Need Ideas for Ways to Honor Friends Mom

This is an excerpt from my wedding ceremony.

At this time, we would also like to honor those who could not be with us today. We offer a special remembrance of the mother of the groom, Bernice K.. Although she is not here with us physically, we feel blessed she is with us in spirit on this beautiful day. We bow in silence to honor her memory. (Pause for a few moments.)

I have been to weddings that in the programs they have mentioned those that have passed away. I also like the locket idea. On my wedding day I wore my father's (who had passed years before) medi-alert necklace wrapped up on my wrist as a bracelet. I think it's great to get her father involved too!

The photo locket is a great idea. However, don't give it to her on her wedding day. Give it to her as a shower gift before the wedding and let her choose to wear on her wedding day or before You don't want to chance upsetting the bride on her wedding day or causing her any undue pain. Her mom is with her every day; she'll probably wear it for years. By the way, what's the idea of having a maid of honor and a matron of honor. It's redundant. It's no different than having 2 maids of honor. She should be having one or the other. I've never heard of this. Maybe she couldn't choose between you and the other girl.????

I think the locket idea is great. She doesn't have to wear it that day she could even wrap it around her flowers. Then she will be able to wear the locket years to come. I also like the idea of the wedding picture at the reception. I lost my mom and I think having a picture of her on the alter would of been to much in view, it wouldve open the flood gates during the service. Best thing you can do is just listen to her and be her friend. Going through your wedding without your mom is very hard. Get the tears out early too. Ask her to go through her moms wedding pics a few days before, that way she can cry it out and hopefully by the time the wedding comes she will be strong! Good Luck. You are great friends to be taking this extra step!

Hi M.,

The locket is a great idea. I agree that you should give it to her ahead of tiem. My husband's sister gave me a locket for my wedding day. She attached it to a handmade handkerchief their mom had made. On one side of the locket was a picture of their mom who passed away when my husband was 13, and the other side was a picture of my younger brother who passed away when I was 13. So, I carried it tucked in to the sleeve of my wedding dress that day. I now keep it in my jewelry box.

I think the locket is a great idea too.

Something else we did because my husband father had passed away when he was young, as had both my grandmothers. Is we had Rosemary worked into my bouquet and his boutonnière. Rosemary is a symbol of remembrance. We had a little note in the program as well explaining it.

Love all the ideas on and I just wanted to say what a great friend you are to think of her and her famly like this!!! I have some wonderful friends too. I hope she is proud to have you!

My mom was not able to make it to my wedding (Nov 08) and while I knew she was there in spirit I didn't want the day to be sad that she missed it...I didn't want to be emotional because I knew she would be very happy if she was there. So, I kept my mom's family close. I also had a brotch from my grandma who passed away years ago. I put a picture of my mom in it and put it inside my dress (outside my bra - I didn't want it poking me all night) that was my reminder that she was there and close at heart. Also, as we lined up for the ceremony my matron of honor hugged me, said she loved me and then with my dad on my arm, she hugged me again and said, "that's from you know who." It made my day. It was just enough to remind me that my mom was there but it wasn't anything that would be overly emotional/sad on what should be the happiest day.

Another idea, my grandfather passed just before my brothers wedding. THey had a picture of him fishing and lit a candle in his honor. They also left two empty chairs in the front of the ceremony to remember all of those that weren't able to be there - for whatever reason (travel, death, illness). The rev made mention to the chairs and roses were laid on them when giving the roses to the mom's.

both worked out great. I'd recommend finding out how big/ public of a part the bride wants her mom playing in her day. I wanted to be reminded but I didn't want focus on the fact that my mom wasn't there, I wanted to focus on my husband and the family and friends that were able to make it.

Can you get her father to help...does he have a lock of hair, some jewelry that was her mother's??? Maybe a ring on a chain, locket of hair in a charm, a string of pearls that was her mother's to wear on her wedding day???

We had extra candles lit at our ceremony for two people we had lost along with our unity candle. The pastor also acknowledged them. It was very touching. Also, that's a very nice thing you guys are doing. That will mean a lot to her.

