Am I EVER Supposed to Bring This Subject Up?

better that a parent answer a childs questions like this, then let their friends, who probably know just as little as they do, answer their questions..when my younger sister was a preteen, we played a game called, " what "sexfact" did you learn from a classmate today?", you would not believe the "sexfacts" that the older kids were passing off as "the honest truth", please.. one older boy claimed that he, at the age of 16, had had a vasectomy ! one older girl had claimed you couldnt get pregnant" the first time" you had sex, another older boy claimed that anal sex wasnt technically sex! the "list" goes on, but i have to go because i have run out of coffee
K. h.

I connected the last "dot" last year--at 9, with my son.
But before that I had laid the foundation of proper names for body parts, babies grow in the uterus, etc....it made 'the talk' very easy.
I think at 7, the focus should be the groundwork (if he's not already knowing that stuff)...
Good luck!

S.:

We've been having the talk with our boys for years...it's NOT just ONE talk...it's continual talk...about self-respect, bodily differences, etc.

I would start talking now...never too early...you can adjust it for his age and maturity level...again for us? it's not just ONE talk...it's a continual talk...

It's never too early to start the discussion. He shouldn't have to show you visible curiosity in order to bring it up. He could already be hearing things from friends at school and have some ideas that need to be corrected (anyone remember belly button sex babies?) and it's better that he learns from you. It's also going to help him make the connections about why adults touching him certain ways is inappropriate, especially if you can frame how babies are made in the ideal environment of a loving relationship, but keeping the door wide open for continuous discussion.

If you wait for him to ask, you could be waiting until he's experimenting and some girl's father banging on your door wondering how your son got his 12 year old daughter pregnant, and your son is shocked because he had no idea that THAT was how it actually happened.

I never asked. I was curious, but for some reason, I didn't feel that I could ask. I don't know why I felt this way.

Explain when you feel it is appropriate. I cannot even tell you when that should be. But I can tell you that you should explain.

Good luck to you and yours.

As long as there is some sort of ongoing talk about sexuality (not necessarily reproduction, but good touch/bad touch counts), then I would just wait until he asks. If there's NO talk about any sort of sexuality, private parts, etc., I'd be concerned that maybe he feels he can't talk to you about those things? At least, if it were my child, that's what I would wonder. But you know your child best. If you think he's comfortable telling you things, and he just hasn't asked, just wait til he does. My older daughter was 7 when she asked, and I told her. I remember being 6 when my parents told me.

My husband told me his parents never talked to him about sex, not ever. He didn't get the full run-down until he was 11 and was in sex-ed at school. Before that, he only had what his friends told him to go on. How sad is that? I asked him why he never asked his parents, and he said he never felt like he could, and they never brought it up, which made him feel like it was taboo.

My son just turned 8 and hasn't asked any questions. My girls, 5 & 7, have asked little questions for a few years now. They were just looking for a quick answer, nothing in full detail. My son knows there is a difference in body parts between both sexes. I don't think boys are as curious till they are a bit older. I think we will wait a little longer like 9, he'' be able to process it better and come up with good questions.

I agree with Cheryl, this isn't a *one time* talk, this will be years & years of talking. We have continuos conversations about stranger danger, good touch bad touch, with the hopes that it's imbedded in their heads forever.

I even still have the talk with my 22 yr old daughter. I remind her to go with her intuition , it's important to listen to your inner self, etc. Mothering doesn't ever end.

If I were in your shoes, I'd bring it up. Just casually ask him if he has any questions about it, and then let him run with it. (If he says no, then tell him if he ever has a question about it, that you'll answer it for him, all he has to do is ask.)

my 7 year old daughter hasn't asked anything either. Both my kids (my son is 5). I think soon though I'm going to get the american girl book about taking care of your self for my daughter because she does need to know about periods and things like that pretty soon.

I started talking to my daughter when she was a toddler. I made sure to have open lines of communication so she would feel ok to ask me anything as she got older. Believe me, as a teen it is crucial to have the communication WIDE open.

It is not A talk, it is ongoing conversations, etc. At 7 he knows more than you think he does. I also substitute teach a lot and some parents would be shocked to hear what we overhear children talking about sometimes.

