Will You Just Know?

Knew I would be done after 1 before I even got pregnant. Knew it when he was born and have never reconsidered the decision. Had signed paperwork for a tubal ligation in case I needed a C-section.

I am done. Beyond done. I'd give up my uterus if the doctor would let me. If I wanted another one, my husband would be fine with it, but like I said, it is 100% not intentionally happening on my end.

We have always wanted to have 3 children. That's our set number. However, we have only two daughters due secondary infertility issues took us a while to conceive again naturally. Our girls are 16 and 2. My husband asked if I was still on board for number three. I told him we are now 36 and if I decide for another baby to be in my oven it will be in another three years and just thinking about another kid before 40 is amazing to me. So, if we happen to get blessed with another when i'm 39 that will be fine. Otherwise, three kids is the final plan. If it happens great; if not great too because i can keep my fit fabulous body...LOL

no. some people know and some angst about it forever, and some just keep having kids because they figure if they're not sure and they love all the ones they have, it's a good idea to keep going.
it's different for everyone. no way to predict.
khairete
S.

Ask yourself if you're willing to give up work/career to raise a baby for the next 5-6 years and then work part-time during school hours after that. If that sounds crazy to you, then know you are done.
As you know, kids are a sacrifice, especially for mom. They are worth every moment, but you can't "have it all" without your kids suffering. They are the ones who should get to "have it all".

I will point out that you don't want to realize that too late. I thought I was done and now wish I would have had another. Too old now and part of me will always regret thinking that I just 'knew' I was done.

Hopefully - by the time you reach 45 y/o - you will know you are done ;)

I dont think there is a "time" but just go with how you feel. DH and I were happy with our one and said we were done, even sold everything when he was 7. Well, 3 years ago we both suddenly had this ache that we wanted another and didn't want to be done....so we now have a 10 yr old and 2 yr old lol.

Now we both feel we are a complete family and are done....

It can constantly change. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You will decide when your done. And even then....I see friends with babies and think awwww I want more. But then when I am with my family it is so perfectly balanced I realize I am just missing the cuddly newborn :)

It's hard to say! Babies are such a blessing!!!! Can you hold off until your youngest is in kindergarten? When my daughter started kindergarten this year, I found that I loved having time to myself while my girls were in school. It was like a new found freedom. I can go out to lunch with my friends or go to the mall or spend the day just my hubby and I on his days off. I've also started a few hobbies that I would otherwise not have time for. If I happened to get pregnant unexpectedly, I'm sure I would be thrilled, but I also like where I am right now. Good luck with your decision! <3

I have 2, and knew before I was even pregnant with my second that I was DONE after 2. Never a question for me. (or DH)

I hate being pregnant. Enough so that I don't want to go through it for more.

I have three and think about a 4th. The awesome female biological clock and knowing the awesome ability to bear children. However, I quickly try to remember the more children the less time I have with my DH. I want to be able to travel and have date nights and be able to pay for college etc and plan for retirement. So that being said as much as I have some wistfull thoughts about one more...I quickly weigh those thoughts with reality.

I think it is different for everyone. We knew we were done just because we couldn't handle another pregnancy. I was SO ill with BOTH of ours that it would have been horribly difficult to have been pregnant again. Although, I did get those little twangs on my heart when someone close would have a baby. That has eased up to the point of I'll be ready for grandkids when they come now though. My kids are late elementary and middle school now. And I can't imagine having a baby in the house too. Of course... I am much older myself now, and am way less able to manage sleep deprivation issues. These bodies just aren't cut out for as much of that sort of thing after about age 40, not that on top of the older two kids. haha

Only you will know when you are sure you are through. And for some people I don't think they are ever sure. I am. But that is just how it is for me/us.

I've thought about this question for quite awhile. I have 3 kids. My oldest is almost 16 (she's from my first marriage and she doesn't live with me, hasn't for about four years); my middle one is 5 and my baby is 16 months--they are both living with me and my current husband. So, I am raising two kids in the home. I could NOT handle another kid at this point. I think also it depends on your age and your hubby's age. I'm 42 and my husband is 50. As far as having more kids: One's fun--two's a zoo; THREE IS NOT for me:) Here's what I think about: Can I handle another pregnancy and fulfill my daily functions now? My husband is not much help because of his job, so it would be left up to me. I've had terribly sickly pregnancies which made it very difficult for me to function taking care of my house and my son. Can we support another kid for 18 years? Will I have to go back to work? Would someone hire me because I've been out of work for so long and I'm older too, so what are my chances in landing a great job? Would I have to go back to school to get retrained so that I could work? What if my hubby or I get sick or die, then what? As you can see, I've thought about this alot.

Hope this helps. Good luck in your decisions:)

M.

It is a tough question. My husband and I had our first when I was 31. Because of a medical problem, our second didn't come until my 35th birthday. Maybe because we're a little older, we didn't feel energetic enough for a third right away, and time has just kind of slipped away. Now I seem to be in peri-menopause at 43, so I guess we're done! We never really made a decision either way, and as you said, would have been happy if I had gotten pregnant. But it is nice to have a family of four, and to consider more work opportunities, vacation opportunities, etc. now that the boys are 7 and 11. Good luck to you and your family, whatever its size.

