"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.”
~ Henri Nouwen quotes
Sometimes I like to ask people, "Who is the most important person to you"? It is amazing that they don't get it. The most important person to me, is myself. I must put myself first before all others. My life depends on it.
Be kind to strangers, be even kinder to the people you love. We tend to be harder on them and that's just a$$ backwards! ♥
I ask this because I had a wonderful conversation with one of my neighbors who was having trouble with her husband. He was kinder to the dog than he was to her and their daughter. So much so that she recorded him once talking to the dog and played it back for him - she asked - who do you think you are talking to here? He said Alessandra...she said - no Ginger. This is you talking to Alessandra...he broke down crying...
So tell me - do you think you are kinder to strangers than you are the ones you love?
Thank you ladies!! I hope more people like the question and answer!!!
I do not always put myself first...if that makes sense...I take care of my family first. what i have learned though is that I need to take care of me. Just like I say - I AM responsible for my happiness - no one else...
We are commanded to "love thy neighbor AS thyself" so that says a lot about the "me first" attitude of the world today.
Well, I'm not the most important person to me. I just don't subscribe to that way of thinking. I'm not saying that of thinking is wrong, just that I approach life differently! (I can certainly see why anyone would agree with themselves being first. I just don't understand it.) My life doesn't depend on putting me first all the time. If it did, I would have lost it a long time ago. In fact, I think the world depends on putting others first, many times. That does not mean I don't value myself, and put myself first when needed. I think it can appear we are harder on our loved ones, because we don't have expectations of strangers. I don't expect a stranger to love me, treat me with respect, help around the home, or work hard. I expect that of my husband. (And he of me.) If he (or I) stop doing those things, then we have problems. A stranger does not have investment in my life, and I don't have any in theirs. I would like to think I am kind to strangers. (If they aren't doing something to damage me, my family, or my home.) That doesn't mean they are more important, they never will be. My family will always get more of myself, then any stranger could. I could not imagine treating another person, or animal better then my friends and family. I mean, I really can't wrap my head around that. I do think that's why so many marriages fail. So many people think of their spouse last. It's sad.
Yes, I think I am harder on loved ones. They are harder on me. It's because we have the potential to really hurt each other, I think. Not that it's right to be harder on them, we just don't have the potential to be truly emotionally hurt by strangers.
I figure strangers are beloved family to somebody, and deserve as much respect and courtesy from me as my own family. And my constant intention is to treat those closest to me with kindness, patience, courtesy, respect, and non-judging interest. Not that I haven't slipped occasionally when I've reached the end of my rope, but practicing kindness has been one of my central religious practices for most of my adult life.
ADDED: This question has been running through my mind all evening, and I recalled a time after I left my first marriage. My daughter was about 8, and both relieved and sad that we weren't with her dad, so she was acting out a bit. I was extremely tense about money (I couldn't count on my ex to come through with child support), and became very snappish with my daughter over a few weeks. She pulled me up short one day when she handed me a detailed drawing she did of a little girl crying many tears, with the caption, "Why are you so mean to me?"
Wow. My heart broke on the spot. In fact, I weep now remembering it, and this was over 30 years ago. That was the moment that I made my vow of practicing kindness. Not just "trying" to be kind, but doing it with real intention.
You can be kind by telling the truth and wanting what is best.........it has good intentions and that isnt always viewed as being kind.
No. More polite at times, but not kinder.
I'm always shocked when I hear men and women that deny their spouce intimacy, but are willing to have an affair.
Good thought provoking question. Good luck to you and yours.
Good thought provoking question!
I think I am much kinder to my family than strangers, but find myself complaining about certain members of extended family. If it were a stranger, I tell myself not to judge because I don't know their circumstances. Interesting.
I also know that we humans tend to take out our frustrations on our loved ones because we feel safer with them than strangers. That's why your kids are angels for everyone else and show their "true colors" with you the parent. They feel safe to let out their emotions with you.
It would really bother me if I found out I treated the dog better than my husband and daughters. I never want to take them for granted....ever!
Well we are harder on the ones we love because we are secure in the fact that they will love us through it all. So when my older two were teens and being vile I just smiled because I knew they loved me and trusted I would be there for them. :)
Everything is in how you look at it.
I can be pretty darn snarky to perfect strangers. :p
I loved the post by the way! :)
When I was a kid my mom always told us - if you want to be mean, be mean to a stranger, not to someone you love. I am trying to teach the same thing to my kids now!
Great question! It is something I really thought about--I feel like I could improve on the way I talk to the people I love and I have implemented that change tonight. Thanks for the wakeup call! There is always room for improvement---I want to be remembered as the mommy/wife/friend/daughter that loved people and people knew it no matter what they did/said etc.
My mom is for sure nicer, kinder, friendlier, gracious to strangers than her own family, except her golden first born son. He walks on water.
I had to learn the above through education. It's a common pscychological fact for people, especially women, to take their families for granted and treat others with more respect.
Try being nice to your own family...and the results are amazing.
What a great post. I was actually just thinking about this the other day. It's really sad to admit, but this is reality for a lot of people. I am working on that, among other things.
I may be meaner to family, but that is only because I know them!
I am definitely less patient with my husband, kids, close friends, and family. I feel like 'hey, you know me, why push my buttons!?' But you're right... taking a step back, if I'm more patient and kind with strangers, then I have a lot of re-prioritizing to do, thanks :)
Good post. Food for thought.