Just talk to him and as he opens up and asks, you answer accordingly.

I believe you would much rather have him learn facts from you vs what he hears at school.

Good luck!

Don't bring it up yourself....why open that up yet? Esp if he is obviously not ready. It will come in time and probably pretty soon. He is still quite young. But do what YOU think feels right and don't let people 'shame' you into telling him, like you are not 'wth-it' if you don't.

Since he knows about good/bad touching, it's good enough for me.

Personally, I think it's not necessary to expect certain questions at certain ages. Everyone is different, and some may not ask at all, eventually finding out for themselves when they get older, through books, the internet etc. (example: me!)

so... You might not need to bring it up unless he asks. And don't hang around waiting. He'll know. Everyone will, some day.

Alternately, you could bring it up a little now, stressing that he is welcome to ask any question about it. If he shows interest you could make use of books to help him understand about the bodies of opposite sexes etc.

In our area, the schools do a sex/health class in 4th grade. I just waited for that and then every day GD and I discussed what they talked about in class.

She was embarassed at first, but when she saw that I was not embarassed and spoke about it matter-of-factly, the next day she was able to do the same. We now have very open and non-embarassing discussions whenever she has a question or wants to confirm something she has heard from her friends.

My kiddos are very inquisitive and so my oldest had the full birds and the bees talk at about the age of 4 . I haven't had the conversation with my middle child yet. But its coming~ I have always been very open with them about life and all that is in it. They wanted to know how babies were made etc. I gave simple, straightforward answers to whatever they had questions about. I think a continuing conversation is the way to go instead of an uncomfortable sit down "the talk" etc. Be open, honest and answer truthfully what your child asks.

In your case your child hasn't yet. I would be proactive and start talking. Ask him where he thinks babies come from and what kind of questions he has. Good luck! ( But you want to be the person to give this info---not his 7 year old friends who may likely give incorrect info.) Good luck!

I've been wondering this myself.

I don't anticipate my son ever coming to me and asking about sex, he just more introspected than some kids and it wouldn't be something he would bring up.

So I do feel like i need to "lay a foundation " as some have said, talk about body parts and mommy needs privacy once a month when her body gets rid of what a baby would need, Girls at the beach need to cover their tops because theywill get breasts. that sort of thing.

and then yeah maybe around 10 actually get a book on how preganancy and sex happen.

great question though, some kids just don't ask alot of questions period.

Somewhere around 9, my stepdaughter's mom got her The Care and Keeping of You (SS was older so presumably DH brought these things up to him long before I was in their household). I would find a similar book. One of the things I liked about the book is that it helped kids understand many things, not just physical differences and sex. It also talked about diet and being healthy. At 7, I wouldn't dive in, but I would look for teachable moments. I would have a basic overview talk with him (using a book as a base) before he'll get sex ed in school (often 5th grade). And go from there.

Hi, S.:

My concern for today's generation is the superficial "talk."
Nothing is every talked about genuine caring for someone. In today's world, there is so much divorce, teen pregnancy, disrespect that all boils down to using each other for stress relief.
Wait, until he asks.
Why are you so in a hurry?
Just want to know.
D.

Hit the library for some age appropriate books so you can feel confident when the conversation comes up. And talk to your husband about HIS part in the conversation - they have the same plumbing after all. I'm not sure if you need to get into the conversation as early as you would with the girl - physical changes are less obvious. But maybe keep your radar up for opportunities (sex in the animal kingdom occurring, neighbor's dog in heat, etc.) to have conversations. It's an ongoing thing - about understanding and respecting his body and the opposite sex as well.

I think 7 is still a bit young. My son will be 7 in October. He has also asked very few questions. If he doesn't start asking questions by the time he's 9, my husband and I will talk to him. Our daughter is 10, and I had the initial talk with her when she was 8.5, and starting to get curvy. I got some books, and gave her a basic overview of the changes she should start to expect with her body. Since then, we've talked a few more times and I encourage her to ask questions. For her 10th birthday, I gave her a copy of The Care and Keeping of You. It's an American Girl book, but maybe you can find something similar for boys.