Would You Wear Jewelry from One of Your Boyfriend's Dead Relatives?

Updated on May 23, 2011
T.L. asks from Altadena, CA
22 answers

My friend just received a necklace from her boyfriend. It was his mothers. She is deceased. (took her own life)
While it is a beautiful piece of jewelry, (diamond heart necklace), I think it's kind of creepy to wear it considering the circumstance of his mom's death. She left it to him with a note saying that he give it to the woman he loves in remembrance of her. I'm not quite sure what to say to her about this. I think I'd want a new piece of jewelry.
Is this creepy or a nice heartfelt remembrance? Would you wear it? (She did not die with the necklace on; it was wrapped up for him with a note.)

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So What Happened?

Thanks mamas. The consensus is that it is a heartfelt remembrance. I will tell her that and keep my feelings about it out of the discussion. That's why I love this forum! Thanks.

Featured Answers

L.M.

answers from Dover on

I say it is a wonder heartfelt remembrance. Yes I would wear it if I was in a committed relationship with him. If not, I would not accept it.

If she had been wearing it when she died then it would be creepy.

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

did she die with it on? Probably not. I'd say the sentiment is nice. She wanted him to give it to a woman he loves. How nice is that.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

8 moms found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

As a child of suicide (my Mom), my sister and I had several items of jewelry, clothing, and accessories that we often wore in the years following her death. We loved her and wearing, or using, her things kept her close to us, in spite of the tragedy of her death.

If your friend knew her boyfriends mother, then she was left the jewelry in honor of that relationship. If the mother never met her, maybe the boyfriend spoke of her, and the mother wanted to acknowledge the love that she knew her son has for the girlfriend.

Lastly, ponder this...
If the mother had died in a car accident, or from a heart attack, would that make the gift "less creepy" had it been bequeathed in a will, rather than wrapped in a note?

The girlfriend should accept it for what it is - a lovely sentiment from a woman who loved her son and wanted to honor the woman whom her son loved.

God Bless

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Your friend's boyfriend is making a statement that he loves her enough to give her something his mama left for him.

If I were your friend and I loved the boy back, I'd be happy to accept it. That his mother took her own life is sad, but he can't do anything about that. It doesn't really have anything to do with the necklace - or the intention.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

sounds like a very sweet and romantic gesture.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If it was YOUR moms, would the mere necklace be creepy? Regardless of the circumstances of her death? What if she died from cancer? Same thing.

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K.L.

answers from Redding on

I feel people who commit suicide sometimes just feel the overwhelming need to do so and in some way they may try to say they are sorry to loved ones they leave behind. This may be the boy's mother's way of saying she is sorry she HAD to go, and wants him to remember her in a good way, a loving and caring memory. Id wear the necklace with honor. BUT,, this is a big BUT.. if the couple breaks up, for whatever reason, I say she better be prepared to give it back to him. It was his mother's and he needs to keep it in his family. It's a nice loving gesture for now, but it is his to have back if things change between them.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

well, many people do wear a dead person's jewelry... I mean, for those who like antiques..somewhere along the line, a person died... and the jewelry was passed along and or sold...
that said.. I actually wear my father-in-laws gold wedding band.. I love it.. my MIL of all people asked me if I wanted to.. oh she has many of his other things, including a gold necklace of his for which she wears... but I wear his ring and really, I feel closer to him for it.. he was a great guy .. However, IF by wearing it, it gave me the creeps, then no I wouldn't wear it..

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S.N.

answers from Minneapolis on

The other posters are right re: if she had died another way would you feel differently? It's a remembrance of her, etc. , etc.

Although they are 'right', I'm not sure I could wear it. I was thinking the same thing re: Kate Middleton and her wearing Diana's wedding ring.... it was such a horrible marriage and her death was so horrendous - I would have worn it as a necklace but would have wanted to start our marriage w/something that had a better history.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Dawn B. expressed my thoughts beautifully. I have my Aunt-in-law's engagement ring. She gave it to me before she died, but knew she had end-stage lung disease. (She probably would have ended her own life before her very difficult final months if she had had a way to do so.)

I feel tenderness and send up a prayer for her whenever I wear it, which is seldom – but not because it's creepy, just because I don't wear rings often.

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

I would wear it if it were my style and I gave it a nice cleaning.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I would wear it after a cleansing of some sort. For me, I would hold it in my clean (freshly washed no scents/lotions) and ask for the white light of (insert your higher power here) to surround this necklace/pendant with his/her white light and love; send the original owner (bf's mom's name) his/her and your white light and love. I think it is a beautiful thing, him wanting to share some thing of his mother's with you ... and I think it is healthy of him to follow thru with her wishes -- it tells me that he is not hung up on the cause of her death. Depending on your religious beliefs you may be able to take it to your religious leader and ask for them to "wash away the unclean" or whatever you will. I wish you the best.

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

The mature answer is that it's a loving gesture from her boyfriend, with a piece of jewelry that's important to him because of his love for his mother, regardless of how she died.
I'm not always 100% mature, so yeah, I'd be a little creeped out by it, too. However, I don't have to wear it and neither do you. If at all possible, try not to bring it up. And if she mentions it, maybe hold back in expressing yourself.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

People hand down jewelry from deceased relatives all the time.
My aunt has given me most of her jewelry and when she passes, I am to get her wedding rings.
You seem to think this is creepy, but what does your friend think?
The circumstances of her death are certainly sad and unfortunate, but she had a deliberate wish for that necklace, took great care to make sure he understood that wish and has followed it.
Some people have said they think it's creepy that Prince William gave Kate Princess Diana's engagement ring. Kate was obviously okay with it. On her wedding day, she even wore a tiara that was handed down from Queen Elizabeth's mother. (Who is deceased).
I'm not sure you should say anything to your friend about it based on your own feelings and the fact that you'd want a new piece of jewelry.
To me, it seems he cares enough about your friend to trust her with something that special to him with his mother's wish behind it.
We have jewelry that belonged to our dead grandmother and we wear it in rememberance of her.

No offense, but this is between your friend and her boyfriend.
Just my opinion.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Not creepy at all. His mom left him something to remind him of her love for him and for him to give to someone he loves. I think it's a lovely gift.

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Wear the piece with pride and in rememberance of his mom..
He was asked to give it to the woman he loves, why do you have a problem with this? This is NOT creepy and I would apprciate a piece with a story much more than a brand new piece.

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S.Z.

answers from Reno on

It wouldn't bother me at all. Heirlooms are precious, especially when the original owner is now gone.

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C.A.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

I don't think it's creepy. Someones life should not be totally defined by their death. She clearly loved this necklace and wanted it to remain something special in the family, and for her son. The girlfriend should understand that the boyfriend's mother is always his mother and will always be a part of his life, whether she is here or not. I am sure the girlfriend will get new jewelry from her boyfriend someday as well. I have jewelry from my deceased grandmothers which someday I will pass on to my daughters someday. It's special to have jewelry passed on, no matter what the circumstances of the person's death.

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A.H.

answers from San Diego on

I think if your friend likes it, it shouldn't matter that the former owner is deceased.

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K.K.

answers from San Diego on

Hello, I wore my mother-in-law's rings for awhile after her death. I then passed both sets on to my daughters. I also wore my Aunt Mary's rings for awhile after her death and then passed both of those sets onto my daughters. It was a privilege to wear them
K. K.

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T.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Death is the end to everyone's life, and it's not creepy unless you make yourself believe that. I have beautiful clothes which I inherited from my friend's Mexican grandma after she died.

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