3 Y/o Who Screams at My Daughter

I would say it sounds like the 3 year old is modeling what she hears. Maybe thats the way she is talked to or she saw her mamma talking to /or being talked to that way?

Dear M.;
Obviously you and your daughter were very stressed out by this situation. I would trust your judgement and not go over to her place any more if that is the only time the poor behavior occurs. You can still have her over or meet somewhere else if the child doesn't act that way to your daughter in those situations.
I would hate for you to stop all contact altogether because the mom and the child are probably both stressed. The daughters acting out is probably because of the separation.
Control over her own things is probably the only control she has. And screaming at someone younger is probably the only time she can get out her sad and angry feelings.
Also, You are you child's only advocate. You are her protector and defender. Don't hesitate to kindly tell her child no, we don't talk to our friends that way. Intervene and play with them for 5 to 15 minutes. Find out what she is willing to share or bring some of your daughters toys that are shareable -- blocks, puzzles,tea set etc, something you can all play together and you can supervise because you are in the middle of it. Make this a pattern to play with the girls each time you get together and the mom will think nothing of it. When you are playing with them, it is perfectly acceptable to use a play voice and correct gently as needed

i've noticed kids do well to work things out on their own without lots of adult intervention yet and also...
you don't have to go over there. lots of kids go thru the 'no mine phase' so the other kid is not necessarily being Mean. but also you don't have to go over there. Sometimes these things are just kinda cues that you aren't in the right place at the right time. and thinking for the answer just does not really get you the answer. take the cues. for instance, maybe it would be best for this lady who is going thru this rough time to have more time alone to feel herself and her children and everything. and maybe it is better for you right now to be with a woman who is more satisfied in her relationship with her man. Maybe this is new behavior for her child and she is more concerned when you are over with having a good talk to address the behavior but i am sure if u keep going she will end up saying or doing something ... my children are 10 and 7 and i remember this stuff and i think it is just timing- don't over-think it okay? just take the cues and do not look for fault- probably best not to keep putting yourself in a situation that makes you look for fault- ya know? it's just Timing i believe- we've had children friends who were great to play with for stretches and then not and then good again- not all children get along with every other child the same- and different age phases are so quickly changing at those young ages- so one phase may not match up with another child's phase. i've noticed if a big deal is made either way on the sharing thing- you can get the kids so they they react indignantly if someone does not share or overly afraid they will have to share or demanding that others share to the point of using the word share to demand something they've not the right. so balance i guess- that's why it is hard to start intervening all the time- they come to you to resolve every little problem with another. i've seen children have another child take something from them and it was no big deal until some adult made it a big deal -my children still go through that sharing stuff..i think somewhere i felt bad for the younger and said something unncessarily and too emotionally... one lives with one's mistakes and makes them better over time. i remember someone calling my daughter mean and it was just not true- she was not being mean- the behavior was innocent not trying to be mean or dominant even just taking a toy but there was more of a sense of playing with and too-not of Taking but sharing but the thing ended up in daughter's hand so it was seen as Taken...if nothing had been said, it may have been given back-you know? but i have seen children Take so i am not confusing the two, nor suggesting that you are either. i'm just trying to say not to be too judgemental and not to keep subjecting yourselves to it if it doesn't feel right and you may just find that a few or several months from now even maybe years- that timing has it so that the children get along very well. don't be afraid to take cues from your life, circumstances- don't force it roll with it-follow the comfort -able feelings the feeling of being at ease-you'll know you're in the right spot with the right people at the right time and let such things be ever changing because they are.
Best:)

Not to be too harsh, but I would keep my daughter away from her house until she learns. Most kids aren't developmentally ready to share willingly on their own until age 4 or 5. Of course we start to teach them earlier but it takes much patience and reminders and help. By age 3, most children should be able to sit nearby and share some of their toys - but not their favorites - and only with encouragement from a parent. If this girl is feeling extra insecure due to family problems, she's probably holding onto everything and is terrified of losing toys. She needs to learn, though. However, you can't really teach her that. Her parents need to step up and be parents.

