About-to-be Grandma and Grandpa

go now! My parents were in the waiting room while we were in the hospital. I loved knowing they were there and that they were so excited to see their new grandson.

Leave now. Be there when the baby is born. Give support by being in that waiting room & seeing that baby as soon as you can. But, be prepared to leave them be for a while so she can rest (go get dinner or whatever) & then come back later on to visit again. Then, ask them how much help they want, if they want you to come by the house or how long to stay. I loved knowing I had a waiting room full of people to meet my baby, but after that I just needed to sleep, so I was glad to get space, then I was ready for visitors that night.

First of all-- how consider of you to think of this. When I had my first child I wanted only my parents, brother, husband's mother and sister to visit at the hospital and made that clear...but droves of people came anyway. My advice would be to be honest and just bluntly ask your son. Tell him you are anxious to see the baby, but want to come when they are ready. My mom stayed with me for 2 weeks after each of my children (4 and 6mos). If her Mom is coming...it may be too much at once. I'm sure you are anxious, but I would have appreciated someone to come and help around 2 weeks. My parents gave us my grandfather's watch for my son when he was born...

A silver engraved cup or rattle is nice.

I say why wait!! When I had both my children, my parents and my in laws were there at the hospital in the waiting room. I did have a c-section, so there was a scheduled time my kids were born, so they didn't have to wait all day. I would talk to your son if possible, he may want you there for support.

I would say to ask them. Too many people at once is overwhelming. I had 20 people, literally, show up at our house half an hour after coming home the day after my son was born. Being there once the father goes back to work might be the most helpful.

R., as a step-gramma, I was there for the births of both of my granddaughters! Right along with Dad, Mom, and step-dad. If you have somewhere to stay, go for it!!!!! They usually come home in 1-2 days and you can visit, then plan with your son and daughter-in-law when would be a good time for a longer visit. Congratulations!!!! Enjoy, grandkids are the greatest!! L. S.

R., Congratulations! I agree with one person who said you are sensitive, and that's great! My in-laws live in California, so when I had my daughter, their trip couldn't be just for a few days. I decided before that I didn't want any houseguests within a few weeks after she was born, and I was glad that I had made that decision once she came home! My in-laws came when she was one month old, for her baptism. It was a special time, our daughter was more alert, I was feeling much better, and we had gotten into a pretty good routine at home, to where I felt comfortable having guests. Everyone is different though...some women need people around and like a lot of help. I think it depends on the person and also on your relationship. My own mom is close, and I am not too close with my mother in law. I would recommend asking your son and daughter when they would like you to come!

How exciting!! Being a grandma is the BEST!! When our daughter had her first, they told us they wanted a week to bond just as a family before any visitors arrived. Hard as it was to not just run to Minnesota the minute she was in labor, we honored their request. I went and stayed a week, just taking care of my daughter...cooking, ironing, cleaning, grocery shopping, making sure she sat in the tub twice a day and listening for our sweet Elliana so she could rest. I made "TV dinners" to last a for a week so she didn't have to worry about any cooking. The day I left the other grandma arrived for a week to do the same thing. It was wonderful. Being the father's mother, your daughter-in-law might want her own Mom first (mine did and I requested to be the first grandma on the scene anyway) It was a family time I will never forget! As for a special gift,I took a blanket that HER great Grandma had given me when I had her. You might have something that belonged to your son that could be special...I also had a pewter baby mug that I gave her...it was hers with her name on it. My best advice would be to call and ask when a good time would be to visit and make sure she knows you don't want to interfere with HER mom's visit...grandma's do have to share...darn it! We are so blessed. They have settled in Commerce and we are in Rochester so now we get to see them at least once a week. Just go when they say it is a good time and love on all of them. Have fun!!

I don't think there is any problem with visiting in the hospital. As for after they go home, I would suggest pulling your son aside when you see him at the hospital and asking him what he would honestly prefer. Everyone is different. I really liked to have visitors when I first brought my daughter home but didn't want anyone staying with us overnight. But, like I said, everyone is different. They may relish in the help you provide or they may want some time to bond as a family.

As for a gift, the most useful ones were simple onesies - preferably in larger sizes (starting around 6-9 months in size) since they likely received many newborn clothing at a baby shower.

