So I deleted my original question bc I realized I wasn't clear, but had gotten called away from the computer for awhile (4 kids will do that!). Gidget actually got what I was getting at.... My husband is getting a vasectomy tomorrow and will be spending these last evenings with his brother playing racquetball. I was a bit hurt, knowing that we won't be able to hv sex for awhile. I think the main thing is that I feel like he resented a lot of times he had to go without when I hv had babies, and I figured he would want to hv sex the night before -- knowing it will be awhile till he can again. (sorry I am typing with one hand)
I initially was a bit hurt that the few nights before his procedure are all spent away from us, but maybe its mainly my simple jealousy since /i haven't gotten a break in a few months (my fourth has reflux). I get it -- I'm being sensitive for no reason, and should hv just told him my feelings instead of just silently approving of all the guy time!
I'm going to just forget about it!
No, it wouldn't bother me. If I were getting "fixed" the next day, sex the night before would NOT be on my mind.
I just HATE it when people delete their questions...
It is just so immature.
:(
No, this wouldn't upset me. I imagine that he's a bit nervous about the fact that a surgeon is going to be cutting his "junk" tomorrow and just wants to do something that isn't focused upon thinking about or utilizing that "junk."
Consider that he's using playing with his brother not as "family time," but as a way to destress before the surgery. Don't be hurt because it's not about his not wanting to spend time with you, it's about dealing with anxiety.
ETA: Why did you remove your post? :-\
He said if that is good with you. That was when you say, I was hoping to spend time with you. Not yes so you can act like this is all his fault for not reading your mind.
What do you mean by 'his family'? It sounds like you want sex, that isn't family time, that is one on one time.
This is seriously hard to read because you keep using odd terms instead of calling things what they are. He is not being fixed, he isn't broken, he is having a vasectomy. It doesn't look like you want family time, you want sex.
I just had to have a friend translate this for me that is how unclear you are communicating with us, your husband doesn't stand a chance.
Ahh see now I re read it and see you have 'me' time in there, you want sex, say sex, none of this ' ' stuff. Say what you mean and this won't happen again.
He's not thinking about the sentimentality of the vasectomy and how it pertains to your feelings on sleeping together "before" it. He is thinking that he'll have to abstain from racquetball for a while. And he's CERTAINLY not attaching in the fact that you are up with baby and all that ESPECIALLY if you are always OK with him going. You're not being petty, you're just attaching things to the night in question he has no way of knowing about. Just tell him how you feel about this particular thing regarding the vasectomy approaching. Guys never think the same way on things like that.
I wouldn't be bothered. I mean it isn't like you will never have sex again post vasectomy. As far as I know, as long as you use another form of birth control, you can have sex post vasectomy as soon as he is up for it (har, har).
I'm screaming FOUL!!!!!!
If you wanted your husband to stay home with you, you should have been honest with him and let him know how you feel.
Then I see in your post that you believe based on his past that he would choose his family over you which is why you probably really didn't let him know how much you wanted him to spend time with you before his vasectomy.
You can't have it both ways. You either need to be honest with him about how you feel and what you want or let him do what he wants and not complain about it.
I do believe you need to figure out a way to let him know how you feel and why you feel what you do when he chooses his family over you with the understanding that he may not ever change but at least you have it off your chest and then you need to figure out how to move on and count the blessings you do have in your marriage.
I hope this helps.
I understand what you're saying. I really do. I think I would have secretly hoped he wanted sex the night before. I mean, he's not going to have sex for awhile, right? Actually, I don't know. We've been talking about this, but we haven't actually looked into it, so I don't know what the parameters are. I mean, he's not going to want to have sex for awhile, right?
The other day was our anniversary, and my husband (as usually) told me the day before that he hadn't gotten me anything even though he'd been thinking about it and he loved me, etc. No surprise there, he never gets me a gift ahead of time unless I ask for something specific. So throughout the day I kept thinking how great it would be if he picked up Chinese food on the way home. Well, I got home from work to find a bad of Hershey's chocolate (and a card - the same card I had given him that morning! Seriously, he bought me the exact same card!) His card and chocolate were sweet, but I would much rather have had the Chinese food. But, I never told him that. I thought about it, but I never said anything. So, I can't really be mad at him for not buying me Chinese food, right?
But I really do understand what you're saying.
Um no, it wouldn't bother me.
Can you just jump his bones when he gets out of the shower? So what if it's late. Grab him and make it happen. You get a better memory out of it than what you have now.
Hope it doesn't take him too long to recouperate!
No, it would not bother me.
He probably is dreading the upcoming pain and the racquetball and guy thing helps him deal with it vs laying in bed dreading the time he gets up to go to the Dr.
This is not a battle I would fight. Also, in our marriage, we are a partnership.. we don't ask permission to do things. We use common courtesy to say, "hey I am going ____, let me know if something is going on during that time if I need to rearrange plans".
Good luck and make SURE he follows the Dr. orders. My hubby was in no pain and refused the ice and boy did he regret that for a couple extra days of recovery. Plus, it takes about 6 months to get all cleared out so make sure he goes in and gets tested like he is supposed to.
Best wishes.
ETA: Why did you remove your post? No one said anything rude to you. I think if you take anything away from this thread, improve on communication skills and tell him what you want instead of expecting him to read your mind. Best wishes.
ETA2: Thank you for clarification. He will be up and at 'em before you know it. It is not like waiting until 6 weeks post birth for sex. You will just have to use protection until he is completely cleared. You'll probably wait less than a week for him to be ready to go.
I said my hubby didn't follow directions and that didn't hold him back very long. Instead of snip on Friday and back to work on Monday, he was back to normal feeling by Wed.
If my husband acted like that, it would be because he was afraid of me getting pregnant right before he had the vasectomy :)
Let him have the "guy" time, he's doing something for you on Friday. There is NO WAY my hubby would have the vasectomy done the subject makes him loose all color in his face and start hyperventilating!! Thankfully it's not an issue at our house since I had my tubes tied after my second C-section.
You'll be getting lots of together time over the next couple of days while he's recovering, and you may want to send him out to play racquetball well before he's actually able to do it!!!
:) M.
Have a quickie in the morning!!
I would not be bothered but I'm not overly 'romantic' in that way...
