What Would You Say? - Wyandotte,MI

I think it's just a "thing" with men. When we got married, I owned a home so logically we lived there. It was a nice little 3BR brick home--nothing spectacular, but we were DINKS, so who cared? From Day O., my hubby declared "I'm only living here for O. year..." And we moved in O. year. I think it's a thing with guys that it's "not theirs" or something.

Tell him old houses are like old people, they need more attention and "work" than young ones.

Our house has "lots of character," of course that means DIY stuff left and right. lol.
We don't mind it, but it can drag us down at times, and make us feel overwhelmed. Maybe he is just tired of constantly having something to do. I get that way....where all I want to do is blink and it be done. Too bad it doesn't work that way. darnit.
I would sit him down and remind him that him moving in that house was a mutual decision. Then maybe come to some agreement on the things you absolutely have to get done this year, and everything else can wait, like a to-do list.
We did one, and so far it's worked for us. No more banging our heads against the wall. lol.
Good Luck! =)

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Ask your parents if there is someway legally and fair for you and your siblings) for you to keep the house if (God Forbid) anything happened to them.

Or look into setting up a Land Contract with your parents, that allows you to pay them, but legally sets you up as owners. It should be an inexpensive lawyers visit. Or there is a slight possibility that a bank or credit union will assist in setting up a Land Contract when you have an account through them.

It may rightfully bother your husband, that neither of you technically own the house; that you are pouring your profit sharing money into and you both work on.

His mind may wander into thinking: "we could be on a cruise ship in the Bahama's with that last profit sharing check she got rather than sanding this drywall."

Because you are updating and improving, you should periodically have an appraisal or a (Free) Market Analysis from a Realtor and see if the both of you qualify for a mortgage of your own.

Wishing you the best.
A.

Updated

Ask your parents if there is someway legally and fair for you and your siblings) for you to keep the house if (God Forbid) anything happened to them.

Or look into setting up a Land Contract with your parents, that allows you to pay them, but legally sets you up as owners. It should be an inexpensive lawyers visit. Or there is a slight possibility that a bank or credit union will assist in setting up a Land Contract when you have an account through them.

It may rightfully bother your husband, that neither of you technically own the house; that you are pouring your profit sharing money into and you both work on.

His mind may wander into thinking: "we could be on a cruise ship in the Bahama's with that last profit sharing check she got rather than sanding this drywall."

Because you are updating and improving, you should periodically have an appraisal or a (Free) Market Analysis from a Realtor and see if the both of you qualify for a mortgage of your own.

Wishing you the best.
A.

Firstly, if I am reading correctly, you picked this house because YOU loved it. It isn't your husband's dream house. It is yours. I know I would never feel like a house was my home if I didn't help to choose it. If he helped pick the house then disregard. My question is who is doing all of the little projects around the house? Is it you or him? Does he end up putting forth more effort in repairs? If he is the one who is doing the majority of the work then I can completely understand why he is annoyed. I would be too. Not everyone likes a fixer-upper. Some people like move in ready (I desperately want my next and final house to be move in ready...I've done the fixer-upper and it isn't enjoyable to me). Maybe it isn't about the money but that there are so many projects that your husband finds it overwhelming. He might feel like he can't just live in the house comfortably because there will always be several projects that need to be done (a big project, like a roof, is done in a week and then doesn't need to be done again for 30 years....to me that is better than having to replace, repair or redo fixtures every year or two).

I would sit him down and discuss with him why it is he dislikes the house so much. Is it the project list, the location, the fact the it doesn't feel like home to him? Is it something else entirely? Good luck.

if he truly hates the house, then it will never be "home" to him.

Time to find a place which appeals to both of you.

Repairing (or even replacing) it is very different than tons of "little", but time consuming projects- especially if he's the one doing them.

When we were looking at houses we both fell IN LOVE with a charming turn-of-the-century row house in the ciy- school district was so-so, but we could have gone with a private school. "Charming", of course, meaning "needs a lot of work to be stunning"... my SIL (our agent) sat us down and made us generate a list of "to do's" in order of priority and then had us get estimates. When we looked at the list and the "bottom line" it just wasn't so charming anymore.

I think your "heart" won-out and now your (collective) evenings, weekends and extra money are paying for it. I wouldn't say anything b/c there isn't anything you cna really do now, but don't go back-and-forth... he had a perfectly good house and now he has to work on "yours". Let it go.

He's probably just sick of the diy projects. We owned a old home, and most of our 'fun' time was spent working on the house. Which we didn't mind when we didn't have kids but once we had kids it became too much of a time drain. Maybe talking about moving in the future when things turn around would help. We moved to a new home, and although I really miss our home built in 1880, it sure is nice only having to make cosmetic changes....if I feel like it.
Good luck. I know many couples do the....we'll live here because it's your dream...and later we'll live here because it's mine. :)