Congrats and best wishes!

Hi R.,

We are 3 times over grandparents. We were right there at the hospital when each one was born. We stayed in the waiting room until our son or son in law came out to let us know we could come in. Each time the baby was just minutes old. This is most common. My parents and husbands parents were there when ours were born, even my sister and his sisters. Though for only our granddaughter there was long travel. I traveled the night before to Arizona to be with her. If you have someplace to stay I would say go for it. Both my husband and I traveled back about a month later to visit for a week.

A friend of mine had her first baby this week. Her in-laws live about 5 hours away and drove down as soon as she went into labor. They have been staying at her house while she has been in the hospital and they have been caring for her dog (though they come up to the hospital every day). They will stay a total of one week.
I know she has really appriciated this, especially since she had an emergency c-section.
That said, they did plan all of this out before hand.

I would see what time you can spare and ask them when they could use you best? Maybe her mom is staying for two weeks- but after that she will need help- you could stay for awhile. I know that its often a couple weeks later when it seems most overwhelming b/c thats usually when all the help leaves!
Congrats!

HI R., when I had my daughters both my mom and my mother in law where there right in the room. I have a great relationship with my mother in law so I wanted her there. I would get in the car and be on my way. But if you don't have a good relationship or if they are private people I would ask your son what he wants. Good Luck and congradulations.
J.
Mom of 2 wonderful girls.

You are a very sensitive mother-in-law. Good for you! I'd advise you to talk to the kids and tell them you want to come ASAP but want to do what's best for them - what would be most helpful. See if you can get them to tell you that. You want to avoid any message that this isn't important enough to be there or that you're too busy, while, at the same time, not seeming intrusive or in their way. It's quite a trick, especially with daughters-in-law. What seems right to you may not be what she has in mind at all. This is a huge moment for them and also for you, but don't expect them to be sensitive to your feelings. It's all about them and the new baby, and obviously you get that, which puts you ahead of most in-laws! Tread lightly but don't just wait to be invited, either. They may take that as your not being excited enough about this baby!
I don't know if you've gotten the baby anything yet. If not, you can ask what they need and also add something sentimental. Is there a book your son loved as a toddler that you can buy and write a message in to the baby? Is there a photo of him that you could frame in a special way for the baby's room? If they have a nursery, the mom may have very specific ideas of what she wants in there - like a certain lamp or something - and she might tell you if you ask. You could bring a sentimental gift then explore something they need when you get there, and go out & get it with your son while you're there.
The one mistake I see my friends making is to set their expectations too high & then get hurt when their d-i-l wants to control the rel'p with their grandchild. Be very loving and excited but very, very respectful of their central role in the baby's life and what this means to them. I have 17 grandkids and I still don't always get it exactly right!

I loved people visiting me at the hospital! I was so proud to have the most beautiful boys ever! I wanted my loved ones to come and coo over them too! But, I also wanted them to come and help me at home as well. I would do both! You are a grandma now! Of course, everyone has a different comfort level about this stuff. I asked my MIL to be in the delivery room and she said no! I still can't believe that. Who wouldn't want to see their grandbaby be born?

R.,

I encourage you to express your heartfelt sentiments to your daughter-in-law and ask her what would be a good time to come. It depends upon the circumstances- if her parents are coming for a week. Then wait and go the following week. Also, be prepared to stay in a hotel- just in case she's dealing with any type of post-partum and is not feeling up to having overnight guest. At the end of the day- I think it's important that you/your husband are sensitive to their needs but let them know how excited you are at the same time.

A great baby gift is a blanket that has all the birth information on it or a baby bank that is engraved with the child's information on it. Both are available at Things to be Remembered.Congratulations!

Congratulations to you! It must be very exciting. I think alot depends on your relationship with the parents and also your ability to drive 4.5 hours. I would talk privately to your son and offer what you can do and see his reaction. If you have a good relationship and can do it, it would be great if you could go down and help when they come home. In my situation, my mom lived 3 miles from us. She came over every day, cleaned up the house, made supper, took care of the baby while I took a nap and then went home so my husband and I had alone time too. It really is a delicate balance because each new mom is different. My girlfriend had visitors non-stop. I didn't want to see anyone but my mom for the first few weeks.

