Adults Advice or Teens

Hi sweetheart;

I would talk to your mom. Know that it may cause a dramatic response. She will ALWAYS see you as her little girl and little girls don't have sex. I applaud you for being in a relationship for 3 years and not having had sex yet. My personal wish is that you would wait till you at least are 18. Birth control is NOT 100% and if you got pregnant your whole life would change Trust me, I love my son dearly, but there are times when I wish I could go back 13 months and be smarter and I'm 30! At your age more guys run than stay and it will make finishing school and/or college harder.
If you truly believe that you and your bf are going to start having sex and your mom goes against the idea of putting you on the pill then go to your local Planned Parenthood and get them there. I think they are free, but check out their website. It's better to go now and get the pill than to go against the picketers for an abortion later. Also, get and use condoms too.

Practice abstinence.

Sweet M.,
I think you are wise to seek advice, and I hope you are wise to consider seriously the advice given by these women. They know what they are talking about. Life is exciting for you right now and it is just the beginning of new adventures. I have 4 sisters and we all had very different "first-time" experiences sexually. Two sisters became sexually active as teenagers and they felt that they really loved their boyfriends, and I think they did have a certain level of love for them. Unfortunately, one became pregnant and her life changed drastically and she regretted not waiting till she was older to become sexually active. She ended up marrying her boyfriend and after having a second child and being married 6 years they ended up in a bitter divorce and are still at odds. The other sister did not end up pregnant, but she was much more disciplined about using birth control and condoms. Unfortunately for her, having a sexual relationship created certain emotional issues in her relationship that neither her nor her boyfriend were ready to deal with. They were still young and had a lot to learn still and their maturity level at age 16 wasn't at the height that a sexual relationship should be at. She has struggled because of this and also wishes she hadn't become sexually activa at such a young age. I wasn't sexually active (although I was seriously tempted to be!) until I was married. Some nights when you are all alone with your guy and you feel that strong sexual attraction it is hard to hold back! It is totally normal and a wonderful part of being a woman and having a loving, mature relationship with a man who loves and respects you as his one and only true love. The greatest gift my husband and I gave each other when we were married was the knowledge that neither he nor I had ever had sex with any other person. We both had many opportunities, but we saved that most precious part of ourselves for that one true love that we would choose to be committed to forever. There is nothing more romantic than that! Today he still remains my best friend and one true love and I can say with the greatest of confidence that he adores me. I am so glad I didn't give in all those times with other boyfriends (whom I did love too) so that I could have this rare and priceless gift to give to my love, my husband, and he feels the same way too. Definitely talk with your Mom and consider seriously your decision when you are not in the heat of the moment. Once you decide carefully what you want to do, talk openly and honestly with your boyfriend about it. If he truly loves you, he will not pressure you, but will love you and respect your decision regardless of how he feels about it. Who you marry is the most important decision you will make in your life, and right now you are weighing a decision that is close to the same level of impact on your life. I hope the very best for you and you are in my prayers.

I agree 100% with jennifer. Let your mom know your serious and want to be smart about having sex. And like jen said if she wont taek you then go to a planned parent hood . Or if you health insurance call and make an appt with your doctor they have a patient doctor privledge, and can't tell you parent, But you need to get further than that and in a year go back and have a pap smear and possibly a STD check becasue some diseases have no symptoms and can hurt your body but if caught early can be cured, .. I commend you on being smart and asking for suggestions before you start be get active.

Hi, M.. You sound like a very smart and caring young woman! It is clear that you want to do the right thing, and you certainly don't want to hurt your Mom. Becoming sexually active is a big decision and one that you should carefully consider. Three years is a long time to date someone and it is understandable that you and your boyfriend feel a very strong desire to express your affection. Because it sounds like you are mature and responsible, you will understand that becoming sexually active is about more than just having sex. You need to consider whether or not you are ready for the emotional and physical side of this choice. Your mother is concerned for your overall person and she wants the very best for you. Since I don't know you or your mother, it's hard to advise exactly how to resolve this dilemma. But if you decide to become sexually active, you must protect yourself not only with some type of birth control, but also your boyfriend should always use a condom. ALWAYS. Dear heart, this is an exciting time for you and life is full of beauty and wonder. Perhaps you might take a step back and consider that there is a lot of time for you to grow, mature and learn more about yourself. Your mother has your very best interest at heart, and maybe the fact that you may have to lie to her, or act without telling her, indicates that becoming sexually active is really not in your best interest right now. Even though your Mom might freak out, talk to her. Try to understand why she feels the way she does and ask her what concerns her the most. And then listen to her loving advice and concern. You can write out what you want to say to her and remember that she may be upset, but she also will want to be sure that you have the very best life you can have. That means not getting pregnant before you are able to be a good parent, and not getting a sexually transmitted disease, or perhaps, not getting hurt by having a sexual relationship that breaks through emotional boundaries. You might begin by saying "Mom, I love you and don't want to upset you. I want us to be able to talk about things that are important to me and I'm thinking about becoming sexually active. I want to be sure that I am protected and I don't want to keep secrets from you because I love you and I care about our relationship." She may freak out, but that's OK. You've been open and honest and if you are going to become sexually active, you also need to be honorable and forthright with your family. I'll be thinking of you, and I hope that you are able to make the best choice for you. God bless.

It sounds like your mom loves you very much and wants to protect you. It also sounds like you love her and value her opinion. I think that you should sit down with your mom and tell her that you are considering having sex with your boyfriend and that you want to be responsible and use protection. If you are mature and clear when speaking with your mom, she will respect your decision more whether she agrees with it or not.

This is a big step and once you lose your virginity, you can't get it back. You also need to know, which I'm sure you do, that the pill is not 100% effective and that it does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases most of which you don't know about until you get them. If you're going to have sex you should be using condoms every time as well.

Good luck to you.