Advice Needed to "Discipline" a Bookworm

Hi,

I was a bookworm growing up. Sounds pretty similar. I would just suggest talking to her, coming up with a plan on how to get her chores done around the house and an incentive. Like, if she does the stuff, you will give her money each week and then take her to the bookstore and let her pick out her books. Other option is take away her books, don't do her lunch, and don't do her cloths. I think after a week or so of not getting things she wants it will catch on. Maybe have her draft a commitment contract and have her sign it. Along with not following the commitment there has to be an agreed upon disapline that will apply.

I personally don't think taking books away is a good idea. I think it is just a gift to read, count your blessings. My daughter also is an avid reader and has been since first grade. Instead of taking the books away, why don't you make a chart of hours she's allowed to read, when and where etc. If she obides by your rules, then reward her with a new book at the end of the week, two weeks or a month- according to what you can afford.
Explain to her that after she's picked her clothes out and made her lunch she can have some reading time... Keep on her, consistency is key.

Maybe stash some books that she will really want, and give them one at a time as a reward for doing the things she is supposed to be doing. Make a chart listing the things she is supposed to do each day. After one week accomplishing those things(put a sticker each evening) she gets the book she wants!

I have an avid reader also. She had difficulty learning to read so when it became a pleasure to her we were elated! She carries several books with her and reads about 2500 pages per week. She is in high school and a big part of the reading is that she doesn't have to interact with kids that she is uncomfortable with. She will put her book down for activities that interest her and people that she enjoys, but she has a book for the car, one for her room, one for her back pack, one for the tub. She definately had to learn to get her responsibilities done and the first reply gives a great solution. Never discourage her. My daughter read all of the age appropriate stuff when she was young and now has read whole collections of the classics as well as today's most acclaimed literary writers. Her education has really magnified itself because of the things she experiences and thoughts she is opened up to through reading.

Dear C.:

Reading is great and you sound very supportive of a good habit, but escapism isnt, and you are right to be concerned about this habit. Excessive ANYTHING isnt good...and she needs to learn this. Yes- everything in moderation.

With children, they do things because they are getting a need met. What need does she have that excessive reading fills? What would motivate her to be in the rest of the world and develop other talents and ambitions? Use the reading ...or desire to read.. to launch and motivate.

Sit down with her and say: I feel reading is good, and I know you love it, but it has become an excuse to ignore your responsibilities. How do you feel about this...then wait. Let silence fill the room until she speaks. It may take a while. Look at her and listen to what she says. Do the active listening thing..."So you said it makes you feel like__?? Is that right?" Let her respond. Tell her that you want to both be happy and what can she think of that will accomplish both tasks (free time appropriately and yet get her work done)...wait for her response. Then say "That's one thing. Lets think of three possible solutions.... Can you think of any other solution?" Affirm her contributions to the conversation. Then tell her.."Which one of these things do you think you might like to try?"

She is little... inevitably she will screw up at some point...and this is again a learning thing...not a bad thing. Tell her "I notice you let yourself down. Im sorry about that. WHat do you think we should do? WHat priviledge do you think you will be giving up"....or..."What extra chore do you volunteer to do (right now)?"

I hope this is of some help.

You don't say what she is reading, not sure if it matters but it might. Could you elaborate? I can't imagine disciplining a child for reading, but if you must, then it seems pretty easy, she is holding the currency here - her books. You need her room clean? Hold on to the book she is reading until her room is clean or whatever other chore you need her to do. Personally, I wouldn't take her books away, just offering that suggestion as taking other things away is not working because she values the books more right now. This time will pass, or hopefully not! I think it is great that you have a child so interested in reading!

I 'll give you a teacher's as well as a vetern mom's perspective. It's great that she love's to read , but I would be concerned that she is so involved with the readerly life - that she is missing out on real life interactions. Try modeling reading for pleasure -- at the end of the day, or after homework is done and of course chores .

Burn the books!! Just kidding. Reading is a wonderful activity to encourage, but not if your daughter is isolating herself from family and friends, and especially not if she is refusing to do chores. Keep track of how much time she is reading or better yet, set a timer. She may feel comfortable reading if she doesn't feel noticed within the family. Her books are her get away. Be aware of how much one-on-one time you have with your daughter. Is she noticed and appreciated within the family? I don't think this is something you should fret over....
V.

Sounds like your daughter and I are kindred spirits. Your description of your daughter could have been a description of myself at that age. My mom was always nagging me to stop reading, go do this, go do that, go play outside, etc... you know what? I grew up to be a very well-rounded person. Certainly books can be a form of escapism. When I was a teenager, I preferred books over boys, partying, drugs, drinking, and a myriad of other things. Books kept me out of trouble. Books improved my education a hundred-fold. They greatly enlarged my vocabulary. They taught me to spell correctly, to put a sentence together. They taught me how to write in a comprehensive manner. I've noticed that so many adults these days cannot spell or write well. Such important skills! Skills that will last a lifetime. I am the mother of four, and none of them seem to enjoy reading, even though I read to them all from day one. Movies, TV and video games seem to be the entertainment of choice with most kids. But you! You have a reader! That is FANTASTIC! You should pat yourself on the back and treat yourself to a spa day.

As a mother of four, I do understand your dilemma. Your daughter needs to get the basics taken care of in a timely manner. I don't think grounding her from reading is the answer. She is 9 years old. Talk to her. Explain your problem to her. Tell her you need to come up with a solution together. Used to drive me nuts when my mom laid that one on me, but it worked. Help her come up with a way to remind herself to do the things that need to be done. It might work and it might not. It worked about half the time with me. I was always getting in trouble for reading. Reading has served me well in a myriad of ways throughout my 45 years. I didn't turn out too bad. In addition to being the mom of four, I founded and run an international non-profit organization for people with cancer. Where did I acquire the skills? One guess. :0)

Maybe I'm speaking as a kindred spirit to your daughter, or maybe just as a mom who has gone through the teen years three times already, and barely survived. (They are brutal, even with "good" kids.) Please do not discourage her from reading. As excessive as it seems to you, I guarantee you this. It will not become a lifetime problem. She will not wind up in Bookaholics Anonymous due to books ruining her life, health and relationships. Her love of books will be an asset in the long run, especially during the next 7 years. What can seem like a problem at one stage of life can end up being a huge benefit. Look beyond her nine years to the future, and take heart. These small frustrations are actually a blessing in disguise.

I personally like the idea from the first response. I don't have any additional information. Just a quick question... HOW did you get your daughter to love reading so much. My husband and I read all the time, we have books coming out our ears. We buy tons of books for her that she picks out from the school catalog. But we can't get our 8 yr old to read unless it is assigned from school, or we bribe her with icecream. If she finishes Harry Potty 2 today then she gets a ColdStone with a cone. I wish she loved to read.