After the birth of my son, I was surprised at how vocal strangers were when we were out in public. He was built like a snowman, in the 95th percentile at 2 months and 92nd at 4 months and I couldn't take him out without SOMEONE telling me how big he was. It ranged from "fat baby!" to sarcastic "when are you going to feed that kid?" and my personal favorite, a sweet little old lady who after asking permission to touch his little toes told me that she "loved seeing a healthy baby". Now that he's 8 months old and his increased mobility has started burning off some of those calories he's no longer getting the big baby comments, now he's starting to actually grow hair, and it is red. So now, we can't go out without someone saying "he's got red hair!" Really? I hadn't noticed my child's hair color, thanks for letting me know! I love the questions asking if his daddy has red hair (no he doesn't, nor do I. I suppose I could get into the dominate vs recessive genes, but it seems a bit much). What did people feel the need to tell you about your babies?
Thanks for the stories everyone! I enjoyed reading some other Mamas experiences.
April C., you need to relax! I never said I was "put out" or upset by the comments! I am fully aware that people think my child is adorable to the point that they want to talk to me about it. I just find it entertaining what they choose to say. The 3rd most common is "look at those dimples!" as he's invited conversation by smiling at strangers in the store because he's figured out it gets him a positive reaction. It's too bad they don't ask if his daddy has dimples (yes, he does! other than the hair he's his spitting image). My BIL and SIL both have red hair and so, of course, does their son. I know she gets annoyed because it's so painfully obvious where his red hair came from. When two non red-heads produce a red-head it's a no brainer that people will talk about it. I always wanted red hair growing up, I thought my brown hair was so dull. I took the fat baby comments as compliments, I was clearly doing something right if I can grow this little guy from 7 lbs 6 oz to 17 lbs in only 4 months! I would just joke that I don't make breast milk, I make full fat ice cream (only to people I know, the strangers don't need to know that).
My beautiful cheeky baby had the fat comments all the time. He was born fat! He slimmed down when he became mobile.
My third baby was so pretty people were continually calling him 'her'. He is still the most gorgeous child ever.
I get the opposite.
"OH she's so TINY" (they really mean... don't you feed her?)!
and
'Really? She's 10 months?" (do they think I am lying? or that I forgot how old she really is?)
My daughter gets a lot of comments on how pretty her eyes are. She is blonde and both me and my husband has very dark brown hair, so a lot of people ask about that. She is also pretty tall for a three year old, considering she is in 4T clothes already. I've had a bunch of people make comments on that when it's just the two of us, not so much when we are with her dad who is 6'2.
"Oh my! Your Daughter is BEAUTIFUL! She must look like her father!"
-Nice Lady at Church
:(
"Are those her real curls??" Ummmm.... yeah.... you must not know me very well if you think I would actually curl her hair in all these spiral curls!!! lol!
One of our favorites is always, "Wow, your son looks nothing like you" (to his father). My husband is Hispanic with dark hair, eyes, and complexion, and because my son has more fair skin and definitely got my eye and hair color - the color is all people see. My husband has even had people ask him if the baby was really his!!! You better believe these comments were not made in my presence.
Were it up to me, I could care less if he looks more like me or my husband, because I think we both look good. In my eyes, he has the best of both our features. But people are very "color blind." People do not realize how insensitive they are being sometimes. My husband was actually very sensitive about this issue and still is to a degree. He was very sad that his son doesn't look more like him. I guess it is a macho man thing. I keep telling him that he will look more like him when he gets older, that kids change constantly. Besides, the shape of his face and eyebrows and cheeks is totally from my husband ... I don't know why people don't see that as much as I do.
Just for laughs, once I went to a Malaysian restaurant with some friends and their baby who was very chubby. The waitress came over and she kept saying in the sweetest voice, as if this was the greatest compliment, "Oh, you baby so faaat!" It was a riot.
Having had a baby who was more on the long and thin side, I envy your big fat beautiful baby:) Try not to let it get to you though, it is worse when it is the other way around. My boy was born 8.5 lbs, but when he was 4 months old and weighed only 13 lbs, I had this woman who was a relative of my husband telling me how her babies weighed 18 lbs by that age and grilled me about how I often I was breastfeeding, etc. There was a whole story behind this that is too long for this post, but lets just say her timing was very bad as I had just lost a battle with trying to exclusively breastfeed with one breast only, and I was incredibly upset that I couldn't do it. I went home in tears that night, no matter how well-meaning she was. A month later after supplementing with a few bottles a day, he started putting on weight much faster. Sorry I kind of sidetracked here....
