Wow!! Nice, Christmas Spirit There, ''Friend''!

She sounds unstable, overly emotional, and childish. Just be happy that you found out how she is now, before you waste anymore time or money on her.

No, she's not. I'm sorry. Time to be business-only at work.

Knave found that if you start whispering, the person you are tlking to will start being quieter...

Also would stop treating her anything...

Yikes...

Well, my "treats" for her would end. She's obviously a user and does not appreciate it anyway.

It will be interesting to read a follow up from you later on when she is expecting a free lunch and gets angry when you say no.

Merry Christmas.

Is it Christmas? Is that why so many people are writing about other people's bad attitudes - and their own? The stress must be getting to everybody. It's as if we're all back in junior high school!

You already know that this is not a person you can really share with as a friend. You can continue being polite to her, and even gracious once in a while, but don't be buddies with her. Period. You can always be a little too busy for her now and then, when you need to be. A book might be better company.

It's always unwise to think, "Look what I do for you!" Throw away that kind of score card. You know what to expect and what not to expect of this person. From that vantage point, you can choose your responses to her attitudes and actions. Don't expect anything in return.

You sounded very reasonable and level-headed in your request. Sounds like she went off the deep end and using instant messenger at work for venting will only bite her in the back--eventually the wrong person gets one! (Been there, done that!)

Anyway, just let her cool off and then resume a more working relationship after the holidays.

I've learned that work friends are just that...

Hi Marie Elena,

I don't know what kind of office you work in, but in the multinational corporate environment I'm in, your co-worker's behavior would be considered wholly inappropriate and completely unprofessional. Management doesn't like this kind of behavior because it can really disturb the workplace and effect productivity. Not to say that you can't or shouldn't enjoy some social interaction with your co-workers or even build workplace friendships, but when you have an employee that is rude and inconsiderate to others, and especially if that employee is engaging in confrontational and possibly harrassing behavior, that needs to be addressed. The employee needs to understand that these are actionable infractions that can result in termination, especially if the behavior can be considered sexually harrassing (like sharing select details of your personal life with others).

If you're not ready to take this up with your manager, suggest to your "friend" that you go out for a private lunch if you think you're going to talk about anything you don't want to be heard in the office. Then again, if she's a gossip and likes to "share" information indiscriminantly, you might want to consider exactly what topics you'd like to limit your conversations to in the future. I don't recommend talking to her about her attitude, though. I suspect, from her reaction, that she would not take constructive criticism from you or anyone else, although if she's smart, she'd pay attention to a comment from management if you decided to raise the issue.

And there, sadly, is a good Christmas present--learning who your real friends are. Was she always whack-job psycho? Because that is pretty unusual, erratic behavior.

Next time you go out for lunch, bring a book instead. No more treating her. Do not waste your money on this sort of 'company'. If she apologizes, great. Just be cautious.... now you know that she has an evil side which comes out when common sense is requested. Sheesh!

oooooo! She's being overly sensitive. You had no way of knowing that you'd strike a nerve. I suggest that she's not a friend or at least a friend that you can trust because she started instant messaging to co-workers.

I think you handled this well. You made a reasonable request to lower her voice. You then tried to clarify what you'd said. She pushed you away. I'd stop sharing personal thoughts with her.

Turn the friendship into a less personal one. I'd probably still treat her to lunch now and then. I'd be gracious and kind. I would just set my personal boundary a bit closer.

if you really want to shut it, tell her, "by the way, did (insert female name here), tell you what,(insert male name here) SAID ABOUT THAT RASH YOU HAVE "DOWN THERE", and this point, she will stop what she doing, (texting all her friends in the office about how rude you are), have a look of acute embarrasment, and actually get up and leave the room ! follow her ! and tell her what the rest of the office really thinks about her snippy gossip ! mention names !, leave nothing out.! if she is not mature enough to save her gossipfest for after work hours, then she deserves to know what it feels like to have people gossip about her at work.
K. h.
revenge is a dish best served cold..italian proverb

Sounds like she felt embarrassed and reacted strongly. Reminds me of something my 5-year-old would do.

That said, when you give something to others (i.e. lunch, a couple of bucks) you should do it without expecting anything in return. Do it for the joy of giving, or don't do it at all.

oh my gosh! you were not wrong at all! she is the rude one

Well isn't she just a Pill?
What a drama queen.
This is no "friend."
She's so high maintenance, has arrested development emotionally.. and no matter what you say, even if it is normal... she will make it a problem.

I would not, wanna be around her.
At all.
What a pill.

Different things tick off different people. My husband's whole family gets loud, and he takes offense when I tell him to be quiet. He says, "that is how I talk". What ever-he yells/talks. I hate it. I wouldn't share my baggage at work, and now you wont!