Whenever I caught him asking for something without a whine I would pile on the praise. Pretty soon my son learned that whining didn't "work" for him, and he stopped doing it. Kids whine because they find it works. We respond to it whether or not we mean to, because it is just so annoying and we want to make it stop. But not responding to it and firmly reminded a child of alternative ways to ask usually solves the problem, as long as you are consistent.

Hi L.,
I don't know how long you've been living in the basement babysitting but with a new sibling and the other 5 children it sounds like he needs some alone time with mommy. Take him out of the house so there are no interruptions. Leave the baby with daddy. You might want to reconsider the babysitting job, you might be defeating your purpose of staying at home. Good Luck, H. G