I've found that when it comes to pregnant women and babies, folks feel they have license to run their mouths about just about anything without thinking. But for the most part, they mean well, and are probably just awestruck and enchanted by your cute son. Take care,
-T.
mine are mixed.
i get "ohhhh what pretty babies you have" that's code for - "oh, they're black" lol
my very favorites are...
"do they have the same father?"
&
"is the father in the picture?"
I love all the negative assumptions.
My oldest was such a pretty baby that I had several sweet little old ladies INSIST that he was a girl. "No, honey, that can't be a boy. Look at those eyelashes!"
One nurse said to me, "Your husband must be swarthy, because you're so pale, and your son's dark." Um. Ok, true, but kinda blunt.
My youngest is 8 mos and a big boy--"Look at those CHEEKS!" "I bet he doesn't miss any meals."
My favorite is what my (then 4 yr old) son said to another family...."Your baby's cute--but mine's cuter!" Couldn't argue with him--I thought our baby was cuter too--not that I'm biased :)
All my kids have been big for their ages (tall and weight) but my oldest was the most extreme with this. At 18 months he was the size of the average 3 year old, and didn't really move like an 18 month old either so people CONSTANTLY made comments about what he should and shouldn't be doing. "You should have him evaluated for a speech impediment" "He's too old to still be using a pacifier" "Shouldn't he be potty trained by now?"
My response was generally "First off He's my son and it's none of your business, second off he's not as old as you think he is". Which usually ended up with them arguing with me about the age of my own child LOL or them saying "are you sure he's only 18 months old?" ... No I'm not sure how old he is, I just pretended to push him out of my body and I have NO IDEA how to count or keep track of his birthdays ... here's your sign.
BTDT ignore the idiots or tell 'em to bugger off.
My kid is crazy. Always has been. I got "she's so..... busy!" alot and "no wonder you're so skinny having to chase that around all day!" more than anything. The "you're so skinny" one I heard at least once a week... And they were right!
Well, one of my kiddos has two different colored eyes---so I get that CONSTANTLY. Wow, did you know your kid has two different colored eyes??? No, I didn't- stupid question! Or the wow, what are ya feeding that baby??? They sure are big! The one that really makes me laugh is my boys look very much alike but are HUGELY different in sizes and age-- they are 3 years apart and I get the "ARE THEY TWINS????" Or wow, look at the twins hunny! This one must have been first cause he's bigger--- I look at them smile and say YES, they are 3 years apart!!!!! LOL It makes them think about it and then they realize and get all embarrassed. :) Priceless.
M
O I love red hair! My dear mama had red hair and I wish one of my kids would of got it. I think just because you don't see true red heads everyday it is a question a lot like to ask. My mom my aunt and uncle all had red hair and she got the same questions. My son has huge dimples and everybody asks where he got them. Duh!! I don't have them obviously his dad does! Both of my kids are half mexican but I swear they both look asian so that's my constant jackass question! My husband is obviously mexican and im the whitest of white girls yet we get asked all the time if our kids are asian. Ummmm ok!!!!!!
ok, my boys aren't babies anymore (7 & 3), but if one more person says "they have alot of energy" or "you have your hands full with those two" I'm going to go postal.
i could tell you how many people say how beautiful my son is/was, and yes, with his huge dark eyes and soft shiny curls, we get it all the time-but that would be a little narcissistic :)
what bugs me is when people do like you said, tell me what a "big boy" he is. he has always been in the 95th percentile for height AND weight - he looked like a kindergartener when he was about 3. when people pick him up they are usually amazed at his weight because he's so tall, he doesn't look heavy, but he is SOLID. we have always gotten "big boy" comments.
one time at the pediatrician the nurse went to lift him onto the table and kind of grunted, and my little baby sighed and said, "I know."
i almost cried. stupid PEOPLE.