As for a gift, how about a scrapbook of the family? The only advice I can give is not to buy a christening gown or somethign with the expectation they will wear it on that special day. Ask first about that.

Enjoy!

R.,
this is a very exciting time for your son and his wife but also for you. I would express your interest and excitement about the seeing the new baby and ask him and his wife if they would like you to come to the hospital or wait until they are home. And be prepared to accept there wishes gracefully. It's a special bonding time for the new parents and every new parent feels differently about this. It may also depend on how her delivery goes and how she is feeling. But I would ask them and not wait for them to ask you or they might feel you aren't interested. Good luck and congratulations! PS for a gift idea I like a special blanket, granted I am sure the baby has and will receive a ton of blankets, but a special one from grandma is sure to be a favorite. You wouldn't have to bring it the first time but good get one personalzed with their name and birhtdate. But make sure it's one you intend the baby to use and don't be disappointed if they don't get attached to it until they are a year or so old.

Congratulations! This is a tough question because everyone has different preferences. My only request was that no one come while I was in labor (and my in-laws showed up just after the doctor had forced my water to break. I was pretty embarrassed!).
When your son calls to give you the happy news, I would simply ask him. Tell him that you're ecstatic and would love to see the baby right away, but you want to know what he and his wife are comfortable with. That way, there won't be any hard feelings. And make sure he doesn't answer you right away. Tell him to check with your DIL and call you back. I remember the first two weeks being a rollercoaster of emotions and my husband just didn't get that. She may want some space just to feel normal again before she has visitors (even caring, kind ones like you!!).
I hope everything works out, and again, Congratulations!!

Grandma and Grandpa,

My first thought is to be careful, as it seems you are, since you are from the daddy side. New mommies are sometimes more comfortable with their own mothers during times like this. They are more hormonal, for one thing. Sometimes we just want mom. You already know what kind of relationship you have with her, this should help guide you. I would NOT wait for an invitation. This could be interpreted that you are not interested. I would just ask: When would you two be comfortable with a visit from some very excited grandparents. Ask what you can do to help. Bring food, etc.???

Brownie points that could help:

- Come with gift for mommy. Don't just make this be about the baby. Make a big deal about this being Her First Mother's Day.
- Ask first...If I wash my hands first, may I hold the baby?
With our first babies we are VERY germ conscious. By our third or fourth child you may hold them, even when you're a little dirty. :)
- Notice and mention all the right things she's doing. Don't mention what she's doing wrong UNLESS she's really harming the child. Then do with love, carefully.

As far as something special for baby...
Some Hallmarks carry a baby bonnet that is a handkerchief. Bonnet for Christening and handkerchief for wedding day. If the baby is a boy, his bride could even use it.

Let me comment: I have the worlds best mother in law. She has always been very loving, kind, and gentle with her words. I could have NEVER had a better mother in law. She is more like a mother to me. The mother in law jokes don't have to be true. Don't let society dictate your outcome.

C. M

Congratulations! I would go to the hospital to hear the news and to meet baby on day one!!! There's something exciting for the new daddy to walk in and announce it to his parents and his wife's parents. You don't have to stay at the hospital all day - meet the baby and congratulate the new parents, then go out to eat and return later (if you wish). It's really hard for the new mommy in the hospital - lack of sleep, recovering and (for some) feeling not so pretty. The doctors can get pretty personal, so it's easiest for mommy to have a little privacy when doctors arrive (or if she's nursing).

Definitely ask them what their thoughts are, as far as visiting/staying with them. They may welcome help as soon as they get home from the hospital - or they may want some privacy/bonding time alone first. Explain that you are excited to meet and help out, but that you want to do it when it's easiest/most convenient for them.

Perhaps buy a special book (either a children's book or Hallmark type 'I love you' book) and write the new baby a letter about how much you love him/her - all the things you look forward to and funny stories of your son when he was a baby. Also, a scrapbook is a great idea - or just taking lots of pictures of the baby for the new parents to enjoy. A special quilt or blanket with the child's name/birthdate is nice (but not something you can probably bring with you).

Congratulations! Enjoy your new role...