I had a similar situation when planning my wedding. My husband's mother, who he was very close to, passed away when he was 13. As a surprise to my husband, I had a vase of her favorite flowers (white baby roses)on the table under the chuppah which we stood at as we were married. The flowers then appeared at the head table in front of my husband and I. Also, my husband wore one of the flowers on the lapel of his jacket. It was a little way for him to know she was there even though she couldn't really be there. He truely appreciated it and everyone who knew his mother, loved the tribute without it being to much for his step-mother. Hope this is helpful...
M.

Not sure if this applies to your friend, but my husband is wearing his father's wedding band as his own. His mom got up during the ceremony and handed it to me to then place on his finger. The minister incorporated this into the ceremony and it was a very special moment! His mom also had the ring engraved with our initials and wedding date and his mom & dad's initials and wedding date.
Otherwise, I think a locket with her mother's picture is perfect. Something personal and private.

WOW..God Bless you for thinking about honoring her mom, how very heartfelt. She is very lucky to have you as a friend! I love the idea of the locket but perhaps for her wrist just in case she has the "perfect" jewelry for her dress already, that way it still can be close to her and she can show it off but it will not take away from her look.
Have a great time and I'm sure with whatever you decide she will be very touched and appreciative.

I went to a wedding where the bride lost both her parents in the past 2 years. They lit candles during the ceremony in remembrance of her parents. I think they also had a picture of them on the alter next to the candles. I would also find out if there is something from her mothers old wedding dress that she could wear (a ribbon or piece of lace).

These are all lovely ideas, however, my mom passed away when I was 13years old. Although I think about her every single day, I didn't want to dwell on her not being there on my wedding day. My half brother wanted to give a speech, but I told my husband to tell him not to. I also had my minister suggest leaving a chair empty with a rose on it, or putting one on there myself. Again, both of these ideas are nice, I just didn't want to be upset on my day. So I bought a locket myself, put her picture along with my dad's ( he passed away when I was 10) and wore it around my neck on my wedding day. I'm not saying not to do anything for your friend, but you might not now how she'll react. Plus, if she is planning the wedding, she has probably already thought about how or if she wants to incorporate anything into the ceremony. Just my 2 cents..

Hi
I think that this is a great idea! We did something for our grandparents at our wedding that passed away! Ours was a catholic wedding and when it was time for us to give the sign of peace to our parents we presented them with a white rose in remembrance of our parent's parents(our grandparents). I love the locket idea. You could also do a charm and sew it onto the garter that she is going to keep. You could have it engraved for her to say something special.
Just ideas
K.

M., what a great friend you are! What if you asked your friend's father if he still has any of her mother's jewelry? A pin, charm, or ring that was her mother's could be discreetly pinned to the inside of her dress and would be a neat way to "carry" her with her during that day. Whatever you decide to do, you may want to check with her dad first to make sure he doesn't have something similar planned.

My mom passed away when I was 15 and I wanted to have her "a part" of my wedding ceremony as well. I did have a framed picture of her wedding photo at my reception and had a lit candle that was the closest smell to her favorite perfume. Also, when my dad gave me away when asked who gives her away he said "her mother and I" - I thought that was touching. I didn't ask him to do this, he thought of it himself as a way to include her too.

Also my dad had saved my mother's wedding dress, but it was never kept well (bad stains and much too small for me) so I had a lady use the material from the train of the dress (broke my heart, even though the main part of the dress is still in tact) and she made the ring bearer pillow out of the material from my mom's wedding dress. I also had a purse made out the material and gave it to my sister with a pair of pearl earrings in it as a maid of honor present. Perhaps one of your friend's family member can help you with ideas as well and/or give you some kind object that was her mother's that can be used on the wedding day?

Good luck.

Hi M.,

I see why you are the matron of Honor:) I will tell you what I did on my day. I lost my mom at age 21 and got married at age 30. I was blessed to have my mother's wedding ring and I tearfully asked my hubby if he was ok if I wore her ring during the ceremony day instead of his, which OF course he was. So if she has a special piece of her mom's jewelry she can wear on that day, she might like that. For me it was special, b/c it felt like a piece of my mom was still there.

Then I had my friend read a special mom tribute to the 'spiritual moms' in my life. Those older women I met since my mom passed away who have mentored me and been like a mom to me. I also had them in the ceremony to light the candles and I had the Stevie Wonder song 'Ribbon in the Sky' sung which always made me think of my mom.