i also run into what Angi said about people thinking he's older than he is. my son is very active bordering on hyper, VERY exuberant and energetic. luckily, he walked and talked early and it wasn't TOO much of an issue when he was really little. but now people seem to think that he should act like a third or fourth grader. he's FIVE!! no one seems to take that into consideration.
people always tell me that my daughter is soo beautiful! i tell them i think so too. we get a lot of compliments on how behaved she is too.
one time when we were out for the 4th to watch the fireworks. my daughter was in these cute wide leg jeans (with rainbow pockets) and a gender neutral 4th shirt. her hair was down and you couldnt see her earrings. i had a lady say omg your son is soo georgous with those long lashes and beautiful long curls. i just smiled and said thats my daughter :) and i think shes a real cutie too!! the lady appologized and i told her that it wasnt an issue because she was dressed pretty neutrally.
Here's the comments I remember: DS1 - Wow, he's huge! (95th percentile from birth); Good grief! He's got big ears!; You're still nursing him? Well, if that's what makes you happy. (Seen nursing a toddler and got the stinkeye from a senior citizen.); Wow, his hair is white isn't it?
DD - She sure has a lot of acne doesn't she?; Just look at those eye lashes!; Such pretty curls...(Notice all of the comments to her were about appearance.)
DS2 - Plenty of comments about his size, in comparison with older brother who was in the 95th percentile and he was "tiny", in the less than 20th percentile; Is he as smart as DS1?; Is he still having problems with kindergarten?
No matter what you child acts like or looks like, someone is going to say something. You have to have thick skin to have children...
K.
ROFL... 2 things. 2 things ALWAYS.
1) That he wasn't my child / I was the nanny. Okay, I get that I was 23 when I had him... but that's not THAT young! In our area, however, the majority of moms start their families in their late 30's / early 40's.
2) People have always mistaken my son for older than he is/was.
The day he was born it seemed like half the hospital came to visit the "6month old newborn". He was only 10lbs and 23.5 inches long (so a little smaller than most 6mo)... but he was alert and aware, made eye contact from several feet away, had full control over his head, and pretty decent control over arms and upper body (could push himself up, etc.), and absolutely refused to "curl" / be swaddled. He wanted his arms and legs out and straight and waving/kicking. That little guy was born with a "braided" back / wicked musculature. His picture is still in the delivery ward as the "easiest baby to measure, ever" (since he stretched himself out for them, and then pretty much just stayed that way).
My favorite story, though, is when he was under a year (8 or 9mo)... just started crawling... I had him in the baby swing at the park. This woman walks up with her toddler in hand and proceeds to do that thing people do when they want to be all snide and uppity by "reprimanding" your child instead of you with the phony smiley voice. <rolls eyes>
"Oh! You're such a BIG boy! You should be in the BIG BOY swing. My little girl can't hold onto the chains on the BIG BOY swing. She's only..." and I forget how old she was. 2, 2 and a half. I have the conversation written down somewhere!
Anyhow...
"Lady, my son isn't even a year old, just learned to crawl, and isn't even standing, much less walking."
She, of course, didn't believe me.
I got a lot of comments about how chubby my girls were. i actually consider it a complement.
ummmm people are so ignorant I know...My youngest is a big boy too and very solid....80th percentile and I get all of the aforementioned comments...wow he's heavy...he's solid..he's gonna be a linebacker etc..etc...
My favorite though is when I went to pick him up in the church nursery and they asked me where I had gotten him???? I'm like what???? What do you mean?? My youngest is the spitting image of my husband. I am fair skinned light hair and eyes and my hubby exact opposite..Deep olive complextion dark hair and eyes...I didn't get their question at first but they proceeded to ask what country did I adopt him from??? Seriously??? Finally someone piped in oh no he's hers you should see her husband. He looks like his Daddy.ughhhh
Tatiana and Angi's stories made my head explode already this morning! I would lose my mind if someone told me what to do with my son, argued with ME over his AGE, or insinuated that my husband wasn't the father.
That said, for just real basic comments or compliments, or little jokes that are meant to break the ice, seriously, I don't get why a parent would be "put out" by that. A stranger is in a store, sees an adorable baby, and doesn't want to be the weird creepy person staring at the baby like a stalker.....but it's hard to resist noticing and admiring little ones. They grow so fast, and once they're grown, people miss them. So to not be the weird creeper, they talk to you and try to break the ice. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as it's not a negative thing or trying to correct the parent's abilities (he shouldn't have a pacifier, she's too young for that bottle, you need to talk to a speech therapist kind of stuff).
