.

wth is "lust type sex"? Those are the words of someone with some serious sexual and intimacy hang-ups.

Well, IF the following was true, then I'd say this argument has merit:

1. That we cannot heal or grow past our first experience.

2. Men do not have an innate desire for connection; women do not have a sexual appetite.

3. Married couples cannot have a kinky relationship; women do not appreciate kink.

4. That premarital sex is always without connection, intimacy, and bonding.

5. That marital sex is always connected, intimate, and bonds couples.

6. That if we have a taste of something we like, we won't ever want anything else.

Now, *I* don't think ANY of these assumptions are true. Do you?

This is a very personal topic, and most of us will have an opinion based on our own experiences.

I don't at all believe in waiting until marriage to explore sexuality. That is not what I'm teaching my daughter. What I am teaching her is that her needs and wants are important, that she has the right to say yes or no anytime about anything related to dating/her body/sex, that sex can be wonderful (right now for her it is age-appropriately a big yuck!) but it is powerful and can be used and misused. She is working toward a Black Belt in karate and will have that before she is old enough to date, but I am also working on her emotional strength and self-confidence, which I believe is just as important and maybe more so.

And, I'm currently completely a PhD in Psychology and I think what this guy is saying is garbage. Sex is much more complicated, and human beings are much more complicated than this. This guy has an obvious agenda he is promoting.

i think that guy is on crack. end of story.

Um, honestly - that's just about the silliest thing I've ever heard. I understand that every public speaker has to have something sensational to make you think they're on to something special... but this one is crazy.

(and no, I didn't have a lot of partners before my husband so that's not why I think your christian guy is full of garbage)

He sounds a little out there and a lot narrow minded. I didn't hear anything like this when I took a course on marriage counseling. Yes, both partners bring expectations about all kinds of things including sex into a relationship. Problems often happen because people are unaware about their own and their partner's expectations (it is one of those things that can be worked out in counseling or by a lot of discussion between partners).

It also sounds like this guy is assuming people need to be married to have a healthy sexual relationship. Not all premarital sex is one night stands. My mom's advice was not "never have sex before marriage" but "make sure you respect yourself and your partner in the morning." I'm pretty liberal about sex but I don't think casual sex/one night stands, sex under the influence of substantial amounts of alcohol or drugs, or as a young teen is likely to lead to a good sexual experience (especially a good first time).

Garbage! I for one have "left in the morning before the guy wakes up" and then never called. So he's full a "garbage from the tush".

I've also been on the waking up side and no one there. I have all the desire in the world, lust, passion for my husband that I did the day we met!

He is not my previous partners, he is not like them in personality and not like them in bed, and I don't expect that.

I want me kids to make wise/responsible choices about sex, marriage, love and friendship. They are young, but we do speak about what is appropriate, not appropriate. It's ok for dad to pinch moms butt, it's okay for us to kiss in front of them, hold hands. We know about our bodies and we know the correct terminolgy...there are no "cookies, hoo has, ta tas, wee wee, peepees" in our house. I am honest and open to their questions with answers that are appropriate for there ages. That's how it will always be.

Sounds like a big load of garbage to me. Sex is VERY individual and personal. It's pretty difficult to make sweeping generalizations regarding people's feelings and behaviors based on whether or not they were virgins when they married. What people bring to sexual relationships is a very unique set of experiences, lessons taught, lessons learned and even traumatic experiences suffered -whether or not it's their first or 20th time. Personally I find churches and pastors getting into sex to be a gigantic turnoff. If couples wish to receive private counseling with their pastor -great -but something about churches conducting sex seminars and workshops on sex and especially the "promise dances" and whatnot with fathers and daughters -it makes my skin crawl.

Many men/women are pigs and the sex will be just a lust experience whether they were virgins or not at marriage. Many people regret past experiences and truly want to love and bond with their new spouses. I think overall, waiting to give yourself to your new spouse can ignite a bond, but i do not think that a bond will not be shared if one or the other partner had previous experiences.

I do agree in a sense, that when we save ourselves for our spouse, that there can be a much greater love and respect for that, as well as avoiding any past problems (stds/pregnancy/sleeping around) that could possibly tarnish a marriage with it's baggage, whether physical or emotional. If one partner is a virgin, and the other is not, the virgin may feel inadequate or disappointed that they saved themselves, but their spouse did not.

As for us, I will teach our children that sex is reserved for marriage only. There are so many benefits that greatly outweigh any sexual gratification in the meantime. We do have short engagements in our church so as to not mess up, but in the meantime, young couples learn so much more about each other. I knew more about my husband and our compatibility and deep core beliefs after 6 months of dating, than many of my friends who had boyfriends for several years.

Here is a short video of a few teens of different faiths explaining why they are choosing to wait and how it is benefiting them:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xkvpmn_sexual-purity-in-...

I think this guy needs to back up all that he says with scripture. If he doesn't, then he's likely making it all up himself. I have never heard such idea. I think he's full of it (at least on this topic.) I think each person has their own personalities that plays into this. Yes there's female/male differences, but there's personality too.

I've had multiple partners. As has my husband. This is my second husband too and I enjoy my sex life more now than I did before. I am no longer on bc pills, and perhaps that has a lot to do with my drive. I dunno. Too many factors for this guy to know what he's talking about. Each couple is different. Each scenario is different. This is a very bad generalization. Doubt it's true for most couples.

Oh he's right on the money. In addition to that, we tend to take the good things from each partner and want those things from every partner after. So the bad things that don't float our boat become a turn off and the things we want become an impossible standard for anyone to meet.

Sounds pretty strange to me. It almost sounds like everyone is doomed if they have more than one partner. Most people get married because they feel a strong connection to one another. I guess I don't understand exactly what this guy is trying to say.

The thing is: we ALL live in a society.
And we ALL have IMAGINATIONS and emotions.
And, there are so many things we see everyday.
We do not live, cloistered in a cave void of other humans or civilization.
Thus, even if 2 people were virgins before getting married, and only had sexual experiences with each other... the MIND... wanders.
Or it may.

The bottom line is: you CANNOT control, people or their impulses. By defining sex that way.
And his explanation of things.... to me, is very.... naive. And really screwed up. He sounds, screwed up.