I've got a question for all of you overworked, overtired, stressed-out-during-Christmas Break moms out there. Which pretty much means all of us .... ;)
When you get a visit from AF, how long do you abstain from visits for your spouse to the "Mommy Massage Parlour"? During mine, I feel dirty and yuck, so the last thing I want is to share that with my husband. How do you all work that out? Is the store just closed until after? How do you explain that? Do you just try to soldier on through?
This is an ongoing theme for me. With two little girls and a house to keep up and living in GA with no family within 2300 miles, it's tough enough to provide sexual intimacy for my husband. It's not a desire thing.... it's a mental and emotional and physical exhaustion thing....
Thanks Ladies!
E.
Okay, for the truly dense people out there, who think I refer to myself as an unpaid sex slave to my husband, let me clear this up.....
"Mommy Massage Parlour" is where Mommy and Daddy go in the house for a little one-on-one time. We currently have a "Family Bed". I don't need to spell this out, but we obviously must find another space in our home to have relations, given that our daughters sleep with us. I call it "Mommy Massage Parlour" jokingly. For those of you who were offended by my even posting my question here in the first place, my humblest apologies. If you'll do a search on this forum, you'll see scores of other queries on subjects just like mine.
My husband never cared. A little blood never bothered either of us (we'd just put a towel down so we wouldn't stain anything).
When we're in the mood, we're in the mood no matter what.
But if one of us isn't so feeling good, we'll respect that and take a break.
A little give and take goes a long way.
it varies for us. It doesn't bother me on light days so if we are both into it then we go for it. Showers are nice for the clean up too. We have plenty of months that we just dont do anything for that week
A couple things:
Not everyone here is going to understand that by "AF" you mean "Auntie Flo", or the start of the menstrual cycle.
And for "Mommy Massage Parlor"...um, I was a little lost on that at first. I'm assuming the question you are asking is if women have intercourse with their husbands during their menses, or if they wait, and for how long?
As a poster on this site, I find these sorts of questions a little intrusive. Instead of sharing my personal experiences/opinions, instead let me suggest this:
There is no real "normal" when it comes to intimacy between couples. Some couples do not have any feelings/taboos about intercourse during menses; in certain religions and cultures it is considered a time when women and their partners should abstain from sex until the menses has ended and some of these religions/cultures even have ritual baths to perform before coming together as a couple again.
I think you should do what works for you and not let what other people decide to do in their own bedrooms influence your decision. If you are tired or feeling anemic or just overwhelmed or exhausted... then you have the right to decide that a night's sleep is your best bet. No need to compare... we all have times we are very excited to see our partners,and times when we just wish the entire family would take a week's vacation and leave us home.:)
I agree with Hazel absolutely. It hardly matters what others do. This is far too intimate to be talking about, gets close to gross to think about what people may or may not be doing. and the mommy massage parlor? what is that supposed to mean? Are we to think we are our hubbys personal whores? Is that what you perceive yourself to be?
The phrase in my house is "benched".
As in; "Sorry hon, I'm benched."
that is what the shower is for! try it out and have fun!
Dear E.,
Great Question and where else can you ask it?!?! Mamapedia is the perfect place for questions like these. You were asking of comments and advice, not asking for people to hold a gun to your head and make you have sex with your husband during your period.
Here are my thoughts and experiences. I must have crazy bad hormone PMS etc because for about 2 weeks out of the month i pretty much hate Hubby and everyone else. I can usually fake it for the pms week if he really wants it but by the time my period actually gets here I am sooooo moody an angry and the thought of being inimate while i am actually menstruating is sooo gross. So not only am i exhausted, physically ill from cramping, bloody and gross, I have no sexual desire at all. Hubby often suggests that i could still pleasure him, and if my only symptom was a little leaky blood, I might . but add everything else in the mix and NO WAY JOSE. On the last day of my flow, it's like the hormone switch gets flipped the other way and i can't keep my hands off of him and we do it like Rabbits for two weeks.
I am curious about how often couples are intimate especially with young kids, and when people say three times a week or five times a week, i always wonder if htey are counting in this week. Maybe they just don't have the bad PMS that i guess i do. I just can't imagine doing it with the stomach flu and to me that is what my period is like.
If we are in the mood, we are in the mood-doesn't matter if I am bleeding or not. We just don't include some of the activites we would normally do---- change is good and spontainety is even better~ If you feel up to it, great!~ If not, your hubby will just have to understand.....