The when are you going to feed that kid: what's the TONE? Is the person saying it SMILING? And the "Oh he's got red hair!" is because it's fairly rare, and is so ridiculously adorable on little ones! Why would that offend you, is beyond me. My youngest had very, very red hair and we got comments all the time. It made me happy! My husband's father had reddish hair when he was younger, and my great grandma was "famous" for her bright red hair. I am not upset with that. My friend has one toddler that is fair skin, green eyes, curly light blond hair just like her, and one infant with dark skin, big brown eyes, and thick straight jet black hair, the spitting image of her husband. Believe that she gets a lot of comments about that when she's out with the girls! But it's not something to get upset about. People mean well for the vast majority of the time.
My oldest was "he's so little" (a preemie) or "he's so beautiful---have you looked into modeling?" --ALL the time. Now he's "so smart" or "so well behaved". My youngest was "he's so big", "look at that red hair!" or "WOW he's got some lungs in him!" (he could yell out pretty good). Now "he's so sweet", "he's so cute---really, he's SO cute", OR they make faces and try to make him laugh because he's gets cranky or pouty faces that are a little cartoonish, but rewards them with huge grins if they do something silly. For the big boy comments, I take them to mean they are recognizing the fact that he's healthy and strong, which is great, especially if you've had a smaller baby that you were concerned about for a little while. I answer that with "Yes, he's my tough guy!" and make it a positive, not something to be ashamed or embarassed by. I actually remember coming in from the store one day slightly annoyed and telling my husband "I know I'm being real stupid about this, but I still feel that there were just gripey jerks at the store today: not one person told me how beautiful Joe was!" Because, well, he is. (And yes, my husband laughed at me and called my psycho mom...because, well, I was).
What is it about babies -- they bring out the poor social skills in everyone! My son was quite the little pudgster as a baby/toddler, and I got a lot of "He must be a good eater." Well, sure. By the time a child is 8 months old, he can eat. If he couldn't, he either wouldn't be around anywhere, or he'd have a feeding tube or something. I wouldn't be toting him around the grocery store. Thank you very much, total stranger.
Now that he's 5 (and quite slim, FWIW), we either get "Wow, look at him read, how did he learn to read like that, what is he [or what are you] reading," to the point that he was reluctant to take books out of the house for a while b/c he was uncomfortable with the attention. Or, "Aww, he looks sleepy." This is the one I think is the most understandable, but it's actually b/c my son has low muscle tone, so his facial muscles are always a little slack. But I'm not going to explain that to a stranger on the street. Sheesh....
My son had and has blond ringlet curls. His hair came in early and from the start was curly. He is 7 now and he still gets comments constantly. But as a baby/toddler people would go crazy over his hair. Strangers always were touching his head. Many people assumed he was a girl, even when it was cut pretty short. Some japanese tourists wanted their photo taken with him once. Luckily he has not grown up to be big headed about his hair, ha ha. I tell him he has natural rock star hair ;)
Just smile and go about your day... Don't fret over this...their are too many other things to fret about...alot of people have no tact!!!!!!!!!!!
It's a conversation starter, they can't think of anything else to say but are so happy to compliment your child, so they pick the most obvious thing.
With my kids, it's always, "Look at those BLUE eyes!" or, "They look JUST LIKE their Dad!"
When my oldest was a baby, he had severely clogged tear ducts that we eventually had to have a procedure done to take care of, so people always asked me if he was sick or had allergies and they had this scowl on their face like I was some terrible mother.
All the time I get "oh, she is so beautiful" and they are right. I respond with "I know, isn't she? I know I'm not supposed to think so since I'm her mom, but really, isn't she?" And, well, she is.
Oh, and my 7 month old, who has almost outgrown 18 month clothes, people always say how cute he is, but maybe I should try and put some weight on him cause he's a little skinny. Really, how much more can I feed him? But, then they usually redeem themselves when they say how gorgeous he is...and well he looks just like his sister, but in a boy way, so he does.