For a friend like me who lost her mom, I gave her a special poem about mothers the night before her wedding, so she could have her cry and what I refer to as a "mommy-moment" before the big day. I think you are on the right track to give it to her BEFORE the wedding day b/c brides are emotional as it is, and on that day, I wanted my tears to be tears of JOY and not sorrow. So whatever you decide to give her, doing it before the wedding day is IMPORTANT.
You are a good friend, and I am proud of you for remembering her mom, she will never forget your kindness!

Hello! My mom also died when I was little and when I got married I wanted to feel like she was with me. I wore the charm from her high school necklace around the strap of my shoe (creatively tied with some strong string, you could also do the bra thing). I used a yellow rose on the altar, her favorite flower. I couldn't do the picture, it was too hard for me. It was enough to do the flower because as emotional as I was already, to see a picture would have sent me over the edge. It's very sweet of you to think of your friend's mom, she will appreciate whatever you do!! Good luck!

One way of honoring your friend's mother is to have a small picture of her mom, tied to a ribbon, and placed in her bouquet. She will have her bouquet with her most of the day and she can always look down to see her Mom's picture. Let me your your thoughts?
Kathryn

It is wonderful you are being so thoughtful in remembering her mom on this special day.

I like your idea of the locket. A single rose w/ he photo would be nice. My mom wears a small gold safety pin on her bra strap in memory of her mom. Not elegant or a big deal, just a reminder...close to her...she had a heart of gold...xo

My mom died when I was in High School and I really missed her on my wedding day. I am not sure what would help her on that day, but here is my thought. Maybe your mom and you could write her a letter that would be all the things your mom would tell you on your wedding day. You may want to give to her at her shower rather than the rehearsal dinner because it may be overwhelming. I think that gift would last forever and something she would treasure. You could sprinkle it with humor (like, always take your bridesmaid in with you to go to the bathroom so your dress doesn't fall in the toliet) as well as some heartfelt advice for her about marriage. You could put it in a pretty journal and she could start her own words of advice for her children.

I think the locket is a really good idea but chances by the time rehearsal comes she will have already decided what kind of necklace she will be wearing. You may want to think about giving it to her very early so she can decide how to wear it, It would have ot be realy small also.
However my niece got married last year and both her mother and father had passed away from cancer. She did the whole weddig herself, flowers, cakes, decorations etc (it was a small wedding) So anyway she had a cake table with her favorites and a family traditional one and had her parents wedding picture on that table . It was so nice (there were tears, mostly me and my sister) but everyone loved it, then my neice scattered all kinds of pictures of her and her husband on the table of places they have been since they started dating. It looked really nice, everyone loved looking at the pictures. Good Luck.

I really love the locket idea also. I have always wanted a locket of my two children, so I often "google" photo lockets. I've found that they can laser a picture onto a gold or silver locket and even put words onto the other side. This is just an idea for you instead of trying to pry a picture into a tiny locket. One website I found is www.picturesongold.com. You are a true friend and very thoughtful. Good luck.

My sister and I stepped aside to a small table and lit a candle during my wedding ceremony, to signify my mother. My sister did something similar in her wedding as well. I've seen it done at other weddings too - sometimes there is a picture(s) of the one who's passed on, sometimes not. Usually there is a respectful moment of silence while the candle is being lit.

I have seen at the reception the mom's sister read something very short in honor of the mother and then invited family members to the floor for a dance in her honor. (I LOVE the locket idea too)

I did a collage of pictures of my M. and me and had it up on the alter during the ceremony. I did make sure that the church knew this ahead of time so they had a stand for it.

Don't know if she thought about this.
I had a corsage made up of my moms favorite flower and after the ceremony my husband and I went to the cemetery to place it on her grave. I know it sounds weird, but I wanted her to see me in my dress.

My dad had one of my moms rings sized for me so I could wear it on my wedding day.

I also had the hankercheif that she carried on her wedding day.

No matter how long ago your M. has been gone it seems that the wedding day can bring back many memories and emotions that you thought were buried deep inside. Carry lots of tissue for her.

Good luck.

There is a jewlry designer that creates custom jewelry. She compiles birthstone bracelets and includes angels for those to be remembered. www.Deesdesignes.com

Hi - my sister-in- law had a locket made and the florist somehow incorporated it into her bouquet. It was there as she walked down the isle. Afterwards, she had the locket as a keepsake