M
I like to catch my husband off guard during the day and say, "It's my 'womanly time' so you're not getting any tonight. Get me some wine and chocolate and Motrin" type thing. He always laughs and looks embarrassed and of course doesn't mess with me. Just be blunt, he'll appreciate it. Since my husband knows I don't like to do anything during (he's not wild about it either and appreciates the warning), even if I just make reference to it at some point in the day like, "Oh, CRAMPS" he takes that as a "Steer clear til further notice." As for the exhaustion, lucky for me at times, my hubs is just as tired!
It sounds like it would be a good idea to talk to your husband about how you feel during your period (not when you go to bed and he wants to make love, but another time).
I hear you about the exhaustion. Sometimes I do it when I am not totally in the mood. Sometimes I get into it and sometimes I don't. But it is still good for our relationship.
And I don't agree that you shouldn't ask questions about sex on this site. Although I agree that your terminology was confusing at first.
I feel gross and don't like it, but hubby doesn't care! He figures that's what the shower is for. And there are ways to do it that doesn't require a whole lot of my involvement, if you know what I mean (ie, lay on my stomach). Or (my preferred method) just find a way to satisfy him without intercourse at all!
Maybe you could just take a shower together????
As with any of the questions on this site, if you don't like the tone of the question, or if you don't have anything to offer, MOVE ON! No one forces any of us to read or respond to any questions... that's the lovely thing about this site. So for those of you who feel these kinds of questions are intrusive, or gross, DON'T READ OR COMMENT!
Anyhow, back to your completely legitimate sincere question...
My fiance couldn't care less if I'm on my period. He says that's what the shower is for. I am a little more squeamish about it, but if I'm really feeling it, I'll do it. We just limit things a bit more, of course, and some positions are off the table, like me on top. Yucky.
I also wanted to second what Dori said, though. If you would like to try sex during your period, but you are uncomfortable with the blood factor, definitely try the INSTEAD SOFTCUP. It is PERFECT for this situation. It does resemble a diaphragm, and it does prevent any leakage of blood during sex. It even says on the box that it can be worn during sex. I've tried it, and had no leaks at all, and neither I nor my fiance could tell it was in. You can buy them at any major drug store, or walmart, target, etc. There is a little learning curve to using them as they are unlike the typical forms of period management we are used to, but they are really quite wonderful! Also good for swimming, or long days where you don't want to be changing tampons/pads all day, as you can safely leave them in for 12 hours, and without leaking in most cases. You have to get used to removing them, as that can be a little different/messy, but not a big deal at all, just different than what we're used to.
Sorry to go a little off-subject on the Instead Softcup thing, but I just really do think they're neat!
And for the record, I know what AF is, and I totally got what you meant by Mommy Massage Parlour... not sure why that was so confusing to some people...
It took me about 5 tries to figure out what you were talking about!
My husband is a no-sex-during kind of guy, while it doesn't bother me on light days. I figure if he's the one saying no, then he can wait!
This is one reason I love the Instead cup. If I'm feeling into it the cookie shop doesn't have to be closed! It looks similar to a diaphragm and catches the flow so no muss no fuss if you feel like you'd like to be intimate. You can wear it up to 12 hours too! Without this there wouldn't be any thing going on because we are both kind of grossed out by the idea of doing it with a flow going.
I usually just don't do anything for that week, unless it's in the shower ,cause it's much easier clean up.
Listen to Red.....If you don't like the question move along. It was not insulting E. G.
If you don't like the question, click the little 'back' button on your browser and get on with your life. No reason to slam the person asking!
personally, I just tell my SO that the space is 'currently occupied'. He knows what it means. lol. But if we are really in 'the mood', we head for the shower. :)
we cuddle, but i'm too grossed out by my period to do anything else.
I'm with you. I feel gross and yucky during that time. I definitely don't want to do anything and he pretty much feels the same way. Usually if I say no, he knows why and will just wait lol
Ditto on the confusion from your terminology but it took me forever to figure out what DH and some of the other regular acronyms used here meant, so no worries, I'm caught up. LOL!
Its interesting that you asked this question because I'd been wondering about this very same thing, and now I see it's probably the norm for many more people than I thought, so thank you.
I agree that you both need to talk and agree on what works for you. Some months it might work, and some not so much. Just have fun and be creative.
Yeah, we just wait it out.
Hey E., great question, I also loved your subject line, although I see why some were confused by it! My dh absolutely can't stand the idea of sex during that time of the month. I always let him know that " no fun" for you for a few days, and I am sure to be "done" before we attempt anything, usually 6-7 days later.