If she's ok at your house or at another location (like a neighborhood park) then continue to meet with her at those locations. You can step in and help a little and give her big-time praise when she does share. Another word to use is 'take turns' instead of 'share' becuase the concept of 'share' is harder to learn. And saying 'be nice' doesn't mean anything to a preschooler - you have to be more specific.

My 2.5 year old is into the "mine" phase big-time, but she does willingly let her best friend play with her toys when she comes over. I do put away her 4 or 5 favorite toys beforehand because I know my daughter would never share those and would have a meltdown if I forced her to.

We had an angel throughout age 2...then hit the "terrible threes." That, in addition to a child's life being drastically changed (moving, not living with dad anymore) explains the girl's behavior. Poor thing, she's not living in the same place, but her toys are still HERS! LOL

I'd just avoid their house. It sounds like the mother is too emotionally taxed to either notice or implement any sort of order/discipline. Maybe she's hoping you'll do it?

I'd probably start gently taking over in that area. If she doesn't like it, she'll step up or stop socializing with you.

Good luck!

Sharing is most often difficult at one's own house with one's own toys--the feeling of ownership is just so strong at that age. So I would recommend either meeting at a your house (which you said went fine) or a nuetral location, like the zoo or library. Most kids who are in a possessive phase do better outside their own homes. That way you could still stay friends and not have the girl's negative reaction to deal with. She should grow out of it soon. On the other hand, you need to do what's best for your family. If that is not seeing these "friends" very often, then that's what you should do. Even for people who live close, life is so naturally busy that a few well-placed excuses should keep you from seeing them for a while if that's what you decide!

It sounds like you answered your own question.... don't go to their house. Invite them over to visit with you.

Some little one's get overally protective of their stuff and it causes problems. Don't go for while, try it again in a couple of months and see how it goes.

We've got friends that the same thing happened- we finally got together at either my house or off-site somewhere.

Good luck!

I would curtail visits until the 3 y/o is past the "mine" stage.
Apparently her mom is clueless, and you or your daughter do not need the grief.
What you describe is just too much too put up with even for a half hour, which would seem like an eternity to your child.
If she asks, I would just tell her that you are waiting for the phase to end before you resume visits.
Maybe (?) she will get the clue to teach her daughter some manners.

my daughter is about to turn 3 and I watch an 18 month old at my house. At first there were some issues with screaming about toys, but with lots of close attention and correcting that behavior it has pretty much stopped. We still have an occasional meltdown, but not too many. I think it is up to the mother to teach her daughter to share. Do you take some toys of your daughters with you? I was just wandering if that might make a difference. I have an almost 3 year old and almost 5 year old and I watch a 6 year old and an 18 month old. If it gets to bad I just take the toy away that they are fighting over and give them each a toy to play with seperately and tell them they aren't allowed to play with each other until they are ready to share and it doesn't take long before they are all combining toys and playing together. I don't blame you if you don't go back over there with your daughter. It would definately be nerve racking to listen to screaming for 2 hours. I agree with what someone else said, tell the mom that you like her company, but you will have to get together at your home or somewhere else until her daughter can stop screaming about her toys. I think if you put it that way she will understand, she probably does not like listening to the screaming either and just doesn't know what to do about it.
good luck

M.,
I know this problem all too well. I have a 5yr. old and an almost 2 yr. old. A lot of it is being 3, they don't call it the horrible three's for nothing. At my home we always set aside toys that were specifically for play dates, anything they are willing to share. If they didn't want to share it, it didn't come out. I am not sure if this is something you want to suggest to your friend. Not sure how close you are to her. As for the screaming, a lot of that is also being a girl - they scream a lot (at least in my experience). You could also bring toys for your kiddos, that way if her daughter starts with "mine" or screaming you could ask her mommy to remind her that they are in fact not hers. Just some ideas, hope this helps.