I too, always wonder if you finally get a feeling. I hear other moms saying "I know that I am done". I have four amazing kids and I swear I still ache for more. My husband and I are 8 years apart, so I know that we should be done. But seriously, I wish I had that DONE feeling............

Well this is a tough one. Honestly it is one of the hardest things ever. I always wanted three children, and I still do want three children but sadly I cannot have anymore. I have two kids, two and a half and six months old. As much as I am enjoying my kids I can't stop thinking about how much I would love a third. I had such trouble carrying my second child, and I have more than a few medical problems that it's just not safe for me to try to carry another one, that I had my tubes tied. I know I'm not done with babies, but my options are a bit more slim now. My husband and I talked about a third child and maybe having a surrogate, but we would probably go with adotpion. Either way there is a large cost involved, so I may just have to live with the two babies I adore.
I suppose you will be able to feel it when you know. I wouldn't do anything permanent if there is even a hit of doubt in the back of your mind.

I knew I was done the second I was preggers. It does not mean that I do not day dream about the potential of another child, but I see more cons at this time than I see pros. I will not rule out once we get things together and situated welcoming in a foster/adopted child.

I am in the same boat. We have two girls 5,3 and my husband and I always imagined 3 but we waited 9 years after marriage to have our first one so I could stay home. I love my girls but now that my youngest is just about potty trained and going to little classes on her own I see the light at the end of the tunnel and more freedom for me! My husband travels almost every week and I am home alone with the girls. I love the "idea" of a third but not the "reality" of a third. I don't think I will a great mom if I had the added stress of a third child by myself. I also have NO family anywhere near me which also influences our decision as travel is a pain with small children. We are finally getting to a place where long car rides aren't torture and take twice as long because of all the stops. I do worry about regretting my decision to think about my sanity before adding more joy to the family. I won't say we are completely done but I am pretty sure. Good luck with your decision.

I had the mirena put in after my 2nd because we thought we were done but not sure. I ended up with an ectopic pregnancy and a large cyst that required emergency surgery. We found out we were pregnant then found out we couldn't have it after we had gotten excited aout it. It was a roller coaster of emotions! I decided to talk to my gynecologist about it since I was 41 years old and he said to me just beause you can doesn't mean you should. When you are on your death bed and you have 2 wonderfully successful children are you going to say to yourself darn it I wish I would have had a third one and he said no your not! Guess that made sense to me! Plus my 2 y/o wears me out most days so don't know if I could go through that again! But doesn't mean I don't think every now and then about how neat it would be to have a baby again!

Reading all your responses...we're struggling with the same decision...I don't have to make any decisions for another 11 months as my husband just deployed, but when he returns our kids will be almost 4 1/2, almost 2 and I admit...I can't get the thought of a 3rd out of my mind. I think about it daily. Logic says NO WAY...heart says YES...and a few logical reasons, such as the kids having more than one sibling to grow up with, and God-forbid something happened to one of my 2, I'd hate for the other to have to be alone. We're older, and we won't be around as long...at least the 3 would have eachother...I don't know...

rent don't buy
LOL
seriously you have another kid now then when this one is 5 the others will be in Jr. High. Think of vacations, family outings, movies, etc. Would you take a 10 yr old to the same things you take a 5 yr old to? NO. I have a lot of daycare families that have a teen and a preschool/infant and imo it just doesn't "work" for any of them. The teen watches things or says things that the preschooler should NOT watch or hear. My two are 3 yrs apart and we are having a problem where we feel the 11 yr old is ready to go to a certain movie but no way is the 8 yr old ready. Easily solved in this case as we either rent it later or go on a night when the younger has a slumber party. But if you have 2 older ones are you going to get a babysitter for only one kid and take the two older ones somewhere? Or baby down the family things for the youngest?

Plus I always say - two parents, two kids. Don't let them outnumber you.

I have two boys and never thought about a 3rd. I look at how my friends lives changed so drastically after they had a 3rd. Things are so much easier with two, with 3 their lives were so hectic. Going grocery shopping was a nightmare for them. Going on vacations for a family of 5 is tough. What do you do? Have all 3 kids sleep in one bed? I think you have to be 100% certain before having a 3rd. If you're on the fence, stick with two and be thankful.

I'm pregnant with #3 with 2 young, active boys (3-1/2 and 2) and try not to get too anxious about the chaos in our household once this baby arrives. We're obviously thrilled, but I think Nora P (2 replies down) really nailed it as far as thinking about the age differences in your children and the impact on your family dynamic. I know a woman at work who realized she wasn't done when her third went to kindergarten. She had another baby, then ended up having #5 because "he needed a buddy" since there was a 6-yr age difference between #3 and #4. I know another woman who has a 5-yr difference between #2 and twins. She said it was like having 2 different families. She or her husband would take the older kids out and one always stayed behind with the little ones or did a completely different activity. Granted, your older children will be able to help in many ways and will adore a baby, but do you also want to turn them into babysitters and cut short some of their activities or opportunities because of the baby? Don't know if I've helped much -- I admit I'm sometimes too pragmatic, but there are other considerations than the pure desire for another child. Good luck!!!!