Who Makes It All Better?

Ok... I would say the stepper-upper would be me, most of the time. My wife and I are both 'processors' so we tend to think a lot before speaking which leads to the quite period.....
My wife is VERY receptive to the offering. I am fairly positive she would agree.
This scenario isn't in stone, but I would say 95% of the time.
And as far as asking her..... don't forget she's on here, so she may chime in.

I think it depends on what's going on. For us I think it is a 50/50 split. There are times when I say something and times when he does. And there are times when we agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Theresa:

Sorry - the first time I read the title I wanted to sing "the candyman can..."

It's half and half - really. Bob and I don't argue that often either. When we do? it all depends upon how the argument ended....usually the "injured" party gets the apology....

No, he wouldn't disagree. We have a pretty mellow relationship, I guess. We get along. We have our moments. But we get along.

Usually silence makes it better. He is only home 2 days a week and we have both always agreed that even if we are mad at eachother we still have to communicate about the kids. So our definition of silence is "I will talk to you only about the kids... other than that - don't talk to me!". After 2 days of this the conversations ease into "where are you going this week for work" and by Sunday night we are talking as usual.

Occasionally a smart a$$ comment from my husband Sunday will also break the ice (that is his way of apologizing).

Good Morning!

Hmmm...I don't know really. I think it's probably both of us. If it's a really tough subject (and we've had a couple recently) I normally need some time to cool down, and then we can talk about it.

We don't have many small arguments or disagreements - but the big ones are big. This last time he apologized for not being more open with me. Which is what I asked for when the "issue" came about.

I think our problem is communication. We are looking for someone to talk to to help get our communication back on track.

I'm not sure if he'd answer this the same way...or if I even answered it :).

It's 50/50 in our house, and I think he would say the same.

It is usually me, about 99% of the time. He would probably agree with me.

He is usually receptive to the offering, but if I have really pissed him off, I have to give him some time.

It is probably close to equal who steps up to end the impasse, between my husband and I. I'm reeeeeeally stubborn, but not sucking it up is really detrimental to a marriage, so I do it even when I know that I'm right!! lol :)

I think that it's about even in our marriage, though I tend to get annoyed more frequently than he does. My husband will usually agree that when communication fails, it's because he sucks at communication. He admits it. It's not until I show or specifically say that I'm annoyed that he will focus on really trying to understand my point. Otherwise, very little seems to be on his radar. Some topics have to just be pinned until way later, when we are far enough removed that it is no longer a sore point. In the interim, we kinda move on...a kiss or a long hug from one of us gets us started. I have to be careful, though, not to communicate to him that the subject is closed.

Always me...he grew up with the "not going to say sorry" ever mentality. No one in his family does. However, they are the first in line to DEMAND it!

But I am the one who flies off the handle first.

ETA: that he would not agree it was me. That would mean I am right...

Don't get me...we mostly disagree, not "fight"...we rarely go two hours after a disagreement before we're laughing and joking again.

Honestly mostly me since mostly we argue about my stepdaughter. I feel guilty that whole mess creates such drama in our house after four years. You'd think we'd fall into a pattern but so far we are limping along on that matter. Otherwise, in general I apologize first because I hold the least amount of grudge and prefer to kiss and make up quick. Life's too short to hurl rocks, especially with the special people in our lives. My husband's receptiveness depends on how pissed off he is at me. The more mad, the longer it takes to smooth things out. He's stubborn as an old mule. I think he'd agree with my assessments. Happy Wednesday to all.

When we have a lack of communication it ALWAYS end up with us bickering about it, or something else completely irrelevant and stupid. That always ends with us laughing at our stupidity. Whoever was the cause of the bickering says sorry, or we both do...if we are both at the most fault. That said, we don't really argue. We're both not really arguers, which is why it ends in laughter. We're awful at it! Neither of us are hot heads, and we actually hate not communicating. Communication is one part of our marriage that I think comes the easiest. I'm really thankful for that.

Almost always my husband steps up first. He is just a bigger person than am I am (which is one of the reasons I love him,but also makes me feel guilty sometimes!). He never loses sight of his #1 priority - to have a happy family and he doesn't allow his ego to get in the way of it. His arguement ending statement is " We're on the same team"

He would totally agree with that assessment!

If we have a squabble, hubby is usually first to try to make it right, clear the air and make it ok between us. That usually makes it easier for me to admit I was wrong, after he has already appologized, even if he WASN'T wrong. But lately we have been reading a christian daily couples devotion book every night before we go to bed and that has really helped me become better with him.

It is ALWAYS me.

He's learned to be receptive, mostly. After a couple of decades. He would prefer that it just all magically went away.

He would agree that it was me, but he would probably view it as me nagging, vs. me trying to fix what is broken. Ultimately he doesn't get that things don't fix themselves, you have to communicate about them.

Any reason for this particular post?

I think we are both capable of saying "I'm sorry", if we've done something wrong. I have to say if it is a silly back and forth, I generally blow it off and don't hold a grudge.

I am not affraid to share my feelings in a calm mannor. Unfortunately, he has a tendency to hold things in if something upsets him. I get the silent treatment for a cool down period, then he lets it out.

Over all I suppose I am the bandaid.

You have a great day as well! Take care.

With my boyfriend and M. he would be the one to come to M.. I get silent and distant if he's hurt my feelings until he comes to talk, BUT in my defense he tends to be the one who acts before he thinks and has to apologize. Thats why its mostly him, although the times I have done the wrong I will go to him and talk. So i guess its whoever was actually wrong...which tends to be him! =)