Why Don’t Teenage Boys Show Excitement over Anything?

I asked my own 14 year old and his response was that, "He sounds like a really "chill" kid."

So, I think as long as he is grateful and does show some emotion...then that's just his personality. My own son these days only gets really excited if it is something to do with his friends going someplace.

I think he sounds just fine...

sounds like he's just a low-key mellow kind of fellow. why does that mean there's anything wrong?

my older son was more likely to show enthusiam than my too-cool-for-school younger. now that they're adults, they've kind of flipped that around.

it was both personality and situation related.

what about it is hard to get your head around? he sounds like a fine chap, and who cares if it's 'normal for teenage boys'? it's normal for this one, right?

khairete
S.

Some people are like that. As someone who has very strong emotions, I don't get it either. I have to remind myself that some people are just like that.

My husband and one of our sons is a little bit like that. Sometimes I'll say, "Are you ok? Are you having fun?" because I think they look bored or annoyed. Usually they look at me confused and say, "Um, yeah, why?" Sometimes I just joke with my husband that he's too stoic and I can't tell the difference between his excited face and his angry face. That usually gets a chuckle.

I try to think of it from my husband's perspective. He probably thinks I'm nuts for getting so excited about things. But really, it's just who we are.

ETA - I just read your ETA. That's what I thought you meant. My husband and son laugh and have fun. They also get upset and angry (believe me, they are both capable of getting angry). It's just that there are times when I would, personally, would be much more excited about something, and they just seem content. But really, it's just who they are.

There is an age where it's not really 'cool' to show emotion as a teen boy ... to kind of downplay stuff. I don't know if their peers/friends give them grief if they show excitement, or if it's at school or what. But they kind of have that innocence and 'joy'??? what's the word ... taken from them over the years in the tweens. It's not cool, and they learn to not let it show.

My older boys will still let loose once in a while, and I see it. I absolutely love it - it's when no one's looking and they just let go. Doing cannonballs in the pool, or acting goofy and it is over something totally small - playing with the kitten and very small, fun things ...

But ya, mom and dad trying to impress them? no.

I don't know if that's what you mean.

But we've taken them on bigger trips, and they groan. I think spending time with family is not cool in general. Or to show that they would think it's fun - definitely not going to happen.

One of mine went off with friends to a camping weekend, and finally showed excitement over that - much more so than going to a fun resort with us all that I thought would be far more exciting.

Completely normal. A lack of an outward display of emotion doesn't mean he isn't excited or happy. Teen boys often try to be chill. You will know if he is not cool with something because his attitude will shift subtly to the negative.

I think it's really hard to paint all kids (all boys, all girls) or "all anyone" with a broad brush. Think about how awful it has been to be told that "all women do X" or "all women are too emotional" or whatever. It's insulting. So we have to allow our kids the same breadth of personality types.

If he's not depressed (which his participation seems to indicate he is not) and if he is showing some recognition that some things are a big sacrifice, I think he's fine. A lot of kids struggle with hormonal changes and try to keep things in control, and a lot of them see people who are overly excited or dramatic and so they make a concerted effort to NOT emulate them.

If you are doing the sports events and the camps because you can easily afford them and you enjoy them too, fine. If anyone in the family, however, is paying for these because the "ordinary" stuff doesn't get a rise out of your son, I'd suggest they rethink that. Be sure no one is trying to "buy" his pleasure or expect him to react in a certain way.

I do think the point below about being "gushing" enough to thank people for gifts is important though. The inability to show gratitude and appreciation (or a very narrow definition of what constitutes an appropriate response) will hurt Grandma's feelings, but also play out poorly dating, in job or college interviews, in interaction with a police officer who pulls him over in a few years and lets him off with a warning, and in interactions with a boss who just gave him a raise (summer or permanent jobs) will come back to bite him. So some schooling in "etiquette" (and I don't mean which fork to use - I mean basic manners) is a good thing.

Our son can be enthusiastic but not all the time.
Perhaps your sons peer group does more about being cool and low key about things.
Do you have family members who get excited a lot?
On the one hand that will model behavior for your son but on the other hand if people are always gushing over everything perhaps he thinks it's too much.
I wouldn't worry about it.

He sounds exactly like my first son. My sister had three boys, and I had two. Her three were very bouncy. My younger son almost mercurial. My Oldest, calm, very low key, sweet and well I could on from there. He was very quiet and once in awhile people would make comments about him as if there were something wrong with that. I felt very lucky having a child like him as my other child was quite a challenge. He is however difficult to talk to on the phone. We have to kind of draw a conversation out of him while he plays the guitar on the other end.

There's a recurring skit character on Saturday Night Live these days called "Chad", played by Pete Davidson (you can watch the skits online if you look it up).

The joke/point of Chad is that he just shrugs and says stuff like "Oh. Okay. Yeah." in even the most intense situations (for example, one skit places Chad in a horror movie).

I mention this to make a point: at some level, that lack of a more emotional response becomes laughably bizarre. (In the Chad skits, a viewer might wonder if Chad is high on drugs...although the viewer has no clear evidence in the usual Chad skit to support that conclusion.)

So, it might not hurt to give your son gentle reminders about the importance of *sometimes* showing stronger feelings about things. Some life examples: showing grandma how much you appreciate her thoughtful birthday gift, showing clear interest in a job when interviewing, showing clear interest in a dating prospect when in a dating relationship.

I can understand a variety of reasons why an individual personality might not naturally show strong emotion, but I think it is worth "training" a personality to be that way at the right times.

My 12 year old daughter is not excited about much. I think it's a teen thing. Sometimes we will do something that she has been begging me to do and when I ask how she liked it she will reply that is was fine with a shoulder shrug. It makes me mad that I have gone out of my way to do something that most of the time I didn't want to do to get an "it's fine" with a shoulder shrug. I noticed that her friends do the same so I think it's a teen thing.

I have 2 boys of similar age (13 and 12) and honestly they are sooooooo different!! One calm, mellow never have extremes of ups and downs.. those are the kids you worry the most. Never know what’s going on since he is not super talkative.
And my 12 year old is the opposite.. always know what’s going on with him. We say that he has verbal diarrhea! Lol

Now both of them like yours did a ton of traveling.. as a family and as a team.. both on triple A hockey so really a lot for them to handle from school pressure and from sports pressure since we mainly play up north .. and my oldest never had a stressful moment that showed-handles it much better vs my 2nd born child.
So honestly I am not sure what is better for them as individuals. But it’s just different personalities. Some are introverts others are extroverts.

Maybe he is changing a lot. Maybe ask him.

It's just his personality. Let him be him, and try not to worry about it. It won't be the last time your kids will be different from what you had hoped.

We are a family of six. I always joke if I win a million dollars, along with 2 out of my four kids there would be hooting and a hollering. If my husband and two other kids won a million, their reaction would be oh cool. Everyone is different.